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What do you get when you take sixteen ugly ducklings, fly them to a mansion with no mirrors, then have them undergo radical transformations including plastic surgery, dental work, fitness regimens, and life coaching, THEN have them compete in a beauty pageant for hundreds of thousands of dollars in prizes? According to this show, "the most unusual competition ever devised for television."

Recaps by Chico Alexander, GSNN


FACT FILE:
Host:
Amanda Byram
Experts: Greg Comeaux, Dr. Terry Dubrow, Nely Galan, Dr. Randal Haworth, Dr. Lynn Ianni, Dr. Sherri Worth
Creator: Nely Galan
EP: Nely Galan, Arthur Smith
Packager: Galan Productions, A. Smith & Co., FremantleMedia
Airs: Mondays at 8:00pm ET on FOX


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Episode 6/7 - May 10

Ugh. Seizure-inducing intros. Damn you, Fox.

The okay, just there Sarina Voight of Denver is set to go through the Swan wringer. Seems like your run-of-the-mill Plain Jane when, out of nowhere, comes yet another case of the ex. Said ex, goes by the name of Lucky, said he made some bad choices. Time to move forward, but she has some trouble doing that. Maybe a brow and mid-face lift, fat transfer from upper eyelids to her lips, mole removal, fotofacial, Lasik, six liposuctions, zoom bleaching, gum recontouring, deep cleaning, orthodontics, and SWP will help.

And looking at that last bit, seems like Sarina isn't the only one who could use some mole removal. Amanda, I'm talking to you.

Next up, Kelly Becker, one of the normal kids who suddenly got a freaky nose at the time when people got a freaky sense about her nose. She tried out to be a pro cheerleader... well, tried to. It's more of a mental thing. Which is really weird, because the rest of her family is fine with her, as is her boyfriend. She really needs to change from the inside out. Well, the inside she can do on her own, but first comes the outside: nose job, brow lift, facial impants, fat transfers, lip augs, ear lobe reduction, mole removal (who is the Mole?), Restylane line filler, zoom bleacing, veneers, gum surgery, and deep cleaning. Kelly's the only Swannabe who needs to put on weight, so she's going on a 2300-calorie diet and muscle building regimen.

And by the way, we're all thinking this about Amanda, but... "moley, moley, moley..."

And so the journey begins. Kelly's initial consult, and Dr. Haworth totally needs to redo her face, especially her nose, which sets her off. Cross town, Sarina meets with Dr. Dubrow, who addresses her brows, her liposuction, and her calves. Sounds easy right? Right. Then comes the weigh-in... at 174.6. She needs to lose 30. Kelly on the other hand, is at a meager 102.8 fully clothed. At five-foot-three. Greg needs to gain 15 pounds of muscle.

Sarina starts her journey with surgery. And yes, Lucky, this is all your fault! Sarina is trucked to surgery, where Dr. Dubrow starts and unhealthy obsession with her bone structure. And as soon as you can say "suction punch", we're done. And she's still a bit loopy. Meanwhile, Kelly calls home, and boyfriend Eathan is wondering about her cheek implants. Why? No clue. "Maybe she'd look kinda scary." Oh, right. Not really supportive, but that's just the editing talking. Next, the nose job and the cheek implants. Looks like we're done, as Kelly wakes up in good spirits.

Now comes the whole "struggle through adversity" portion of the show. First comes Kelly, as she questions the results of her procedures. Kelly's anxious, but her face is healing normally. The cast comes off today, and as we see, nothing major goes wrong. Meanwhile Sarina makes a call... to Lucky. And another. And another. This calls for a call to Nely (LATER!). Another call put Eathan as someone who's upset at Kelly's letter. Again, the editing talking. Her expressions and insecurities come up in therapy. Dr. I stems it back to being bullied.

Sarina gets all the support she needs, though... albeit from the wrong place. This calls for a house call, as Nely basically puts her on a Darth Vader notice. You know. "You can dispense with the pleasantries. I have come to put you back on schedule." She wants her 100 percent focused on her.

Fastforward a month, and we're at the Swan Mansion for the final reveal. First up, Sarina, who sees "the ultimate Plain Jane" and has separation anxiety with her ex. Was she able to overcome to focus on herself? Looks like it. She looks great. She feels great. She reclaimed herself, as she said. She's not so plain anymore, you would say. But what about her. Let's go to the mirror...

Shriek! Shriek again! And again! Okay, Lucky's gone and Sarina's back. "I think Plain Jane's left the building." Oh yeah.

But is it plain in comparison to Kelly? Remember, she just had self-esteem hangups due to her nose, her overtly freakish boyfriend, and her bullied childhood. Is it time to cheer yet? Well, sorta. I mean, her face does look freakish, but it's her lips that are doing most of the freaking, not the cheeks. But check out the cheerleader guns on her. Will she jump for joy at the Mirror of Fate? Let's watch.

No jumping, but a lot of "Oh my God!" "I look absolutely beautiful!" Well she's happy. Self-pinchingly happy.

But who will be happy after the pageant entry reveal? Remember, we're judging on vocals, performance, and overall pop-star appeal. And if you look closely, the cameras add some digital flesh on the left side of Sarina's smile for... some... reason. After a nationwide vote of only the experts, the ticket to the Swan Pageant goes to... Sarina Voight. Dr. I cites finally letting go of other people, while Kelly has was Nely says "a head start for the rest of her life." And here to witness that, it's her family, including her brother who looks like he could use a Swan makeover of his own.

Well, no boyfriend for Kelly, but plenty of time to keep on keeping on for Sarina, as she prepares herself for the next phase: the pageant. Meanwhile... instead of your local news, we have an extra hour to fill, sooo...

