Episode 3.5 - October 20
"It's my money there to win" - Jeff Cash, Raleigh, NC.
"I've started to like competition - it makes me strive
harder." - Tracy Sheldon, Washington, DC.
consider myself to be a small guy." - Sal Ulloa,
all the guys are going to underestimate me." - Raylene
Zatarani, Cypress, TX.
the speed to accomplish the task." - Melissa Gable,
Lucas is about competition...I want to compete against
people at their best." - John Lucas, Brooklyn, NY.
Those aren't the people who originated those quotes
(though it sort of makes it cool, doesn't it?). Those
are your 6 contestants for this week - but we will be
down to 4 rather quickly as we see the first stunt,
which has a rather simple concept to it. The player is
dangling from a rope attached to a helicopter. All you
have to do is hang on as the copter tries to shake you
off by thrashing you in the water at speeds up to 45
miles per hour. The man and woman who hangs on for the
least amount of time will not be hearing Joe Rogan say
"Fear is not a factor for you."
Sal, the shortest person there, has the biggest mouth,
as he is asking people if their bags are packed yet.
Hoping that her bags will not be packed for her is
Michelle, who goes first, and she loses her bikini
bottom. Ohhh la la. She holds on until we see her and
her blurred out bits fall from the rope at 31 seconds.
Tracy is next - and we see a very nice full bloomed tree
tattoo on her shoulder. Her tree doesn't wilt, but her
shorts does as we have the second defrocked female
contestant. Her chances on the show may have started to
wilt as well - she only stays on for 28 seconds, which
means that Melissa gets to keep her shorts - and chances
of winning the game - on.
Raylene has a boyfriend, but she thinks that Jeff is hot
- but only that she wants to beat Jeff's time. While she
is getting ready to lose her bottoms, Joe is making fun
of the women by saying that they never even got to 25
miles per hour on the copter. Raylene should have been
concentrating less on Jeff (or her missing shorts) and
more on the stunt - she only stays on for 23 seconds -
and she follows her trunks as she disappears in the
Will the guys be losing their shorts? Sal says that he
was a member of the marines - and he continues to talk
trash. We all know what that means - he will probably be
going bye-bye in the first stunt.
Jeff does not want to go bye-bye. The Fear Factor TV
people do not want him - or any of the guys - to lose
their shorts - hence the guys, instead of wearing skimpy
speedos, are wearing big fluffy gym-like pants. He sets
a decent time of 52 seconds...
...but will it be enough? John Lucas, who played for
Kansas State in the 90's, tells his kids that "Daddy is
going to do it!" He doesn't mention what 'it' is, but if
'it' was about beating Jeff's time, then he doesn't have
the 'it' factor. Jeff only hangs on for 51 seconds
(ouch), and Jeff gets to stay on.
If the man with the big mouth can hang on, then he can
send the now-whining John home. "He's got a lot of
heart, but he's built like a 12 year old vegetarian, and
that's going to hurt him." says Joe. Since Sal can not
use his mouth to grab on to the rope, I will have to
agree, and we are all right, as the mini-me-marine only
hangs on for a mini 3 seconds. "I don't remember letting
go...next thing I see is the helicopter leaving without
me." Everyone else will be leaving without you too, Sal.
We start the next stunt in a pasture, filled with tall
green grass, a ranch in the distance, and... the mooing
of big cows. I believe they are there to make sure that
the contestants aren't steered in the wrong direction
(yuk, yuk, yuk).
Joe pulls over a blanket to reveal the next stunt - a
glass bucket filled with cow eye balls. Yummy. But you
don't have to eat the eyes. You have to puncture the
membrane and spit the juice from the membrane into the
glass. After you get enough cow juice in there to
surpass a line in the glass, you have to drink what's in
the glass. The three quickest drinkers will get to
experience the cowcophany of the final stunt.
Melissa starts off the she-bang. "It tasted kind of
salty, like dirt water." She gets it done in 1:41, which
seems like a half-way decent time, but she did drop a
few eye-balls and that could cost her. Tracy was next -
and she goes for the big eyeballs, because they make
more juice in them. That seems to be the right strategy,
as she turns in a sweet time of 1:07. All of a sudden,
that 1:41 doesn't look too hot.
John, as a personal goal, wants to beat the 1:07 - but
all he has to do is beat 1:41. He admits that he is
squeamish in eating gross stuff - and this would
certainly qualify as gross stuff. He is grossed out -
and that, plus the fact that he didn't pick big
eyeballs, does not give him first - but the 1:21 it
still good enough to advance.
It's all down to Jeff. Like Melissa, he also drops a few
eyeballs, but he was quicker than Melissa and he gets it
done in 1:27. That's enough for her to go home. "I think
it was the luck of the draw...I had to go first and set
the standard." I have to agree with her - she got the
horned end of the deal.
Jeff, John and Tracy remain to look at the final stunt -
but we get an interlude first. John says he will finally
finish first, Tracy says that may the best woman win,
and Jeff says that the money is all his.
Now for the final stunt - contestants have to transfer
as many as 15 flags from one side to the other. Here's
the catch - they will have to be running on the roofs of
2 dump trucks. The trucks will be swaying from 4 to 6
feet away from each other, so the contestants need to
pick their spots. Whoever can get the most amount of
flags across without falling off of the trucks wins.
Tracy, the best woman (because she is the only woman
left) goes first. She doesn't fall off, but after 9
flags, she nails her knee on the side of the truck and
she calls it quits.
John needs to beat 9 flags in 2:06. Joe likes to point
out that John has had surgery on his knee, but John says
that it will not be a factor. It isn't, as he gets the
first 14. He goes for the maximum 15...but....he can't
make the final jump. 14 in 1:49 is still excellent, but
it is possible that he can lose yet again by a very slim
And if that happens, Jeff will be the person that he
loses to all three times. Jeff says that pacing himself
is the key to winning this, although John disagrees.
Jeff is also moving much slower than John, so it's
apparent that Jeff needs to get all 15 flags. Jeff is
starting to stumble at the 7 flag mark, and John is
starting to talk trash. The trash works - Jeff falls off
the truck at 9 flags, so John makes sure that the third
time is a charm. Of course, $50,000 can make you feel
pretty charmed, too.