May 29, 2003

It's time once again for a race around the world! There are 12 teams, with one million dollars to be won for the first team across the finish line. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is The Amazing Race - series four! Let's the games begin!

As the stretch hummers arrive, let's introduce the teams. Some of them have some opening thoughts, so I've included them as well:

1. Tian/Jaree: Friends/models/thrill seekers from Miami Beach, FL. "Easier for us to catch a ride/get info"

2. Steve/Dave: Air traffic controllers from Chicago. "Gonna do our darndest to do AR without breaking a sweat."

3. Chip/Reichen: Married from Beverly Hills: "Not going to be made to feel inadequate because we're a gay married couple"

4. Millie/Chuck: Dating 12 years, virgins from Chatanooga, TN: "Scared of commitment".

5. Steve/Josh: Corrections officer and son from Santa Barbara and L.A.: "Trying to find common ground".

6. Russell/Cindy: Close friends from Hermosa Beach and L.A.: Cindy wants to take relationship to the next level.

7. Monica/Sheree: NFL wives and mothers from Atlanta: "hope the husbands will cheer for us".

8. David/Jeff: Bachelors from L.A.: "extremely confident that we'll finish first"

9. Amanda/Chris: Dating 5 years from Sioux Falls SD: "other teams will underestimate us"

10. Kelly/Jon: recently engaged, from Miami: "relationship will be tested"

11. Debra/Steve: married parents from Indiana: "fat, forty, but fun!"

12. Jon/Al: circus clowns (!!) from Long Island, NY: "two fun guys going to have a good time!"

Who will put it all together to win the Amazing Race? (I'm secretly pulling for the clowns).

There are 13 legs in the race, various tasks, cash for expenses (save for plane tickets), pit stops are at 9 of 13 legs: so get there fast! Last at each pit stop is eliminated. Unless of course someone does something stupid like take a taxi when there's specific instructions to walk... right Harvard law students??

Phil: Everybody ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck. Travel safe.

GO!

And they're off to center field of their start point - Dodger Stadium - to find out that they're going to Milan, Italy!

There are three flights, which they must choose from:

Swiss air - 4 teams
Lufthansa - 3 teams
KLM - 5 teams

But first it's a race to the SUVs, and you have to navigate out of Dodger Stadium. At this point, Tian/Jaree are already behind - they've dropped a bag!

(roll titles)

Russell/Cindy are excited because they already know the pit stop location. David/Jeff can't find their way out, and Tian/Jaree still aren't going anywhere, as their trunk won't close. One of the sits in the back and tries to hold it down, but to no avail. They are issued a replacement car - but no time allowance is made.

Back on the road, Amanda is cussing, and Steve is ratting out Josh. Millie then tells Chuck to focus! And the battle continues. Steve/Dave plot the best way to the airport, as do Monica/Sheree - but there's a cop on everyone's tails! No tickets though. Russell/Cindy then decide to make a left turn where they shouldn't (no mention of a penalty?) But they're first in the parking. Tian/Jaree are still lagging behind, now they're lost!

Russell/Cindy are first on Lufthansa. Chip/Reichen and Jon/Kelly meet in the shuttle bus, but when they stop to pick up Monica/Sheree, they convince the driver to keep going!

Jon/Al are first on Swiss Air. Millie/Chuck and Amanda/Chris grab the rest of the Lufthansa seats. This then means Chip/Reichen's efforts are in vain. Kelly/Jon then secure SwissAir, as well as Steve/Josh, who manage to also grab tickets for Steve/Dave, which does not bode well for Monica/Sheree, because they were the next in line!

Due to their poor navigational skills (more than anything else), this ensures that Debra/Steve, David/Jeff, Tian/Jaree (who are already locking horns), Monica/Sheree and Chip/Reichen are all on the KLM which is a full hour behind the first flight.

And phew, time for a commercial! But kudos to CBS: 20 straight minutes without an ad break!

As previously mentioned, Milan is the first destination. When they get there, they have to get to the Galeria Victoria Emmanuel. At the airport, problems delay the Swiss Air flight, so that the previous 45-minute lead is down to ten. The first six teams get off their planes relatively close to each other. But what about Steve/Dave? Well, remember, they don't like to exert energy: thus they're using the moving walkway... not a way to win a race, guys!

Steve/Josh are excited to be in Italy, as they've never been out of the country before. Meanwhile, Steve/Dave are haggling taxi prices. C'mon guys, lets get going!!

