May 29, 2003
It's time once again for
a race around the world! There are 12 teams, with one
million dollars to be won for the first team across the
finish line. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is The Amazing
Race - series four! Let's the games begin!
As the stretch hummers arrive, let's introduce the
teams. Some of them have some opening thoughts, so I've
included them as well:
1. Tian/Jaree: Friends/models/thrill seekers from Miami
Beach, FL. "Easier for us to catch a ride/get info"
2. Steve/Dave: Air traffic controllers from Chicago. "Gonna
do our darndest to do AR without breaking a sweat."
3. Chip/Reichen: Married from Beverly Hills: "Not going
to be made to feel inadequate because we're a gay
4. Millie/Chuck: Dating 12 years, virgins from
Chatanooga, TN: "Scared of commitment".
5. Steve/Josh: Corrections officer and son from Santa
Barbara and L.A.: "Trying to find common ground".
6. Russell/Cindy: Close friends from Hermosa Beach and
L.A.: Cindy wants to take relationship to the next
7. Monica/Sheree: NFL wives and mothers from Atlanta:
"hope the husbands will cheer for us".
8. David/Jeff: Bachelors from L.A.: "extremely confident
that we'll finish first"
9. Amanda/Chris: Dating 5 years from Sioux Falls SD:
"other teams will underestimate us"
10. Kelly/Jon: recently engaged, from Miami:
"relationship will be tested"
11. Debra/Steve: married parents from Indiana: "fat,
forty, but fun!"
12. Jon/Al: circus clowns (!!) from Long Island, NY:
"two fun guys going to have a good time!"
Who will put it all together to win the Amazing Race?
(I'm secretly pulling for the clowns).
There are 13 legs in the race, various tasks, cash for
expenses (save for plane tickets), pit stops are at 9 of
13 legs: so get there fast! Last at each pit stop is
eliminated. Unless of course someone does something
stupid like take a taxi when there's specific
instructions to walk... right Harvard law students??
Phil: Everybody ready? The world is waiting for you.
Good luck. Travel safe.
And they're off to center field of their start point -
Dodger Stadium - to find out that they're going to
There are three flights, which they must choose from:
Swiss air - 4 teams
Lufthansa - 3 teams
KLM - 5 teams
But first it's a race to the SUVs, and you have to
navigate out of Dodger Stadium. At this point, Tian/Jaree
are already behind - they've dropped a bag!
Russell/Cindy are excited because they already know the
pit stop location. David/Jeff can't find their way out,
and Tian/Jaree still aren't going anywhere, as their
trunk won't close. One of the sits in the back and tries
to hold it down, but to no avail. They are issued a
replacement car - but no time allowance is made.
Back on the road, Amanda is cussing, and Steve is
ratting out Josh. Millie then tells Chuck to focus! And
the battle continues. Steve/Dave plot the best way to
the airport, as do Monica/Sheree - but there's a cop on
everyone's tails! No tickets though. Russell/Cindy then
decide to make a left turn where they shouldn't (no
mention of a penalty?) But they're first in the parking.
Tian/Jaree are still lagging behind, now they're lost!
Russell/Cindy are first on Lufthansa. Chip/Reichen and
Jon/Kelly meet in the shuttle bus, but when they stop to
pick up Monica/Sheree, they convince the driver to keep
Jon/Al are first on Swiss Air. Millie/Chuck and
Amanda/Chris grab the rest of the Lufthansa seats. This
then means Chip/Reichen's efforts are in vain. Kelly/Jon
then secure SwissAir, as well as Steve/Josh, who manage
to also grab tickets for Steve/Dave, which does not bode
well for Monica/Sheree, because they were the next in
Due to their poor navigational skills (more than
anything else), this ensures that Debra/Steve,
David/Jeff, Tian/Jaree (who are already locking horns),
Monica/Sheree and Chip/Reichen are all on the KLM which
is a full hour behind the first flight.
