I Didn't Make Her
(Done with the college B-Ball for now?
Good...back to Racing!)
PREVIOUSLY ON THE AMAZING RACE...teams
went from cold Bavaria to relatively warmer Azerbaijan. Inside the
former Soviet republic, the teams escaped a simulated helicopter
water crash, searched through apples and...and washed oil off of
men (EWWWWWWWWWWW!) But ONE team - Rachel & Dave (Team Yellow
Ribbon) SKIPPED all that simply by stacking 150 bales of hay faster
than Joey "Fitness" & Danny (Team Clubbers) and winning
the FAST FORWARD. They won the Leg and some nice cars...while the
young men couldn't catch up and were sent packing. Six teams remain
for the million...who will be Philiminated NEXT?!?
2115 LOCAL TIME
The Army man and his wife stand at
the start of a Leg for the third time this Race...and this time
WAY ahead of everyone else. But you never know when the "Great
Equalizer" will rear its ugly head. So they stay focused as
they start the seventh Leg with this clue:
FLY TO THE
GATEWAY OF AFRICA'S WILDLIFE HERITAGE: KILIMANJARO, TANZANIA!
Fly more than 3000 miles
to Kilimanjaro, Tanzania. Once you land there, make your way
to Arusha Airstrip and sign up for one of three charter flights
to the Ngorongoro Crater. The flights can only fit two teams
apiece and depart 15 minutes apart. First come first serve.
Once you arrive at the airstrip in the crater, you will find
your next clue by the marked vehicles you will use.
So, with a 90-minute lead,
the team goes straight to a travel agency that's still open and
ask about flights to northern Tanzania. The agent tells them that
the best way would be an 8:30am flight that routes through Nairobi.
They book it and then "book it" to the airport. The other
teams depature times (local zone) are:
Art & JJ (Team Border Watch): 2245
Bopper & Mark (Sons of Anar-KY): 2255
Brendon & Rachel (Team Oh, Brother!): 2256
Nary & Jamie (Party In the CIA): 2332
Vanessa & Ralph (Team It's Complicated!): 2335
Here's an interesting
fact: Team Border Watch are TIRED of Team Oh, Brother! and hope
THEY will crash on this Leg so they can stop FOLLOWING the guys.
Sure enough, while Art & JJ are at the very same travel agency
as Team Yellow Ribbon were 90 minutes before, who should show up
but Brendon & Rachel? They tell the agent to keep his voice
low so as not to give anything away about their plans. Rachel takes
a seat near them to try to listen in, knowing of the animosity betwixt
them. Of course, Bopper & Mark don't know about it when THEY
show up (and help themselves to the free candy).
Bopper wonders if they
can beat the "teachers"...but JJ says, "They're not
teachers." When asked to explain, JJ tells them about a conversation
he had with Jamie during the last Leg (at the Temple of Fire) where
she mentioned "UC operations"...with "UC" meaning
"undercover". That's SO not language kindergarten teachers
would use so they're thinking the girls are at least police officers.
They think teachers would be far more social than Nary & Jamie
have been. But never mind that; Art & JJ have their trip booked...and
Brendon & Rachel essentially just say, "We'll have what
When Party In the CIA
show up, one of the first things Brendon says to them is that JJ
said they were cops. Ut-oh...cover blown? Well, if it is, at least
the girls can tell Team Border Watch that "our agency is better
than theirs". But they keep their trap shut about it for the
time being. And here comes Vanessa & Ralph to round everything
out. They all book the same flight and head to the airport. They
all get the same flight that stops at...
KENYATTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
OK, people, buckle-up. This is where
the excrement hits the oscillating air pusher!
As the teams deaprt for the transfer
flight, Team Oh, Brother! bump Team It's Complicated out of the
way...and then Brendon tells Ralph that he's "number one"
with the wrong finger. When Art & JJ hear about this, they get
into an argument with Brendon & Rachel about manners and about
how they'd been tailing the border patrollers throughout the entire
Race. The argument brings Vanessa & Ralph into it as Rachel
denies any wrong doing. Then Vanessa and Rachel get to name-calling
and complaining about each others' physiques. Finally, things seem
to calm down...or, at least, became not as vocal. Rachel breaks
down in tears...and Vanessa feels it wasn't HER that made Rachel
cry but Rachel's own lack of self-esteem. "If you can't take
it," she concludes, "don't dish it out."