Kelly/Jon are first to the route info. Their task is to search in the galleria for bus tickets, which leave at two, four and six am (four teams per bus). The time information is located on the side of the box, but once they pull out a ticket, they must keep it and can't trade in for another.

Kelly/Jon and Russell/Cindy are the first two on the 4am bus. Amanda/Chris then find the 4am ticket but decide to go searching for the others. Al/Jon, everyone's favourite clowns, are more than happy to get seats on the second bus. Millie/Chuck are first for the 2am bus, and then pass this info onto Amanda/Chris.

At 3.20 pm, the last plane arrives. Getting off, Debra falls, but picks herself up. Chip/Reichen and David/Jeff then decide to take the commuter train into the city, which doesn't really help their cause (taxis may cost $, but at least it's the quickest way).

Steve/Josh and Steve/Dave are the last to get to the 2am bus. Debra/Steve find the first passes for the 6am charter. Josh helps Monica/Sheree get the last 4am tickets. Now they feel that everyone's even. Josh: "It won't hurt us, and I don't want to see (Tian/Jaree) get it". Dave/Jeff, Chip/Reichen and Tian/Jaree then get the last of the 6am bus seats. Which is just more a default situation than anything.

While waiting for the bus, many teams spend time at the nearest hotel. Everyone gets in - except Debra/Steve, who initially pass up a room, and then come back to find out that there's none to be had. Chip/Reichen then offer to share, which they graciously accept. Debra is curious though, if "the boys want to sleep together".

Everyone gets on their respective buses - and find themselves smack dab in the middle of the Italian Alps, in a town called Cortina d'Ampezzo (a former Olympic site, at that). And it's a short stay, as they're off to Cinque Torri, a ski hill outside of town. They have to take a chairlift when they get there, which leads them to their detour! It's called Search or Rescue.

SEARCH: use a locator beacon to find a set of snowmobile keys, then drive the snowmobile to the next location to find the clue.

RESCUE: cross alpine rescue bridge (consisting of only 4 steel cables), then ride a zip line across a ravine.

As one of the best parts of AR is the new things to discover, everyone on the 2am bus takes Rescue. And all four complete in short time. Speaking of new things...

Off topic: Me? I anxiously await my turn on AR in hopes of an underwater treasure hunt, to put my scuba certification to the test (just got it this past weekend)... of course they would have to let Canadians apply...

Back on track, then. When they get to their next clue, teams find out they have to get back to town, and find the Hotel Lajadira. Of course this involves a grueling hike back to the chairlift for those who pick Rescue, but this IS the Amazing Race, after all!

And it's not an easy go, as Millie/Chuck are finding out. Steve/Dave are taking their time... but here comes bus #2! Monica/Sheree are last to get a taxi, and due to this, they decide to go for the Fast Forward. Back at the hill, Chris yells at Amanda to catch up. But he doesn't shout just anything, he cries:

"C'MON, FLO!"

I like this guy! I also wonder how Zach's doing. In any case, she's shooting her mouth off again. Good to see this is a family show. They are then passed by Millie/Chuck.

Over in fast forward world, it takes them awhile, but Monica/Sheree get the Fast Forward. Which, doesn't 100% make sense, as usually it allows you to skip a road block, but not in this case. Bad luck.

Millie/Chuck are first down to the bottom of the hill, but they wait for Steve/Josh and Amanda/Chris. Disaster strikes Steve/Dave. Dave throws out his knee, and wonders if he should call for the real search and rescue. But after some thinking time, they decide to limp along and give it the old college try.

Steve/Josh, Millie/Chuck and Amanda/Chris are all first to arrive at the pit stop, and due to that, they all win trips to Hawaii after the race is done! The producer must have had a fit, though! But you've got to expect that, right?

Flipping back to the mountain, Steve/Dave troupe on. Dave is not a quitter, and that's what this race is all about! Finally bus two's riders get to the hill. First Kelly/Jon do rescue, then Jon/Al; who, being circus clowns, have no problems. We find out that Monica/Sheree's fast forward lands them in fourth.

Kelly/Jon due run into a bit of a problem on the zip line, but Kelly compares the ride to marriage and gets through it! Steve/Dave's persistence pays off: they're fifth at the mat. Russell/Cindy complete Rescue next, and they're having a great time!

Light years after the first bus has arrived, bus three pulls into town. And while trying to call a taxi, Tian/Jaree are offered to sit down and have a coffee - which one of the ACCEPTS??? What???? Hmm... coffee, million dollars, coffee, million dollars...

