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If you have a sports dream, then they have the sports stunts, as three people will compete in various challenge to try to win a sports fantasy for a loved one.

Recaps by Chris Wolvie, GSNN


FACT FILE:
Host:
George Gray
Creator: Transworld International (based on a British series)
Packager: Transworld International, Mass Media, EOE
Airs: Tuesdays/Early Wednesdays at 12am ET on ESPN


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Episode 2 - October 5
 

Three brave, brave men once again put their asses and egos on the line in three sick stunts (called "sacrifices") to test their endurance to PAIN and SHAME. Should they beat the others, they go on to the INSANE Final Stunt and, should they win that, they'll get the sports fantasy of a lifetime... for someone else.

Let's meet the shmoes putting their butts in check and for whom said butts will be sacrificed:

JOHN OWENS
Age: 40
From: Pueblo, CO
Profession: Business Owner
Playing for: Chad Danielson
Relation: Brother-in-law
Dream: Take batting practice with the New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium

ERDOLO EROMO
Age: 22
From: Los Angeles, CA
Profession: Counselor
Playing for: Ersno Eromo
Relation: Brother
Dream: See a live game and practice with Liverpool of the English Premiere League

ROB FEDERIGHI
Age: 32
From: Chicago, IL
Profession: Actor
Playing for: Rob Federighi, Sr.
Relation: Father (duh!)
Dream: Play catch with Rob in the outfield at Wrigley Field in Chicago

(And, just like in "Fear Factor", ESPN wants to cover their asses. So they let you know that these stunts are put together and overseen by "trained professionals" [whatever THAT means]. So do yourself and your lawyers a HUGE favor and DON'T DO ANYTHING THEY'RE DOING!)

SACRIFICE 1: PAIN - KICK RETURN IN THE HEAD

The three teams drive their Ford F-150 trucks to the San Diego Sports Arena, where the San Diego Riptide play in the Arena Football League.  They are met by former "National Lampoon Greek Games" host George Gray, who explains that the first "sacrifice" is very simple. All they have to do is run back three kickoffs in this AFL field. The one who runs it back for the most total yards in three kicks wins.

The guys get suited up in pads and Erdolo is randomly selected to start. They start just like a regular football game, with the coin flip and choosing sides between the Riptide and the Los Angeles Avengers. There's one thing, though: BOTH teams have elected to kick! That means that Erdolo will be alone against BOTH TEAMS! The GOOD news (if you want to call it that) is that there will only be eight players going after him.

George then explains how the three kicks will work. The player will stand at one goal line while the eight defenders kick-off from the other goal line (just like in the AFL). The ball will bounce off netting ten yards deep in the end zone and the player will grab it and run like hell. The defenders are not allowed to move until specific things happen for each kick. At the first kick they can only leave the goal line when the player touches the ball, the second will have them running when the ball hits the net...and, on the THIRD kick, they run at the player as soon as the foot contacts the ball. Yardage will be score from the goal line and they can't LOSE yards if they're tackled in or behind the end zone. A whistle will indicate when the defenders will take off.

Erdolo stands at one goal line, the eight defenders at the other. They kick the ball high, deep and into the net. As soon as Erdolo nabs it, the whistle blows and defenders take off. But... Erdolo must hear an echo in the empty arena because he claims to hear a second whistle and, having played football himself, he automatically slows down thinking the play is over. This gives a defender a chance to... well, to LEVEL him! George reminds everyone to remember the rules he laid out. At least Erdolo got 18 yards out of it. The second kick hits the net and, again, the guy is thrown off by the whistle. The ball bounces into the end zone and into the padding beyond. By the time Erdolo grabs it, the defenders are more-or-less right on him. He gets tackled in the end zone for 0 yards.... and gets angry at his tackler lording over him. The final kick... well, considering he never TOUCHED the ball before the defenders arrived and flattened him,... you can guess he got no yards... and got no love for the defenders. So his total is 18 yards.

It's Rob's turn... and Rob, Sr. is nervous for him. Rob used to be a QB... which means - unless you're Michael Vick - you can run for beans. The first kick hits the net and takes a few bounces before Rob picks it up and bolts towards the defenders, who ALSO bolt. He gets pushed to the ground by a defender...but it's after he runs 19 yards, which means he knocked Erdolo out with ONE return! The second kick hits the netting and bounces at the goal line, where Rob picks it up and runs at the already-running defenders. He has great form and tries a deke, but a defender nails him against the boards at the 18-yard line. Rob, Sr. starts to get nervous and wants Rob to stop now while he's ahead.

