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Meet
the Morescas
January 3
Let's get this perfectly
clear. I'm not doing this recap because I like the dating series (which
I don't). I'm not doing this because I like Frank the Entertainer (which
I don't). I'm not even doing this because I'm trying to get into
Viacom's good graces (which I am, but that's not the reason why).
I'm doing this because I want to torture Chico.
I know he has to read all of these recaps we send him. He has to
scrutinize them all and edit. So he has to read about his faaaaavorite
genre - the dating show. And I'm just in a mischievous evil mood to
start off the new year that it would be fun to make Chico waste minutes
of his life that I know he will want back. I'm sure Chico will
appreciate this...won't you, Chico? :D (C-Note: I take the Fifth on this
one).
We start with NYC, which is not where our story begins. Frank actually
lives in Rockland County...in his parent's basement. And he and his
parents get into fights, Frank has 4 brothers - Gary (attorney), Lori
(associate director), Lisa (special ed teacher) and Sal (working on
Masters in Marketing). The other 4 have left the nest, but not Frank,
who enjoys the free food and his parents doing the laundry. The parents
want him out, but he likes his pad (and who can blame him, if the
parents aren't going to charge him rent).
We see Frank's parents cause his demise in 'I Love New York' (which may
not be a bad thing) and him getting voted out in I Love Money (which is
a bad thing) and I Love Money 2 (which is also a bad thing). And of
course, we won't ever see what happened in I Love Money 3 (except we
know he didn't win). So when VH1 comes calling, he takes the opportunity
- but he has to host the show in his basement. The parents hope the
right women will turn Frank's life around. Oh sure, VH1 will have nooooo
problems finding the right woman for Frank. Yeah. Ok. And if you believe
that, I have Tiger Woods's Chastity Belt around here somewhere.
The ladies come downstairs to see Frank and a photographer. They all get
photos with Frank and the parents. Let's take a look at the 15 women
that Frank gets to select from:
Melody (35, Nashville, Restaurant Manager) - She's a long-locked
Southern Belle...who may be a bit too old.
Mandy (30 in 3 weeks, Long Island, Unemployed) - She had to move
back home. She offers to live in her parent's attic. The parents are
less than thrilled with the aspect of a second person. Mandy whispers
that she has a surprise for Frank, who already thinks she's hot. Gary
says the surprise is that she's 40. Both parents immediately hate her,
which means she's good for the first 3 episodes.
Felicia (MBA in Accounting, 100% Italian) - She has long black
hair and sort of looks like a thinned out Lillian Munster if you took
the white out of her hair. Frank says she's incredibly hot, and that's
all we get.
Melissa (Minnesota, Bartender) - She has medium brown hair and
she's clearly got a Minnesotan accent. She calls Frankie buff. Gary
calls it Frank's job.
Jenny (Government Contracting Firm that her dad owns) - She's one
of 2 African American women on the panel. Just based on the job, mom
loves her immediately. Frank likes her too. Whoo-hoo.
Annie (Syracuse) She saw Frank on I Love New York and thought he
was cute. She's got faded pants on with a pink tank top and feels very
ethereal. I don't think Frank's going to be too much into ethereal.
Kerry - She hates being single, and she's been single for 2
years. She loves spooning and Frank feels a connection. She's got that
Rogue white hair splash going on in the front. I think she may be
related to Rogue. Don't let her wipe out your power, Frank!
Tammy - She asks if the parents have a problem with Asian Chinese
food. Ummm...ok. She's around as much of a light-skinned Asian as you
can get (yes, she's blonde). And as most blondes in reality shows go,
she looks like she's as dumb as a bag of hammers.
Renee - She's a relationship-oriented girl. She's been engaged
twice. If someone's engaged twice and it didn't work out, that should
send off warning signs. The fact that the guy she went out with cheated
on a lesbian should be another. And the fact that she feels a connection
immediately and that Frank did, too, is a third.
Dana (25) - She's got Guido-like brown-blondish hair. She'd kick
Frank in the ass for motivation. Susan likes her already.
Stephanie (Model) - She's the other African American in the
group. She's blonde (of got a blonde Tyra weave on) and also looks as
dumb as a bag of hammers. She's got an 'Entertainer' shirt, and . She's
like him because he's a fun personality and he is her focus. Frank
doesn't know if she's here for him or 'The Entertainer ' because "we're
2 of the same people". Correction: They'd be perfect together.
Kari (24, Chicago, Gym Trainer/Promo Girl) - She's got short
black hair and is not exactly talkative. Not a good thing when you are
trying to make a first impression.
Christi (21, Chicago) - She's got the black haired Italian look
going on. Frank wonders if 21 is too young.
Jessica - Imagine Felicia, but a little plumper. She's got long
flowering black hair. She thinks he's outgoing and Crazy in a good way.
He likes to have fun, try new things, etc. Frank wonders if Jessica is
on something. Again, not a good starting sign.
