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"Game 1" - March 3
A few years ago, Bravo had the idea to go into the
smoke-filled gambling rooms and show us celebrities
playing a game that has been played by millions of high
school and college aged males - Texas Hold 'Em. The
public liked it and said it was good. Now Bravo is going
back into the smoke filled rooms and will now show us
celebrities playing another game that has been played by
millions of high school and college aged males -
Billiards. Welcome to "Celebrity Pool"!
Hosting the show is Rob Huebel as he is joined by
women's professional pool player (and hottie) Jeanette
'The Black Widow' Lee (who sinks a nice trick shot that
shows the cue ball rolling down two connected pool
sticks to sink the 1 ball in the side pocket). We meet
the celebrities who will be playing against each other
in this, the first episode of the series -
Joe Rogan (playing on behalf of the ASPCA) - He's
a Fear Factor host, he's a comedian, he's an actor, and
according to him, he's a pool shark.
Tom Green (playing on behalf of the American Red
Cross International Response Fund) - You've seen him
everywhere...though I couldn't tell you anything he was
actually good in.
Honey Labrador (playing on behalf of St. Jude's
Hospital) - Who is she? She's from Queer Eye for the
Straight Girl... on Bravo. I did mention that this show
is on Bravo, right? Nothing like some good nepotistic
game show cross-promotion, is there?
John Salley (playing on behalf of Cedars Sinai
Sports Spectacular)
- They mention that he's a former NBA star and a regular
on "The Best Damn Sports Show Period". They forget to
mention that he has been on some forgettable shows,
including the craptacular All-American Girl.
Milo Ventimiglia (playing on behalf of the
Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation) - He's an actor from
American Dreams. He's hoping he doesn't have nightmares
of this in an hour or so.
Debra Wilson (playing on behalf of Create Now,
Inc.) - She's from MAD-TV, and hopefully, Tom Green
won't drive her mad.
Andrea Savage (playing on behalf of Arts Share
Los Angeles) - She's an actress on "Significant Others".
Will she have significant air time?
Harland Williams (playing on behalf of the World
Wildlife Federation) - He's a comedian. Will he actually
perform - or be the punch line?
Here's how we start off Round 1 - the 8 people will be
playing against each other in teams of 2 in traditional
nine-ball pool. Quick recap on the rules - In nine-ball,
you have to try to clear the table of balls by sinking
them into holes on the table called pockets (either
'corner' or 'side' pockets). You can sink any ball that
you want, but you MUST hit the lowest numbered ball on
the table first with the white ball (called the cue
ball). You win the game by sinking the 9-ball - either
by clearing all of the other balls first, or by comboing
it off of the lowest numbered ball on the table.
The team that wins 2 out of three games will advance to
the next round. The losing team will get to watch the
rest of the night, sit on one of those funky bar stools,
and ordering booze all night and getting ridiculously
drunk. All of a sudden, losing doesn't seem like such a
bad idea.
Match #1 - Harland Williams and Milo Ventimiglia Vs. Joe
Rogan and Debra Wilson
Game 1 - Milo says that his first table in his new house
was a pool table, as he has been playing pool while
growing up with hid grandfather - and he promptly
commits the biggest sin in pool by putting the cue ball
in the pocket. That is called a scratch, and Rogan (who
says that he shot 8-10 hours a day while living in New
York - I guess those acting gigs were few and far
between) hits the first 2 balls in the match. Harland,
who said that he's never played pool before, sinks the
next 4 balls, which prompts a teed Debra Wilson to call
him a liar. When she gets to play, Rogan gives her
advice - which she wisely takes and sinks the 7 ball.
Milo gets to play and scratches AGAIN, leaving Joe to
play 'ball in hand' (which means that Joe can put the
cue ball anywhere he wants to on the table) and punishes
Milo for it by clearing the board. Milo's stats for the
game - 2 shots, 2 scratches. Thanks for playing, Milo.
(Rogan/Wilson leads 1-0)
Game 2 (Yes, I know it's not in order on how the actual
show goes, but flipping back and forth between matches
is stupid and annoying to follow when you are watching
the show, let alone reading a recap on it) - Joe Rogan
starts by burning up the table, sinking the 1, 2, 4 and
7. Milo goes up... Milo misses a shot... Milo site down.
Harland: "Milo could be really good...with 10 or 15
years more of experience." Debra misses the shot - but
leaves the tables set up so that Harland has no shot
either. Rogan has an opportunity to combo the 3 ball
into the 9 and end the match, but he can't capitalize.
