Episode 8 - May 17
Someone says enough is enough. Is it the data-entry
worker from Olympia, WA, or the sign-language
interpreter from Victorville, CA? And which two past
contestants will fill the Wild Card seat in the pageant?
absolutely no idea, but I guess that's why we watch,
right? Riiiight. First up, Tanya Slovich, the data entry
worker. "No way!" Yeah, she's so hyped. Here comes the
bio. She's very self-conscious. "I think I look ugly."
It started in school, where it all starts for some
reason. That's scarred her for her life. Her husband
thinks that her insecurities hide her from the outside
world. That and the car tint. Cool in the summer, but
not if you want to become visible. That can only be
answered with a nose job, brow lift, cheek & chin
implants, upper lip lift & augmentation, Lasik, tummy
tuck, breast aug & lift, bleaching, upper veneers, gum
surgery, deep cleaning, and a 1700-calorie diet and
otherwise standard wellness protocol.
competition: Merline Norman, the interpreter. Both of
her parents were deaf, and having to witness her dad
flatline and be an interpreter. Sign language was her
first language, and now it pays the bills. Boyfriend
Carlos says that she has to drive 100 miles to work.
"It's work, kids, home." Her sex life was great until
the kids, so maybe her Swan program will rejuvenate
that. On her program: brow lift, upper lip lift, face
lipo and fat transfer, lasik, breast augmentation, tummy
tuck, bleaching, veneers, gum surgery, root canals,
decay repair, deep cleaning, and the same protocol that
Tanya is on.
of these, if the Fox promo is to be believed, doesn't
make it through, thanks to a mirror. Bad, bad.. REALLY
BAD. Anyway, we're at the barracks. Merline begins with
an initial consult with Dr. Haworth. "With some
strategic changes in her fat, I think that's just going
to bring out an exotic, inviting, alluring, almost
mysterious look to her face." And if that doesn't work,
that's what the money-makers are for. You know what I'm
talking about. Mm-hmm.
visits Dr. H later. "What I'm planning is to create some
form of femininity and harmony to her face which, at the
moment, she's lacking." Again, if that doesn't work,
that's what the money-makers are for.
Merline's teeth are, to quote Dr. Worth, "a mess."
Crooks, crowds, and just general decay and infection.
She'll be back five more times before her final reveal.
Can they hold? Probably. She goes to the surgery in high
spirits, as Dr. Dubrow tag-teams with Dr. Haworth. After
a mid-C breast aug and Brigitte Bardot lips, Merline's
up and about.
up and about as well... but she's supposed to be
sleeping. She's anxious about the surgery. "I feel like
I'm going to throw up." With a heart rate of 115, I
might just believe her. After her open rhinoplasty, her
closed breasts, and her open and closed case of a
stomach, we're all done. Dr. Haworth's concerned that
her anxiety may lead her to an emotional meltdown.
Merline's bed-ridden as Dr. H makes a visit. "You look
great, actually!" Says him. Well, he thinks it's smooth
sailing. Tanya's recovery is off to a bad start. A
horrible start. Let's just say she needs to punch
somebody in the face. And then go home. In that order.
Merline isn't faring that better on the transformation
path either, as she is constantly checking up on Carlos
to make sure all her bills are paid. Dude... they're
paid. It's me time now.
Bonecrusher Slovich, who gets a visit from Nely. "You
are having extreme negativity." Needless to say, Nely
pulls out the tape with Tanya's audition video on it.
She wants her back to THAT place. "My biggest goal is to
be positive and not so cynical." Why not? Cynicism
works. In small doses. Meanwhile, Merline heads to the
therapist with her new breasts. All her emotions about
having to be interpreter for her parents come out.
the least of her problems, as she finds out that her
bills are past due. She's toying with the idea of going
home. Meanwhile Tanya has a breakthrough from her mom at
home. "No matter what goes on, you have to finish it."
Good on ya, mom!
month to go. And we're at the Swan mansion with some
unusual circumstances. The Swan security team heard
chatter about a mirror in a contestant's room. A mirror
that wasn't concealed. A mirror that... okay, it's a
mirror, who cares? It was in Tanya's room, and Nely
confronts her about it. Having broken the rules of the
house, she takes fate into her own hands and leaves the
house, only half-transformed.
"I was utterly disappointed," Nely says.
that makes Merline's favorite word in the English
language "default". And in the good way. Now she has
absolutely no idea that Tanya quit. Therefore, this
reveal will be surprising on both fronts. Now when we
remember seeing Merline last, she had no time for
herself. Now she does and it pays off. Still a little
bit of a freaky smile there. But a transformation
nonetheless. "I feel like my inside hasn't met my
outside yet." Well, that's what the Mirror of Fate...
the one that's behind the curtain... is for.
reaction: "Okay, I am as hot as I feel. I love me." Says
it all, really. And so does Amanda when she says "How
badly do you want to be chosen?" And yes those
italics were no accident. Well?
competitor, Tanya Slovich, dropped out of the program.
She went home." Dramatic pause here and... "You're going
to the pageant." And repeat it for emphasis. Tonight's
winner, Merline Norman. That leaves... 15 minutes and
seven Swan losers: Kelly Alemi, Kristy Garza, Tawnya
Cooke, Kathy Rickers, Andrea Morris, Kelly Becker, and
Dawn Goad. Two of them have been invited back to the
mansion to compete for the wild card spot. First lady
out is... Kelly Alemi. An improvement from the end of
week 1. She's been working hard, you can tell. Second
lady out... Kristy Garza. Still a little freaky (but in
a good way!). "It's been maximum overdrive. I've just
been pushing myself to the limit."
it enough? Amanda informs that the woman not chosen
tonight will become an alternate (or, in GSNN parlance,
"George Huff"). The time is now... Going to the pageant
tonight, joining Rachel LaFraser, Cristina Tyree, Cindy
Ingall, Beth Lay, Belinda Bessant, Sarina Voight, Marnie
Regevich, and Merline Norman, is...
And unfortunately for Kristy, no parting medal. But
Kelly will represent for both of her. So here we are.
Nine ugly ducklings transformed and moving forward to
the pageant, where only one can be The Swan. Next week,
in a two-hour what-no-Bernie-Mac? season finale, eight
women are going to learn that the hard way.
know what they said at the top of the series: some will
make it through, but all will be changed forever.