Well, THAT was resolved...just in time
for ANOTHER argument to begin. Team Border Watch confronts Party
In the CIA about their REAL jobs. Truthfully, they were just "stirring
the pot" and making the girls nervous. But Nary & Jamie
aren't biting at Art's intimidation; they adamantly say they're
kindergarten teachers. Art & JJ back away, not believing them
for a lick but not pressing the issue.
Six taxis tear down the dark road to
the Arusha Airstrip and, once arriving there, the teams run out
to stake their claim on the earliest flight. When the dust settles,
the teams have these flights to wait upon:
9:30 FLIGHT: Team
Border Watch and Team Oh, Brother!
9:45 FLIGHT: Sons
of Anar-KY and Team Yellow Ribbon
In the CIA and Team It's Complicated!
and shine, Americans! Time to get flying again! As the flights take
off, the teams are treated to some of
the most beautiful landscape on Earth...and they take in every second
of it. Herds of antelope (which Bopper confuses for tigers), a MASSIVE
amount of flamingos and more green than in you local bank (before
OR after the bailout). The teams marvel at it all before landing
The first plane touches down and the
two teams disembark. Brendon & Rachel are first to the clue
pouch, but Art & JJ are right behind them to read this clue:
TIME FOR SOME
Choose a safari vehicle and
a driver. Navigate your driver to the western edge of the
Ngororngoro Crater and find a Maasai Warrior standing with
some bicycles. Head up to him and he will give you your next
Both teams ask the natives for the
quickest way and, getting it, they head out...with Team Oh, Brother!
(naturally) tailing Team Border Watch. As the drive down the path,
they enjoy a ground's-eye view of the scenery and the Land of the
Maasai. As they continue, the second plane touches down. Rachel
& Dave are followed closely by Bopper & Mark. Mark's great-great-grandpa
was a slave so coming here is very much like coming home to him.
Ah, there's the Bicycle Warrior. Art
& JJ are the first to him and the first to open up the next:
Regardless of which task
you choose, you will use the bicycles nearby to pedal down
to Soneto Village to perform the task. The natives will dress
you in traditional garb for the task..
MARKSMANSHIP: Head to the
makeshift hunting range where you will master the throwing
of a traditional Maasai weapon, a stone-tipped club known
as a rungu. Each team member must throw a rungu
to shatter a moving clay rabbit target. When each member has
shattered a target, a tribesman will hand you your next clue.
COURTSHIP: Head for the village
square and learn a traditional Maasai jumping ritual known
as adumu. You must jump up and down continuously for
a full minute (until you hear the sound of the horn). This
may seem simple...but you are currently over 8000 feet above
sea level, so the air is much thinner. Once you hear the horn,
the chief will hand you your next clue.
As border patrol agents, they think
they can handle MARKSMANSHIP pretty well. As they get their bikes,
Brendon & Rachel choose COURTSHIP because they can jump fairly
high. They get on their bikes and ride off dwonhill to the village
(hopefully NOT falling off outside Iddesley). And the third plane
lands with Nary & Jamie and Vanessa & Ralph hopping off....just
At the end of the road, the village
comes alive with singing as Team Border Watch hop (gingerly) off
their bikes. They get their garb on and head for the hunting range
while Team Oh, Brother! arrive. The rungus are located about
40 feet from a hedge where two clay rabbit targets travel around
and around on a wheel powered by a pedalling Maasai. The boys pick
up the clubs and start throwing them at said targets, getting CLOSE
but missing. JJ has an advantage, having played QB in a law enforcement
football league. And, sure enough, he nails the tail of the target
after a few more throws. He then coaches Art in how to throw it
right for distance and accuracy. He's a strict coach, yelling at
Meanwhile, Brendon & Rachel show
up at the square and watch how high the Maasai can jump. As THEY
start jumping, the chief wtaches them to make sure they jump high
enough. Rachel feels blessed to be part of this cultural event.
They're out of breath when the horn blows, but the chief smiles
and hands them this clue:
Head back to your vehicle
and navigate the driver along the Western Rim of the crater
to the Simba A Public Campsite. At the campsite, you'll find
your next clue.
