But for cowboys? I'm personally thinking that the only cowboys that Hawaii knows of air at 1am on Cartoon Network, but anyways... Welcome to Cowboy U, season 3: Moloka'i. Nothing's changed, except the eight city slickers are now 10, five couples. Returning to instruct the slickers in the dying art of the cowboy is Rocco Wachman, probably the last of the great Jewish cowboys. His job, turn these ten Wrangler-wearing wannabes into wranglers.

Eric D. & Tiffany (Team Green Acres; dating couple from Carpentersville, IL): he's a recent graduate and an outdoors person. She's also a recent graduate and isn't. Eric wants to be a cowboy to be stripped of the luxuries his life incurs.

Lance & Vicky (Team Hollywood; dating couple from LA): She's a personal trainer. He's into meditation. She likes the challenge to see where their relationship stands.

Sandra & Tom (Team Legally Pirated; dating couple from Lexington, KY): He entertains children's birthday parties as a pirate. She's an attorney. She type-A. He's type-B. Tom thinks that Sandra can't set goals, so they're headed to Cowboy U to see for sure.

Bill & Annette (Team Double-Threat; married couple from LA): He sings. She dances. They want to be thrown into a whole new world... but Bill's not as adventurous.

Yancy & Eric R. (Team Latin Heat; dating couple from Miami): He's a firefighter. She's an administrative assistant. They like beach sports, and they don't mind getting dirty... or at least Eric doesn't.

They think their trip to Hawaii's going to be paradise. As returning wrangler Judd Leffew says, though, "They think they're coming here on vacation, they've got another thing coming."

The ranch for CU:M is located on the remote island of Moloka'i, in the middle of the Hawaiian islands. Northern end is rainforest. Southern end is rolling grasslands. This is where the ranch is. And there's your geography lesson. And apparently cattle ranching here is more dangerous than it is on the mainland, on account of the volcanic soil. The easiest way to get to Cowboy U is by boat, as the participants are welcomed by Lawrence Aki, an expert on Hawaiian culture.

Before you can be a cowboy, you have to be a cow, so it's off to the ranch in.. one of those things. Boot camp hasn't changed: 12 days on the ranch, four day ride to the rodeo, where one couple will win $25,000 at the Cowboy U Rodeo, where the cowboys will be tested on four events. BUT there is one change: Rocco can only take eight people. One couple will be cut at the end of Boot Camp. At all times must you adhere to the Cowboy Code:

1) Your first duty is to your horse.
2) Always think of your crew.
3) Cowboy up.

After the 'boys get duded up (and the girls, haven't forgotten about my sisters...), they start saddling. I say start, because I'm not quite sure that they finished. Well, Lance does, and he kisses his horse. "I've never seen a grown man kiss a horse. Just a side of him that I haven't figured out yet."

First riding lesson. One step on the stirrup, and then pull over. First, a slow walk that turns into a jog. Then a jog that turns into a frantic run. As you can imagine... it goes over like lead. Tom speeds up way too often, Sandra has an emotional breakdown, and Rocco wanted to puke. And everyone thinks that Lance should just shut up.

Next up: bull riding. But first, evals. The couple that has come the farthest in two days will receive a reward. The losing couple will get a penalty. Only makes sense. We'll find out who gets what at the end of...

Day 2, 6am: "Wakey wakey, eggs'n'bakey." Calf scrambles on the menu today, as we separate the men from the boys... or the women from the women. Ten calves, each one with a lei. Couples must de-lei two of the same color. First one to do that wins. Oh, and did we mention the obstacles? That would be the big cows. Winners: Lance & Vicky... or just Lance, who celebrates victory by showering and then drying for all the world, and the blur device, to see.

Afterwards, frog invasion! The guys wrangle all 10 and set them free.

Now to the bull-riding experiment. First, escaping from a wheelbarrow. Logical. Then they try staying in a circle while escaping with a real... angry cow. Lance & Vicky are first.. and are DQ'ed for exiting the escape circle. Eric & Yancy... Also DQed on the circle. Sandra & Tom likewise. Annette & Bill... likewise. Eric & Tiffany... Finish! Winnah!

Lance then proceeds to ride Vicky about the loss.

Day 4: the team rides out of the arena... and onto the beach. Tom separates from the crew to retrieve his hat. Some play in the water, some play in the sand, Bill does a little roping.

Judd wrangles up a filly of his own as he intro's the next bull-riding lesson: the bullhide. 200 yards, pulled by a local cowgirl. Free hand up at all times. Bill's first... and catches a wave, Annette's also off after a good ride. Vicky & Lance, also gone. Yancy.. made it! She gets an 8. Lance starts pissing about it. Finally, Sandra & Tom. Sandra's knocked, and Tom gets a full ride. That's a 10 right there.

Now to the rewards & penalties.

Reward goes to Lance & Vicky (though they have a thing or two to learn about rule 2). They're headed on a sunset sail tomorrow night. Penalty goes to Eric R. & Yancy. They're headed to muck out 12 stalls tomorrow morning. But it's still very early in the game.

Cowboy up to episode 2