"Here on Gilligan's
Isle: Part 1" - November 30
You all know the song by now...
Just sit right back and
you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port, aboard a tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailor man, the Skipper, brave and
Five passengers set sail that day on a three-hour tour,
A three-hour tour...
And thus began the
longest three-hour tour in television history. So how do
you keep it fresh for an ever changing world? Make it
into a reality show. And that's precisely what TBS has
done. And the kicker, it's not the story of seven
stranded castaways... but 14!
And hey, maybe we'll
finally get an answer to that age-old question... Ginger
or Mary Ann? To this end, a nationwide casting call for
real-life first mates, real life skippers, real-life
millionaire, real life actresses, real-life professors,
and real life Kansas farm girls were held. The results
yielded these ... characters, until we came down to a
final group to hop aboard the SS Minnow...
O'Malley; 20; Boston; works as a sailor while not a
student; prefers Mary Ann.
Skipper: Bob Fahey; 52; Plum Island, MA; harbor
master and skipper for 30 years.
Millionaires: Glenn & Mindy Stearns; 40/35; LA;
he's an entrepreneur; she's a reporter. Net worth: over
Movie Star: Rachel Hunter; 35; originally from
Auckland, NZ; model-turned-actress best remembered for
"Rock Star", worst remembered in "Are You Hot?", and
somewhere in the middle for the Stacey's Mom video; has
no underwear on at the moment.
Professor: Pat Abbott; 64; San Diego; geology
professor at UC-San Diego
Mary Ann: Kate Koth; 21; Manchester, KS; student;
daughter of Survivor: The Amazon's Janet Koth; was in
Maxim... that speaks for itself.
This would make for a
pretty interesting game in and of itself, but we have
yet another team of castaways, on the Minnow 2:
Gilligan: Mark "Gooner"
Groesbeck; 31; Weedsport, NY; simple-minded
first-mate; clumsiest man on earth; prefers Ginger.
Skipper: Jim Murray; 55; Massachusetts; owns a
stonemason business; formerly in the Navy.
Millionaires: Bill & Donna Beavens; 47/45;
Kentucky; own three companies in the supply business;
she's a staunch conservative. Net worth: under $3
Movie Star: Nicole Eggert; 32; Glendale, CA; two
words... Baywatch Babe.
Professor: Eric Anderson; 36; Stony Brook, NY;
sociology professor and author; openly gay.
Mary Ann: Amanda Dodson; 21; Elsmore, KS; college
And so, ten passengers
set sail that day for what's supposed to be a three-hour
tour, aware that the weather's about to take a turn for
the worst, but unaware that an even bigger storm will be
brewing onshore. You see, they have no idea that there
are two sets of castaways.
The castaways of the
Minnow 1 arrive onshore and are excited over the limited
amenities. They said they'd be up for anything... but
are they up for this? Here comes the castaways of the
Minnow 2. Both are surprised, but none more so than
Gilligan Chris. Skipper Jim says that "there are two
people in charge, but only one can be captain of the
So we have two of each
character, but that won't be for long, because over the
new few days, there will be competitions that will
whittle the 14 down to seven. (Movie Star Nicole:
"[Rachel's] a little intimidating. It's not like going
head to head. It's like going head-to-boob.") The final
7 will stay in the game with a chance of going home with
the grand prize. The other seven will be banished to the
other side of the island with no chance of rescue or the
grand prize. Minnow 1 (Chris, Bob, Glenn, Mindy, Rachel,
Pat & Kate) are the Gold Team. Minnow 2 (Gooner, Jim,
Bill, Donna, Nicole, Eric & Amanda) are the Green Team.
All they have to survive are the clothes on their backs,
the stuff brought for their three-hour tour, and some
knick-knacks left by the last set of castaways.
The girls arrive at
their hut to the quick realization that their beds
are... well, better for their backs than most. And that
they are being shared with ants. Rachel is quick to note
that true colors will be quick to pop up. Glenn & Mindy
take to their new home immediately, while Bill &
Prof. Pat thinks about
resources: food, water, and the like. He and Prof. Eric
seemed to be two peas from the same pod when it came to
preparation. The girls join the rest of the castaways in
that attempt, as Millionairess Donna noted that Eric
wanted too much attention. "Came across as very loud.
Very outgoing. I had guessed already that he was
probably a gay professor." Give the lady a prize.
Meanwhile, Rachel whacks
a coconut.. thing. Pat helps her out and gets some juice
out of it. Just don't drink it unless you plan on
crapping the rest of the game.
Then, it's off to unpack
their belongings. Someone brought along their food, but
is it enough for three hours? Is it even enough for 14
people? Umm... no.
That night, it's a
get-to-know-you session around the table. About the
Professors: Pat goes for quality of degrees, while Eric
takes quantity. Eric brings up being with his partner
for six years, and naturally Donna has some hidden
animosity about that. She goes on to describe hers and
Bill's kids as "our kids". Mindy begins to think that
she's rubbing her the wrong way.
Later that night, Glenn
offers to pay Mary Ann Kate for massages. She jumps at
the offer. Also that night, Eric and Donna discuss the
American myth that "if you work hard, you will be
successful." Glenn calls her "wacky." And Nicole's
just... watching. She goes to leave, but almost crushes
a baby sea turtle. Nothing like a turtle to bring about
Bedtime, and Chris is
watching Gooner ... try to get to bed. "Good night
Skipper." "Good night, little buddy."
Next day, and it's wakey
wakey time. "Sleeping on that bed is literally like
sleeping on a bed of concrete," says Eric. The
Millionaires were seemingly awaken by the sound of
Donna's voice. Glenn & Mindy try to swap their sleeping
arrangements for the Gilligans. "For $20, I'll buy your
And it's back to ribbing
on Donna. Glenn wonders how someone could marry that
woman, while (in an attempt for equal-time) Donna says
that Mindy is very flamboyant and bragging. Meanwhile,
Gooner is powering the shower pump while Rachel is in
it... "I got to shower Rachel Hunter? Hell yeah,
It's Scott with the first team competition. "Your desire
to win burns bright as the sun. But it'll take more than
that to keep you warm at night." How cryptic. But just
as we're all getting chummy, it's Green vs. Gold time.
The teams must swim over
to a platform and release the anchor holding it and the
fire wok atop of it. Then get the platform back onto
shore and use the fire to light a campfire signaling
victory. That's right, kiddies. It's the first ever
Survivor Immunity challenge. They win a few basic
amenities to make the island life a little more
Hope you can swim in
your clothes. Naturally, Nicole is leaps and bounds
ahead of everyone else. But all in all, it's a dead
heat. Gold is back on land first, getting their torch.
They have an insurmountable lead and are pretty much
assured a victory... but then Skipper Bob crash lands.
Rachel tries to walk him through the pain.. but he falls
again. This is getting serious. Looking at him, Kate was
getting scared as he couldn't catch his breath. So while
Green cruised to victory, Gold rallied about Bob. Rachel
can relate all too well, as her father had a like
episode. He was rushed to the hospital and pronounced
dead on arrival. "I didn't give a (^_^) about the game.
It was all about making sure that he was okay."
Gooner put Green Team
sentiments forward: "It would've been better to win
without someone getting hurt, but hey, a win's a win!"
Meanwhile, the Gold Team returns to camp... without a