And phew, time for a commercial! But kudos to CBS: 20
straight minutes without an ad break!
As previously mentioned, Milan is the first destination.
When they get there, they have to get to the Galeria
Victoria Emmanuel. At the airport, problems delay the
Swiss Air flight, so that the previous 45-minute lead is
down to ten. The first six teams get off their planes
relatively close to each other. But what about
Steve/Dave? Well, remember, they don't like to exert
energy: thus they're using the moving walkway... not a
way to win a race, guys!
Steve/Josh are excited to be in Italy, as they've never
been out of the country before. Meanwhile, Steve/Dave
are haggling taxi prices. C'mon guys, lets get going!!
Kelly/Jon are first to the route info. Their task is to
search in the galleria for bus tickets, which leave at
two, four and six am (four teams per bus). The time
information is located on the side of the box, but once
they pull out a ticket, they must keep it and can't
trade in for another.
Kelly/Jon and Russell/Cindy are the first two on the 4am
bus. Amanda/Chris then find the 4am ticket but decide to
go searching for the others. Al/Jon, everyone's
favourite clowns, are more than happy to get seats on
the second bus. Millie/Chuck are first for the 2am bus,
and then pass this info onto Amanda/Chris.
At 3.20 pm, the last plane arrives. Getting off, Debra
falls, but picks herself up. Chip/Reichen and David/Jeff
then decide to take the commuter train into the city,
which doesn't really help their cause (taxis may cost $,
but at least it's the quickest way).
Steve/Josh and Steve/Dave are the last to get to the 2am
bus. Debra/Steve find the first passes for the 6am
charter. Josh helps Monica/Sheree get the last 4am
tickets. Now they feel that everyone's even. Josh: "It
won't hurt us, and I don't want to see (Tian/Jaree) get
it". Dave/Jeff, Chip/Reichen and Tian/Jaree then get the
last of the 6am bus seats. Which is just more a default
situation than anything.
While waiting for the bus, many teams spend time at the
nearest hotel. Everyone gets in - except Debra/Steve,
who initially pass up a room, and then come back to find
out that there's none to be had. Chip/Reichen then offer
to share, which they graciously accept. Debra is curious
though, if "the boys want to sleep together".
Everyone gets on their respective buses - and find
themselves smack dab in the middle of the Italian Alps,
in a town called Cortina d'Ampezzo (a former Olympic
site, at that). And it's a short stay, as they're off to
Cinque Torri, a ski hill outside of town. They have to
take a chairlift when they get there, which leads them
to their detour! It's called Search or Rescue.
SEARCH: use a locator beacon to find a set of snowmobile
keys, then drive the snowmobile to the next location to
find the clue.
RESCUE: cross alpine rescue bridge (consisting of only 4
steel cables), then ride a zip line across a ravine.
As one of the best parts of AR is the new things to
discover, everyone on the 2am bus takes Rescue. And all
four complete in short time. Speaking of new things...
Off topic: Me? I anxiously await my turn on AR in hopes
of an underwater treasure hunt, to put my scuba
certification to the test (just got it this past
weekend)... of course they would have to let Canadians
Back on track, then. When they get to their next clue,
teams find out they have to get back to town, and find
the Hotel Lajadira. Of course this involves a grueling
hike back to the chairlift for those who pick Rescue,
but this IS the Amazing Race, after all!
And it's not an easy go, as Millie/Chuck are finding
out. Steve/Dave are taking their time... but here comes
bus #2! Monica/Sheree are last to get a taxi, and due to
this, they decide to go for the Fast Forward. Back at
the hill, Chris yells at Amanda to catch up. But he
doesn't shout just anything, he cries:
I like this guy! I also wonder how Zach's doing. In any
case, she's shooting her mouth off again. Good to see
this is a family show. They are then passed by
Over in fast forward world, it takes them awhile, but
Monica/Sheree get the Fast Forward. Which, doesn't 100%
make sense, as usually it allows you to skip a road
block, but not in this case. Bad luck.