As they bike off, JJ takes notice and
yells at Art to step it up. And that's all the motivation he needs:
the next shot hits another target's tail and they leave the DETOUR
Just then, Team Yellow Ribbon and Sons
of Anar-KY arrive at the warrior. The couple choose MARKSMANSHIP
but the friends get their choice from Team Oh, Brother!: COURTSHIP.
Was it actually assistance...or just cruel strategy? Doesn't matter
to Art & JJ; they're just pissed that Brendon & Rachel are
STILL tailing them.
Rachel & Dave get garbed up and
brought to the range. Dave says that it's just like knife-throwing...which
I'm sure Rachel has NEVER done. As Dave says she should fire overhead
instead or sidearm-style, Bopper & Mark get to the village and
head for the square. They don't seem to mind having to jump, despite
being more..."chronologically challenged" than others.
In fact, they were so pumped, they claimed they could jump for TEN
minutes. They finish the minute without any problems and leave the
DETOUR in 3rd. Just as they head back up the hill, Dave nails a
clay rabbit. And, using the sidearm, Rachel nails one shortly afterwards,
allowing them to depart in 4th.
And here come the last two teams. And
both Party In the CIA and Team It's Complicated! choose to toss
rungus at clay rabbits. The only problem for Vanessa is the
bikes are a BIT on the tall side for her. Ralph's suggestions that
she not try to ride on the seat fall on deaf ears and loud retorts.
This allows Nary & Jamie to arrive well ahead, get dressed and
get to the range.
Meanwhile, on the road, Team Border
Watch pass by a bunch of Maasai...and some Japanese tourists taking
pictures of them. They still haven't found the campsite. Team Oh,
Brother! decides to STOP tailing and ask for directions. They find
out they've been going in the WRONG DIRECTION. So they turn around,
leaving Art & JJ continuing on the road to who-knows-where.
Later, the Sons of Anar-KY get the same advice and get pointed the
RIGHT way towards...
A PUBLIC CAMPSITE
Team Yellow Ribbon, who had been going
the right way the whole time, arrive at the site first. There are
a pair of Army-like trucks there and a shield-and-spears setup with
the clues attached. And the clue:
SET UP YOUR
CAMP FOR THE NIGHT!
Inside the trucks are materials
to build an elaborate "safari campsite", complete
with working "bush shower". Unload one set of materials
and set the campsite up as per the instructions. Once you
finish setting up your camp (which you will be spending the
night in, by the way) and the camp manager gives you the thunbs-up,
navigate your driver to follow the nearby signs to the next
WARNING! The last team to
check-in MAY BE ELIMINATED!
(Hmm...no ROADBLOCK? Probably setting
up a two-ROADBLOCK Leg somewhere down the line.)
Dave is certain they can work this
up well, given that a) he can reach back into his Army knowledge
and b) he has OCD and, thus, an attention to detail. But one thing's
for certain: this crap is HEAVY!
Back at the village, Party In the CIA
is still chucking clubs...and Nary manages to wing one just as Vanessa
& Ralph finally make it to the village. And, right after they
do, Jamie nails it. They leave in 5th, and Team It's Complicated!
get to chucking themselves. They get SO CLOSE on their throws, but
the rabbits keep "hopping" on their wheels. A few minutes
later, at the request of Ralph ("Hit one before I do"),
Vanessa beheads a rabbit in joy. Ralph just keeps throwing clubs...until
he FINALLY nails a target. Still, Vanessa can't ride for crap and
so they WALK the bikes back up the hill. They leave the DETOUR in
last (and Ralph BELIEVES they're out)...
...but they might not FINISH that way
as Team Border Watch finally stop and realize they've been going
the wrong way all this time.
Back at camp, Brendon & Rachel
and Bopper & Mark both arrive, get their pre-PIT STOP clue and
start unloading. As the three teams start putting frames together,
Art & JJ finally arrive, with Nary & Jamie hot on their
tails. Rachel & Dave quietly argue about how to set the camp
up right. In fact, ALL the teams have difficulty. The frames aren't
even up on any of them when Vanessa & Ralph finally arrive.
