"Who Says Beauty
Queens Don't Eat?" - July 27
PIT STOP: BAHIA LOPEZ, ARGENTINA
The wacky Racers traveled cross-country (Argentina being
the country) to the region of Patagonia last time, and
Colin & Christie (Team Type A) have taken over the lead.
Marshall & Lance (Team Pizza Brothers) are in last place
now. Jim & Marsha (Team Wounded Knee) gave it the old
military try but couldn't help be eliminated.
A welcome 12-hour respite from the Race is enjoyed by
one and all. But Brandon & Nicole (Models) are still
watching their backs, since they've made and broken many
alliances...and it may come back to bite them in their
At 3:10am, Team Type A start of leg 4 with this clue:
ROUTE INFO: The guns of the battleship "Aurora" fired
the first shots of the Russian Revolution. Go find it in
St. Petersburg, Russia. Take a marked Jeep to the
Bariloche Bus Station and get tickets to Buenos Aires (a
20-hour bus ride away). Then book a flight to St.
Petersburg (over 8000 miles away) and, once there, find
the "Aurora" to find your next clue. You have $241 for
this leg of the Race.
Colin & Christie hope they make the least number of
mistakes so that they'll STAY in front. But it'll be
tough because, eleven minutes behind them, Charla &
Mirna (Team Hi-Lo) are just as determined to pull
ahead... and almost as disgusted at Brandon & Nicole for
their betrayal. Fortunately, the Models are WELL behind
them. Bob & Joyce (Team Net-Widowers) leave over an hour
after Team Type A.
Speaking of them, they arrive at the bus station and
immediately ask about schedules. But before they could
get much info, Charla & Mirna show up asking the same
thing. The two start to argue about who will talk to the
Meanwhile, the other
teams leave the PIT STOP for the bus terminal. Linda &
Karen (Team Bowling Moms) and Chip & Kim (Married
Parents) go the wrong way and all the others motor to
make it to the long line waiting to by tickets. Marshall
& Lance depart 2 hours and 34 minutes behind the
leaders... and are shocked that they've agreed with each
other all the way. By 6am, they all arrive at the
station... and they all wait for the opening of the El
Valle ticket counter.
Oh, wait... not QUITE all. Colin & Christie decided to
see what OTHER bus companies are there. The same
employee informs them that Via Bariloche has a bus that
departs THREE HOURS SOONER that El Valle... but arrives
at the same time since it had more stops to make. Still,
it's more comfortable so they stand in front of that
counter until it opens at 7am. At this, Team Pizza
Brothers and Team Hi-Lo get on line behind them,
followed swiftly by every other team. With all in the
line, some decide to retain the order they had on the
OTHER line. But other teams argue the point and a
shouting match ensues between them.
Then Colin & Christie do
a sneaky thing; they buy out the remaining eight tickets
on the earlier bus, specifically to keep "Mirna and
Shmirna" off the bus. They give the other tickets to
Brandon & Nicole, Marshall & Lance and Chip & Kim. The
four teams then decide to research and try to get on the
same flight. Since they have three extra hours to kill,
they walk to the nearest travel agent and book the best
flight to Russia they can.
At 9:30am, Team Hi-Lo, Team Twins, Team Bowling Moms and
Team Net-Widowers board the earlier (though slower) bus.
Back at the travel agent, it turns out that ONE team can
get on a slightly earlier flight. Lance has no problem
letting Colin & Christie go on that earlier flight
because they bought the bus tickets. The Married Parents
agree... but the Models look like they don't like the
idea. Like it or not, they board the 12noon bus and head
off on their long bus ride to the Argentine capital.
BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA
At 7:52am the next day, the El Valle bus arrives and the
four teams get off and grab taxis to the Buenos Aries
International Airport. 11 minutes later, the Via
Bariloche bus arrives and the four teams on THAT bus
depart... but the Models go their OWN way, leaving the
other three scratching their heads... and hoping to get
the earlier flight.
At the airport, Team
Hi-Lo gets on a Swiss Air flight's priority list. Bob &
Joyce get a flight to Madrid and look for another
airline to book them from Spain to Russia. Kami & Karli
and Linda & Karen form a temp alliance to get tickets on
Iberia Airlines together. The conniving Models arrive
alone and get on the phone to get on the earlier flight.
As a group of nuns
descend on the escalator, they get a flight on British
Airways... though it's not the one Colin & Christie are
Team Type A leave on the
earliest flight, making connections in Sao Paulo,
Uruguay and Paris, France. While the Married Parents and
Team Pizza Brothers get THEIR reservations, in walks the
Models to get THEIR spots on the British Airwaves flight
(which is via Sao Paulo and London, England). When the
other teams find out about this, Marshall retorts, "I
ain't mad at 'em but... they're scumbags!" Charla &
Mirna are out of luck with Swiss Air, since they have no
seats left... and they scramble to find a flight while
Team Pizza Brothers and Chip & Kim and Marshall & Lance
depart for Madrid, then to Frankfurt, Germany and
finally to St. Petersburg.