Millie/Chuck are first down to the bottom of the hill,
but they wait for Steve/Josh and Amanda/Chris. Disaster
strikes Steve/Dave. Dave throws out his knee, and
wonders if he should call for the real search and
rescue. But after some thinking time, they decide to
limp along and give it the old college try.
Steve/Josh, Millie/Chuck and Amanda/Chris are all first
to arrive at the pit stop, and due to that, they all win
trips to Hawaii after the race is done! The producer
must have had a fit, though! But you've got to expect
Flipping back to the mountain, Steve/Dave troupe on.
Dave is not a quitter, and that's what this race is all
about! Finally bus two's riders get to the hill. First
Kelly/Jon do rescue, then Jon/Al; who, being circus
clowns, have no problems. We find out that Monica/Sheree's
fast forward lands them in fourth.
Kelly/Jon due run into a bit of a problem on the zip
line, but Kelly compares the ride to marriage and gets
through it! Steve/Dave's persistence pays off: they're
fifth at the mat. Russell/Cindy complete Rescue next,
and they're having a great time!
Light years after the first bus has arrived, bus three
pulls into town. And while trying to call a taxi, Tian/Jaree
are offered to sit down and have a coffee - which one of
the ACCEPTS??? What???? Hmm... coffee, million dollars,
coffee, million dollars...
Kelly/Jon clock in as team six. Jon/Al, clown noses and
all, are lucky seven. Russell/Cindy are the last of the
first two buses, are eighth. Now it's just down to bus
number three. Both of Debra/Steve fall on the way to
Rescue. Before you know it, Dave/Jeff are finished and
on their way back to the chairlift.
Debra/Steve are having problems - specifically Debra.
She's not a big fan of heights. Tian/Jaree decide to
help matters, by helping Debra complete those last few
paces. Then they pass ïem. Every good turn deserves
another, right girls?
At this point, Dave/Jeff should be on their way back to
Cortina. But they're not. They've wandered into Search,
and after realizing what they've done (and their failure
to gain access to a snowmobile), they backtrack.
Tian/Jaree are past the second half of rescue. Dave/Jeff
have broken into a light job. Dave/Steve complete
rescue. Chip/Reichen finish ninth. Jaree feels she's
doing too much cardio for one day - and Tian then pulls
Jaree like a horse! Methinks they could be named "Flo
Down at the bottom of the hill, Tian/Jaree get a cab,
then Dave/Jeff do, and finally Debra/Steve.
Dave/Jeff are tenth. And who will be eleventh - and the
last team to stay? It's Tian/Jaree (sigh.) That means
that Debra/Steve are heading home. But they've had a
good time. Debra feels that she's done things that she
wouldn't have ordinarily done. Unfortunate to be knocked
out on the first leg, but good to see that they've
NEXT WEEK: The thrills of snow rafting, but Kelly/Jon
leave something behind... Venice gondola races...and a
road block that may unmask some teams.
June 5, 2003
Last time... teams raced
from Dodger Stadium to Italy. Debra and Steve got behind
early and were eliminated.
We've got 11 teams left. By the way, why can't we get a
soundtrack for AR? They did it for "Mole"...
Teams start this leg in Cortina d'Ampezzo. They have a
mandatory twelve-hour rest period to sleep, eat, mingle
with other teams - and unless you've brought disposable
underwear like Teri/Ian from series three - wash your
Amanda/Chris, Steve/Josh and Millie/Chuck are first to
depart at eight minutes before midnight. The first task:
head to Trampolino Olimpico (an Olympic ski jump site)
to go snow rafting. Woo! Fun!
