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What do you get when you take
sixteen ugly ducklings, fly them to a mansion with no mirrors,
then have them undergo radical transformations including
plastic surgery, dental work, fitness regimens, and life
coaching, THEN have them compete in a beauty pageant for
hundreds of thousands of dollars in prizes? According to this show, "the
most unusual competition ever devised for television."
Recaps by Chico Alexander, GSNN |
FACT FILE:
Host: Amanda Byram
Experts: Greg Comeaux, Dr. Terry Dubrow, Nely Galan,
Dr. Randal Haworth, Dr. Lynn Ianni, Dr. Sherri Worth
Creator: Nely Galan
EP: Nely Galan, Arthur Smith
Packager: Galan Productions, A. Smith & Co.,
FremantleMedia
Airs: Mondays at 9:00pm ET on FOX |
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Episode 5 - May 3
The transformations continue, as is to be expected.
First up is Andrea Morris, 29, of Westminster, CO. She's
a nose person who peaked in her early 20s. Her acne was
so bad... (Audience: "How bad was it?") Her friend once
called her Scarface. Her boyfriend calls her outgoing
and bubbly, but her insecurities are going to affect him
and little Zachary. And, as expected, her relationship
is hanging in the balance and it's ALL HER FAULT! Her
plan includes a CO2 laser facial, dermatology, nose job,
brow lift, fat removal from cheeks and chin, fat
transfer to lips, Lasik, breast augs, four liposuctions,
zoom bleaching, veneers, gum recontouring, cleaning,
root canal, tooth extraction, 1300-a-day diet, and an
otherwise SWP.
Second, a former model/current nurse from Vegas, Belinda
Bessant, aged 29. Given what we saw in her original
package, if this were to be pulled off, this could be
the first swan to duckling to swan transformation on
this series of the show (the second series is currently
casting). She's been married twice, and both of them
were real pricks (como se dice "abusive alcoholics?").
She basically dreams of someone who will do right by
her, says Belinda, Belinda's mother. What she lives for
now is her son, with whom she periodically feeds
ducks... SYMMMMM-BOLISM! Her plan, and it's a biggie:
brow and midface lift, fat transfer to her lips, two
facial lipos, dermatology, Lasik, breast reduction
(there's a change), breast lift, six body lipos, zoom
bleaching, bridge, veneers, gum tissue recontouring,
cleaning, root canal, and SWP.
Time is a-ticking, so let's get a-clicking. The ladies
head to the apartment, one to heal physical scars, and
one to heal mental ones. First up, Andrea heads to Dr.
Haworth's office. Her initial consult goes over the CO2,
which will vaporize the top layer, a 40 to 70 percent
improvement. Only 40 to 70? What's Fox paying you for
then?
Belinda heads to Jenny Craig, which gets about as much
screen time these days as Amanda. She weighs in at
187.4. Too much. She wants to lose at least 30. Then
it's onto Dr. Dubrow's, where she wants relief from the
symptoms that accompany large breastitude. Yes, I know
that's not a word. Very doable, he says. "She's the kind
of patient we love to see because she has such a great
attitude."
Later, Andrea learns that there's a high price to pay
when you don't brush those pearly whites. At least one
of her teeth is going to have to come out, with decay
and fracture all around. Andrea begins to cry at the
prospect. Moral of the story, twice a day goes a long
way.
We go to the night before surgery, as Belinda calls home
and gets her little one, who wants her to come home
right one. She's convinced that if she doesn't love
herself, she can't love others. That's why she's on the
show for a "big longer". The next day, Dr. Dubrow is
exceptionally hopeful, especially with Belinda's skin
retraction. Cheeseburgers come out of her stomach, hips,
and breasts, while we feminize her face. She comes out
of surgery just fine, but she's going to have to commit
herself to the diet/exercise regimen to finish the job.
Andrea suffers another breakdown before her surgery. Dr.
Haworth thinks that there's going to be a lot of
anxiety. The body work didn't take that long. The face
work didn't take that long either. Now comes the *air
quotes* laser. Just as smooth as the rest of the
procedures. She takes a little while to come out of it.
"Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam." She's lucky
that this isn't Idol. The day after, every part of her
body hurts, as she gets her mask off. It's going to take
a while to heal. How long, and is she ready to face
reality?
Meanwhile, Belinda heads to the recovery retreat, and
she's very strong. A quick recovery means right onto
weight loss. Meanwhile Andrea's body... still hurts. A
week later, she's back on the up and up. But back to
Belinda, who is working on her inner transformation by
trying to put an end to her cycle of abusive
relationships. You think Nely can help? We can try. She
puts up pictures of her exes on a punching bag and tells
her to get mad. She's been slapped, punched, and kicked.
It's time to slap, punch, and kick back. I think I heard
her say "I'm Belinda Bessant, bitch." Having thoroughly
kicked their asses, she tears her past into shreds which
she'll have to clean up later.
While Nely's pleased with one of her prospects, it's
time to come down hard on the other. Andrea gets a
not-really-that-much-of-a-surprise visit. "You lost one
pound." And she tries to argue that she came in weighing
at 145, when the document provided by Jenny Craig
explicitly says 139. People, if you're going to lie,
don't leave evidence. And it doesn't help matters AT ALL
that she pitches a hissy-fit every time she has to weigh
in. And every time at the gym. And she has another
outburst, wanting to go home. Tell ya, on this route,
she just might get her wish. She sees Dr. Ianni to help
her with her anger management. Two words: "control
freak". "It will be her inner transformation that will
challenge her the most," Dr. I says. We'll see, as each
woman has one month ahead of her.
The Swan team reconvenes with Amanda at Swan HQ.
Andrea's biggest concern was with her acne scars, but an
even bigger problem of her conceit loomed. "Hopefully,
she'll go home and realizes that she has some [anger
management] issues to work out," Nely reports. At this
point, the only way she'll enter the pageant is if her
physical transformation is, needless to say, incredible.
It's good, but, not incredible. Makeup was able to
conceal what the CO2 laser didn't get. She says she's
excited to see herself. She doesn't sound excited. Well,
we'll see what she says in a moment. To the Mirror of
Fate!
"Oh... my God... Wow." Sounds like shock as she sees her
teeth for the first time. Too bad that they were the
only thing that really stood out. Now she's gotta keep
those in order, if you follow.
Now the other half of the formula. Belinda had the looks
and lost them. Dr. Ianni thought that she was incredibly
brave. Greg managed 32 pounds out of her. So mission
accomplished on that front. But what about this front?
Time for her reveal... and it's not really what she used
to be modelwise. Still an improvement, though. She has
learned that beauty comes from within. We'll see that
within in a bit as we catwalk over to the Mirror of
Fate.
She's in utter shock. And for good reason. Her butt's
gone. The doctors think she was incredible, and Greg was
amazed by her commitment.
But the question, as is always the question, was it
enough? Remember, our two ladies were judge on who would
make better television. Could go either way. The next
person in the pageant is...
Belinda Bessant. Well, we all saw that coming. Even
Andrea lets out a "You deserve it, girl!" It's time for
Andrea to face harsh reality that she still needs work
to do on the inside. But in the meanwhile, she's
reunited with her boyfriend and little Zachary. Enter
the rest of the family, and we're done for this week.
Next we see Belinda will be at the pageant at the end of
the series. Next week, we've got a two-fer! Because Fox
still can't work out a Monday schedule to save their
lives.
And if you thought our last tooth escapade was bad? You
ain't seen nothing yet. Now if you'll excuse me, I have
to go brush. And floss. And rinse. And maybe floss
again. |
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Previous Episodes
April 5
April 12
April 19
April 26
May 3
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