Episode 6/7 - May 10
Ugh. Seizure-inducing intros. Damn you, Fox.
just there Sarina Voight of Denver is set to go through
the Swan wringer. Seems like your run-of-the-mill Plain
Jane when, out of nowhere, comes yet another case of the
ex. Said ex, goes by the name of Lucky, said he made
some bad choices. Time to move forward, but she has some
trouble doing that. Maybe a brow and mid-face lift, fat
transfer from upper eyelids to her lips, mole removal,
fotofacial, Lasik, six liposuctions, zoom bleaching, gum
recontouring, deep cleaning, orthodontics, and SWP will
looking at that last bit, seems like Sarina isn't the
only one who could use some mole removal. Amanda, I'm
talking to you.
Kelly Becker, one of the normal kids who suddenly got a
freaky nose at the time when people got a freaky sense
about her nose. She tried out to be a pro cheerleader...
well, tried to. It's more of a mental thing. Which is
really weird, because the rest of her family is fine
with her, as is her boyfriend. She really needs to
change from the inside out. Well, the inside she can do
on her own, but first comes the outside: nose job, brow
lift, facial impants, fat transfers, lip augs, ear lobe
reduction, mole removal (who is the Mole?), Restylane
line filler, zoom bleacing, veneers, gum surgery, and
deep cleaning. Kelly's the only Swannabe who needs to
put on weight, so she's going on a 2300-calorie diet and
muscle building regimen.
the way, we're all thinking this about Amanda, but... "moley,
the journey begins. Kelly's initial consult, and Dr.
Haworth totally needs to redo her face, especially her
nose, which sets her off. Cross town, Sarina meets with
Dr. Dubrow, who addresses her brows, her liposuction,
and her calves. Sounds easy right? Right. Then comes the
weigh-in... at 174.6. She needs to lose 30. Kelly on the
other hand, is at a meager 102.8 fully clothed. At
five-foot-three. Greg needs to gain 15 pounds of muscle.
starts her journey with surgery. And yes, Lucky, this is
all your fault! Sarina is trucked to surgery, where Dr.
Dubrow starts and unhealthy obsession with her bone
structure. And as soon as you can say "suction punch",
we're done. And she's still a bit loopy. Meanwhile,
Kelly calls home, and boyfriend Eathan is wondering
about her cheek implants. Why? No clue. "Maybe she'd
look kinda scary." Oh, right. Not really supportive, but
that's just the editing talking. Next, the nose job and
the cheek implants. Looks like we're done, as Kelly
wakes up in good spirits.
comes the whole "struggle through adversity" portion of
the show. First comes Kelly, as she questions the
results of her procedures. Kelly's anxious, but her face
is healing normally. The cast comes off today, and as we
see, nothing major goes wrong. Meanwhile Sarina makes a
call... to Lucky. And another. And another. This calls
for a call to Nely (LATER!). Another call put Eathan as
someone who's upset at Kelly's letter. Again, the
editing talking. Her expressions and insecurities come
up in therapy. Dr. I stems it back to being bullied.
gets all the support she needs, though... albeit from
the wrong place. This calls for a house call, as Nely
basically puts her on a Darth Vader notice. You know.
"You can dispense with the pleasantries. I have come to
put you back on schedule." She wants her 100 percent
focused on her.
Fastforward a month, and we're at the Swan Mansion for
the final reveal. First up, Sarina, who sees "the
ultimate Plain Jane" and has separation anxiety with her
ex. Was she able to overcome to focus on herself? Looks
like it. She looks great. She feels great. She reclaimed
herself, as she said. She's not so plain anymore, you
would say. But what about her. Let's go to the mirror...
Shriek again! And again! Okay, Lucky's gone and Sarina's
back. "I think Plain Jane's left the building." Oh yeah.
it plain in comparison to Kelly? Remember, she just had
self-esteem hangups due to her nose, her overtly
freakish boyfriend, and her bullied childhood. Is it
time to cheer yet? Well, sorta. I mean, her face does
look freakish, but it's her lips that are doing most of
the freaking, not the cheeks. But check out the
cheerleader guns on her. Will she jump for joy at the
Mirror of Fate? Let's watch.
jumping, but a lot of "Oh my God!" "I look absolutely
beautiful!" Well she's happy. Self-pinchingly happy.
will be happy after the pageant entry reveal? Remember,
we're judging on vocals, performance, and overall
pop-star appeal. And if you look closely, the cameras
add some digital flesh on the left side of Sarina's
smile for... some... reason. After a nationwide vote of
only the experts, the ticket to the Swan Pageant goes
to... Sarina Voight. Dr. I cites finally letting go of
other people, while Kelly has was Nely says "a head
start for the rest of her life." And here to witness
that, it's her family, including her brother who looks
like he could use a Swan makeover of his own.
boyfriend for Kelly, but plenty of time to keep on
keeping on for Sarina, as she prepares herself for the
next phase: the pageant. Meanwhile... instead of your
local news, we have an extra hour to fill, sooo...
bring forth two more duckies, shall we? First, Marnie
Regevich of Chesterfield, MI, a 35-year-old who feels
60. She feels like she never gets anything done. Excited
about having a family, she had to go through the torment
of him not wanting to be around for them. The mother
vouches for her daughter, while she goes on about "her
kids' father". Well, looks like she needs some time for
herself. All the running around has made her look gone
in. To fix it, the Swan team prescribes a face lift, fat
removal under her baggy eyes, lip injection, breast augs,
four liposuctions, zoom teeth bleaching & deep cleaning,
a full set of veneers, bridges, muscle building,
therapy, and coaching.
