I Want That Treasure!
- May 31
Imagine, if you will... real pirates... of the
real Caribbean... looking for real treasure. Sounds like a fantasy. It's Mark
Burnett's latest venture into reality games... Who will be... Pirate Master?
The sixteen pirates board the Picton Castle and
are greeted by your host, Cameron Daddo (if you've ever seen "Hope Island" or
"Models Inc.", that's the guy). This ship is their home for the next few weeks.
It's a working vessel, and so long as you're on it, you will be expected to pull
your weight. If you don't, there will be consequences.
The first task... hoist a treasure chest. The
Chest of Zanzibar confirms the legend of Henry Steel, a pirate from 1726. He
looted from hundreds of ships and divided his fortune into fourteen treasure
chests, one for him, and one for each of his crewmates. Then his crewmates made
two maps to the treasure and placed them into the chest of Zanzibar.
If the legend is true (C-Note: We checked... it's
as true as the legends of Monkey D. Luffy or Jack Sparrow), all of the treasure
is now worth a million dollars. Whatever you manage to find is yours to keep
after the voyage ends.
The pirate wannabes have been trained in the art
of sailing. Let's see how much they learn as they set sail for the island of
To be Pirate Master, you have to be ruthless,
cruel, and above all... ready to be cut adrift.
Let's meet this show's assortment of geeks,
wenches, and all-out scalawags, shall we?
Christa DeAngelo; 29, Tamaqua, PA
Ben Fagan; 23, Charleston, SC
Louie Frase; 43, Fishing Creek, MD
Kendra Guffey; 38, Los Angeles
Jay Hatkow; 37, Detroit
Azmyth Kaminski; 26, Los Angeles
Cheryl Kosewicz; 35, Sparks, NV
John Lakness; 25, Carlisle, MA
Jocelyn "Joy" McElveen; 21, West Columbia, SC
Elicia "Jupiter" Mendoza; 30, Los Angeles
Joe Don "JD" Morton; 36, Fairbanks, AK
Nessa Nemir; 29, Berkeley, CA
Christian Okoye; 45, Enugu, Nigeria
Laurel Schmidt; 21, Los Angeles
Alexis Shubin; 26, Laguna Beach, CA
Sean Twomey; 27, Venice, CA
The first morning sees the crew get up and
finally set sail. Louie compares this to getting on a ride and not knowing
what's going to happen next. Sean says he grew up on boats; his father is a
captain in the Navy. "Saltwater is in my blood."
Already we have our first case of seasickness, as
Joy says that she needs to throw up... and there it goes.
The pirates dock anchor once they hear the
familiar cry of "Land ho!" Joe Don says that he was in the Navy and that he's
used to the sea. He doesn't mind booting people off that he views as having an
"Pirates to the wheelhouse!" Time to open the
first compartment of the Chest of Zanzibar. We have two maps and two compasses.
Time to divide up into two crews.
First team to find the treasure gets to keep it
(and its monetary work).
The first map tells the pirates to paddle to the
Indian River, making a left at the fork to find a dead man's tree. Heading east
on foot, they must find three buried keys that will unlock a skeleton's cage...
and another map. That's all we know so far.
The Red Crew paddles like they're on a canoe,
forgetting that longboats have rudders. The black tribe are first at the Dead
Man's Tree. Ben, meanwhile, loses his shoe in a mudbog. As the Red Crew comes up
close, Ben is still trying to get his foot (and the shoe attached to it) out.
The whole Black Crew reunites with all three keys
to unlock the skeleton cage. John figures out that the one lock on the tree is a
three-part lock, meaning they'd need all three keys to open it.
Open the head, another map... and another key.
"Your boat be needed to reach his lair,
The main river branch, your guide.
The Croc abounds so ye must beware,
In the water the treasure hides."
The crews must now continue to paddle up river.
When they see the sword and skull along the way, the leading crew can sabotage
their opposition. Then it's on to the Crocs' Lair, where the treasure awaits
mounted on two crocs' heads.
Black is first at the Sabotage point. They elect
to use it (of course. What pirate wouldn't?) and head to the Crocs' Lair. The
Red Crew negotiates their way past the Sabotage to catch up to the Black Crew.
John makes a dive under the mangrove tree (where
crocodiles live)... and pulls the first treasure of Henry Steel! Inside the
chest... Gold doubloons and crabs... Naturally John takes all the credit.
Back in the gallows, Jay beats himself up over
the loss, while Black relishes in it. Counted, the first treasure is worth...
Cameron gives the crew one additional task: elect
a captain. Cheryl wants John as the captain. Someone else nominates Joe Don...
Everyone agrees to that, and Joe Don is the captain. "John is not a team player.
He's kinda the black sheep."
So Joe Don's the captain. According to the Pirate
Master Code, Captain gets half of the treasure. Joe Don, so far, has
$20,000 banked. He also has the responsibility to pick two officers: Cheryl &
Ben. Those two get half of what is left, $5000 a piece. The rest of the crew
gets whatever's left, $2000 a piece. Meanwhile the rest of the crew has been
demoted, forced to obey Joe Don's every whim as Captain.
Also, the three officers get free reign over the
Down below, John begins to have a fit. Meanwhile,
Captain Joe Don came down and erred on the side of arrogance saying that there
will be changes on the ship. Right off the bat, Joe Don notes that there needs
to be some order on the ship. Louie doesn't appreciate being told what to do
when he does what he needs to do anyway. "His days are going to be numbered on
this ship if I have any say."
The next day, Cameron informs the officers of
Pirates' Court. Joe Don must choose three pirates by marking them with a black
spot. One of them will be "cut adrift" (voted off) with any money won up to that
point. If the rest of the pirates rise up as one and mutiny against the Captain,
and if the officers agree... then the Captain will be cut adrift.
Joe Don notes that John has to be the first to
go. He has rubbed many people the wrong way. Louie, meanwhile, is planning his
own mutiny. Joy... being animated and ... sick... gets the third black mark
summons. Louie learns not to badmouth the captain, while Joy says that she's
planning to go up with her head held high. John's plan is to try and coerce the
crew into mutiny. Any team that he's on will win.
Pirates Court is now in session...
Louie says that he'll miss his crew mates if he's
cut adrift. He doesn't mind being a swab.
Joy can prove everyone wrong and fight her way to
the end. We gon' do this together.
John knows why his ass is on the line. He didn't
vote for Joe Don to be captain. He does think the captain should go, and he
brings up his argument... the two compasses. "These are your only navigational
aids. If I go, they go."
So does the crew want Louie to go? Do they want
Joy to go? Do they want to lose the compasses? Or do they send off the guy that
took $20,000 from the rest of the crew?
Rebuttal from Joe Don. "At night, the Big Dipper
points to the North Star. You know where North is, you know where South is. You
know where East and West are. In the day, stick a stick in the mud, it'll cast a
shadow. Wait 30 minutes, it'll cast another shadow. Draw a line between the two,
you have east and west. I don't need your compasses... I don't need you."
John tells him to put his money where his mouth
is. He... can't. Not right now.
Time to vote. One by one, each pirate will drive
their vote through a dagger. Each person has four cards: one for each of the
marked pirates... and one that says "Mutiny".
Joy... rejoins her crew.
Louie... rejoins his crew.
It's between the Captain and John. And the
decision was unanimous.
John... "Your voyage has ended. You will be cut
adrift." In the end, John's last ditch effort didn't really matter. He just
likes to play big.