Let's bring forth two more duckies, shall we? First, Marnie Regevich of Chesterfield, MI, a 35-year-old who feels 60. She feels like she never gets anything done. Excited about having a family, she had to go through the torment of him not wanting to be around for them. The mother vouches for her daughter, while she goes on about "her kids' father". Well, looks like she needs some time for herself. All the running around has made her look gone in. To fix it, the Swan team prescribes a face lift, fat removal under her baggy eyes, lip injection, breast augs, four liposuctions, zoom teeth bleaching & deep cleaning, a full set of veneers, bridges, muscle building, therapy, and coaching.

Next up, Hilbreth, IN's Dawn Goad, who says that after three kids, everything went downhill. Even her husband says that she hasn't felt good about herself. Her big problem: smiling with her mouth closed due to extensive tooth decay and gappage. Her parents divorced at age 2, and it seemed like her mother resented having to raise her by herself. We see the teeth work that Dr. Worth has ahead of her... and it isn't a pretty sight. Dawn's plan: a face lift, fat removal, nose and cheek refinements, collagen injections, fotofacials, botox, nipple lift, breast augs, tummy tuck, body lipo, laser hair removal, EXTENSIVE dental work including partials, gum surgery, deep cleaning, root canals, extractions, bridges, & veneers, and SWP.

Let's go to the mirrorless mansion, where Dawn and Marnie work to restore their self-confidence and let go of their past. Dawn's case is one of the worst that Dr. Worth's ever seen, so her initial consult is at the dentist. "I'm not even sure that we're going to be entirely successful." Not a good sign, especially given that her caps come right off. It takes a full day's work to basically reconstruct her mouth. "I think she'll maintain all that we've done, but if she doesn't, she'll probably lose all of her teeth." Ouch.

Meanwhile, Dr. Haworth sees Marnie's baggage... below her eyes. From there, he goes to the breasts. Insert crass remark here. He draws out the plan for her breast augmentations, face lift, and calf work. Dawn, on the other hand, survives her teeth work to go see Dr. Dubrow. He's going for a tummy tuck, a breast aug, and a skin pinch for her face.

Marnie is a little nervous the night before, as she commits herself to the program through prayer. The day of, Dr. Haworth reiterates that her face is very strong, and nothing is set in stone. He finishes up her eye bags, her man calves, and small-C breasts. "Let's close her!" We're done, and we went well. Dr. H's pleased. Marnie just wants to sleep a little longer.

Dawn's surgery finally upon us, Dr. Dubrow is hopeful, as Dawn's not too concerned. We mark her for battle, and go into it head first. "Showtime!" We start with breast augs, as we try to even out her chest line. Her body work goes off without a hitch, while her face also gets Dr. D's seal of approval. But with all of the work done, will she be ready for the pageant, especially with her migraine triggers?

Marnie has a spell of doubt herself, as she removes her head dress. Dr. Haworth stresses that non-cooperation will delay her recovery time. "It's mandatory in my practice, and if she doesn't wear it, her skin will become loose and droopy." Dr. Dubrow has his own share of problems, as Dawn has a little nosebleed with a large packing. She struggles to stay in the game.

And now the requisite tongue-lashing from Nely. "Marnie, you're not wearing your chin strap!" She later learns that she also isn't wearing her girdle. This could be a problem. Dawn's challenge is slightly larger... as is her waist line. Nely visits her to toss all the Atkins-approved crap in favor of a regulated diet. Greg needs to step it up in the gym, as he shows her 15 pounds of lard. "I want it off. I want it off now."

Talk about your shock therapy. And it doesn't end there, as Marnie only gives about a quarter of her all in the gym. Greg's going to have to do some babysitting. Minute his back's turned, it's back to "but Mommy, I don't want to do the hard work..." Her lack of motivation may turn on her.

Dawn's been working hard, but her away-from-home life is starting to take a toll. She carries that into therapy, as she tries to learn from her mother's mistakes. Dawn's motivation drives her to write, while Marnie's motivation... well, let's move on, because she really doesn't have any. Nely pays a second visit, as Marnie thinks that the depression will go away when she sees herself. Nely says now is the time for it. Two breakthroughs... one month to go.

That month seemed like four minutes, as we go over Marnie's path again. Depression lead to lack of motivation. Lack of motivation lead to a rocky path. A rocky path leads to... well, this. Not a bad turnaround, as she looks years younger. She feels wonderful, but she has to see it for herself. That's what the Mirror of Fate is for. "Marnie, go for it."

She covers her eyes? Guess she's still working her way up to it. She doesn't believe it. "Oh, I believe it." So what whipped her to shape? Guess we'll find out later.

Right now, Dawn, the woman who never wanted to smile but now "has a Mercedes in her mouth", tried to learn from her mother's mistakes while overcoming her own spell of doubt. End result: A Mercedes in her mouth and two hams on her chest. She wants to smile now, and she can't wait to see them. To the Mirror of Fate!

Gasp! "Look at that smile! Doesn't even look like me. My husband's gonna die." She's definitely been Swanned. But question again, is it enough? Amanda's back with the reveal. Joining Sarina in the Swan Pageant is... Marnie Regevich. Dr. Haworth cites a dramatic transformation in her emotions. Nely can't say the same for Dawn, but she's proud nonetheless. But Dawn says it was win-win. "Go home and see my family." Well, not in that order, as her family moles her MEETS HER at the mansion gates.

As for Marnie, she goes to the Pageant, still with one mole HOLE to fill. And did someone mention a dramatic twist? Yeah, there's always one of those. We'll see what this is next week.

Mole.

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