Kelly/Jon clock in as team six. Jon/Al, clown noses and all, are lucky seven. Russell/Cindy are the last of the first two buses, are eighth. Now it's just down to bus number three. Both of Debra/Steve fall on the way to Rescue. Before you know it, Dave/Jeff are finished and on their way back to the chairlift.

Debra/Steve are having problems - specifically Debra. She's not a big fan of heights. Tian/Jaree decide to help matters, by helping Debra complete those last few paces. Then they pass ïem. Every good turn deserves another, right girls?

At this point, Dave/Jeff should be on their way back to Cortina. But they're not. They've wandered into Search, and after realizing what they've done (and their failure to gain access to a snowmobile), they backtrack.

Tian/Jaree are past the second half of rescue. Dave/Jeff have broken into a light job. Dave/Steve complete rescue. Chip/Reichen finish ninth. Jaree feels she's doing too much cardio for one day - and Tian then pulls Jaree like a horse! Methinks they could be named "Flo and Flo"...

Down at the bottom of the hill, Tian/Jaree get a cab, then Dave/Jeff do, and finally Debra/Steve.

Dave/Jeff are tenth. And who will be eleventh - and the last team to stay? It's Tian/Jaree (sigh.) That means that Debra/Steve are heading home. But they've had a good time. Debra feels that she's done things that she wouldn't have ordinarily done. Unfortunate to be knocked out on the first leg, but good to see that they've enjoyed themselves.

NEXT WEEK: The thrills of snow rafting, but Kelly/Jon leave something behind... Venice gondola races...and a road block that may unmask some teams.

June 5, 2003

Last time... teams raced from Dodger Stadium to Italy. Debra and Steve got behind early and were eliminated.

We've got 11 teams left. By the way, why can't we get a soundtrack for AR? They did it for "Mole"...

(Roll titles)

Teams start this leg in Cortina d'Ampezzo. They have a mandatory twelve-hour rest period to sleep, eat, mingle with other teams - and unless you've brought disposable underwear like Teri/Ian from series three - wash your clothes (presumably).

Amanda/Chris, Steve/Josh and Millie/Chuck are first to depart at eight minutes before midnight. The first task: head to Trampolino Olimpico (an Olympic ski jump site) to go snow rafting. Woo! Fun!

Josh says he really needs his father's support at this point if he they want to go far. The three lead teams jog the one mile required to get to snow rafting central. Millie comments off to the side that being in a relationship and staying a virgin for twelve years is tough.

Chuck/Millie are first up... and first down. This is basically extreme tobogganing, but who cares? It's good TV. The next route marker is at the Ponte Della Guglia Bridge in Venice. Teams have to take off on the train from either of the Calalzo or Alpi village train stations. Calalzo = shorter, longer wait. Alpi = further, earlier train. Teams don't know that right now, at least.

Amanda/Chris (heavily bleeped) and Steve/Josh are next down. All three teams then head to a hotel and go onto Calalzo train station.

And they're in for a wait.

Monica/Sheree are fourth to take off at 12.49 am. The fast forwarding femme fatales (ooh! Alliteration!) call a taxi and get on their way.

Steve/Dave, ye of the injuries, take off at 1.05, while Kelly/Jon are released at 1.16.

Monica/Sheree and Steve/Dave have no problems. In fact, they're just going to steal the next person's cab. Of course, there's a slight issue with that idea. Seems that Kelly/Jon's taxi has taken them to the TOP of the hill instead of the BOTTOM. Seeing as the rafts are located at the bottom... it's time for butt sledding! Jon takes a flying leap and makes it down, and so does Kelly. Eventually they complete the challenge - in the raft!

Jon/Al (go clowns!) leave at 1.22; Russell/Cindy at 1.44. Kelly/Jon's butts are sore, but to save some bucks they take a bus to the train station. Chip/Reichen escape at 2.29. They wanted to run an honorable race, but nobody else does, so why should they? That's a great moral, kids, isn't it??

Dave/Jeff leave at 3.08, and feel luck to still be in it - of course they should have no worries of being eliminated, because somehow Russell/Cindy have gotten themselves lost and are back at the hotel!

And suddenly all the teams are all caught up at the train station. Josh wants the "pretty boys" (Chip/Reichen) eliminated. But at this time, one of the most brilliant nicknames are given:

Steve/Josh are now nicknamed "Weezer/Geezer" by another team. Brilliant!