Still, "Dad" knows Rob won't walk off since, according to him, "He hasn't listened to me in 20 years." And he's right: Rob DOESN'T walk off. But HIS third kick is as successful as Erdolo's, though he DOES manage to catch the ball right off the net. Still, it's 0 yards for a grand total of 37.

John has to get 38 yards further to win... and Chad gives him some pointers, having watched the other two very carefully. He trash-talks the players as they kick for the first time. The ball goes through the narrow uprights and into the slacked net, bouncing against the back wall. John picks it up 15 yards deep and does his best to make up for lost yards... but he trips on the turf and falls to the ground at the 17-yard line, tying Erdolo's first return. The second return strikes the net and John catches it on the fly and sprints hard. He gets CLOBBERED after 15 yards, but he's still spry enough to cuss out the defenders. John needs a final run of more than 5 yards to win. But it's not gonna happen; John manages to field the ball... and get nailed by the defenders a half-second later in the end zone. He only managed 32 total yards, so that means Rob is going to the Final! But, hey, the 40-year-old John is PUMPED and happy to have done this.

SACRIFICE 2: PAIN - A "HONEY" OF A MINI-GOLF GAME

The next day, the trucks pull up to Malibu Castle, a miniature golf course. Some of them have already figured that this will be a mini-golf game with some sort of twist. George greets them again and says, "All you have to do is play three holes of miniature golf. The one with the lowest score after three holes wins the sacrifice."

Sounds easy enough, right?

Oh, yeah... there's one other thing (and John wonders beforehand what "the catch" is): the players have to play the holes... while covered with 150,000 bees! The players will be sprayed with a special pheromone that will attract the bees to them (while minimizing the stings). They will then be covered from head to waist with as many bees as possible and they will REMAINED covered until they finish all three holes. John HATES the catch because he has a fear of bugs... but, hey, this is a good time to get over it.

John's first as George and Chad don beekeeper masks to keep THEMSELVES safe. The first hole was a struggle, since the bees were covering his goggles. It's a relatively simple hole, but it took five strokes to
complete it. The second holes a little bit more difficult, with a swinging pole right over the hole. As John started getting stung by 13 bees (hope that, when they signed up, the guys mentioned they're not allergic), he sinks it in three strokes. The final hole is a three-point turn which John uses four shots to sink. His final score is 11 as he goes into the clubhouse... and gets the bees sprayed off of him.

The next stinger victim is Rob, whose whole FACE is practically covered with bees! He gets stung in the fingertip after the first stroke... but winced through to get the first hole complete in four shots. The second takes five big strokes to get it past the swinging pole, but he STILL had a chance to take the lead if he two-putted the final hole. His first two shots got him on the "green",... but he muffed the 12th shot and closed the book on his chance to win two sacrifices.

Erdolo did NOT look happy to have all the bees on him, even trying to blow one off his lip. Add to that the fact that he's no Tiger Woods by ANY stretch... and you can see where this is headed, right? He DOES sink the first shot in three, the best first hole round of the day. The second hole, however, was his undoing. His first shot was pathetically weak. The second shot - despite a nasty sting during the swing - went right against the hole... but the swinging pole knocked it away. The pole was playing the role of "Patrick Roy" with Erdolo; every shot he sent towards the hole was batted away. Finally, after missing the eighth shot of the hole, he surrendered, since there was no way he could win. This gave John the victory and the advancement to the Finals!

SACRIFICE 3: SHAME - THE "SKINS" GAME

It's a bit of a drive for the teams to the entertainment capital of the U.S., Las Vegas. Why haul themselves to Sin City? Well, the guys find out exactly why when they meet George in front of a billboard. George explains that a lot of boxing matches take place in Vegas... and the key component in boxing is fancy footwork. Well, the guys are going to get the chance to show off THEIR footwork... in front of 700 screaming fans... with... the Chippendale dancers, a famous group of male strippers!

They will be performing in a REAL show in front of 35 score of screaming women (single and otherwise)... stripping down from the trademark tuxedo worn by the dancers... all the way down to their necktie and an itty-bitty "marble-bag" thong bathing suit. After the performance, 100 of the ladies will toss fake poker chips into the players' hats. The one that has the most chips from the girls wins the sacrifice.

They first have to learn HOW to dance like strippers, so they get some pointers from a real Chippendale dancer named David on how best to shake their body, rub their abs and make the ladies DROOL! Afterwards, David says that John was very cocky but very decent... and that Erdolo was "up to something" since he laid low and watched more than participated. No word on how bad Rob was.

