Episode 2 -
Had enough of episode #1? No? good, because we have episode #2 here for your enjoyment.
Ben starts us out about game show hosts' upside as we see a montage of Richard Dawson getting mugged and kissed all over. You can understand the fetish that us homeboys have about dreaming to be a host, don't you?
Next up - Gene Rayburn gets into trouble by wanting a little milk from Patti Deutch. A contestant complains that there is no more ink left in his pen while Bob Barker gets attacked during a game of Lucky Seven.
Family Feud (UK) - Name a game you can play in bed. Answer - I Spy. Survey says...Number #1?!!? Wha?
Match Game (Rayburn) - Contestant - 'I haven't tried Betty yet'. Gene Rayburn - 'I've tried Betty'. Betty doesn't come down - but husband Allan Ludden does and Gene is pink-faced.
We're playing Blind Date and the host hopes that the girl finds some sea men. Scrabble - a contestant wants to 'Take a p'. Read both of them out loud and you'll see the mirth attached to both of them.
More Family Feud Hijinks. 'Name something you feel before you buy it.' Answer - Excited'. Question - Name a tradition associated with Christmas. Answer - Hanukkah. Question - Name a place where you wouldn't expect to find a nun. Answer - A Brothel.
It's time for this week's Top 5. The subject - Dumb Contestants Blonde Moments. The host is...Kato Kaelin. MAKE HIM GO AWAY! #5 - I'm with stupid. India - Acropolis, Italy - Sydney Opera House. Nixon Resigns - 1940. First Man on the Moon - 1920, then 1910.
How to make an entrance? Fly through the set like Gene Rayburn. Trip on the Price is Right set. Give away clues like Bert Convy or make more breast jokes - like Gene Rayburn - again.
Family Feud - Name something you take as a souvenir from a hotel. Answer - the lambs.
Distraction - Every time you get a question right, you have to pop a this in your mouth...a...LAMB'S TESTICLE??!!?!? Huh? 'If either of you find one with a cyst, you get a bonus point.'
Match Game ______ Tennessee. Answer - Mississippi. Family Feud - Name a state with beautiful skiing weather. Answer - Florida. What would be the idea everyday temperature? Answer 98.6. Something you would find in an operating room. Answer - Operators. Name a state that begins with the letter M. Answer - Mexico. Name a famous Arthur. Answer - Shakespeare.
TPIR Moment - A woman comes on stage and accuses Bob of sleeping with his leg off of the bed. He says that it's on the cover and still does. Oooookkkk...then we have Card Sharks with the woman who calls her boyfriend 'Peckerhead'
Family Feud (UK) - Name something you'd never try to do once. Answer - Have sex on a train.
It's time to play an in-studio game with D-Bar, who wants to direct game shows. The game is Beat the Clock, and the prize is...Preparation H Medicated Wipes! Whoopie! The stunt - push an inflated balloon out of his trenchcoat without using his hands. He gets it on the buzzer and he wins the Preparation H! With that sort of tenacity, he's a shoo-in for the game show business.
Dumb Contestant Moment #4 - Family Feud (UK) - Something you keep in a garden shed. Answer - A Gardener.
We get a montage of Child's Play featuring Michael Jack...wait a sec. We get kids giving out clues to Skinny by discussing their fat moms. DIstraction - people need to know the difference between Commander and Commando - and then the contestant doesn't remember the person's name, although the person has a name tag on.
Family Feud - Something People have more than 2 of on their body. Answer - Arms. Name something you buy and then have to be careful about bringing it home. Answer - An Infant. Name something that you buy that you'd be upset if someone else used it. Answer - a Jockstrap. Something usually done only once a week. Answer - Make Love
Match Game - The king slipped with his sword, so instead of being knighted, Sir Irving was ________ed. Contestant - Bar Mitzvahed
Family Feud - After the head of family can't remember the names of his relatives (gotta hate it when that happens), we have a TPIR episode where a model statue comes falling down the steps. Your Face or mine features a Transvestite, while her 'partner' has a very long tongue.
Distraction Round 3 - We have a stunt (straight from the US) where you have to take a whizz to buzz in. The contestants get their own commode and potty doors. The women freaks out - and then winds up winning the segment. Heh.
Dumb Contestant Moment #3 - Blockbusters - What U has the people painting Easter Eggs as a tradition? Answer - Yugoslavia.
We have a montage featuring nude people in Distraction, falling people in Password Plus and this from Family Feud. 'Name a simple question, like How Old Are You?' that you might answer with a lie. Answer - '18' Next Answer - 50. Next Answer - 39. Huh?
Tattle Tales - Phyllis Diller, in giving an answer, gives a loud burp. In that vein...Family Feud, besides a door, name something else that you open. Answer - Bowels.
The Price is Right - We see a person have no concept on how to Play Superball. Bob - 'You're pretty and you're sweet, but you just have no talent at this game'. And then Bob hurts his shin on the table. This could be why the game isn't played anymore.
Press Your Luck - A Mortician played a practical joke where she put an ear in her husbands lunch.
Family Feud (UK) - Name a non-living object that has feet. Answer - Plant.
We see a professional wrestler on What's My Line, as Groucho Marx asks if she works in the kitchen. Lots of Sequiturs abroad!
Family Feud - Name a piece of clothing that a wife buys for her husband. Answer - Halter Top.
We get back to in-stage Family Feud with Mina, a wedding singer. When asked if there are any divorce singers, she responds that they sang at affairs that would end in divorce. Ben asked if when they sang at an event hosted by Al Gore, if they sang 'Mr Roboto'. Heh.
The prize is...14 Pounds of Scoop Away Kitty Litter! That could help out a divorce ceremony.
Question #1 - Name something that you might accidentally leave on all night. Mina - Light (29). Contestant - Shoes
Question #2 - Name something that a woman would hate to see on her face on a date. Mina - Piece of food (35). Contestant - Booger
Question #3 - Name something that has to warm up before you use it. Mina - Iron (15). Contestant - Your wife. Wha?
Question #4 - Name something you wouldn't want the police to find in your car. Mina - Dead Body (11). Contestant - Pickles
Question #5 - Name something a teenage boy can do for hours at a time Mina - Play Video games (24) For a total of 114 and the WIN! Contestant - Masturbate. Mina wins the kitty litter!
Blonde Game Show Moment #2 - Press Your Luck - If I can make it there, I'd make it anywhere in....Answer - Phoenix.
More Family Feud - Name something people take to the beach - Turkey. Name something you take from the Supermarket - Turkey. Name something you stuff - Turkey. Something that gets hard when it gets cold. The right answers are - Water, Ice Cream, Bread and....NIPPLES! That sends the women screaming for cover.
What about a game you can play in the bath? Scuba Diving! A food that makes noise when you eat it? A really loud hamburger! Something you squeeze - Peanut Butter! Something Russia is famous for - Russians! Something that your wife would do that would be shocking? Greet you at the door...naked. #1 Answer!
Distraction - Jimmy Carr says that he gets 8 requests for a penis enlargement from his girlfriend - and 2 from his mom. Huh?
Back to the Feud - What a girl should know before he marries him? His Name! Name something couples do to spark up their marriage. Answer - Get together with other couples.
That leads us to the #1 blonde contestant moment - A product that is designed to wear out in a specific time. Answer - Iron. She has to be told that it's an appliance and then she comes up with Freezer, which is also an appliance. Richard goes through all of the appliances and then she gives an answer of tires - which has also been given. Oy.
With that, we are out, Don't get tired and join us in 7 days for the next installment.