"Being a Player
Advances World Peace"
- August 18
Last week, the boys were playing some three-on-three
with the Detroit Shock in hopes of playing three-on-one
with Dawn. As soon as the games were over, two players -
one in the middle of his date - were sent home with
nothing but their shattered egos... And if you thought
egos were shattered before, you haven't even seen the
pageant we thought up!
Like the intelligent folk
that chose not to watch this, Dawn finds this living
arrangement "awkward", with 10 horny guys and three hot
girls under the same roof. Quoted song lyric #1 from
Eian: "Forget about game, I'mma spit the truth." If you
know what comes after that, then you know where Eian's
mind is right now... and it's not on Dawn at the moment.
Well, at least we have one mind here.
Next day, it's the
Play-Op with some more news...
Play-Op: My sources
tell me that some of you have mad style. Get ready for
the Player Pageant. You'll receive further instructions
from Dawn at your first destination.
Unlike last week, first thing on Alex's
mind is not: "I need some sneakers." The guys
meet Dawn at a thrift store with some news from the
Play-Op. Each player will have one hour and $25 at the
thrift store. Choose wisely, for four of the players
will sail away on a yacht with Dawn. The rest are doomed
to cook. Count JJ among the cookers, as once again, he
spots some bling and just goes inaudible on us.
So after we get some
gear on... and yes, it's stereotypically tacky, we head
to the pool, where the players will be judged on style,
physical fitness in a bathing suit, and the interview by
Trever sports oversized
clod-hoppers, while Eian, Alex, and Chyno go the more
stylish route. The rest of them... just don't match...
At all. Marvin doesn't even bother with the suit,
just selling himself on T-shirt and red pants. And a
swimsuit/interview competition. I'm overblinged, myself.
The questions on the interview: "How does being a player
advance world peace?" and "If you had to choose either
Jinelle or Ananda to be eliminated from this game, who
would you choose and why?" Defining moment in bravado:
Eian said that he would eliminate Jinelle, because
"she's a hater."
Time to sash a few
people. Getting the top prize today are Chyno (Mr.
Applebottom), Trever (Mr. Sweet Teeth), Alex (Mr.
Smooth), and Byron (Mr. Mad Threats). Dawn has one more
sash to give out, and it goes to our man Eian. Because
there are no haters in this game, Eian is named Mr.
Played Out. The prize: a one-way ticket to Palookaville.
No sooner than Eian is
escorted off the stage than the rest of the cast starts
Alex is the find of the
world (and the bar) on the yacht as the players enjoy
their yacht ride. Meanwhile Marvin, Ben, JJ, Ryan, and
Acie have to cook a four-course meal for Ananda, Jinelle,
Dawn, and their four dates. The guys are thinking "crazy
jazz" in the kitchen. Most of it comes from JJ, whom
Marvin thinks lacks style and sophistication.
Ingredients are gathered, and now it's back to Kitchen
Stadium to work some game on these...
Back on the yacht,
diving, jet-skiing, scaring Dawn to death, and some
spa-time with Trever. He calls her a pretty girl, which
she says only helps "if they're having sex or
something". Alex gives our girl a massage as he's
starting to grow some feelings. Byron takes here away to
some strawberries and chocolate, you know, the kind of
things sex is made of. Dawn, needless to say, starts
falling for the four.
Back in the kitchen,
Marvin can't stress enough that dinner may determine
who's going next. "JJ don't know what the hell he's
doing." Nope, not with a big-ass salad bowl. The rest of
the guys don't gel as well, as not one... okay, MAYBE
one... has ever cooked anything outside dogs and
Dinner time, and Marvin
serves as dinner host, and his dish is up first. Looks
good, really. Too bad Dawn can't get his cockiness out
of her head. Neither can Jinelle or Ananda; that could
cost him. Meanwhile, Acie is busying himself with
candles and bathwater in case he can't save himself with
his fish. Ben and JJ's presentation makes up for the
fact that they had no clue what they were doing. The
dessert, cannoli, topped it off, as Dawn says that the
guys who stayed at home outshadowed the guys who went on
the date. End result: everyone's invited to a slumber
party at Dawn's!
Acie pulls Jinelle aside
to show him his bathroom mastercraft, telling her to get
Dawn up there. She does, and she's so taken aback that
she actually postpones the jammy jam for another 90
Dawn takes her clothes
off as instructed and waits for Acie to make "an
entrance." Chyno notices Acie getting ready, calling it
"fake". He doubts if he'll pull it off. He does, massage
and all. Marvin greets him with this: "I put up the bar,
and you done raised it." Just like Marvin's a lawyer,
Acie's career is... dealing with women.
The rest of the guys get
knackered up for the slumber party, which, once it
starts, turns out to be way too tame for the likes of
Trever and JJ, so they and Ben take the party to Jinelle
and Ananda's room, and they go completely Metallica on
it. And if that wasn't pathetic enough, JJ's baring his
Ben jumps naked from the
second floor balcony to the pool, and the rest of the
story pretty much writes itself: Jinelle and Ananda
return to find their room a complete mess. Dawn is not
amused, and JJ, being the proverbial manchild, pleads
his case. He stays around for the night with Trever and
Ben... but it could be JUST for the night.
JJ doesn't want to get
eliminated. Ben doesn't want to get eliminated. Marvin
doesn't think he's going to be eliminated. Well
someone's about to get eliminated, because it's
elimination time. Jinelle nominates Marvin. Ananda guts
JJ. Marvin says that his actions will speak louder than
his words, and he plans on dominating should he remain.
JJ apologizes for last night, and tries to lobby for
more good times like the last episode. Dawn sees that
he's learned from that, and for that, he stays. Marvin
asks for a rebuttal. Dawn denies.
So obviously, this isn't
a dating show, it's just a sad excuse for one
domineering fool of a woman to just prove that she's no
smarter than the rest of us. Because seeing someone who
obviously thinks he's above himself... and seeing a
woman who's likewise... and they're not together... you
know something's amiss.
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I think my cannoli's done. Live to play another day.