That night, at the Rio, the nerves kicked in as the DJ of the house egged the "sexually agitated" ladies on. John is the first to perform... and he's the only married man of the group. Well, he might be sleeping in the doghouse (or, at least, Chad's house) because he worked that crowd like a pro, though most of the gestures went towards his crotch. He even pulled down his pants and shook his bare flabby ass at the ladies before pulling the pants back up and packing it in... so to speak. Next is Erdolo, who knows he HAS to win this in order to get into the Finals and get his bro "across the pond". He has the most-tuned bod of the group and he uses it to pump the crowd up and dance like nobody's business. His brother even wonders who the guy is and what he's done with Erdolo. Lastly comes Rob, completely shirtless and shaking and dancing like a wild man... much to his papa's chagrin.

But they're not through. They only TEASED the crowds, not given them the almost-Full Monty. So all three get out to take off their pants and shake those things! Erdolo goes overboard, though, and jumps on top of one of the giant speakers in the club to do HIS thing. Rob and John were more cordial and more reserved... but Erdolo was wiggling like he was naked on an iceberg!

Then it was time for the judging. The women tossed money into the hats as well as the poker chips (no clue if the men got to KEEP the money they earned). Rob noticed that a fair amount of the chips seemed to go into Erdolo's hat... and he was hoping he was wrong. Afterwards, George then informs the three poor-excuses-for-strippers that they're going to count the chips overnight and leave the men hanging as to who won.

Speaking of "hanging", he can't stand to see what's hanging on the guys and URGES them to get their pants on!!

The next day, George meets the players and their teammates on an airfield back in California where the Ultimate Sports Fantasy Bar has been erected. George then has good news and bad news for Erdolo. The BAD NEWS is... he danced TERRIBLY the other night. The GOOD news is... he danced better than Rob and John did! 49 of the 100 chips passed out last night went into Erdolo's hat... and, since it only took 34 to win, Erdolo's hopes for sending his bro-in-law to England are STILL alive!

FINAL: INSANE - EDDIE RICKEN-SOCCER

Once again, all three have made the Final Stunt. And the task that can win one of them the sports fantasy of their loved-one's lifetime is scoring some soccer goals... from 100 feet up... and from a moving bi-plane!

The players will be strapped to the top wing of a stunt bi-plane. The plane will be taken up to several hundred feet and, then, make passes at a regulation soccer field. A toggle switch will be strapped to the player's waist, each with three buttons, one for each of three soccer balls attached to the BOTTOM of the plane. Press a button and a ball will drop. After all three balls are released (no matter how many passes it takes), the player must then unstrap himself and climb into the cockpit... while the plane is still flying at close to 100 MPH.  Whoever scores the most goals will win the Final!

John is the first to try this game of aerial football. He's freaked at first but he swallows his pride and gets strapped in. He takes off and raises his arms as if psyched... or giving up, I can't tell. On the first pass of the field, he drops two balls at once... and they both sail OVER the net. He claims later that dropping two was strategy, but it worked against him. The plane makes another pass and John drops the final ball... and, again, it sails over the net. He unstraps himself and gets down into the cockpit, upset at how poorly he's done. But he still believes in miracles... and knows that Erdolo cracks under pressure.

Erdolo is next up... literally. He nearly craps in his pants as the plane takes off... but he does his best to stay focused as the plane makes its first pass towards the goal. John and Chad watch carefully, hoping for three misses so that Chad's dream of hitting with Jeter and A-Rod stays true. Erdolo drops the first ball and... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! HIS strategy was to drop balls as he passed over the OTHER goal net, not at midfield like John. John and Chad are bummed... and Erdolo becomes more confident. He becomes SO confident, in fact, that he nets the OTHER two balls as well! Ersno joins his brother when he touches down...and go into a really weird victory dance.

It's all down to Rob, now. If he's going to have a chance to get he and his dad onto the Wrigley Field outfield to toss the horsehide around with other Cubbies, he needs to net all three balls and force a tie. He's nervous about the turns the plane is going to make but thinks that, after the first one, he'll be all right. The wind starts to kick up a bit as the plane takes off and swings by the nets. Lord knows WHAT was going through Rob's head as he passed the field,... but he drops ALL THREE BALLS on that one pass... and only ONE went in! Once again, a person flubs the two PAIN sacrifices, makes good in the SHAME and then wins the INSANE to get a dream for someone else! Rob, Sr. is proud enough of Rob, Jr... and that just makes Rob teary-eyed. But, just like most Cubs seasons, they'll have to "wait till next year".

PRIZE: Ersno Eromo will be flown over to London, England, then travel to Liverpool where he will practice with the English Premiere League's team there... then sit back in a front row seat with a custom red jersey of the team and relax to WATCH Liverpool face a rival Premiere League team for 90 minutes of action.

Wait a second... RELAX?! At a European soccer match?!? He better have a Kevlar vest and a six-pack of tear gas to get ready for this!

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