Where the Wind Blows Sweetly Down the ... Oh
God, Someone Puked! - November 10
Cowboy U... Truly one of those shows that, while
compelling, you don't wholly know why it's still on the air. But nevertheless,
here it is, another season, another ranch, another group of eight city slickers
trading their metro ways for three weeks of cowboy hell.
First, though, know your terrain... Oklahoma,
home of several hundred head of buffalo, three singing brothers named Hanson,
and one singing Idol named Underwood. It is the heartland of America, and for
three week, it will play host to eight aspiring cowboys and two instructors
waiting to show them the ins and outs of the Cowboy Bebop.
Once again, Rocco, headmaster of the Arizona
Cowboy College, reminds us that Cowboy U is a play where you come to learn about
yourself and what you're made of. Once again, Judd, Rocco's trusty ward, reminds
us that this is all real, and the city slickers are going to be put through the
Dan (promotions director from Chicago)
arrives with a specially-shaven mohawk. He likes poker, and uses his skill to
find (and exploit) weakness.
Ryan (marketing manager from Chicago)
knows no fear and is an adrenaline junkie. He's a little cocky, but you can't be
Kimberlie (life coach from Santa Barbara,
CA) is about to take that next step herself. She's very headstrong. She thinks
that she's damn strong. "There is no disadvantage."
Trish (fashion sales representative from
LA) describes herself as obsessive compulsive. She's very clean and tidy. She
also likes to be in control.
Joe (technology director from Dorchester,
MA) is a married man with four kids. He loves playing hockey and wants to kick
Anthony (hair stylist from Dedham, MA)
loves music. He's never been away from his family.
Kalia (bartender from North Hollywood, CA)
thinks that Cowboy U is going to stink... literally. She thinks appearance is
everything. She's up to the challenge of roughing it, however.
Gina (office manager from Boston) is a
determined little firecracker (and a cutie). She wants the adventure.
As always, Rocco's priority one: to teach the city slickers how to be real
working ranch cowboys. He takes the slicks to go see Judd, who's on a special
diet. "Every day, he eats fear for breakfast." The slicks wait for Judd to buck
a bull.. but first they must wait for it to circle around its pen... It'll take
a while. Pay attention. In three weeks, that'll be you.
Day 1: 11:15a. Processing. Everything you'll need
for the next three weeks will be supplied. But in a changeup, Rocco gives the
slicks sixty seconds to load whatever they can't live without into feed buckets.
"Amazing Race-like" running ensues.
Each presents their bucket to Judd, who promptly
proceeds to empty its contents (after giving her the cowboy swag, of course).
Actually, it's not TOTALLY empty. Everything that was overflowing from the
sides... gone. Among other things. For instance: Kimberlie's running shoes (her
cherished running shoes) are outta here, because we wear cowboy boots at Cowboy
U. Whining ensues. "This group's gonna have to toughen up."
Day 1: 12:30p. All hands report to the bunkhouse,
where Anthony lets a few licks on the gee-tar loose. Then the slicks look at
their showers. One stall, two buckets, zero privacy. Less so than dressing,
actually... Now they're ready to be cowboys. But remember, true cowboying
doesn't come from boots and hats. It comes from the heart. That said, here now,
the Cowboy U Code: a cowboy must have guts, skill, and determination. As with
previous seasons, the best person to embody the code will get a reward. The
worst will get a penalty. At the end of boot camp, there will be a rodeo with
four events. The winner will get a standard grand prize of $25,000.
And only four will have a chance to compete.
Day 1: 3:15p. First contest. A pig chase. Each
one will get a pig to chase until all the pigs are in their troughs. There are
seven pigs, but eight wranglers. The one without a pig is a loser. We'll tell
you right now that all the guys get their pigs in the troughs. Kalia and Trish,
meanwhile, are all prissy. Kimberlie and Gina are in... and the loser is Kalia.
Joe said that you have to get down and dirty.
Kalia didn't do that, so... Boom.
That night, Trish doesn't want to take a shower,
as the girls agree to see who can go the longest without showering. The guys, on
the other hand... well, let's say there is a lot of shrinkage going on.
Day 2: 6a. Judd lets the chickens loose.
Chores... This seems to be the most spirited group of slicks to date.
Day 2: 9:30a. first riding lesson. Grad reins,
left foot in stirrup, stand straight, swing around. Easy. Trish starts walking.
Then stops. Then everyone starts around the arena. And here comes Rocco... Trish
seems to have the most trouble as she's stuck in a corner. Then everyone starts
having horse issues... "Trish has been here for two days, and she's cried both
days. I don't have time and patience. She needs to pick the pace up."
Kimberlie finds herself on the receiving end of
her own advice. Kalia's starting to think that she does it as a part-time job.
"She starts everything with a *giggles*."
"The word of the day is numb (^_^), right boys?"
Day 2: 2:45p. First bull-riding lessons. First
up... a machine... with bull manure added for realism. Base position: chin down,
arm up, forward-back motion, squeeze with knees. And Trish is first... and best!
"I'm ready for turns!" So much for that. "You're showering tonight, girl!"
Anthony's blowing Judd away. Not really good, but
is very determined. They ALL have a long way to go.
Day 3: 7:30a. None of the girls have showered.
Day 3: 8:45a. Second horse-riding lesson. We're
doing the walk-around. And these guys have absolutely no idea of how to get them
going, leading Rocco to say to himself, "I need to find a new job."
Trish returns to her corner of the ring, as Rocco
assists her in getting up and going.
From a walk, we go to a jog. Remember to stay a
horse-length apart... A HORSE-LENGTH!
Next: a barrel run, which is jogging to a barrel
and back. Aside from a few Italian swears and pelvic thrusts, it was pretty much
painful. "This absolutely sucks. Worst thing I've ever seen." To the cameras:
"The group as a whole stinks. Literally this is the worst group I've ever seen
in an arena."
Later, Trish and Kalia are the first to take to
Day 3: 2p: Second bull-riding lesson. It's all
about a hide-drag. Kalia's first... touched the hide. DQed, but lasted the whole
ride. Trish is next... Off. So is Ryan. So is Anthony. So is the Danimal. Joe
makes the full ride... belly first. Kimberlie also touches the hide. She's also
off... and down. We're going to need a medic. Looks like she hit her head. Hard.
She'll be alright, though. She's in the SFNE
(scenes from next episode). All Ryan can care about is his stupid hat, though.
Finally, Gina takes the hide... She makes it!
Winner winner! "That was awesome!" Gina says.
Day 3: 8:30p. Rewards. Dan has heart and
determination, but needs skill. Joe doing zero on horseback. Ryan needs to quit
whining. Anthony is very athletic. Kimberlie was disappointing in horseback.
Kalia was disappointing over all. Trish is hampered by his horse. Gina is not a
worrier. Tonight's reward goes to... Gina! She's been really consistent. And
reward is... you're going to the pond with somebody! Who is that somebody?
Meanwhile, Rocco warns that the horseback needs
to get better fast. "It's only two weeks to the rodeo. There's only one way I
can get someone where they need to be. That's by pushing'em and pushing'em
Next time, the weakest link gets outed.
Meanwhile, Trish is going to the lake with Gina.