Gordon: Are ratings sold separately, too?
Chico: Ratings and Montel Williams not included, of course.
Gordon: You may need to tell Showtime that. Anyways, we are back with Roleplay. Here's how it works - you are given a character and a situation, and you have to act it out. Simple, no?
Chico: Sorta =p
Ryan: Clear as mud.
Gordon: Chico - you are Brandon from the Amazing Race 5. You have swore to G-d your goodness as a Christian, but you have screwed every single team that you have allied with. How are you going to explain this to your eternal gatekeeper?
Chico: I was faithful to one woman... And it just so happens that she is on my team. And you know, one man, one woman for life... Book say so. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn't it?
Gordon: What about treating your fellow man and do onto others as they would do onto you?
Chico: It's a competition. Of course by beating us, they've already screwed us over. BOOK SAY SO!
Gordon: Are you going to be a book-thumper today?
Chico: No, I'm through with the book. Ryan, you are Ryan...
Ryan: That's what my papers say...
Chico: Seacrest. You just had your show cancelled, but you still have a radio show... But your next TV gig isn't until January. What do you do to occupy your time?
Ryan: Well for starters I turn down the offer for American Juniors 2... and then I go about my way promoting the life out of AI 4, and I rest content in the fact that I'm now the next generation Casey Kasem (because I did replace him, after all...
Gordon: Would you do a steamy centerfold scene with Randy, Paula and Simon?
Chico: Seems like everyone you come in contact with falls off.
Ryan: Depends which publication it's in.
Chico: Dunkleman... fell off.
Ryan: So I'm the King Midas of media then?
Chico: Casey Kasem... fell off.
Gordon: What about if the Centerfold is in FHM?
Chico: What do you say to those who think you're just a hired assassin?
Ryan: Hey - I did my time - Click, Gladiators 2000...
Chico: Come to think about it, we haven't heard much from that Amber chick either...
Ryan: Hmm... FHM... ah... to be announced??
Chico: Okay, Ryan. Toss one to Gordon.
Ryan: Going slightly into the future, you're Mark Burnett. Do you and your company pursue the Rob and Amber TV wedding project? And furthermore, how do you involve Jeffy?
Gordon: I think that we have to take the wedding project - but why make it only Survivor? Why not make it a Mark Burnett Christmas Special Wedding?
Ryan: Who else then comes to the island?
Gordon: In addition to Rob and Amber, we have Jeffy get a minister license and say his vows, we have the Apprentice women and men compete to see who does the better wedding plan - and we have the wedding at Trump's Taj Mahal.
Chico: Mark Burnett, the TV wunderkind here.
Ryan: Go ahead!
Gordon: The wedding gunshot cadence will be performed by Team Bravo, and as Matt Dusk performs all of the music, the honeymoon will be at the Golden Nugget, where Tim and Tom will give them $10,000 to make a million dollars with in a week..
Ryan: Oh, and good news, my sources tell me that Jeffy is already ordained, one less thing to spend money on.
Gordon: And yes, all of this will be taped and made into a 13 week series - but not on FOX.
Ryan: Well, I hear ABC needs a boost...
Chico: Or Fox will try to get Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken to think that marriage is a good idea =p
Ryan: I can see it now... "From Amber to Rob"
Gordon: Though FOX will have the same thing done with Justin and Kelly a week beforehand.
Ryan: Smart man. Very FOXy.
Chico: Okay, next up?
Gordon: Ryan - You are a Canadian Water Buffalo.
Ryan: My dream!
Gordon: You here that Season 11 of Survivor may be taking place in the Yukon - and invading your territory. Are you upset that your land is being invaded? Or are you excited that you may have some air time - like Magilla the monkey or Pete the Pelican?
Ryan: On the one hand, I'm thrilled because it's about time that Burnett brought it here but I'm right peeved that I STILL CAN'T PLAY IN HIS SANDBOX. It's not like I have to get a passport to go to my own country!
Gordon: Can you imagine a buffalo being able to get a passport to travel to the US?
Chico: I've seen weirder.
Ryan: Hey, let's not suggest that, somebody might get the wrong idea...
Chico: If a monkey can go into space, then a buffalo can get a passport.
Gordon: Maybe the buffalo can compete in Gana la Verde.
Ryan: He would eat the animal parts, that's for sure.
Gordon: What if he had to eat buffalo testicles? Wouldn't that be an unnatural act? Could the buffalo have it in him to eat Rocky Mountain Oysters?
Ryan: Only if Joe Rogan was egging him on.
Gordon: Ok - Ryan - you got one for Chico?
Ryan: Straight up - you're GSN. What's your next purchase of an existing show?
Gordon: On the Cover! It will be dirt cheap!
Chico: Hmm... Do I want to go into the world of other realms of competition or do I want to keep it real?
Gordon: Since they will be doing a show on pool and horseracing, I think other realms would be acceptable.
Ryan: Your call.
Chico: I could rally to get the off-broadcast rights to The Apprentice, but I doubt I have the budget. Top prize in Extreme Dodgeball, after all, is $10,000. Maybe I'll just get the off-boards to Family Feud and complete the trifecta. But then again, I'm not really that smart as of late.
Ryan: Ok, so what are your "not so smart moves" lately?
Chico: Fake-a-Date, which was entertaining for about a week. Kenny vs. Spenny, which was entertaining for about two weeks.
Gordon: That was 2 weeks more entertaining than I thought it was
Chico: Average Joe, which, though entertaining, grates on my last nerve. Vegas Weddings Unveiled... which wasn't entertaining AT ALL.
Ryan: So you're saying that the majority of Gimme Games (insert day here) at 10 eastern was indeed a bust?
Chico: Except for the blackjack shows and Extreme Dodgeball. So we can structure around that and make yet ANOTHER dumb move. How would you like a game based on dancing? You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Gordon: We have that already. Star Search/Dance Fever anyone?
Ryan: Umm.. Brucie has "Strictly Come Dancing" in the UK... so it's possible.
Gordon: I'd like to point out that certain recappers Chico and Gordon actually said that those 2 shows would be the only ones that would work. What do you have to say to them?
Chico: You're both morons.
Gordon: Thanks you, Mr. GSN. Last one for me?
Chico: Okay, Gordon, you are Elayne Boosler. You say your latest gig is strictly old-school, but let's keep it real... Is it?
Gordon: Of course it is. It's a classic game of bluff, whether you remember it from Word Play, The Liar's Club, Holywood Squares, or from the great granddaddy To Tell The Truth.
Chico: So you feel that vibe going on?
Gordon: Well, this is PAX we're talking about, so no. I'm feeling the vibes of Covers and Shopping Carts, for some strange reason. It's a classic show, with albeit a new-agey feel - but the gameplay is still old school...
Chico: So you like that.
Gordon: Now if we can only get rid of that ridiculous scoring system where one person, who has played the game completely wrong from the start, can get the last question right and win, though they have done everything else wrong. You want old school? You're like a school on Easter - NO CLASS. That's some Fat Albert/Bill Cosby Old School for you.
Chico: I'm satisfied enough. Okay, when we return, it's the Big Finish, but first, we're celebrating five years, and you get to help! Part 1 of The Big Five is next!


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