"Celebrity Show #1" - July 25
This is our first
celebrity version of Ballbreakers. I'd be all good
with that, except that it's only the SECOND EPISODE.
At least give us a chance to learn and understand the
format before you saturate it to make it easier for
the celebrities. With that, let's meet the four people
who will be competing for charity...
Noah Wyle - You know him as one of the surgeons
from ER. You may not know that he is playing tonight
for Human Rights Watch, Inc.
Goran Visnjic - He was the cohort with Jennifer
Garner in Elektra and he's also an actor from ER. He's
playing for the International Fund for Animal WIldlife.
Julie McCullough - She's been on 90210, and if
she was ever on ER, it would be for a different reason
- she is currently a Playboy Playmate. Yowzers. She's
playing for the Last Chance for Animals. Can we get
her on the ER episode that she has to undergo her
Dorian Harewood - He's been in Roots, as well
as Gothika and Full Metal Jacket. He is playing for A1
Ewa and Adrianne are also here to support Sal. Ewa is
impressed with the talent in the lineup. Adrianne, who
wanted to break some balls on the last episode, likes
Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands - and makes the
scissors motion. We don't want to be too subtle in
making her the table floozy, do we?
We have rules changes - No one will be eliminated
until Round 3, where they will all compete. Well,
what's the point of the first 45 minutes of the show?
For control of the table, we play a lag, which is
shooting the ball to the far rail and then having it
come back to the near rail. The two balls that are
closest to the near rail get to play first. Those two
people are Julie and Noah.
Everyone starts with $5,000, as the first round will
just be the awarding of money instead of the betting
of it. There is, however, still side bets and we get
the opening bet. Goran bets $500 that Julie will win
the first match, and Dorian takes the bet.
Julie gets the ball on the break - and then promptly
fouls. Noah takes control, but leaves a tough opening
shot. Goran bets $500 that he will make it, while
Dorian says $500 that he won't. Noah misses, so Dorian
gets the cash. After a series of misses, Noah finally
takes control, but misses the 8. Julie sinks that one
and the 9...b ut scratches on the 9 ball. Oops. That
gives Noah ball in hand (which means he can put it
anywhere on the table) and quickly disposes of the 9
ball for the game. Noah gets the opening non-betting
$2,000, while Dorian gets the other $2,000 thanks to
Goran. Julie wants to warm up the money, so she sticks
it in her shirt before presenting it to Noah. Nice.
Noah - $6,000
Dorian - $6,000
Goran - $4,000
Julie - $4,000
Noah wants to play his ER homeboy Goran. Julie puts up
$500 for Goran, since Goran put up $500 for her.
AwwwwBarf. Dorian wants nothing to do with that
sentimentality and puts up $500 for the warmed-up
Noah. And warmed up he is - after a small sputter at
the beginning, Noah hits 7 shots in a row up to the 9
ball. At the 9, however, he scratches, and Goran, with
ball in hand, is in the same spot that Noah was in
last game. Like Noah did last game, Goran capitalizes
on it. He gets his $1,000 back, and Julie inches up a
Dorian - $5,500
Noah - $5,000
Goran - $5,000
Julie - $4,500
It's Goran Vs. Dorian in the final match of Round 1.
Julie sticks with $500 for her homie while Noah goes
with Dorian. Goran leaves a nasty shot at the 1, and
Julie says that he will miss it. Julie quickly turns
on her homie but makes $500 from Noah when he does
blow the shot. Control goes back to Dorian, who makes
some shots but leaves the 3. We have a pair of whiffs,
then Dorian takes control. He hits the 4 in, then
combos the 5 and the 9 - the 5 goes in one corner, the
9 in another, and that ends the game.
Dorian - $6,500
Noah - $5,000
Julie - $4,500
Goran - $4,000
It's time for Round 2, and to get control, we play '3
For All'. Whoever can sink three balls in the quickest
time wins. Dorian gets them down in an agonizingly
slow 49 seconds. Noah gets a ball on the break and the
49 gets chopped down to 18 seconds. Julie can't match
it and neither can Goran, so Noah gets to pick his
first opponent, who is...
Julie, for $2,000. Dorian says that Noah makes a ball
on the break, but when he gets no takers, he goes $500
that he won't make it. Goran takes it - then has to
give Dorian $500. As for the game, well...it's all
Noah until the 8 ball. After a Julie miss, Julie makes
a $500 bet with Goran that he won't run it out. Julie
is....wrong. Noah finishes the table, which means that
Julie loses $2,000 to Mr. Wyle and $500 to Mr. Visnjic.
Dorian - $7,000
Noah - $7,000
Goran - $4,000
Julie - $2,000
Noah wants to play Goran - and this time for $3,000.
Dorian bets $500 that Noah won't make a ball on the
break. He doesn't and Julie owes Dorian $500. Noah
gets the first 5, but leaves a nasty shot for the 6
for Goran - so nasty that Noah bets Goran and Dorian
$500 each that Goran will miss the shot. Goran makes
it, and Noah is out $1,000. He's going to be out
another $3,000, but Goran blows an easy shot at the 9
ball. Noah doesn't, and he collects his $500 back -
with $2,500 interest.
Noah - $8,500
Dorian - $8,000
Julie - $2,000
Goran - $1,500
Noah goes after Dorian, and $3,000 is on the line.
Goran wants $500 on Noah getting a ball in, but he
doesn't and Julie gets some of her money back. Dorian
tries to combo it, but he messes it up. We now have
the 8 hanging in one corner and the 9 in the other
corner for Dorian. No problem with the 8. No problem
with the 9. Dorian has $3,000.
Dorian - $11,000
Noah - $5,500
Julie - $2,500
Goran - $1,000
But none of that really matters, because we now go
into WINNER TAKE ALL! We play it in a stepladder
fashion - the 2 lowest people on the money board
(Julie and Goran) play each other. The winner of that
plays Noah and that winner plays Dorian for the
Match 1 - Julie starts to get on a roll as she makes
the first 3 shots. Goran sinks the 4 and is looking to
combo the 5 into the 9, but he misses. It's Julie's
turn to combo the nine, which she does...but she
SCRATCHES and Goran gets a reprieve. He goes for the
combo, and this time he is successful. Goran advances
and Julie is eliminated. Julie didn't win a single
match, but at least we had a playmate grace our screen
for longer than Adrianne Curry does.
SEMIFINALS - Goran sinks a shot, but misses the 1
ball. Noah doesn't, and keeps going on to make another
3 balls. Goran is looking to combo the 4 into the 9 to
end the match, but he only sinks the cue ball. Oops.
It's Noah's turn to try a combo, but he misses as
well. Have we ever heard of sinking single ball shots?
Goran hasn't, but this time, his combo goes in and
Goran gets the final word on his ER buddy.
FINALS - Dorian's not playing. He isn't going to give
Goran a chance to combo out a win, because by sinking
5 straight shots, he's not going to let Goran get to
the table. Dorian misses the 6 though, but he doesn't
leave Goran a combo shot. Goran hits the 6, but he
leaves the 7, which Dorian sinks, as well on the
eight, but he scratches while making the shot. This is
a HUGE opening for Goran, who just has to make an easy
9 ball. He does, and for the second straight episode,
someone wins three games at the end to win the
Goran wins the $20,000, but the other three
celebrities will get $10,000 and a certificate for a
Brunswick Pool Table. That's a nice consolation prize.
With that, we are out.
Next week - Will we get civilian players? Will we get
celebrities? Will we get Chuck Woolery in fishing
gear? Well, we probably won't get that, but join us in
seven days to see what we do get.