Meanwhile, Team Net-Widowers find out they reserved the
wrong tickets for their Air France flight. See, they got
"business class", the first-class seats of international
travel... and the rules of the Race FORBID anyone from
flying any way but "economy class". The BAD news is, if
Charla & Mirna are right, there ARE no more economy
tickets to St. Petersburg LEFT for the day. But the
Net-Widowers don't give up... and find a Lufthansa
flight there. They get booked on the flight... which
happens to be the same one Kami & Karli and Linda &
Karen are on. The three teams make their way to Madrid,
where Bob & Joyce will jump on a flight to Frankfurt and
let the other two teams connect via Paris.
This leaves Team Hi-Lo having gone from second to last
in a Moscow minute. However, they check the flights one
more time for cancellations... and they FIND one where a
group has cancelled! Best of all, THEIR flight only has
ONE stopover in Frankfurt... so they COULD jump back
into the thick of it.
"Oh, my God..." is what Mirna mutters when she sees
Marshall & Lance and Chip & Kim show up, waiting for the
same flight in Frankfurt, Germany! They ARE back in the
ST. PETERSBURG (formerly
It's a chilly day in the once-capital of Russian Empire
and place of the death of the final Czar as Colin &
Christie find a taxi to take them to the battleship
"Aurora". Brandon & Nicole aren't too far behind. Team
Type A arrives at the battleship, climb up near the
turrets and find a...
DETOUR: BLOCK FIVE SHOTS OR DRINK ONE SHOT?
BLOCK FIVE SHOTS: Hockey
is a big sport in Russia, so head down to a
nearby CKA Hockey Rink, put on protective gear and -
working together -
block five slapshots by professional hockey players.
Once the fifth
shot is deflected BY YOU, the coach will give you the
DRINK ONE SHOT: Travel a longer distance to the Anichkov
perform a Cossack tradition: balance a shot of vodka on
a saber and
drink it without dropping or grabbing the glass. When
both of you do
this correctly, the next clue is yours.
Team Type A say they HAVE to do DRINK ONE SHOT. As they
hop into the taxi, the Models arrive and decide on BLOCK
FIVE SHOTS since Brandon's uncomfortable drinking
vodka...despite Nicole's objections.
At Anichkov Palace, Colin & Christie find a bunch of
dancing Russians and a line of sabers. Colin takes a
sword and a helper balances a shot glass of vodka on it.
The idea is to tilt the sword so that the glass hits
your mouth and still keeps contact with the sword until
the vodka is gone. Colin does this without a hitch.
Christie has a LITTLE difficulty, but is successful.
They grab the clue to the cheering Russians and,
departing, rip it open:
ROUTE INFO: Find the Bronze Horseman (a large statue of
the founder of the city, Peter the Great) in the middle
of the city to get your next clue.
Meanwhile, at the CKA Hockey Rink, the Models are
arguing; Nicole REALLY doesn't want to have pucks
slamming her while Brandon REALLY doesn't want to drink
vodka. Nicole hasn't skated since she was 5... and it
shows. "If this hurts," she says to Brandon, "you're in
a LOT of trouble." Brandon falls on his ass after
missing the first shot, but Nicole deflects the next
one. Brandon misses the next one, but stops the next
two. With confidence, they block two of the next four,
get the next clue and "gets the puck outta there"!
While the Models were blocking shots, Team Type A find
the Bronze Horseman where the next clue says:
ROUTE INFO: Hope you're hungry; head for the Old Tower
Restaurant in the town of Pushkin to obtain your next
Later, back at the airport, Team Hi-Lo, Team Pizza
Brothers and the Married Parents touch-down at last and
head for the battleship, with Chip & Kim (as always, as
they say) bringing up the rear.
As Brandon & Nicole find the statue, Colin & Christie
arrive at the restaurant and run right into a...
ROAD BLOCK: ("Who's got a taste for the good life") You
must consume one kilogram (2.205 pounds) of caviar (fish
eggs). You may drink as much water and juice as needed
but you must swallow all of the caviar. Once you
are finished, the waiter will give you your next clue.
The team is CERTAIN it's an eating task and Colin's
certain that he can't keep it down. So Christie
volunteers. Upon looking at the large bowl of black fish
eggs, however, it makes HER stomach turn a bit. She
swallows a huge spoonful reluctantly and Colin warns her
about eating too much too fast. Spoonful by spoonful,
sip by sip, she downs the caviar and chases it with
water and juice (and a little rubbing from Colin)... and
Meanwhile, Charla & Mirna and Marshall & Lance arrive at
the battleship and grab the DETOUR, both deciding to
DRINK (though Charla changes her mind and they decide to
BLOCK instead). As both teams leave, Chip & Kim arrive,
find the clue and choose DRINK as well. At the rink,
Charla looks... rather cute in the kiddie hockey
uniform, but it DOES give the shooters a few square feet
more room to score. Meanwhile, Team Pizza Brothers
arrive at the Palace and have no problem chugging the
vodka down on the sword. As they leave with the clue,
the Married Parents arrive and down THEIR shots. While
the brothers have trouble finding the statue (and
Marshall has trouble with his knees in the cold
weather), the parents take a taxi and beat them there.