That being said, there's a big brouhaha when everyone is trying to get a spot in some kind of line at Calalzo. Nobody wants to be at the end.

Tian/Jaree are last to leave at 3.43. Russell/Cindy finally find the hill and get the job done.

Chip/Reichen reveal at Calalzo that Monica/Sheree are both good moles (bah! I voted for Millie/Chuck and was executed!) and found out that everyone is trying to eliminate them, especially Weezer/Geezer. Chip/Reichen also have a confrontation with Dave/Steve as to the establishment of a line. This leads Chip/Reichen to hold onto the door handles like they're five years old.

Suddenly, a bus pulls into the train station. It's going to Alpi (maybe for Alpo? I dunno.) Everyone gets on - remember, the train at Alpi leaves first. There's a shot of teams discussing Venice and they've got a Lonely Planet guidebook! If you don't know what these books are, they're pretty much a traveling bible. I had one in France two years ago and they're brilliant. So if you're going somewhere, make sure you pick up one for your destination.

Here endeth the free plug.

Kelly/Jon and Tian/Jaree are far behind and don't really understand that everyone is on the earlier Alpi train. When they do, Tian/Jaree aren't really happy. We cut back to the Alpi train and realize Russell/Cindy are airing their dirty laundry.

At Venice, all the Alpi team members arrive at the route marker at the same time. It's time for a detour: waterway or pathway.

WATERWAY: guide a gondolier through the city's river system with a map. No help from locals allowed.

PATHWAY: walk/run/jog through the city streets, with as much help from locals as you want.

Everyone goes for the Waterway, save for Chuck/Millie who don't get a boat on the first go around, so they hoof it.

All teams seem to be enjoying themselves, especially when Steve/Dave pass everyone else! Millie/Chuck keep asking locals for directions. Amanda/Chris have a difference of opinion; Chris wants to win, Amanda likes the scenery.

Each gondola gets stuck, which enables Amanda/Chris to go from worse to first. Millie/Chuck find a local who will get them where they want to go. So they're now in the lead.

Their next challenge awaits them at the Palazzo da Mosto. And they get to go to a party.

Steve/Dave yell at the double-parked boat to get out of the way! Amanda/Chris are first off the gondola; the Clowns are next. Then Monica/Sheree, Chip/Reichen, Russell/Cindy, David/Jeff, Steve/Dave, and somewhere in there, Weezer/Geezer.

Poor Kelly and Jon. They have to put up with Tian/Jaree fighting the whole time. But both teams finally get to the bridge. The girls take the gondola while Kelly/Jon take a hike.

But they should have boated. Jon can't read a compass to save his life. They're fighting - again! And they still are when we're back from commercial.

And guess what? The teams are clumped again waiting for the party. But while there's a bit of time to sightsee and jockey for position in the line, Steve/Dave go for the Fast Forward. Their task: take part in an Italian form of theatre called "Commedia Dell'Arte" on the Venice city streets. They really enjoy it - the performers pretend to operate on Steve, pulling out his intestines, his heart (Dave: "didn't know he had one"), his brain (Dave: "he never uses it"), and at the end is the fast forward. It's straight to the Citta Di Padova boat docked in the harbor. And not surprisingly, they're first at the pit stop.

It's time for the roadblock. One team member must take a picture of a mask, enter the party where everyone is masked, and find the exact match. Right = get the clue, Wrong = back of the queue. And only four teams at once can get in, so it's crucial you get it right.

Russell, Monica, Chip and Weezer are the first four in. It's quite a fascinating sight, actually. Looking closely, there seems to be two to three similar choices for each picture, making it just that bit tougher.

Weezer is the first to try a picture: but his first instinct is wrong - his photo is rejected. Back of the line, buddy!

Jeff is the next into the shindig, but Chip is the first out successfully. They're off to the boat. Tian then enters, and we see that Russell's patience has paid off, he's got it!

And then Tian is done very quickly. Apparently it wasn't too much cardio!

Jon is seventh, Chris is eighth. Jeff takes a chance, and it pays off - he's good to go! Sheree is outside stewing because she can't believe Monica's still in there! Jon's lucky, he's done. Millie is the ninth member of our little get together.

Chris rushes his decision - bad move, it's rejected. Al is last in. Weezer gets his second go. And he gets it right this time. Chris heads back in, and Monica and Millie are getting increasingly frustrated.

