"Cowboy Hula" -
It's a standard practice for reality TV. Just when you
think the franchise is getting boring, invite couples
and head to Hawaii.
But for cowboys? I'm
personally thinking that the only cowboys that Hawaii
knows of air at 1am on Cartoon Network, but anyways...
Welcome to Cowboy U, season 3: Moloka'i. Nothing's
changed, except the eight city slickers are now 10, five
couples. Returning to instruct the slickers in the dying
art of the cowboy is Rocco Wachman, probably the last of
the great Jewish cowboys. His job, turn these ten
Wrangler-wearing wannabes into wranglers.
Eric D. & Tiffany
(Team Green Acres; dating couple from Carpentersville,
IL): he's a recent graduate and an outdoors person.
She's also a recent graduate and isn't. Eric wants to be
a cowboy to be stripped of the luxuries his life incurs.
Lance & Vicky
(Team Hollywood; dating couple from LA): She's a
personal trainer. He's into meditation. She likes the
challenge to see where their relationship stands.
Sandra & Tom
(Team Legally Pirated; dating couple from Lexington,
KY): He entertains children's birthday parties as a
pirate. She's an attorney. She type-A. He's type-B. Tom
thinks that Sandra can't set goals, so they're headed to
Cowboy U to see for sure.
Bill & Annette
(Team Double-Threat; married couple from LA): He sings.
She dances. They want to be thrown into a whole new
world... but Bill's not as adventurous.
Yancy & Eric R.
(Team Latin Heat; dating couple from Miami): He's a
firefighter. She's an administrative assistant. They
like beach sports, and they don't mind getting dirty...
or at least Eric doesn't.
They think their trip to
Hawaii's going to be paradise. As returning wrangler
Judd Leffew says, though, "They think they're coming
here on vacation, they've got another thing coming."
The ranch for CU:M is
located on the remote island of Moloka'i, in the middle
of the Hawaiian islands. Northern end is rainforest.
Southern end is rolling grasslands. This is where the
ranch is. And there's your geography lesson. And
apparently cattle ranching here is more dangerous than
it is on the mainland, on account of the volcanic soil.
The easiest way to get to Cowboy U is by boat, as the
participants are welcomed by Lawrence Aki, an expert on
Before you can be a
cowboy, you have to be a cow, so it's off to the ranch
in.. one of those things. Boot camp hasn't changed: 12
days on the ranch, four day ride to the rodeo, where one
couple will win $25,000 at the Cowboy U Rodeo, where the
cowboys will be tested on four events. BUT there is one
change: Rocco can only take eight people. One couple
will be cut at the end of Boot Camp. At all times must
you adhere to the Cowboy Code:
1) Your first duty is to
2) Always think of your crew.
3) Cowboy up.
After the 'boys get
duded up (and the girls, haven't forgotten about my
sisters...), they start saddling. I say start, because
I'm not quite sure that they finished. Well, Lance does,
and he kisses his horse. "I've never seen a grown man
kiss a horse. Just a side of him that I haven't figured
First riding lesson. One
step on the stirrup, and then pull over. First, a slow
walk that turns into a jog. Then a jog that turns into a
frantic run. As you can imagine... it goes over like
lead. Tom speeds up way too often, Sandra has an
emotional breakdown, and Rocco wanted to puke. And
everyone thinks that Lance should just shut up.
Next up: bull riding.
But first, evals. The couple that has come the farthest
in two days will receive a reward. The losing couple
will get a penalty. Only makes sense. We'll find out who
gets what at the end of...
Day 2, 6am: "Wakey wakey,
eggs'n'bakey." Calf scrambles on the menu today, as we
separate the men from the boys... or the women from the
women. Ten calves, each one with a lei. Couples must
de-lei two of the same color. First one to do that wins.
Oh, and did we mention the obstacles? That would be the
big cows. Winners: Lance & Vicky... or just Lance, who
celebrates victory by showering and then drying for all
the world, and the blur device, to see.
invasion! The guys wrangle all 10 and set them free.
Now to the bull-riding
experiment. First, escaping from a wheelbarrow. Logical.
Then they try staying in a circle while escaping with a
real... angry cow. Lance & Vicky are first.. and are
DQ'ed for exiting the escape circle. Eric & Yancy...
Also DQed on the circle. Sandra & Tom likewise. Annette
& Bill... likewise. Eric & Tiffany... Finish! Winnah!
Lance then proceeds to
ride Vicky about the loss.
Day 4: the team rides
out of the arena... and onto the beach. Tom separates
from the crew to retrieve his hat. Some play in the
water, some play in the sand, Bill does a little roping.
Judd wrangles up a filly
of his own as he intro's the next bull-riding lesson:
the bullhide. 200 yards, pulled by a local cowgirl. Free
hand up at all times. Bill's first... and catches a
wave, Annette's also off after a good ride. Vicky &
Lance, also gone. Yancy.. made it! She gets an 8. Lance
starts pissing about it. Finally, Sandra & Tom. Sandra's
knocked, and Tom gets a full ride. That's a 10 right
Now to the rewards &
Reward goes to Lance &
Vicky (though they have a thing or two to learn about
rule 2). They're headed on a sunset sail tomorrow night.
Penalty goes to Eric R. & Yancy. They're headed to muck
out 12 stalls tomorrow morning. But it's still very
early in the game.
Cowboy up to episode 2