So now all six teams are together OUTSIDE
of an airport or a PIT STOP. Team Yellow Ribbon continue to argue...and
Team Border Watch are glad they didn't take their wives. Finally,
Dave has them tear it all down and start from scratch...which was
actually good because the communication gets better and the building
gets quicker. Over time, frames are set up and canvas is laid over...well,...except
for Party In the CIA, whose frame WEREN'T up yet. They quasi-blamed
it on the fact that, compared to the other teams that have at least
one male in each, they just weren't physically capable of working
The Sons of Anar-KY ask to be looked
at first...but the female manager says it's not done. The main problem:
no water IN the bush shower. There's a public restroom nearby and
Mark runs to it. Rachel & Dave are next...and, when the water
comes out of the shower, the manager gives them the clearance to
head to the PIT STOP. Mark comes back with the water, fills up the
shower and gets the manager back. THIS time she says they can go
A PUBLIC CAMPSITE
For the second time in
a row and the fourth time on the Race, Team Yellow Ribbon stand
in front of Phil and the native greeter and are proclaimed Team
# 1 of a Leg! Their prize THIS time is a 5-night trip to Costa Rica,
complete with a zipline tour and surfing lessons! Thanks to the
Roaming Gnomes at Travelocity(TM)! A few minutes behind them, Bopper
& Mark check-in as Team # 2 (TIED FOR BIGGEST IMPROVEMENT
OF THE LEG).
Art & JJ breathe a
sigh of relief when their campsite is given the good-to-go by the
manager. Being passed up by Sons of Anar-KY and Team Yellow Ribbon
did NOT sit well with them. As they take off, Team Oh, Brother!'s
camp is approved and they take off for the PIT STOP. As Nary &
Jamie try to stay optimistic, Team Border Watch is checked-in as
Team # 3 (TIED FOR BIGGEST DROP OF THE LEG)...with Brendon
& Rachel hopping in as # 4 (tailing the border patrolers again).
Vanessa & Ralph are
close to finishing, but Nary & Jamie keep it up with smiles
on their faces. Even when the divorcees get the nod to continue
to the PIT STOP, the feddies keep going, going on three days of
no rest but still determined to see it through to the end.
Team It's Complicated
is officially Team # 5 (TIED FOR BIGGEST IMPROVEMENT OF THE LEG)
and, despite Phil's suggestion, it seems that becoming friends with
Team Oh, Brother! on this Race is out the window for them now.
Now,...as Party In the
CIA finishes up and gets the nod to go to the PIT STOP, a question
arises in what vaguely constitutes my brain: why would they tell
a team to build up a camp...only to send them home? I mean, sure,
they COULD spend the night in camp BEFORE going home but...why WOULD
they? It's like when the teams hauled the beds in the LAST Race;
the last-place team HAD to use them so...why get RID of them? Still,
the team ACT like they'll be Philiminated and decide to stop to
watch a herd of elephants trample across the plain.
"Nary & Jamie,"
says Phil upon the girls' arrival, "I'm sorry to tell you that
you are the last team to arrive." (TIED FOR BIGGEST DROP
OF THE LEG)
(pause for dramatic effect
as the team and Phil banter)
"This is a Non-Elimination
HAH!!!! CALLED IT!!!!
They live to see another
day and another Leg...though one with a SPEED BUMP involved. But,
hey, if Bopper & Mark can overcome one, why not them?
AFTER LEG 7:
BAKU, AZERBAIJAN to NGORONGORO CRATER, TANZANIA
1) Rachel &
Dave (EVEN) - Express Pass (USED), Grenada, Ford Taurus, Costa
2) Bopper & Mark (+1) - $2500 [gifted by Art & JJ]
3) Art & JJ (-1) - Bahamas, $2500, Thailand
4) Brendon & Rachel (EVEN)
5) Vanessa & Ralph (+1)
6) Nary & Jamie (-1)
ELIMINATED) Joey "Fitness" & Danny (-5) (7th)
ELIMINATED) Kerri & Stacy (8th)
ELIMINATED) Elliot & Andrew (9th)
ELIMINATED) Dave & Cherie (10th)
ELIMINATED) Misa & Maiya (11th)
To see this episode in
its entirety, or to apply to be a contestant on "The Amazing Race",
visit the official website at