And now we cut to the boat. Chip/Reichen are second, Kelly/Jon are third.

Back at what the French call "le boum", four players are still looking for their dance card to be punched. But Chris is rejected... AGAIN! But he's back in immediately.

Tian/Jaree are fourth. Dave/Jeff are fifth. Monica's still looking, but Al's free. Millie's detective skills work, she's out.

The clowns pick up major time; they're sixth. Russell/Cindy are lucky seven. Millie/Chuck are eighth. Weezer/Geezer are ninth.

It's all up to Monica and Chris. After looking for something like three days, Monica hazards a guess - and she's right!

Chris FINALLY lucks out, but is it too late? It's a race against each other, time, and the elements.

While both remaining teams see the route marker, Monica/Sheree claim the last spot. Unfortunately, that means by a few minutes, Amanda/Chris are eliminated. They can't believe it's over. Amanda still loves Chris though.

NEXT TIME: an asthma attach holds Millie back, but if Chip gets in her way, the whip she'll crack. And BUNGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

June 12, 2003

Last time: Chris' weaknesses were unmasked, thus eliminated him and Amanda.

(Run titles and cool theme music. I want a soundtrack.)

We're starting tonight in Venice. Steve/Dave are first out at 2.45 am. They first have to travel 300 miles to Vienna, Austria, where they will take a wonderful tour of that city's historic sewer system. Hey - nothing but the best for our racers! Steve/Dave say that they have to travel at a brisk pace (due to Dave's injury from the first leg). They get a tip from a local to go to the Padua station instead of waiting around. This would be a bad move, then. Nine times out of ten, if you go to a smaller station, you won't be able to get the train you're looking for!

Chip/Reichen are next at 5.20 - over 2.5 hours behind. They say that others don't want them to win. Well, duh. And then the next teams are released (play close attention, kids):

5.21 Kelly/Jon
5.22 Tian/Jaree
5.23 David/Jeff
5.24 Jon/Al (go clowns!)
5.25 Russell/Cindy
5.26 Millie/Chuck
5.27 Weezer/Geezer

And, in last place, are Monica/Sheree. They depart at 5.31, a full FOUR MINUTES behind the ninth place team. Can they make it up?? Only time will tell... BWAH HA HA!!!

Sorry about that.

Kelly/Jon are the first to the trains. Then Tian/Jaree, Chip/Reichen, David/Jeff. Tian/Jaree discover that there's no train direct to Vienna for 10 hours. Time to find another way - which there is. Verona-Innsbruck-Vienna.

Everyone else then arrives. Monica/Sheree hook up with Chip/Reichen. "We're two black females, they're two gay males".

Suddenly, Millie has an asthma attack. We cut back to our trainspotters - and they've got to hurry if they want to catch their train. Which they do. Meanwhile, Millie proclaims that she's thrilled to see a clown. Jon/Al have stayed to help. She starts sucking the inhaler.

And whoo boy, Tian/Jaree (Flo/Flo?) are going at it and they won't even sit together. Too much cardio, apparently. Back at the station, Chuck is happy that Jon and Al are so helpful.

Steve/Dave arrive in Padua to find out... whoops! There's no train to Vienna!

So to recap: Monica/Sheree, Tian/Jaree, Kelly/Jon, David/Jeff and Reichen/Chip are on the first train. Millie/Chuck, the clowns, Weezer/Geezer and Russell/Cindy are on train number two. Steve/Dave, the Padua princes, are two hours behind the first train on their own special "train number three".

But none of that matters... as all teams get to play the exciting new game show "Hurry up and wait!" Yes, you remember that lead you built up? It's no more!

The next morning, everyone gets to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Someone yells (Kelly, I think) "Is this potty water"?

Umm, yeah...

Kelly/Jon are the first to the route marker. Their next task: take a fiacre ride (it's a horse drawn carriage) by grabbing the pass on its door and guide its driver to Schonbrumm Palace. The fiacres depart in groups of three to four every half hour.

Hmm... Chip/Reichen don't seem to be going anywhere - because they haven't grabbed their pass! The clowns grab it, and Chip/Reichen are outta there! BWAH HA HA!

Yes, I like my evil laugh. So there!

Tian/Jaree pull the same stunt on Kelly/Jon - and Kelly isn't happy, she slugs Jon. Jon declares that Tian/Jaree will self-destruct anyway.

As they wait for the next set of fiacres, teams plot strategy. Once they see the fiacres, they can run. David/Jeff make a deal with Chip/Reichen to block for each other.