Harland misses the 3 ball, which is a foul and gives
Debra the ball in hand. Joe tells Debra to go after the
3 to 9 ball combo again - and she hits it. (Rogan/Wilson
wins, 2-0). Milo is upset with his pool playing, and
with his stats (0 for 3, 2 fouls), you can't blame the
producers if they don't invite him back for Celebrity
Pool 2.
We get pool tips on the show as well, in the form of a
"Spider 'BYTE'". This week's byte - the break, which is
the opening shot that you take to start off the game of
pool. Make sure that the balls are tight, your cue ball
is straight at the 1 ball, take a nice long back swing,
and...pow. Simple, eh?
Match #2 - John Salley and Andrea Savage Vs. Tom Green
and Honey Labrador
Game 1 - John makes the 2 ball on the break, and sends
the 1 ball in from the side. After whiffing on the 3,
Honey (who was a pool hustler while growing up) sinks it
- but scratches on the next shot. Tom, does the usual
Tom stuff - not actually being there for the sake of
playing, but being annoying, which in this show,
consists of smoking, exchanging watches, and actually
sinking two balls - and then completely missing a ball
(which is called fouling and the penalty for that is a
'ball in hand' for the other team). John hits the 6 and
7 before fouling himself, which leaves Honey to collect
the 8 and 9 - which she does. (Green/Labrador lead, 1-0)
Game 2 - Andrea and Tom both miss their opening shots,
while John scratches on his first attempt. Honey, who
can play (and who Jeanette says that she would go out
with if she was gay), shoots the first 3, but whiffs on
the 4. Andrea finally contributes something to the show
by sinking the 4, while Tom hits the 5. He misses the 6,
so John Salley hits it for him. Him and Honey miss the
7, which gives Andrea a decision - make the easy 7, or
try to combo it into the 9 for the win. She goes for the
win - but misses, which gives new life to Tom and Honey.
Tom hits the 7, 8 and... blows the 9, which gets him
cursing a stream of blue. John will get to curse, as he
hits the 9...but scratches on the shot. That brings the
9 and the cue ball back, where Honey gets the easy win
and advances (Green/Labrador win, 2-0)
Match #3 - Joe Rogan and Debra Wilson Vs. Tom Green and
Honey Labrador
This time around, the game is eight-ball. One team has
to collect all of the solid (or striped) balls by
calling your shots, then sink the 8 ball in the hole
that they call to win.
Game 1 - Debra tries to distract Honey, and it works, as
she fails to collect anything on the break. Joe collects
the first 4 balls, then leaves Tom no shot on his turn.
After a series of missed shots, Tom finally gets him and
Honey on the board. He even gets 2 more balls in, but
the second ball was not a called shot and he turns it
over. That proves to be costly, as Joe finishes the
stripes and shoots in the 8 ball for the win (Joe/Debra
lead, 1-0).
Spider Byte - How to apply chalk. Make sure that the
whole chalk is fully applied - not just the front of the
stick. Make sure to cover the sides with chalk.
As almost everyone in the Loser loun...uhhh... bar area
puts their money on Joe winning, we get to Game 2 -
where Joe breaks and Andrea collects the first ball
(stripe) of the game. A Honey miss opens up the board
for Joe, who promptly collects all of the striped balls.
He misses the 8, though, so Tom has a shot. He gets 2
before missing, but Debra misses the 8 ball and Honey
has a shot - but she misses and leaves a wide open side
shot for Joe, who cashes in. (Joe/Debra win, 2-0)
As Tom curses some more, we go to the championship
round...
Match #4 - Joe Rogan and Vs. Debra Wilson
We go for one game of nine-ball - winner takes all. Joe
wins the 'lag' (pool version for a toss up) but he
scratches and Debra gets the first ball in hand. She
hits balls #1 and 2, but as she misses, Joe scratches.
Debra misses as well, and Joe starts to roll. He picks
up the 3, 8 (combo off the 4), 4, 5, 6, 7 and 9, while
Debra is chanting for him to 'put it in my hole, daddy!'
Ehhh.... well, he does that...sort of. Joe wins the
match and gets a Bravo Celebrity Pool Cue for being the
champion. "Yay! Yay me!" With that, Rob thanks everyone
and we are out.
My take? Well, it wasn't bad. If you are a pool player,
you'll like this, as Joe was very good, and Honey, Tom,
Debra and others didn't suck. This was a good start.
We'll see in 7 days if we can continue to keep the ball
rolling. |
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