Josh says he really needs his father's support at this
point if he they want to go far. The three lead teams
jog the one mile required to get to snow rafting
central. Millie comments off to the side that being in a
relationship and staying a virgin for twelve years is
Chuck/Millie are first up... and first down. This is
basically extreme tobogganing, but who cares? It's good
TV. The next route marker is at the Ponte Della Guglia
Bridge in Venice. Teams have to take off on the train
from either of the Calalzo or Alpi village train
stations. Calalzo = shorter, longer wait. Alpi =
further, earlier train. Teams don't know that right now,
Amanda/Chris (heavily bleeped) and Steve/Josh are next
down. All three teams then head to a hotel and go onto
Calalzo train station.
And they're in for a wait.
Monica/Sheree are fourth to take off at 12.49 am. The
fast forwarding femme fatales (ooh! Alliteration!) call
a taxi and get on their way.
Steve/Dave, ye of the injuries, take off at 1.05, while
Kelly/Jon are released at 1.16.
Monica/Sheree and Steve/Dave have no problems. In fact,
they're just going to steal the next person's cab. Of
course, there's a slight issue with that idea. Seems
that Kelly/Jon's taxi has taken them to the TOP of the
hill instead of the BOTTOM. Seeing as the rafts are
located at the bottom... it's time for butt sledding!
Jon takes a flying leap and makes it down, and so does
Kelly. Eventually they complete the challenge - in the
Jon/Al (go clowns!) leave at 1.22; Russell/Cindy at
1.44. Kelly/Jon's butts are sore, but to save some bucks
they take a bus to the train station. Chip/Reichen
escape at 2.29. They wanted to run an honorable race,
but nobody else does, so why should they? That's a great
moral, kids, isn't it??
Dave/Jeff leave at 3.08, and feel luck to still be in it
- of course they should have no worries of being
eliminated, because somehow Russell/Cindy have gotten
themselves lost and are back at the hotel!
And suddenly all the teams are all caught up at the
train station. Josh wants the "pretty boys" (Chip/Reichen)
eliminated. But at this time, one of the most brilliant
nicknames are given:
Steve/Josh are now nicknamed "Weezer/Geezer" by another
That being said, there's a big brouhaha when everyone is
trying to get a spot in some kind of line at Calalzo.
Nobody wants to be at the end.
Tian/Jaree are last to leave at 3.43. Russell/Cindy
finally find the hill and get the job done.
Chip/Reichen reveal at Calalzo that Monica/Sheree are
both good moles (bah! I voted for Millie/Chuck and was
executed!) and found out that everyone is trying to
eliminate them, especially Weezer/Geezer. Chip/Reichen
also have a confrontation with Dave/Steve as to the
establishment of a line. This leads Chip/Reichen to hold
onto the door handles like they're five years old.
Suddenly, a bus pulls into the train station. It's going
to Alpi (maybe for Alpo? I dunno.) Everyone gets on -
remember, the train at Alpi leaves first. There's a shot
of teams discussing Venice and they've got a Lonely
Planet guidebook! If you don't know what these books
are, they're pretty much a traveling bible. I had one in
France two years ago and they're brilliant. So if you're
going somewhere, make sure you pick up one for your
Here endeth the free plug.
Kelly/Jon and Tian/Jaree are far behind and don't really
understand that everyone is on the earlier Alpi train.
When they do, Tian/Jaree aren't really happy. We cut
back to the Alpi train and realize Russell/Cindy are
airing their dirty laundry.
At Venice, all the Alpi team members arrive at the route
marker at the same time. It's time for a detour:
waterway or pathway.
WATERWAY: guide a gondolier through the city's river
system with a map. No help from locals allowed.
PATHWAY: walk/run/jog through the city streets, with as
much help from locals as you want.
Everyone goes for the Waterway, save for Chuck/Millie
who don't get a boat on the first go around, so they
All teams seem to be enjoying themselves, especially
when Steve/Dave pass everyone else! Millie/Chuck keep
asking locals for directions. Amanda/Chris have a
difference of opinion; Chris wants to win, Amanda likes
Each gondola gets stuck, which enables Amanda/Chris to
go from worse to first. Millie/Chuck find a local who
will get them where they want to go. So they're now in
Their next challenge awaits them at the Palazzo da Mosto.