Cathy - She can talk...and talk...and talk. We get a montage of
her talking. She's talking during the family photograph. Susan wonders
if she will ever stop talking.
Susan (mommy) and Gary (daddy) introduce themselves. They then bring out
Frank to a gaggle of screams. The parents tell them that they can find a
bed...wait a sec, they can fit 15 beds in the apartment? They have an
all-Catholic room (where Melissa doesn't want, cause she feels like a
sinner), a boys baseball room, a boy room with 5 bunk beds (which
Felicia claims one of the beds, despite it being already claimed) and
the girls room (which Kerry wants, since she thinks they are girly
girly. Now Cathy, who knew Kerry before the show, goes to get Kerry's
stuff - and sees Felicia's stuff on her bed. We have our first tiff. Yay!
Jessica wonders if the other women are cheesy (yes they are). Kerry S.
has a crush on him. Annie thinks he's really hot. The parents are cool
with everything as long as the ladies obey the rules. Cathy hopes that
they are attracted to each other. As for Frank - his heart is beating
fast and he's happy. Kari M. thinks they would be a great match.
Now it's time to mingle with the parents. Mandy says that her 2 dads
think she's a lesbian. That certainly isn't going to go over too well
with Susan, who certainly doesn't want Frank marrying a bisexual.
Now it's time for the basement tour. Frankie gives Jenny and Christie
the tour. Frank tells Christi that he needs someone. Frankie asks Jenny
why they are on the show. Jenny says that she's never had a boyfriend.
Frank says that he's never been with a black woman except Tiffany (from
I Love New York), but he liked it and think Jenny's beautiful.
Meanwhile, he's not giving Christi the time of day, asking Christi her
name and apologizing. Christi knows she has to step it up. Good guess.
Kerry N. talks about her family and mommy likes her. She thinks that
Cathy says definitely a lot. Annie likes video art (which Frank confuses
with Video Games) and says she's caring, loyal and a little kooky. Annie
wants Frank to suck on her toes. Nice.
Some of the other ladies are smart. Kari and Dana wants to know who he
is underneath, which are good qualities. However, Frank likes Dana a lot
more because she's hot, and isn't giving Kari the time of day. Not good
news for Kari. Frank asks Stephanie about how she knew Frank, and she
says through I Love New York, but when Frank asks Stephanie trivia
questions, she didn't know it. She says that no one in the house would
know the answers, but Frank thinks Stephanie is sketchy. He keeps asking
about her being with white guys. Stephanie, who is asked if she is an
actress, even admits that it was horrible and Frank said it was awkward.
Uh oh...
Speaking of awkward, Annie is having a problem with his parents, who
tells them that spending time is important (with mom thinking that Annie
will be the first one gone.). Kerry, on the other hand, is saying the
right things (being a Yankee fan) while Mandy (who Annie calls OCD) is
helping out with chores. It's actually a great move by Mandy, but Cathy
hates that Mandy is being a kiss-ass. Even Gary is telling Cathy to get
out of the way. Heh.
It's time for the parents to come down with their impressions. They like
Melissa, Jenny and Annie, Cathy talks too much, Kari M. is down to
Earth, which mom loves. Mom hates Mandy (while Gary thinks she's trying
too hard) and Gary thinks that Mandy is the type of person Frank winds
up with, which unfortunately means they break up quickly. But hey, that
means we can have Frank the Entertainer Season 2! Chico would looooooove
that! (C-Note: About as much as I loved sixth grade growing up... and I
HATED that).
So it's elimination time. Kari M. doesn't think they spend enough time
together (WARNING SIGN) while Mandy thinks that as the most hated one,
she's the best. The villainess doesn't leave in episode #1, so she's
safe.
Frank tells the 15 ladies that 13 can stick around. He has 13 keys to
his basement. Let's get on with it. We start with...Jenny (due to the
fact that she smells great. Um ok). Tammy is next, then Kerry, Felicia
(Mommy approves), Jessica (kooky and kind of likes her and laughs when
she shows up), Annie (had a good conversation and a sweet girl), Melody,
Dana, Christi (lots of spunk), Renee, Melissa, Cathy (who was wondering
what Renee and Annie were still there. Well, it's because he can only
get rid of 2.)
It's down to Stephanie, Kari and Mandy. We all know who he's going to
pick, regardless of the final banter that mom and Mandy has. And even
mom tells Frank that he's nervous because he made the wrong decision.
And he will - Mandy gets selected, and one of mom's favorites goes down
the toilet. Mom apologizes to Kari, saying that Frank made a mistake.
Kari says Frank will have to live with the Kook that he selected.
Stephanie said that he made the wrong decision, but the parents don't
care about her. We get the end of episode toast, and that's it for the
debut show.
Next up: The ladies go through 7 minutes of heaven, while Chico enjoys
30 minutes of hell going through my recaps. See you then!
To see this episode in its entirety,
go to frank.vh1.com. .
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