Of course that plan goes to pot when the fiacres come around the corner - then it's every racer for themselves. Stupidly, most leave their backpacks on... and oh, wait a minute, we've got a collision between Chip and Millie! And David/Jeff don't get a pass - and they're peeved! Chip/Reichen broke their word. Surprise, surprise.

Chip and Millie have some words. Millie says she wouldn't have attacked him if he hadn't elbowed here. Or something to that effect. However, Millie cut his mouth!

Tian/Jaree are the first off the fiacre and onto the grounds of the palace to grab...

DETOUR: Mozart or Beethoven.

MOZART: carry a string bass (!) to Figarohaus, 6 minutes away. Shorter of the two options, but awkward.

BEETHOVER: carry sheet music 11 miles to a specific Beethoven house. Specific, you say? That's because he's occupied at least five of them in Vienna.

Tian/Jaree, Monica/Sheree and the clowns go for Mozart. Nice background music.

The two lead female teams team up. Next to the Palace are Chip/Reichen, Millie/Chuck and Kelly/Jon. The first two go Mozart, while Kelly/Jon take the sheet music. (Jon: "like she was going to carry the double bass anyway!"). And they're having a tiff.

Russell/Cindy and David/Jeff team up as they hope to hit first bass! HA! My wit knows no boundaries, eh Gordon? (Gordongram - and just what do you bass your humor on? I personally find your humor a little off-bass. Yuk Yuk Yuk...)

Jon's figured out something: "Kelly, what about this - what if there's a few places where he wrote music?". Of course, Kelly's not going listen to that...

Weezer/Geezer decide to fast forward. They must find the ballroom in the palace, then put formal wear on, and then carry a tray of champagne filled glasses through the waltzing couples. Both must complete the task.

On the subway, Jon asks for help - and when someone says "Which Beethoven memorial?", Kelly gets the hint.

Steve/Dave are in last place - and guess what? More walking for them upcoming.

Back at the palace, Weezer is the first to give the champagne a good. Then Geezer does, and they both fail instantly. Geezer looks like he's playing human Frogger. He's good, though. Weezer follows his old man's advice, takes it slow, and clinches. So they're off to the Seeschloss Orth in GMUNDEN, Austria. Remember that.

Kelly/Jon find a local that takes them to a tourist office, which helps.

Tian/Jaree and Monica/Sheree are first to visit Mozart. Which means that they're also the first to try and find the Donauturm. Millie/Chuck, then the clowns, then Reichen/Chip arrive next.

We're back to Kelly/Jon, and ... they're lost. But after that ads, they find a "cute little old lady", and they find the house.

T/J and M/S are the firs to make it to the roadblock. And frankly, it's easy, and only lasts about ten seconds. What is it?

BUNGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... 460 feet - the highest tower jump in Europe. I should point out that this is more than double the height of most bungee jumps.

So maybe it's not that simple. The teams make their choices, and the two of them go up. Reichen/Chip (Reichen), the clowns (Jon) and Millie/Chuck (Millie) are next in the queue.

Tian's first to jump, and she loves it. Sheree is a bit hesitant, but she goes. And I'm peeing my pants just at the sight of it. Both teams are now off in search of a train. Weezer/Geezer are already on the train, for that matter.

Reichen's next, no problem. Then Jon (the human cannonball!). Millie's getting another asthma attack - but she doesn't have her puffer. But she does it - good for her!

Kelly/Jon (Jon), Russell/Cindy (Russell), David/Jeff (David) and Steve/Dave (Steve) are the next to arrive.

Jon asks if he can go backwards. He tells them he's gone before, so they him. But really he's a first timer. Kelly's freaking out. Then it's David and Russell.

Russell/Cindy say in a taxi that they argue with the others. Steve declares that they've gone from first to worst and they're toast. But in the race, it's not over until Phil tells you it is!

So Steve jumps anyway! (Dave: "Greenpeace showed up and said 'will you please stop throwing whales from the tower'!")

Weezer/Geezer are first to Gmundon. Steve/Dave got advice from a local that they should head to Vienna North, when really they need to get to Vienna West. Russell/Cindy find themselves at Vienna East. Remember I said you needed to get to GmundEN? The ticket agent has sold them tickets to Gmund...

The next pack of teams arrive in Gmunden, while Steve/Dave head to Vienna West. Monica/Sheree are team two.