And they get to go to a party.
Steve/Dave yell at the double-parked boat to get out of
the way! Amanda/Chris are first off the gondola; the
Clowns are next. Then Monica/Sheree, Chip/Reichen,
Russell/Cindy, David/Jeff, Steve/Dave, and somewhere in
Poor Kelly and Jon. They have to put up with Tian/Jaree
fighting the whole time. But both teams finally get to
the bridge. The girls take the gondola while Kelly/Jon
take a hike.
But they should have boated. Jon can't read a compass to
save his life. They're fighting - again! And they still
are when we're back from commercial.
And guess what? The teams are clumped again waiting for
the party. But while there's a bit of time to sightsee
and jockey for position in the line, Steve/Dave go for
the Fast Forward. Their task: take part in an Italian
form of theatre called "Commedia Dell'Arte" on the
Venice city streets. They really enjoy it - the
performers pretend to operate on Steve, pulling out his
intestines, his heart (Dave: "didn't know he had one"),
his brain (Dave: "he never uses it"), and at the end is
the fast forward. It's straight to the Citta Di Padova
boat docked in the harbor. And not surprisingly, they're
first at the pit stop.
It's time for the roadblock. One team member must take a
picture of a mask, enter the party where everyone is
masked, and find the exact match. Right = get the clue,
Wrong = back of the queue. And only four teams at once
can get in, so it's crucial you get it right.
Russell, Monica, Chip and Weezer are the first four in.
It's quite a fascinating sight, actually. Looking
closely, there seems to be two to three similar choices
for each picture, making it just that bit tougher.
Weezer is the first to try a picture: but his first
instinct is wrong - his photo is rejected. Back of the
Jeff is the next into the shindig, but Chip is the first
out successfully. They're off to the boat. Tian then
enters, and we see that Russell's patience has paid off,
he's got it!
And then Tian is done very quickly. Apparently it wasn't
too much cardio!
Jon is seventh, Chris is eighth. Jeff takes a chance,
and it pays off - he's good to go! Sheree is outside
stewing because she can't believe Monica's still in
there! Jon's lucky, he's done. Millie is the ninth
member of our little get together.
Chris rushes his decision - bad move, it's rejected. Al
is last in. Weezer gets his second go. And he gets it
right this time. Chris heads back in, and Monica and
Millie are getting increasingly frustrated.
And now we cut to the boat. Chip/Reichen are second,
Kelly/Jon are third.
Back at what the French call "le boum", four players are
still looking for their dance card to be punched. But
Chris is rejected... AGAIN! But he's back in
Tian/Jaree are fourth. Dave/Jeff are fifth. Monica's
still looking, but Al's free. Millie's detective skills
work, she's out.
The clowns pick up major time; they're sixth.
Russell/Cindy are lucky seven. Millie/Chuck are eighth.
Weezer/Geezer are ninth.
It's all up to Monica and Chris. After looking for
something like three days, Monica hazards a guess - and
Chris FINALLY lucks out, but is it too late? It's a race
against each other, time, and the elements.
While both remaining teams see the route marker, Monica/Sheree
claim the last spot. Unfortunately, that means by a few
minutes, Amanda/Chris are eliminated. They can't believe
it's over. Amanda still loves Chris though.
NEXT TIME: an asthma attach holds Millie back, but if
Chip gets in her way, the whip she'll crack. And
Last time: Chris'
weaknesses were unmasked, thus eliminated him and
(Run titles and cool theme music. I want a soundtrack.)
We're starting tonight in Venice. Steve/Dave are first
out at 2.45 am. They first have to travel 300 miles to
Vienna, Austria, where they will take a wonderful tour
of that city's historic sewer system. Hey - nothing but
the best for our racers! Steve/Dave say that they have
to travel at a brisk pace (due to Dave's injury from the
first leg). They get a tip from a local to go to the
Padua station instead of waiting around. This would be a
bad move, then. Nine times out of ten, if you go to a
smaller station, you won't be able to get the train
you're looking for!
