Game Show NewsNet

Episode 2 - July 20

There was action to satisfy people who wanted to see hot chicks, and as for good games...well, there was action to satisfy people who wanted to see hot chicks. Welcome to Part 2 of the competition. Here are the results after round 1 -

Males

Deltas - 16
Nasty Boys - 7
Zits - 7
Alphas - 6

Women -

Goths - 11
Ingas - 8
Kuties - 6
Buxoms - 4

We have such lovely events as the dance and dive, the marshmallow run, the surf girl challenge, the baklava challenge, and the burping challenge. Sound enthused? Me neither, but I have to recap this, so here we go.

We start with the male dance and dive. They get to dance and then dive. Like the insult and belly flop, they get judged on the dancing and the diving. The Nasties start - and the double somersault was nice enough for 28 points. The Alphas strip tease to the tightey-whiteys and then dives - but he comes up short...er... a point at 27. The Deltas flips on both the board and the air - and that also gets him a 28. The Zits do their best Screech impersonation en route to a...29. Wha? George - "What's next? A plague of locusts?"

The women are next. The ingas start off with a J-Lo rendition, which only gets her a 22. The Buxom woman slaps her butt and dives backwards - and that gets her a 26. The Goths do a 'Tied to the Tracks' vaudeville number to a belly flop of her own - and the dance impression impresses them with a 27. Can the Kuties win it with a Charlie Chaplin impersonation? No - but she can tie it, as they share the gold.

We get another profile - this time a Love Profile between Diana of the Kuties and Jader of the Nasty Boys. Sigh. We get a mock food fight as the love birds continue. Let's move on to...

A sickening urine challenge sketch. Can we go back to the love scene? Please?

Next up - the tog-a-war. Gold goes to the Alphas/Buxoms, Silver to the Deltas/Kuties and Bronze to the Nasty Boyz/Goths. Whoopie.

Then we have the burping contest. The contestants have 3 minutes to get the best burp - and only the best score will count. Jader starts for the Nasties - and maybe his mind is on love after all - he gets a weak 16 point belch. The Alphas are even lamer with 8 points. The Zits, who can talk and burp at the same time, gets 22, and the Deltas get 27. Second round - and Jader burps - and barfs - along with pure visual glory with alternating brown and clear liquid. Gross, gross, gross - but gets him a 26. The Deltas improve to a 29, but the Zits hold their burp for a good 15 seconds, which gets him a perfect 30 and the match.

Just when you think it couldn't get worse, we get the marshmallow run. The women get to stick 5 marshmallows in their armpits and 5 in their pants. They then have to run the race and eat one marshmallow from their armpit - and one that was in their nether regions. What exactly were the producers on when they were creating this? To make a long recap short, the Kuties come in first, then the Buxoms, then the Ingas.

We interrupt the competition to get a profile on how to look like a Goth girl. It's as funny as it sounds. Go Pale! Go Frightening! Go Goth! What will happen if they win the trip and go to a (gasp!) hot island and have a chance to be tan? Oh, the horror...

Next up - the surf girl challenge. This sounds promising - the girl has to change from clothes to swimsuit - using only a towel. I can't wait to see the look on Steve Beverly's face when they are talking about this. This could have been very tasteless, but the women know what they are doing and it is fine. Well, it's fine for the people who remember to bring their clothes with them, but both the Kuties and the Goth chicks are disqualified. The Ingas come in first, with the Buxoms in second.

The pool antics continue with the granny race - the women swim to one side to grab the granny clothing - which the guys are wearing. They then switch clothes and the women have to swim to the other side. The Kuties/Deltas once again take first, followed by the Goths/Nasties and the Ingas/Zits.

Pool Party Part 3 - Geek Tossing. Two guys from each fraternity throw a geek for distance. This geek looks surprisingly like Michael Pipkin, from the Stallion Battalion. Well, that's what you get for finishing in 7th in an 8 team league and getting swept out of the quarterfinals. The Delta's 14' beat the Zits 10' 7", The Nasties go for 11' and the Alphas go for 10' 4". The Deltas win this won - just like they've won almost every other one.

That was the last men's event. The last women's event? The human baklava contest. The women have to cover themselves in syrup, roll over in nuts, and then stuff bread in their bra and panties. The woman who gets the most weight gain wins. Is this tasteless? Absolutely. Will I be enjoying this? Absolutely. The Ingas move to 5.8 pounds, which beats the Kuties 4.1. The Buxoms get 6.1 pounds, which is what the Goths need to win. They do, as they get 7.3 pounds. To conclude the tastelessness, Petros eats the bread from the Kuties bikini. To conclude the tastelessness from George's angle, we get slow-mo video of the women washing themselves off. Nice.

We get a recap and a highlight reel of the past 2 episodes. After that, Dr Pluto comes back announces that the winning fraternity is the... Delta Dogs!, and the winning sorority is the... Goth Girls! Pluto extinguishes the flaming cheese as everyone drop into the pool.

Final Standings -

Deltas - 35
Nasty Boys - 18
Zits - 18
Alphas - 12

Women -

Goths - 25
Kuties - 24
Buxoms - 20
Ingas - 15

We end this debacle by seeing Fattacus's big ass, the judges partying, and the Goths smashing plates on their head. Nice. Fade to credits.

My take? Easily, the worst piece of dreck that I have seen this year. I really hope that George Gray was paid well for this one - or maybe he was so hard-up for cash that he had to take it. Chico owes me for taking this one. There is nothing redeeming, either game-wise or taste-wise, for this, and this easily earns my first F of the year.

If this doesn't air another new episode, then good riddance. If it does, then I'll be back to savage it again.