Russell/Cindy stop in at a travel agent to find a map for Gmunden, and then realize with the guy's help that they had tickets fro the wrong place. They're back over to Vienna West.

Reichen/Chip: third. Tian/Jaree: fourth.

Russell/Cindy and Steve/Dave finally get a train.

Millie/Chuck: fifth. Steve/Dave don't feel confident.

The clowns: sixth. David/Jeff: seventh. Kelly/Jon: eighth.

And who is ninth? It's... Steve/Dave. They find this out after Phil pulls a Chris Tarrant and hangs them for a bit. And they're thrilled.

Russell/Cindy get the bad news. But they've had an amazing time!

NEXT TIME: Chuck has a panic attack at the racetrack. And tempers flare in Marseille, FRANCE! Yay, hopefully I'll get to see some places where I visited! I'm super excited!

June 19, 2003

Last time: Russell and Cindy didn't know their Gmund from their Gmunden, and were eliminated.

(Roll titles)

Weezer/Geezer are first out of the gate at 2.57 am. They have to fly to Paris, and then take a train (!) to Le Mans and head to the famous racetrack.

Even before they get in a fight as to whether or not they should take the train or drive straight through. They go to the train station (Weezer's idea), but wonder if it was the right thing to do.

Monica/Sheree (nicknamed "The Supremes" by another team, so for the purpose of this and future reviews, I'll use that name) are only an hour behind at 3.51 am. They're going straight to Salzburg airport. Reichen/Chip follow them by two minutes and take the same path as the Supremes. So do Tian/Jaree, who are fighting over a used map of somewhere.

Meanwhile, at the train depot, Weezer/Geezer are fighting. They're both equally stubborn, in my opinion.

At the airport, the three lead teams catch up to each other. Save for Weezer/Geezer, who are on a "ghost train". Weezer apologizes to his father as he realized he made a bad decision.

Millie/Chuck are gone at 4.43 am and the clowns are gone a few minutes later, and they decided to team up, having ordered cabs the night before. They're going to take a train to Munich.

David/Jeff leave at 4.57 and are also on their way to Munich. Kelly/Jon leave at five bells.

Back at the airport, where Tian/Jaree and the Supremes have both secured flights to Paris through Frankfurt, Chip/Reichen are a little too late, and can't get on, as it's now full.

Kelly/Jon meet Millie/Chuck at the train station. Kelly asks if they're going to Salzburg or Munich, to which they get no reply. Millie says withholding info is ethical. Kelly doesn't really like her. They all get on the same train (plus the clowns and Dave/Jeff), but Kelly/Jon don't really know where to go.

Weezer/Geezer arrive at Salzburg airport to find out there's nothing left. Chip/Reichen then get the lucky break they were looking for. They're off to Frankfurt, at least.

Steve/Dave are the last to go at 6.04 am. They've got some work to do. Train to Salzburg for them.

Speaking of which, the train carrying four teams have arrived in Salzburg. Three teams stay on, but Kelly/Jon get off. Weezer/Geezer's lead is now gone, but at least they're on a plane.

Kelly/Jon and Steve/Dave get the same flight through Zurich to Paris. Kelly is so frustrated at Millie that she calls her "The Mole". Kathryn? Bill? Frederique? Anderson? Anyone?

At Frankfurt, Tian/Jaree, the Supremes and Chip/Reichen switch immediately to go to Paris. But there's a problem: Chip/Reichen have booked BUSINESS, which you absolutely cannot do! So after some consideration, they get off, fight with the attendant and rebook on a flight one hour later.

David/Jeff, Chuck/Millie and the clowns all take a 10.40 from Munich to Paris. Kelly/Jon feel they are far behind but they are impressed with Steve/Dave, whom they have dubbed "BFGs" (Big Fat Guys). I think I'll adopt that - it saves me typing.

And now, beautiful Paris! Oh look, it's the Arc de Triomphe (Series I, episode two pit stop). But we're not going there, it's off to Le Mans.

The Supremes are first out of the airport after the happy SNCF train man tells them to go to the Gare du Montparnasse (there are six train stations in Paris, BTW). I've been to Montparnasse, it's nice.

But enough about me. While the Supremes take off, Tian/Jaree "lollygagged". This is out of the month of a Supreme. They luck out and get an 11.05 train to Le Mans.

Tian/Jaree and Chip/Reichen get the same TGV (train a grande vitesse=high speed train) at Noon. The Supremes are the first to the circuit in Le Mans, and it's time for a...

