This... is not your dad's American Idol.

Quick review of events. After Lee DeWyze was crowned the season 9 champion, the cornerstone of the series Simon Cowell decided to step off of the panel to launch "The X Factor" in the US. Two of his cohorts Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres were unceremoniously let go after what many believed was the series' jump-the-shark season. But really, who cares about those two. After months of speculation, weeks of preparation, and literally MINUTES of last-second haranguing, we arrive at your American Idol 2010 ensemble. Ryan Seacrest will guide us through the next five months of the best talent in America (or at least the best that they could find), Nigel Lythgoe is back at EP, Randy Jackson is joined by superstar triple threat Jennifer Lopez & Aerosmith frontman/showman Steven Tyler, and instead of many guest mentors, we'll only have one resident mentor in the form of Interscope exec Jimmy Iovine, who will sign the winner of the series. And I, as I type this, realize it would be infinitely funnier if it was done Zero Punctuation style. Sorry, Yahtzee.

Congratulations, you just read the first 15 minutes of the show. Unfortunately due to technical difficulties, the other 105 minutes were lost to the four winds. So, courtesy of both AmericanIdol.com and our friends at Reality News Online, and with apologies to the NYC delegation of Game Show Mafia, here's the New York/New Jersey audition CONDENSED...

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ
Izod Center

 

And the body count...

• Rachel Zevita: 22, New York City, "Hallelujah"

• Caleb Hawley: 25, NYC, "I Love You So"

• Kenzie Palmer: 15, West Middlesex, PA

• Tiffany Rios: 21; Morris Plains, NJ, original song

• Robbie Rosen: 16, Merrick, NY, "Yesterday"

• Ashley Sullivan: 25, Springfield, MA, "Gimme Gimme Gimme"

• Victoria Huggins: 16; Lumberton, NC; "Midnight Train to Georgia"

• Melinda Ademi: 16; Yonkers, NY; "If I Ain't Got You"

• Devyn Rush: 20;New Hope, PA; "God Bless the Child"

• Brielle von Hugel; 16; Staten Island, NY' "Endless Love"

• Travis Orlando; 16; Bronx, NY; "Eleanor Rigby".

In total, 51 people from the Tri-State auditions strike gold. Next stop... New Orleans for some of that hot creole action... or you know, just some people we want to throw beignets at. See you soon!