Chapter 1, Verse 1 -
Suburban Saints/Minnie's Food Pantry/Gospel Geezers
Jesus met a woman at the well. What was
the reason behind all this?
Why was Zaccheus a tax collector?
In what country would you find Jerusalem?
If you could answer these and a bunch of other questions, maybe you got
what it takes to win.... THE AMERICAN BIBLE CHALLENGE
Welcome to GSN's newest program. I am Pierre Kelly, your deacon, usher
and guide to this heavily-hyped show. Throughout the years, there had
been bible quizzers on religious networks, but they never had one on a
non-religious network....until now. The folks behind "Extreme Makeover:
Home Edition" and "Chain Reaction" have a solution. With a choir, a
studio audience and the host of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader,"
Jeff Foxworthy, the purpose is that one of these 3 teams would win big
money, but not for themselves. The money they win goes towards a
religious organization or charity. That may be interesting, but it's not
about greed, it's about being positive and giving it back, and the only
way to win is to know the knowledge of the good book, and here are 3
teams ready to be quizzed on a book that's over 3000 years old, and they
The Suburban Saints
Charity: City Crossroads, a nonprofit serving the
Team Members: Ron Milton (law enforcement); Ned
Schaut (health insurance broker); Ricky Borba (media
production). These rambunctious young best friends
are Bible-study buddies. Ron is a Purple
Heart-awarded Iraq War vet who ministers to prison
inmates; Ned wants to build a skate park to minister
to teens; and Ricky hopes to make Christian films
and TV more mainstream.
Minnie's Food Pantry
Charity: Minnieís Food Pantry, a charity that
provides healthy food for families in need
Team Members: Lanett Patt (stay-at-home mom); Cheryl
Jackson (President, Minnieís Food Pantry); Lynette
Shofner (small-business owner). Sisters Cheryl and
Lynette are pastorís kids, and Minnieís Food Pantry,
which provides healthy food for families in need, is
named after their mother. Sister-in-law Lanett works
with Lynette on Sisters of Savings (SOS), a
subscription coupon list that enables people to save
and donate their extra food.
The Gospel Geezers
Charity: Samaritanís Purse, Franklin Grahamís
ministry providing relief after global disasters
Team Members: Roger Tench (retired fire captain);
Bill Henderson (realtor); Chris Kidd (nuclear
security maintenance specialist). Each of these
longtime friends has been saved for decades and has
found his faith put into play in different ways.
From the time Rogerís wife was diagnosed with cancer
to the time when Bill helped his community during
the housing crisis by selling homes for no charge.
The teams are ready. Everybody's
ready. I'm ready. LET THE CHALLENGE COMMENCE!!!!
Our first round is called....
WHAT DO YOU NOAH 'BOUT THE ARK?
No pun intended, this is actually about Noah's Ark. It's a toss-up
round and 25 points are up for grabs. Let's go.
1) What was the sign that God attested never to be flooded again?
- The answer is rainbow and somewhere over the rainbow, the
Suburban Saints rain down first.
2) On what mountain did the Ark rest?
- The Suburban Saints know it's Mount Ararat, and they're yodeling
along like Cliff Hangers.
3) What feathered friend was kicked out of the Ark never to
- Dove is the answer, and for the Suburban Saints, that was what
it sounded like when doves cry tears of joy.
The Saints are off to a good start with 75. Not to worry, there's
plenty of game left. In the meantime, the choir will sing for you
while you watch these adverts, then after that, we head into the
next round which is....
What if Facebook went to the Bible? We find out in this 25-point
- Oh look, The burning bush wants to be your friend, and that
belongs to Moses and the Gospel Geezers get on the board.
- Someone's on a journey to Mount Moriah, not the street in
Memphis, the biblical mountain and Minnie's Food Pantry know it's
Abraham. Good work!
- There's one status update on the 450 prophets of Baal, and like
the song said, these are the days of Elijah. 2 in a row for the
- Finally, someone spends too much money on the feast. It's not
Kim Kardashian. It's actually Judas. (sorry, Lady Gaga.)
The saints close out the round and as we
get a score check, it's 100 for the burbs, 50 for the pantry and 25 for
As the choir sings from the intermission, it's a 2-player game we like
IN THE NAME OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS
Like the old YDKJ Dis or Dat question, 2 choices and one is correct.
Today, you have to pick the statements that relate to....
- Word of the Lord
- Lord of the Rings
Got that? The Geezers have Chris & Roger and this statement.....
- "The journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path... One that
we all must take."
That's "Lord Of the Rings" and the Geezers score. It was Gandalf who
said it. The pantry are down to 2 and this quote for their eyes
- "Then they made two more gold rings and attached them to the bottom of
the shoulder pieces on the front of the ephod, close to the seam just
above the waistband of the ephod. (Exodus 39:20 NIV)"
That would be the word of the Lord. The pantry scores again! The Saints
- "Even darkness must pass, A new day will come, and when the sun
shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stay
with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand
Now if I were you, I'd go with Lord of the Rings....and they're right.
Boy they read my mind. Not only that, all 3 know more about rings than
Sonic The Hedgehog. Moving on to....
KIDS SAYETH THE CUTEST THINGS
We get a video of a girl talking about Jonah and the Whale and we get a
quiz about it. So......
1) What was Jonah doing before the storm went in?
- The geezers wake up with sleeping and is correct.
2) In Jonah 3:5, what were the people doing after Jonah got spit out?
- In a hurry, the saints answer with fasting. Correct answer. That
leaves the pantry with this.....
3) What did Jonah wrap around his head?
- They go with God's arms. Alas, that would be a headlock in wrestling.
The answer is: seaweed. A check of the scores say the pantry has 100,
the saints with 155 and the geezers with 125. So as the choir sings to
break, we want you to know this next round is an elimination round. It's
THE CHOSEN THREE
All they have to do is give 3 correct answers out of 6. Lowest
score....goes home. Dun dun dun, my friends. The saints want to know the
3 things left out at the last supper. iPod, watch and a game boy are not
one of them. They are:
They get towel and table, but is olive oil correct? Nope. Correct
answer: swords. So they end up with 355 points.
The pantry go next and they want to know the physical attributes of His
according to the old testament.
Eyes of God
Arm of God
Chin of God
Rib of God
Foot of God
Finger of God
They got eyes and arm, but is finger correct? They......got the points
and they're in the lead with 400.
Last chance for the geezers to come back. All they have to do is name
the 3 animals that are okay to eat according to biblical dietary laws.
Just so you know, it doesn't involve the fast food menu at McDonalds.
Ox and Wild Goat are good, but can Rabbit hop into the finale? Silly
rabbit, it'sÖ.....wrong. The answer: grasshopper, which reminds you of
the old show "Kung Fu." And just like that, the Gospel Geezers are
kicked out, but not before they leave with $2500.
FINAL BIBLE STUDY SHOWDOWN
Time for the final bible study showdown. Each team will have 1 topic and
have as much time to study. Tonight's category.....
WOMEN OF THE BIBLE
And off they go! The choir sings one last time with the notable absence
of Stephen Rippy and the Castleville Kings. Time to show us what you
know! The pantry goes first and after a minute, they get.....4. So the
saints must get 4 to force a tiebreaker or 5 to win it all. They
get........2. Minnie's food pantry stock up a win! As for the saints,
they head back to the suburbs with 5K in their charitable pockets.
Another TABC in the books and until then this Pierre Kelly saying....
THOU SHALT SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!
For more information on the teams and
charities and to watch full episodes online, go to