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All those things you learned in elementary school are about to come back to haunt you... in the form of a quiz show that tests how dumb you've become.

Recaps by Ryan Vickers, GSNN

Host: Colin Mochrie
The Class: Katherine, Nathan, Michael, Isiah, Taylor, Jacob, Rachel
Creators: Mark Burnett, Roy Bank, Barry Poznick, John Stevens (based on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?")
EP: John Brunton
Packager: Mark Burnett Productions, Insight Productions
Origin: Canadian Broadcasting Centre, Toronto
Airs: Thursdays at 8p ET on Global

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Episode 1
October 24

The kids are alright.

Welcome to Global Television’s version of Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader! Our host is Colin Mochrie, where most of you know him from Whose Line is it Anyway?

But our version up here in the North is a little different… we’ve got local questions, an awesome set with a map of Canada on the floor, and of course, different kids. And due to the fact that they found so many awesome kids, they picked seven instead of five! And they are:

Nathan from Airdrie (just outside of Calgary), Alberta
Katherine from Halifax, Nova Scotia
Taylor from Toronto
Isiah from Mississauga, Ontario
Rachel from Winnipeg
Jacob from Bedford, NS
Michael from Vancouver

And there they are! And now let’s meet our first contestant, he attended St. Mary’s Elementary in Lindsay, Ontario, now living in Ottawa, Ian Clark is a 30-year-old lawyer. How far will our first player go?

Let’s start the game. We have the same format – 10 grade school questions, three cheats, and a one million dollar question at the end, if you get that far.

Ian chooses Nathan to start. And for question number one, he chooses grade one math, to “get the confidence going”.
Grade 1 Math $1,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
Nathan and his four friends are going skating on the Rideau canal. How many ice skates will they need all together?

Ian feels confident at this stage, considering he’s a hockey goalie. He locks in his answer of 8.

And I smack my head in disgust.

Colin reads the question again. Ian realizes his mistake, and he looks like an idiot, sadly. Rachel has a good laugh. The whole class has it right – including Nathan, so Ian’s up $1000.

Grade 2 World Geography $2,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
What continent is France on?

Sacré bleu! Ian dit qu’il est confiant encore, et il veut valider l’Europe pour sa réponse. Et Colin dit qu’il est correct!

Uhh… sorry… I teach French for a living, force of habit… Ian guesses Europe and is correct for $2000.

Nathan steps down and Taylor comes on up.

The $5000 question is in Grade two spelling.

Grade 2 Spelling $5,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
Spell the following word: Saskatchewan

Ian hopes that the answer is s-a-s-k-a-t-c-h-e-w-a-n and he’s needing to loosen his tie. And it’s correct!

We now go look at the supporters – his mom, his niece Ella (ella ella), and his brother who is also a school teacher.

Ian chooses grade 3 art for 10,000 big ones.

Grade 3 Art $10,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
Who was the female artist from the west coast of Canada most often associated with the group of Seven?

The group of seven is a famous art collective in Canadian history but Ian has no idea, so he copies without hesitation. Taylor has written down Emily Carr and he’s right!

Taylor switches out with Isaiah for the Big Brain Academy $25,000 question. And he’s chosen Grade 1 Social Studies.

Grade 1 Social Studies $25,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
True or False: The Hindu New Year’s festival of lights is called Passover?

Isaiah locks in very quickly. Ian ponders, and says his gut says False. He goes with it, locks it in, and is right!

We take a slight break so that Ian can teach Colin the meringue, as he was a former Latin dancing teacher. They’ve definitely made a connection!

Ian discovers that Isiah is a French immersion student and thus chooses Grade 4 French for $50,000.

Grade 4 French $50,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
What is the French translation of “I am tired”?

Okay kids, it's time for Mr. Vickers' mini French lesson! When you see the phrase "I am…" it means you need to use the verb "Être" (meaning "to be"). Students often confuse this with "Avoir" which is "to have". Tired, translated into French, means "fatiguer". Although Ian first starts out thinking "J'ai fatigué" he comes to his senses and locks in "Je suis fatigué" and is correct!

And hey, remember, before the show, the kids warmed up by playing Big Brain Academy Wii Degree! (plug for money).

Back after the ads, we have a portrait of Nathan – who wants to be a chef – before returning to the game. Katherine is the new classmate. She suggests Grade 5 geometry, so here we go.

Grade 5 Geometry $100,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
What is a triangle called with no equal sides and no equal angles?

Ian goes out on a limb and says it’s not equilateral. And it’s not isosceles. It looks like he’s going to go with his gut again and says it’s scalene. CORRECT!

Now we’re playing for $175,000 with grade three life systems.

Grade 3 Life Systems $175,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
The roots of a Douglas Fir tree:
a) are always green
b) produce seeds
c) absorb water and nutrients

Although he ponders dropping out, he’s locking in C due to his gut, and once again he’s right!

Wow, first contestant, and now we’re playing for $300,000!

He picks his next contestant based on his niece’s crush, which is Jacob. Ella looks stunned.

We go to grade 4 science.

Grade 4 Science $300,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
A structure is built to hold a load. What is the load of a car called?

He still has his peek, but if he does that, he has to play the question. He heeds that warning and although it burns him and he wants to say frame, he does indeed drop out with out $175,000! Turns out that only Michael had the correct answer – chassis.

We don’t have much time left, but we’ll bring out a new player. She is a 34 year old marketing coordinator who went to Fairview Elementary in North Sydney, Nova Scotia, and her name is April Whalen.

She enters carrying a set of bagpipes which she happily plays as soon as she gets to the desk. And she does it with such flexibility!

She decides to start with Katherine. Her first pick is Grade 1 Social Studies.

Grade 1 Social Studies $1,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
What is the name of the spinning top used to play children’s games during Hanukkah?

She queries that this is a grade one question? She seems stunned. Katherine takes awhile to lock in. April locks in with dreidel and his $1000 richer.

For $2000, Grade 2 Literature.

Grade 2 Literature $2,000 PEEK COPY SAVE
Which Canadian poet wrote “Alligator Pie” and “Garbage Delight”?

She first thinks Farley Mowat, and locks it in. I can tell you right off the top that’s not right. We need Katherine to have Dennis Lee. And she did!

And we’ll play for $5,000. And I’ve once again learned to not watch the teaser for next week, as I’ve been spoiled already… but if that’s the only bad thing about the show, I can live with it.