Chip/Reichen are next at 5.20 - over 2.5 hours behind.
They say that others don't want them to win. Well, duh.
And then the next teams are released (play close
5.24 Jon/Al (go clowns!)
And, in last place, are Monica/Sheree. They depart at
5.31, a full FOUR MINUTES behind the ninth place team.
Can they make it up?? Only time will tell... BWAH HA
Sorry about that.
Kelly/Jon are the first to the trains. Then Tian/Jaree,
Chip/Reichen, David/Jeff. Tian/Jaree discover that
there's no train direct to Vienna for 10 hours. Time to
find another way - which there is.
Everyone else then arrives. Monica/Sheree hook up with
Chip/Reichen. "We're two black females, they're two gay
Suddenly, Millie has an asthma attack. We cut back to
our trainspotters - and they've got to hurry if they
want to catch their train. Which they do. Meanwhile,
Millie proclaims that she's thrilled to see a clown.
Jon/Al have stayed to help. She starts sucking the
And whoo boy, Tian/Jaree (Flo/Flo?) are going at it and
they won't even sit together. Too much cardio,
apparently. Back at the station, Chuck is happy that Jon
and Al are so helpful.
Steve/Dave arrive in Padua to find out... whoops!
There's no train to Vienna!
So to recap: Monica/Sheree, Tian/Jaree, Kelly/Jon,
David/Jeff and Reichen/Chip are on the first train.
Millie/Chuck, the clowns, Weezer/Geezer and
Russell/Cindy are on train number two. Steve/Dave, the
Padua princes, are two hours behind the first train on
their own special "train number three".
But none of that matters... as all teams get to play the
exciting new game show "Hurry up and wait!" Yes, you
remember that lead you built up? It's no more!
The next morning, everyone gets to be Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles. Someone yells (Kelly, I think) "Is this
Kelly/Jon are the first to the route marker. Their next
task: take a fiacre ride (it's a horse drawn carriage)
by grabbing the pass on its door and guide its driver to
Schonbrumm Palace. The fiacres depart in groups of three
to four every half hour.
Hmm... Chip/Reichen don't seem to be going anywhere -
because they haven't grabbed their pass! The clowns grab
it, and Chip/Reichen are outta there! BWAH HA HA!
Yes, I like my evil laugh. So there!
Tian/Jaree pull the same stunt on Kelly/Jon - and Kelly
isn't happy, she slugs Jon. Jon declares that Tian/Jaree
will self-destruct anyway.
As they wait for the next set of fiacres, teams plot
strategy. Once they see the fiacres, they can run.
David/Jeff make a deal with Chip/Reichen to block for
Of course that plan goes to pot when the fiacres come
around the corner - then it's every racer for
themselves. Stupidly, most leave their backpacks on...
and oh, wait a minute, we've got a collision between
Chip and Millie! And David/Jeff don't get a pass - and
they're peeved! Chip/Reichen broke their word. Surprise,
Chip and Millie have some words. Millie says she
wouldn't have attacked him if he hadn't elbowed here. Or
something to that effect. However, Millie cut his mouth!
Tian/Jaree are the first off the fiacre and onto the
grounds of the palace to grab...
DETOUR: Mozart or Beethoven.
MOZART: carry a string bass (!) to Figarohaus, 6 minutes
away. Shorter of the two options, but awkward.
BEETHOVER: carry sheet music 11 miles to a specific
Beethoven house. Specific, you say? That's because he's
occupied at least five of them in Vienna.
Tian/Jaree, Monica/Sheree and the clowns go for Mozart.
Nice background music.
The two lead female teams team up. Next to the Palace
are Chip/Reichen, Millie/Chuck and Kelly/Jon. The first
two go Mozart, while Kelly/Jon take the sheet music.
(Jon: "like she was going to carry the double bass
anyway!"). And they're having a tiff.