DETOUR! No, wait... ROADBLOCK?

Anyway, the object: change four tires on a racecar, then take a ride in the shotgun (passenger seat). The Supremes are the first, as I said, but Monica's problems are numerous - she can't change the tires and their lead is dwindling...

Other teams are now staring to arrive in Paris, but Monica changes those pneus (tires) and finishes her lap.

More driving is in the future, however. It's off to the south - Marseilles, to be specific - 556 miles away. They then have to enter port four, find the lighthouse and get their next clue.

Tian/Jaree and Chip/Reichen's taxis drag race to the track. Chip goes up against Tian, and Chip gets away about five seconds earlier. Chip says it's a dream come true. Both teams are off to France's biggest port city.

BFGs and Kelly/Jon are in Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris and are having trouble figuring out where to go... but they do, and Kelly/Jon are fighting again - what a surprise!

Chuck and Jon do their respective tire fixing, save that Chuck is getting claustrophobic, but Millie is supportive. The clowns are headed to the south. Chuck manages to beat his fears. David/Jeff and Weezer/Geezer finish quickly. Kelly/Jon are last, and Kelly insists she do it, and then starts cursing once she sees what it is! Dave of the BFGs does theirs. I won't repeat John's comment about Kelly at this point as I want to keep this recap TV-PG.

Down in Marseilles, after being told they can't stay the night at the port, Chip/Reichen check into a nearby hotel. T/J do the same. David/Jeff start a long line of people who end up parking on the soft shoulder.

When the day breaks, T/J get told by a port guard to park in front of the gate, and so do Chip/Reichen. This pleases no one else, so the BFG's head a group that want them to go to the back of the line. Both "budgers" don't really want to cooperate. Steve suggests they check their tires when they pull out.

Following the break, Chip/Reichen go to the back of line. T/J are disagreeing as to whether or not they should. C/R want it made clear that their integrity should not be questioned.

9 AM rolls around. T/J let everyone pass. But they're not really thrilled.

Jon ignores Kelly's advice and they're the first to the lighthouse. They've now got to drive to the "Gorges du Blavet" (Blavet Mountains) and find the marked parking lot, park in it, then get their next clue. Other teams follow suit.

Everyone seems to be okay driving, save for a couple. Chip/Reichen are first to the mountain range, except they've parked in the wrong lot. David/Jeff however, have got the right one. We see Reichen/Chip go down a path that is unmarked. Not a smart move, guys.

Cut back to Weezer/Geezer driving what we are to assume is the wrong way. Goodness me, there are many teams that should be on LOST! on NBC.

Chip/Reichen pass through a stream and are getting deeper and deeper into the woods. David/Jeff are first to the DETOUR.

ROPES: rappel down the side of a mountain SLOPES: walk a marked path down to the side of the mountain.

As they were the first there, David/Jeff are the first down. Despite some nervousness, the clowns are second. Kelly/Jon are third.

At least David/Jeff should be first - but they miss the clue box in the forest! Oops. This allows the clowns to head into first. Teams must now hike back to their cars and drive to the Chateau des Alpilles in St-Remy-De-Provence, which, FYI, is about five miles from Les Baux de Provence (series one, episode three pit stop).

David/Jeff are still looking for the box. And Chip/Reichen are just looking for a flag period. They decide to retrace their steps up to the car. They're both not thrilled, but they've got to get going.

Tian/Jaree decide to go for the Fast Forward. They have to arrange twenty paintings, jigsaw style, into a large picture of the Chateau des Alpilles, which they do no problem.

David/Jeff retrace their steps and finally find the box. BFG's are worried about the state of the rope, and C/R are worried about the state of their sanity, as they think they might be out.

Tian/Jaree are first to the pit stop, with souvenir artwork in hand. Millie/Chuck and the clowns tie for second.

Weezer/Geezer are still looking for the Gorges.

The supremes are fourth. Chip/Reichen are fifth. David/Jeff are sixth. Kelly/Jon are seventh. BFG's are eighth, and they survived another scare.

And finally, we're at the detour with Weezer and Geezer. Weezer explains that his Dad his still his hero. They complete their task with little difficulty. Geezer explains that he's letting his son lead this time around. They arrive at the pit stop and are eliminated. Weezer says he got what he wanted out of the race, and Geezer said he already had it.

NEXT TIME: Cruising the canals of Amsterdam. Tian/Jaree look like they're going to really blow this time. And teams are more than knee deep in something...

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