Hilbreth, IN's Dawn Goad, who says that after three
kids, everything went downhill. Even her husband says
that she hasn't felt good about herself. Her big
problem: smiling with her mouth closed due to extensive
tooth decay and gappage. Her parents divorced at age 2,
and it seemed like her mother resented having to raise
her by herself. We see the teeth work that Dr. Worth has
ahead of her... and it isn't a pretty sight. Dawn's
plan: a face lift, fat removal, nose and cheek
refinements, collagen injections, fotofacials, botox,
nipple lift, breast augs, tummy tuck, body lipo, laser
hair removal, EXTENSIVE dental work including partials,
gum surgery, deep cleaning, root canals, extractions,
bridges, & veneers, and SWP.
to the mirrorless mansion, where Dawn and Marnie work to
restore their self-confidence and let go of their past.
Dawn's case is one of the worst that Dr. Worth's ever
seen, so her initial consult is at the dentist. "I'm not
even sure that we're going to be entirely successful."
Not a good sign, especially given that her caps come
right off. It takes a full day's work to basically
reconstruct her mouth. "I think she'll maintain all that
we've done, but if she doesn't, she'll probably lose all
of her teeth." Ouch.
Meanwhile, Dr. Haworth sees Marnie's baggage... below
her eyes. From there, he goes to the breasts. Insert
crass remark here. He draws out the plan for her breast
augmentations, face lift, and calf work. Dawn, on the
other hand, survives her teeth work to go see Dr. Dubrow.
He's going for a tummy tuck, a breast aug, and a skin
pinch for her face.
is a little nervous the night before, as she commits
herself to the program through prayer. The day of, Dr.
Haworth reiterates that her face is very strong, and
nothing is set in stone. He finishes up her eye bags,
her man calves, and small-C breasts. "Let's close her!"
We're done, and we went well. Dr. H's pleased. Marnie
just wants to sleep a little longer.
surgery finally upon us, Dr. Dubrow is hopeful, as
Dawn's not too concerned. We mark her for battle, and go
into it head first. "Showtime!" We start with breast
augs, as we try to even out her chest line. Her body
work goes off without a hitch, while her face also gets
Dr. D's seal of approval. But with all of the work done,
will she be ready for the pageant, especially with her
has a spell of doubt herself, as she removes her head
dress. Dr. Haworth stresses that non-cooperation will
delay her recovery time. "It's mandatory in my practice,
and if she doesn't wear it, her skin will become loose
and droopy." Dr. Dubrow has his own share of problems,
as Dawn has a little nosebleed with a large packing. She
struggles to stay in the game.
the requisite tongue-lashing from Nely. "Marnie, you're
not wearing your chin strap!" She later learns that she
also isn't wearing her girdle. This could be a problem.
Dawn's challenge is slightly larger... as is her waist
line. Nely visits her to toss all the Atkins-approved
crap in favor of a regulated diet. Greg needs to step it
up in the gym, as he shows her 15 pounds of lard. "I
want it off. I want it off now."
about your shock therapy. And it doesn't end there, as
Marnie only gives about a quarter of her all in the gym.
Greg's going to have to do some babysitting. Minute his
back's turned, it's back to "but Mommy, I don't want to
do the hard work..." Her lack of motivation may turn on
been working hard, but her away-from-home life is
starting to take a toll. She carries that into therapy,
as she tries to learn from her mother's mistakes. Dawn's
motivation drives her to write, while Marnie's
motivation... well, let's move on, because she really
doesn't have any. Nely pays a second visit, as Marnie
thinks that the depression will go away when she sees
herself. Nely says now is the time for it. Two
breakthroughs... one month to go.
month seemed like four minutes, as we go over Marnie's
path again. Depression lead to lack of motivation. Lack
of motivation lead to a rocky path. A rocky path leads
to... well, this. Not a bad turnaround, as she looks
years younger. She feels wonderful, but she has to see
it for herself. That's what the Mirror of Fate is for. "Marnie,
go for it."
covers her eyes? Guess she's still working her way up to
it. She doesn't believe it. "Oh, I believe it." So what
whipped her to shape? Guess we'll find out later.
now, Dawn, the woman who never wanted to smile but now
"has a Mercedes in her mouth", tried to learn from her
mother's mistakes while overcoming her own spell of
doubt. End result: A Mercedes in her mouth and two hams
on her chest. She wants to smile now, and she can't wait
to see them. To the Mirror of Fate!
"Look at that smile! Doesn't even look like me. My
husband's gonna die." She's definitely been Swanned. But
question again, is it enough? Amanda's back with the
reveal. Joining Sarina in the Swan Pageant is... Marnie
Regevich. Dr. Haworth cites a dramatic transformation in
her emotions. Nely can't say the same for Dawn, but
she's proud nonetheless. But Dawn says it was win-win.
"Go home and see my family." Well, not in that order, as
her family moles her MEETS HER at the mansion gates.
Marnie, she goes to the Pageant, still with one mole
HOLE to fill. And did someone mention a dramatic twist?
Yeah, there's always one of those. We'll see what this
is next week.