July 4, 2004
Not to mention BB, TPIR and Dirty Rotten Cheater war
Chico: We're back and it's Gordon's turn to talk
Gordon: But first, I present to Lee my bald cap
and papaya hat! Take it, Lee
Lee: (takes the hat) Thanks. Christmas comes
Gordon: We are now playing Ask Dr....Lee! Lee
will be fielding questions from around the game show
world, while we rate him on his answers - and generally
make fun of him. We'll see if he can play the straight
and narrow like Chico did - or have our show pulled -
like I did.
Chico: Wasn't exactly narrow, was I?
Gordon: You didn't cross the line, while I sort
of did the electric slide on
Chico: Riiiight. I was close, though.
Gordon: Did Jason yank YOUR show?
Chico: Nope =p Still thankful.
Gordon: Well, there you go. Lee - are you ready
for the responsibility?
Lee: I will hold the position with the DIGNITY it
Aldo: If I didn't know better, I'd be scared if I
had just joined the
Chico: Anyway, first question from PJ in
Dear Dr. Lee: I like this guy, but I also have the
opportunity to win a million dollars... or not. Which
should I go for? - PJ
Lee: Just look at what happened with Jesse
Palmer in the Bachelor. Reality
TV love DOES NOT work. Go for the money. Go as quickly
as you can. With a million dollars, everyone will be
lining up. Even if you only win.. say... a
dollar...and with a dollar, you'll have enough for two
lines in the local papers. PJ want love. Marriage?
That's how much a dollar will give you. The show's
publicity is worth 15 minutes of a million dollars.
Gordon: See what getting on a reality show will
get you? Cut from your work.
Chico: Okay, next question, Gordon?
Gordon: I'll take this one.
Dear Dr. Lee: I was in Last Comic Standing, and I
think the judging was very unfair - to the point that I
cursed out the producers. How can I use this to help my
new show going to the WB? Signed, Drew. PS. Do you think
the judging was fixed?
Lee: Well, you can easily parlay that into a
contract. Just call "race" or anything (as a American
Idol contestant did!) and you'll be on your
way. Honestly, you weren't that funny. I'd work on my
material if I were you - otherwise, I'll take a Big Mac
value meal, supersized. Diet Coke, too.
Gordon: Do you think that the judging was fixed
so that certain comics got
into the house, regardless of how they did in Vegas?
Lee: To be perfectly frank, I don't believe ANY
of the comics were that
funny. Fixed? I doubt it. They'd have a handy lawsuit
Aldo: What?? Alonzo wasn't funny?
Gordon: To any of the comics reading this, the
correct spelling on the hate
letter should be Lee DiGeorge.
Lee: Alonzo had his moments...the were few and
Chico: I'm pining for Ant myself... no real
reason why, just because every
comic should have a name like Ant.
Gordon: You're pining for ANT??? Too much info. And ANT,
the correct spelling on the love letter should be Chico
Lee: I found Survivor to be funnier than Last
Chico: It's the paradox. The kind of humor you
can only get away with on television. Another letter
Gordon: I believe Aldo has the next letter.
Dear Dr. Lee: I am concerned about all of these
reality game shows popping up. Are they going to be a
fad, or will they stay on forever?
Signed - The heads of CBS, ABC, NBC and FOX
Lee: Because of the voyeuristic tendencies of
the majority of Americans,
the reality TV influx will continually reap benefits
until there is a show that
ultimately leads to someone's death. That show, then,
will become a ratings cash cow.
Aldo: Shades of The Running Man?
Chico: Came close one year. Remember The Chamber?
Gordon: What about from Dog Eat Dog, when someone
had to be sent to the hospital for being unconscious in
a water tank?
Lee: The Running Man, Series 7 (The Contenders),
anything of the sort.
John McEnroe is my hero.
Chico: That was... The CHAIR!!! The Chamber was
Lee: That's right - They both stunk. They
certainly melded together for me.
Gordon: Would you believe that one of those shows sues
the other one for idea stealing?
Chico: We're getting to that later!
Lee: Well... if someone needs to steal one of my
bad ideas, I have a ton.
I won't sue, either.
Gordon: We'll be stealing another question to you
Chico: He might.
Dear Dr. Lee.: Apparently I don't have what it takes
to be the next action star. But looking at it, it's not
necessarily a bad thing. What would you suggest as my
next career move? -Julielinh
Lee: Pick a better reality show to appear on.
No one is watching the Next
Action Star, and for good reason. Get yourself on a
legit show, and you
stardom may rise. I believe they're casting for Average
Jane. It's not MUCH
better... but it's a start.
Chico: Or she can always go back to her old
job... watching clocks all day.
Lee: That job has already been filled by the 40
some odd contestants Ken
Jennings has decimated.
Gordon: I will respectfully disagree. NAS wasn't
that bad, once you got to
episode three. The problem was that not a lot of people
got that far - and the move to Wednesday didn't help.
Chico: Have to side with Gordon here.
Lee: The problem there is that a NEW reality show
needs to get started
strong. If you do not (as NAS did not), you lost all
viewers before the show got going.
Gordon: Agreed - As for a new show, may I suggest
Last Comic Standing - as you can come back to that show,
and even people who didn't get to the finals are doing
well - ask Paul Mercurio.
Lee: I dont know why people think they're
Gordon: Comedy is always a matter of taste
Chico: And speaking of taste, Gordon, next
Dear Dr. Lee: I am very frustrated because I can't
find a good classic game show to work on. I am talented
and I was the hardest working game show emcee two years
ago, but now I'm stuck doing Price is Right tours. Do I
have any shot of replacing Bob Barker as the next host
of the Price is Right? Signed, Todd
Lee: Todd. You do not want to step into Bob's
shoes. They're mighty large
shoes to fill. In my mind, you might want to talk to GSN.
classic game shows are on the down swing being replaced
by the "edgy, new games". My advice? Check your taste at
the door...and host one of these new ones.
Gordon: What show would be good for Dr. Lee?
Lee: Isn't GSN hosting competitive eating?
Gordon: I'm sure someone will
Chico: And even if they aren't, it's a
competition somewhere. One more
question, Aldo, please.
Dear Dr. Lee: I'm an African American woman thinking
of trying out for a dating reality show. However, I
noticed that 99% of the time the minority makes the
first cut - but not the second. Why do you think this is
so? Signed - Kendra
Lee: Wow. Could it be the boundaries of the
society that we live in? Could
it be just individual tastes? I have a better idea,
Kendra. Why don't we have
a minority as THE STAR of a reality dating show. Lets
work on that, and see everything else fall into place.
Let's go to the stations now, Kendra.
Chico: I'm surprised no one even thought about
Lee: As am I, Chico.
Gordon: They have had it - actually - they had
one in Telemundo of a Latino woman - and she had a child
out of wedlock as well. THAT was the TWIST.
Chico: And what a twist that turned out to be.
Gordon: Love the woman, love the kid as well
Lee: Well, as much as I love Telemundo, it misses
the mainstream audience, who needs their horizons
Chico: True. Okay, nice one, Doc. Let's go to
Gordon: When we come back, we get to play a FOX
show - and hopefully get better ratings.
to you by the Last Action Hero Standing... Don't ask!)
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