August 8, 2004
Are ratings sold separately, too?
Chico: Ratings and Montel Williams not included,
Gordon: You may need to tell Showtime that.
Anyways, we are back with Roleplay. Here's how it works
- you are given a character and a situation, and you
have to act it out. Simple, no?
Chico: Sorta =p
Ryan: Clear as mud.
Gordon: Chico - you are Brandon from the Amazing
Race 5. You have swore to G-d your goodness as a
Christian, but you have screwed every single team that
you have allied with. How are you going to explain this
to your eternal gatekeeper?
Chico: I was faithful to one woman... And it just
so happens that she is on my team. And you know, one
man, one woman for life... Book say so. The road to hell
is paved with good intentions, isn't it?
Gordon: What about treating your fellow man and
do onto others as they would do onto you?
Chico: It's a competition. Of course by beating
us, they've already screwed us over. BOOK SAY SO!
Gordon: Are you going to be a book-thumper today?
Chico: No, I'm through with the book. Ryan, you
Ryan: That's what my papers say...
Chico: Seacrest. You just had your show
cancelled, but you still have a radio show... But your
next TV gig isn't until January. What do you do to
occupy your time?
Ryan: Well for starters I turn down the offer for
American Juniors 2... and then I go about my way
promoting the life out of AI 4, and I rest content in
the fact that I'm now the next generation Casey Kasem
(because I did replace him, after all...
Gordon: Would you do a steamy centerfold scene
with Randy, Paula and Simon?
Chico: Seems like everyone you come in contact
with falls off.
Ryan: Depends which publication it's in.
Chico: Dunkleman... fell off.
Ryan: So I'm the King Midas of media then?
Chico: Casey Kasem... fell off.
Gordon: What about if the Centerfold is in FHM?
Chico: What do you say to those who think you're
just a hired assassin?
Ryan: Hey - I did my time - Click, Gladiators
Chico: Come to think about it, we haven't heard
much from that Amber chick either...
Ryan: Hmm... FHM... ah... to be announced??
Chico: Okay, Ryan. Toss one to Gordon.
Ryan: Going slightly into the future, you're Mark
Burnett. Do you and your company pursue the Rob and
Amber TV wedding project? And furthermore, how do you
Gordon: I think that we have to take the wedding
project - but why make it only Survivor? Why not make it
a Mark Burnett Christmas Special Wedding?
Ryan: Who else then comes to the island?
Gordon: In addition to Rob and Amber, we have Jeffy get
a minister license and say his vows, we have the
Apprentice women and men compete to see who does the
better wedding plan - and we have the wedding at Trump's
Chico: Mark Burnett, the TV wunderkind here.
Ryan: Go ahead!
Gordon: The wedding gunshot cadence will be
performed by Team Bravo, and as Matt Dusk performs all
of the music, the honeymoon will be at the Golden
Nugget, where Tim and Tom will give them $10,000 to make
a million dollars with in a week..
Ryan: Oh, and good news, my sources tell me that
Jeffy is already ordained, one less thing to spend money
Gordon: And yes, all of this will be taped and
made into a 13 week series - but not on FOX.
Ryan: Well, I hear ABC needs a boost...
Chico: Or Fox will try to get Kelly Clarkson and
Clay Aiken to think that marriage is a good idea =p
Ryan: I can see it now... "From Amber to Rob"
Gordon: Though FOX will have the same thing done
with Justin and Kelly a week beforehand.
Ryan: Smart man. Very FOXy.
Chico: Okay, next up?
Gordon: Ryan - You are a Canadian Water Buffalo.
Ryan: My dream!
Gordon: You here that Season 11 of Survivor may
be taking place in the Yukon - and invading your
territory. Are you upset that your land is being
invaded? Or are you excited that you may have some air
time - like Magilla the monkey or Pete the Pelican?
Ryan: On the one hand, I'm thrilled because it's
about time that Burnett brought it here but I'm right
peeved that I STILL CAN'T PLAY IN HIS SANDBOX. It's not
like I have to get a passport to go to my own country!
Gordon: Can you imagine a buffalo being able to
get a passport to travel to the US?
Chico: I've seen weirder.
Ryan: Hey, let's not suggest that, somebody might
get the wrong idea...
Chico: If a monkey can go into space, then a
buffalo can get a passport.
Gordon: Maybe the buffalo can compete in Gana la
Ryan: He would eat the animal parts, that's for
Gordon: What if he had to eat buffalo testicles?
Wouldn't that be an unnatural act? Could the buffalo
have it in him to eat Rocky Mountain Oysters?
Ryan: Only if Joe Rogan was egging him on.
Gordon: Ok - Ryan - you got one for Chico?
Ryan: Straight up - you're GSN. What's your next
purchase of an existing show?
Gordon: On the Cover! It will be dirt cheap!
Chico: Hmm... Do I want to go into the world of
other realms of competition or do I want to keep it
Gordon: Since they will be doing a show on pool
and horseracing, I think other realms would be
Ryan: Your call.
Chico: I could rally to get the off-broadcast
rights to The Apprentice, but I doubt I have the budget.
Top prize in Extreme Dodgeball, after all, is $10,000.
Maybe I'll just get the off-boards to Family Feud and
complete the trifecta. But then again, I'm not really
that smart as of late.
Ryan: Ok, so what are your "not so smart moves"
Chico: Fake-a-Date, which was entertaining for
about a week. Kenny vs. Spenny, which was entertaining
for about two weeks.
Gordon: That was 2 weeks more entertaining than I
thought it was
Chico: Average Joe, which, though entertaining,
grates on my last nerve. Vegas Weddings Unveiled...
which wasn't entertaining AT ALL.
Ryan: So you're saying that the majority of Gimme
Games (insert day here) at 10 eastern was indeed a bust?
Chico: Except for the blackjack shows and Extreme
Dodgeball. So we can structure around that and make yet
ANOTHER dumb move. How would you like a game based on
dancing? You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Gordon: We have that already. Star Search/Dance
Ryan: Umm.. Brucie has "Strictly Come Dancing" in
the UK... so it's possible.
Gordon: I'd like to point out that certain
recappers Chico and Gordon actually said that those 2
shows would be the only ones that would work. What do
you have to say to them?
Chico: You're both morons.
Gordon: Thanks you, Mr. GSN. Last one for me?
Chico: Okay, Gordon, you are Elayne Boosler. You
say your latest gig is strictly old-school, but let's
keep it real... Is it?
Gordon: Of course it is. It's a classic game of
bluff, whether you remember it from Word Play, The
Liar's Club, Holywood Squares, or from the great
granddaddy To Tell The Truth.
Chico: So you feel that vibe going on?
Gordon: Well, this is PAX we're talking about, so
no. I'm feeling the vibes of Covers and Shopping Carts,
for some strange reason. It's a classic show, with
albeit a new-agey feel - but the gameplay is still old
Chico: So you like that.
Gordon: Now if we can only get rid of that
ridiculous scoring system where one person, who has
played the game completely wrong from the start, can get
the last question right and win, though they have done
everything else wrong. You want old school? You're like
a school on Easter - NO CLASS. That's some Fat
Albert/Bill Cosby Old School for you.
Chico: I'm satisfied enough. Okay, when we
return, it's the Big Finish, but first, we're
celebrating five years, and you get to help! Part 1 of
The Big Five is next!
to you by the Emmy award winning "Amazing Race"! Just
try to keep up with us! 8pm Wednesdays - no, 8pm
Thursdays - no, 10pm Tuesdays. And this fall, 8pm
Saturdays! What a race it will be!)
here to continue...