(C-Note: some of the acts that you are
about to read involve real danger in front of a live audience. They were
designed, practiced, and supervised by professionals, taking the
contestants' safety into full account. They are extremely dangerous and
should NEVER be attempted anywhere, by anyone, at any time.)
The biggest talent search in America...
just. Got. Bigger. Joining Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel on the
celebrity judging panel this season... the King of All Media. The left
wingers love him, the right wingers love to hate him. But everyone can
agree on one thing... He is as professional as he is unpredictable...
PEOPLE OF AMERICA, I GIVE YOU... HOWARD
He'll be filling in the Piers Morgan role
of lovable villain. His mantra: "I'm going to be Piers Morgan on
steroids. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but feelings are going
to be hurt. I know what America wants, and quite frankly, I'm the only
American on the whole damn panel, anyway." That said... America's Got
Talent is BACK!
You know how this works. If the panel
gives an act two yeses, they're on their way to the Vegas Callbacks. If
not, it's back to the house.
At stake: $1,000,000 and a headline show
in Vegas. Because some things never change.
When the history of season seven is
written, let it be known that the first act to go in front of the judges
for TV time is Aoni Jackson, a 34-year-old magician from Fontana, CA.
His trick involves Nick's wedding ring (C-Note: Mariah's gonna kill you)
and Howie Mandel's (C-Note: Ms. Howie is SERIOUSLY gonna kill you).
Howard buzzes.. and then buzzes Howie's buzzer, because he'd probably do
the same thing. Lord knows we would've. And then (^_^) just gets totes
weird. Howie's ring ends up on Aoni's nipple clamp. I wish I were
Next up, a bunch of cockatiels and their
owner Les Golan, the Bird Lady of Los Angeles. She sings "Berkeley
Square" with said birds on her shoulder. Great voice, but really nothing
to write home about. Howie loves it, Howard doesn't. Sharon... says no
We're about due for a montage now.
And.... thank you, NBC. Bonus: Ozzy is in the audience.
William Close (42 year old musical
instrument creator) is here with his fiance, who's five months pregnant.
William will be playing the earth harp, which is the world's largest
string instrument. He rigged his harp to the theater, so the theater
will be the instrument of choice today. The best part about this act, I
think, is that it's different. Accompanying it, ... an earth drum? But
it looks really cool, it sounds electric. He gets the first standing O
of season seven. And the first Vegas cheer... and the first ticket.
Next up, the first dance crew of the
series, Elements Dance Cru (students aged 12 to 18). They take clogging
and adapt it to other styles. They clog to "What's a Girl's Gotta Do" by
Basement Jaxx. Clogging... not a fan. Kids doing it? There's an
audience. The thing is, you have to be spot on, 100 percent of the time.
I'm paying attention to the feet now, and they're all in time. So it's a
yes from me, but the judges? They approve!
That starts a run with All Wheel Sports,
the Amazing Elizabeth (aerial silks), and Chris Lavar (freestyle
Jorge Narvaez sings with his daughter
Alexa. Their song, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes' "Home". She's
precocious. He's a hot guy with a guitar. This should be a no brainer.
He's a regular on YouTube. And now they're on their way to Vegas! Way to
end the first day. The second day will come up later in the season, but
for now, let's pause 10 seconds for stations to identify themselves.
Coast to coast and around the world, this is America's Got Talent on the
Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company. (G-E-C)
The judges are in place, so let's get
right into it with...
... set up.
Ben Blaque (32) is a crossbow
sharpshooter. He's convinced that something will go wrong today, but
he's ready to bring it to America. He loads up on his munitions, and
hits target. After target. After target. Now the danger: a balloon in
his assistant's mouth. Now... a newspaper. Fair and balanced my rear!
Three balloons? Flying. And that... is danger defined. The judges like
it, so they're moving him on.
Next up, we kill the house lights for
Light Wire Theater, a troupe in the mold of Team iLuminate from last
year They do a crazy thing involving dinosaurs and puppetry. It really
is a step up from anything we've seen in years past. Could this be the
dance crew that finally takes it from the singers? We'll see in Vegas.
Next up, we all know a dog won Britain's
Got Talent. Can a scorpion win stateside? Only in the "What's for Lunch"
category. Joining Scorpion Guy in Vegas: Irving the Talking Dog and The
World Famous Stick-and-Move Dance Crew.
Sanjula Vamana (35, Chicago) is a
stay-at-home dad by day, and a full-time performer at night. A lot of
what he does in his performance is through the power of his mind and his
knowledge of emergency medicine. What does he do? He's a circus sideshow
performer. He stabs a needle through his cheek... And the other one!
Howie's out... And here comes the tongue...and the jaw... And the other
two judges are out.
Kazoo bands... Gourd carving... and
someone doing a bad Nick Cannon impersonation. Oh, that's Nick Cannon?
Loyalty Dance Team (Murfreesboro, TN)
taught themselves to be a unit. Will they act as a unit? They dance to
Remy Ma's "Whuteva" and Gordon's favorite song ever, LMFAO's "Shots"
featuring Li'l Jon. They don't miss a step. Neither do the judges...
They're through to VEGAS!
Simply Sergio (47) simply sings "The Girl
from Ipanema". And it's simply dreadful. Then he sings "God Bless
America".... and it's simply better. See? Why didn't you do this before?
He's going to Vegas, but I mean it, Sergio, you gotta stay STRAIGHT!
Shaniece & Maurice Hayes are street
performers. They sing on the sidewalk for bucket money. They sing
"You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor. Together, they're magical. She's
got a great voice. He's got a great harmony. They've got great
chemistry. And they're going to bring it to the Vegas stage. SPECTACULAR
way to end the show.
So we've got our first big moments of
season 7 of AGT. And our first big moments of Howard Stern, talent
judge. But the journey continues...
To see tonight's episode in its entirety,
or to apply to be a contestant on the next season, go to