(C-Note: some of the acts that you are
about to read involve real danger in front of a live audience. They were
designed, practiced, and supervised by professionals, taking the
contestants' safety into full account. They are extremely dangerous and
should NEVER be attempted anywhere, by anyone, at any time)
Brace yourself, America. You've just
stepped in a steaming pile of talent.
The #1 summer show for the last five
years... The biggest talent search in the world... The craziest show not
involving giant rubber spheres of death... is back for year six. You'll
laugh... You'll cry... You'll cringe... You'll wonder where the time
And look at that... No staff changes.
Howie's back... Sharon's back. The guy who thinks he's Larry King is
back... and so is Mr. Mariah Carey. Also back: $1 million, and a show in
Vegas. This year, we're going to New York... Atlanta.. Minneapolis...
Houston... Seattle... and tonight...
Buzzers are hot... The crowd is live.
LET'S GET IT STARTED!
First up, Frank Olivier (50, Oakland,
CA). He has a unicycle. What will he do with it? He's going to juggle
fiery torches! You know the rule by now... if he drops it, Piers brings
the hammer down. And he just touched Howie's head. If you remember,
Howie does not like the germs. Needless to say, he's begging for a buzz.
We need some Purell to the judges table. Back to the act. Frank even
goes under a leg for a pass. But will he get a pass? Not from Howie.
Let's see... he touched Howie's head... he stopped him laughing... he
nearly stopped him breathing... and he scared the life out of him. In
short... Piers LOVES him. Howie HATES him. It's a 2-1 split for VEGAS.
And while we hose down our third judge...
Ryan Andreas (34, Ontario, CA) opted not to pursue music due to a fear
of rejection. He's hoping to change that today with a vocal/piano
number, "Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan. The crowd loves him. The judges
love him. We love him. He's swept to VEGAS.
Next, John Jacobson (54) is going to
teach music to the crowd, hoping to get America off the couch and
singing and dancing. Sorry, dude, "Dance Revolution" was cancelled a
long time ago. Wait a minute, this guy sounds familiar... Oh boy, it's
the Double Dream Hands dude. Congratulations, John Jacobson, you're
living the dream of the first triple X of the season. Off my stage. NOW.
And it doesn't get any better with Brian
Bausch (horse trainer... who falls) riding off into the sunset,
Stephanie Sanson (singer) taking her anger out on a poor defenseless mic,
Ned Donovan & Charlie Forray (... fighting?) beating themselves up for
attention, and Louis (impersonation) ... farting out of his arm. Stinky.
Landon Swank (26, Las Vegas) is our first
magician of the series, having practiced since he was in Alaska at 7.
Will he transport himself from the audition stage to the Vegas stage? He
turns an urn from 2D to 3D... fills it with water... then flattens and
folds his lovely assistant on stage (hello and goodnight), leaving
nothing but a kiss... from a rose. Will he go to Vegas on NBC's dime or
his own? He's going to Vegas... ON NBC'S DIME!
Joining him: the Body Poets (dance
crew... with props and LEDs), Brennan Figari (aerialist), and Olivia
Bellafontaine (burlesque rock dancer), who is getting through only as a
favor to Piers. Because Howie's wife AND daughter are watching.
Debbie O'Barka and Danny make up Vegas
Birds. Her act... a talking bird who'll be 21 by the time this airs. And
get this... he actually talks. The bird has potential. The human... not
so much. But will they fly the coop or lay an egg? The judges are blown
away, but how large is the repertoire? We'll find out... IN VEGAS.
Next, Frank Miles (50, San Francisco),
another juggler. He started as a spur to human contact. Now he's gone
from balls... to tasers. And he's juggling three of them today. They are
real, 500,000 volts each. This'll be a shock. Will he catch the wrong
end of these cattle prods? Find out after we pause 10 seconds for
station identification. This is "America's Got Talent" on the Red
Network of the National Broadcasting Company....
... and welcome back from the Orpheum in
Los Angeles. Frank has just finished his act... and he's still alive. So
needless to say, he hasn't caught the wrong end of one of those. BUT...
It's about to get worse. Enter... the water tub of death! With a rubber
ducky! He enters... and walks away miraculously. Now he can walk to
Vegas... but first, dry yourself off.
Next, Udi Abignale (32, Los Angeles)
sings all over LA with his two backup dancers. He hopes to parlay this
into a world-wide gig. He sings... "Hot Hot Hot"... and dances with his
dancers... rather quickly, because the judges want him off... and Udi
doesn't want to go quietly. Nick wants to see how hot this act can get.
So let's try this again... without the suck preferably. Same song, same
dance, same judges' boot in the pants.
And we've lost all control of this show.
From LA, we go to the ATL.
First up in the Dirty South via Miami...
Miami All-Stars, a dance troupe led by a married couple. The 24 dancers,
mostly teenagers, specialize in Miami Style, which looks a lot like
sexed-up salsa and mambo con machismo. The first amazing dance act of
the season... and they're SWEPT to Vegas.
So we have the heat in Hotlanta, and
Scott Alexander (magician, no relation) and Preston Weber (12-year-old
Samoan fire-knife dancer) keep it hot. Yellow Designs Stunt Team (stunt
bikers), though... takes a dive. The bike broke on one of the
riders... We get a do over... and they get a ticket to Vegas.
Next up, Lil Josh, Giovanni (Young J),
and Tobias. Together, they are the Sh'Boss Boys. They are pint-sized
rappers who hope to spit mad game. Aw, who'm I kidding. They're so
cute... They started listening to the "wadio" and then started "wapping."
They want to use the prize money to house kids who don't have a home.
Wow. That's noble. Drop it, y'all... Okay, wrong track. Run it twice...
They rap about being on CBS. Unfortunately... that's another channel.
The fourth judge wants more... The main three SWEEP it.
By the way, AGT is still looking for
acts. Hit up the YouTube page at
www.youtube.com/agt. You could be 90 seconds away from staring down
Primitivo Montoya (50, Denver) is a
singing dancer whose style is... pop-and-lock robot wing chung new age.
His dancing's eh... His singing is.. suck. And he falls off the stage.
And he's back on the stage. And now he's off the stage. No falling this
And Hotlanta has turned cold with the
likes of Vocal Element (a glee-less glee club), Forever Young Dancers
(overgrown baby dancers), and Metatron (the lord of light).
Back to the acts with Nicole & Mike, The
Crossed Swords. They specialize in ... of all things, swordfighting.
Yep, LARPers have invaded AGT. A lot of tripping but not a lot of
parrying or thrusting. Sharon and Howie are quick to the buzzers...
Nicole wins this duel, but will they win against the crowd, who look
like they want to run them out on a pike? Piers likes it... don't know
why, but he does. That leads into round 2: the Briton vs. the
Canadian-American, a battle that has been brewing all episode. Then
comes Nick... and yeah, that's enough swordplay for this show. It's a
2-1 ... for no.
We're down to our final act of the night,
an act that requires total darkness... Team iLuminate, a dance crew
that's assisted by a lady at a MacBook. You may have seen something
similar at the Chris Brown MJ tribute at the BET Awards in 2009. The
dancing on its own we've seen a million times before, but never in the
dark assisted by neon suits. The judges are lit up. And when they see
the lady at the computer (who is a corporate software developer by day
and a dancer by night), they're even MORE excited to see what they have
next. They're going to go to Vegas, but can they translate the
excitement factor into votes? That remains to be seen.
So far... only one singer gets through.
But all it takes it one. Just saying. More talent NEXT week.
To see tonight's episode in its entirety,
or to apply to be a contestant on the next season, go to