"When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is go to the mirror and look at yourself. What you see is an indication of where you are in life."

The words of Al Sharpton as Spike TV launches "I Hate My Job", the poor man's Apprentice meets the poor man's Dream Job. And here are the candidates:

Frank Pace: Job he hates: Shovels manure, converts it into electricity.
Job he wants: Male supermodel.

Brad Rogge: Job he hates: Casino blackjack dealer, exposed to second-hand smoke. Job be wants: Cartoonist.

Ben Tursky: Job he hates: Pool table technician. Job he wants: Stuntman.

Chuck McCarr: Job he hates: Handyman. Job he wants: coaching semi-professional hockey.

Jim Greenly: Job he hates: Stifled attorney. Job he wants: comic.

Jeph Zook: Job he hates: sheet metal foreman, tired of politics. Job he wants: actor.

Art Heideke: Job he hates: selling software. Job he wants: building choppers and motorcycles.

Josh Bernstein: Job he hates: Preschool teacher. Job he wants: club promoter.

Al Sharpton: Job he hates: calling attention to himself. Job he wants: calling attention to himself.

The former eight will be tested on passion, persistence, and performance. If they succeed in their tasks, they'll live their dream lives. If not, it's back on the high road to hell.

Challenge 1: Close One World, Open the Next

In teams of four (Josh/Jim/Art/Jeph vs. Ben/Frank/Chuck/Brad), the players must go to Hollywood and get clothes that suit their new jobs. They have until 8... and they have no money to work with. None. Call it a "if you can see it, you can be it" exercise.

Team One (the three J's and Art) needs to get some money, but how? Team 2 (two B's, a Frank, and a Chuck) stop at a sexy clothing store for some sexy clothing. I can see how this will help Frank, but the others... no. In the end, they help out by dressing the mannequins.

Team One also peddle their services for some gear. Will the lady throw them out? No, she throws them in... to the bathroom. Meanwhile with team two, Frank gets his sexy clothes, while Chuck... gets a surprise hockey jersey! Ben says that Frank looked more like a hooker. Team One also scores, as Jim gets a shirt and jacket. Next stop, a tux shop.

Team 2 gets a helmet for their stuntman Ben. Jeph gets completed with a tux, while Jim gets jeans... and he's done. More odd jobs, and Brad and Jim get t-shirts. Josh is proving to be the big challenge.

Team 2 runs into Suit City looking for a suit for.. well, somebody. They end up modeling suits outside, getting some free pub out and putting Frank in practice mode. After rummaging through the lost and found at the laundromat: Done on 1: Jeph, Josh, Jim. Art still needs gloves. He's willing to jump in a garbage dump to get them. he doesn't have to, as he gets a pair of gloves from a worker's van.

Done on 2: Brad, Frank, Ben. Chuck needs hockey gear. They go vintage for it. Cleaning vintage clothes stores, that is. He's now full-on ready, and we go to dinner.

One more problem, though... How do they get there? Team 1 jumps a utility van. Team 2 gets a ride from a car-wash hottie. "If my husband saw me now." They both make dinner on time. But Team 1 is first, so they get the advantage. And that is... Well, we'll see later. Right now, though. Dinner. "You can break them down more in a social setting than you can in a formal setting, so let's just kick it." We learn that Josh is a character, and that all that was stopping them from quitting was money.

Challenge 2: So You Want to Be a...

As for the advantage, the winning team, Jim, Josh, Jeph, and Art, will get instructions for the next task right now. The losers will get their instructions tomorrow, three hours before zero hour.

Jeph: Recite a Shakespearean monologue in character costume
Josh: Invent a new drink
Art: Fabricate a bike
Jim: Perform a 7-minute comedy set

The next day...

Chuck: Coach two of your fellow participants to coach
Brad: Draw an original cartoon strip
Frank: Walk a runway and perform a signature pose
Ben: Choreograph and execute a two-minute fighting scene.

At the end of this stage, four people will be going home. Ben is first... and it was fun to watch. Jeph is next... very good... until he forgets his lines. Aaaand CUT. Chuck coached Josh and Frank on the flip shot, which Frank masters. Chuck also masters the inspirational speech. Art remodels a beach cruiser... not bad. Brad's strip... lacking. Jim's comedy... Video-worthy. Frank had some practice earlier... but he's working it a little too hard again. As for Josh's drink... "The Monsta"... doesn't go off, as doesn't his blender.

Decision time. After giving some words of wisdom to the players ("If you score tonight, good, if you don't... I'll catch you on the rebound."), Al isolates Jim, Art, Josh, and Frank. These four... are moving on. The others will have nothing but dreams of what once was. They had a dream, but they weren't ready to see it through to reality. At least not in Al's eyes.

Hope to see you on the rebound as well, because next week, these four will have to face their fears... and burn their bridges.