Team Hi-Lo blocks THEIR five shots and grabs a cab to
the statue, then to the restaurant behind the other two.
Back at the restaurant, the Models arrive and loudly
announce that Nicole will do the task. This churns
Christie's stomach even more than the caviar. Brandon
thinks Nicole can swallow a kilo easy... until he
actually SEES the bowl. And, when Nicole TASTES it...
she frowns greatly. Christie's not doing much better,
starting to cry as Colin tries to consul her. She's
ready to give up with some ounces to go...and Nicole
claims to be full. Brandon thinks the Race is over since
NOBODY is going to get past this ROAD BLOCK... but Colin
is confident EVERYONE will do it... INCLUDING Christie.
In comes the Married
Parents, with Chip volunteering to "taste the good
life". He freaks at all the caviar he has to gobble up,
but he starts to rush through them while the "full"
girls watch helplessly. As Marshall and Charla join the
eatery crowd, Chip shovels the caviar down... and
finishes first! The self-proclaimed "stragglers" have a
chance to win a leg!
ROUTE INFO - PIT STOP: Choose a horse-drawn open sleigh
outside the restaurant and ride it to Catherine's Palace
(the 300-year-old palace built by Peter the Great for
his wife, Catherine the Great), the next PIT STOP.
WARNING: the last team to check in will be ELIMINATED!
Chip & Kim have no
problem finding a sleigh and relaxing en route to the
Palace, chanting "We're number one!" all the way. Back
inside, though, the others are STILL choking down their
caviar... though, for some reason, Marshall is handling
it better that the ladies are. Christie has, in fact,
given up...but Colin will hear NONE of it and all but
demands Christie to finish, since Charla and Marshall
are going to pass them! Christie takes the last
spoonfuls begrudgingly... and everyone applauds her as
she and Colin depart.
PIT STOP: CATHERINE'S PALACE, PUSHKIN, RUSSIA
The Married Parents jog up the steps and into the Palace
to meet Phil, who tells them the news they NEVER thought
they would hear: "Chip & Kim, you are team number one!"
They are so happy to be in the lead... and they are
determined to STAY there.
Meanwhile, the fish-egg eating contest continues between
Marshall, Nicole and Charla... well, between Marshall
and Charla. Nicole just feels sick after barely TOUCHING
the caviar. She even curls up in a ball on the floor,
feeling nauseous. Marshall cleans his bowl and he and
Lance depart in third place while Charla struggles. Team
Hi-Lo DOES finish, though, leaving the Models on the
Colin & Christie arrive
at the PIT STOP in second. Colin is very proud of
Christie for sucking it up and downing that caviar.
Marshall & Lance are happy with third and Charla & Mirna
do their traditional hug of Phil after coming in fourth.
Uh, wait a second... (counts off teams)... that's only
five teams... and
the Race currently has eight. Oh, yeah... Team Bowling
Moms and Team
Twins arrive in St. Petersburg far behind the lead pack
and race to the battleship. They both decide to DRINK on
the DETOUR. Team Net-Widowers arrive at the airport in
last, but still think positively (and rightfully so,
since Nicole's STILL on the floor). THEY decide to BLOCK
instead. Linda & Karen and Kami & Karli drink with
little difficulty and go looking for the Bronze
Horseman. Bob & Joyce manage to block five shots easily
and, likewise, head for the Horseman. It's Twins, Moms
and Net-Widowers heading towards the ROAD BLOCK.
At said ROAD BLOCK, Nicole is on her back in a makeshift
bed inside the restaurant. She's still conscious and
drinking herbal tea... but still fairly ill. Still, she
decides to try another bite and see what happens. She
shivers at the first spoon, but she trudges on with
Brandon's encouragement. Finally, she chokes down the
last spoonful and they take off for Catherine's Palace,
assured of fifth place... and proclaiming their love on
That puts pressure on the last three teams. Team Twins
and Team Bowling Moms arrive at the same time,
nominating Karli and Linda respectively to choke down
the fish eggs. Karli has problems after a while, but
Linda RIPS through the bowl and passes them into sixth
place. Karli manages to choke it down and she and Kami
get to the PITSTOP... in seventh, but still in the Race.
Joyce shovels the caviar down (not knowing that the Race
was over for
them before they even made the restaurant) and she and
Bob arrive to
the bad news: the over 8000 miles they traveled over the
last few days
is as far as Team Net-Widowers will be going. Still,
they DID make it
to the Eastern Hemisphere... and they're blessed with
"second love" and
the end of their loneliness.