Russell/Cindy and David/Jeff team up as they hope to hit
first bass! HA! My wit knows no boundaries, eh Gordon? (Gordongram
- and just what do you bass your humor on? I personally
find your humor a little off-bass. Yuk Yuk Yuk...)
Jon's figured out something: "Kelly, what about this -
what if there's a few places where he wrote music?". Of
course, Kelly's not going listen to that...
Weezer/Geezer decide to fast forward. They must find the
ballroom in the palace, then put formal wear on, and
then carry a tray of champagne filled glasses through
the waltzing couples. Both must complete the task.
On the subway, Jon asks for help - and when someone says
"Which Beethoven memorial?", Kelly gets the hint.
Steve/Dave are in last place - and guess what? More
walking for them upcoming.
Back at the palace, Weezer is the first to give the
champagne a good. Then Geezer does, and they both fail
instantly. Geezer looks like he's playing human Frogger.
He's good, though. Weezer follows his old man's advice,
takes it slow, and clinches. So they're off to the
Seeschloss Orth in GMUNDEN, Austria. Remember that.
Kelly/Jon find a local that takes them to a tourist
office, which helps.
Tian/Jaree and Monica/Sheree are first to visit Mozart.
Which means that they're also the first to try and find
the Donauturm. Millie/Chuck, then the clowns, then
Reichen/Chip arrive next.
We're back to Kelly/Jon, and ... they're lost. But after
that ads, they find a "cute little old lady", and they
find the house.
T/J and M/S are the firs to make it to the roadblock.
And frankly, it's easy, and only lasts about ten
seconds. What is it?
BUNGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... 460 feet - the
highest tower jump in Europe. I should point out that
this is more than double the height of most bungee
So maybe it's not that simple. The teams make their
choices, and the two of them go up. Reichen/Chip (Reichen),
the clowns (Jon) and Millie/Chuck (Millie) are next in
Tian's first to jump, and she loves it. Sheree is a bit
hesitant, but she goes. And I'm peeing my pants just at
the sight of it. Both teams are now off in search of a
train. Weezer/Geezer are already on the train, for that
Reichen's next, no problem. Then Jon (the human
cannonball!). Millie's getting another asthma attack -
but she doesn't have her puffer. But she does it - good
Kelly/Jon (Jon), Russell/Cindy (Russell), David/Jeff
(David) and Steve/Dave (Steve) are the next to arrive.
Jon asks if he can go backwards. He tells them he's gone
before, so they him. But really he's a first timer.
Kelly's freaking out. Then it's David and Russell.
Russell/Cindy say in a taxi that they argue with the
others. Steve declares that they've gone from first to
worst and they're toast. But in the race, it's not over
until Phil tells you it is!
So Steve jumps anyway! (Dave: "Greenpeace showed up and
said 'will you please stop throwing whales from the
Weezer/Geezer are first to Gmundon. Steve/Dave got
advice from a local that they should head to Vienna
North, when really they need to get to Vienna West.
Russell/Cindy find themselves at Vienna East. Remember I
said you needed to get to GmundEN? The ticket agent has
sold them tickets to Gmund...
The next pack of teams arrive in Gmunden, while
Steve/Dave head to Vienna West. Monica/Sheree are team
Russell/Cindy stop in at a travel agent to find a map
for Gmunden, and then realize with the guy's help that
they had tickets fro the wrong place. They're back over
to Vienna West.
Reichen/Chip: third. Tian/Jaree: fourth.
Russell/Cindy and Steve/Dave finally get a train.
Millie/Chuck: fifth. Steve/Dave don't feel confident.
The clowns: sixth. David/Jeff: seventh. Kelly/Jon:
And who is ninth? It's... Steve/Dave. They find this out
after Phil pulls a Chris Tarrant and hangs them for a
bit. And they're thrilled.
Russell/Cindy get the bad news. But they've had an
NEXT TIME: Chuck has a panic attack at the racetrack.
And tempers flare in Marseille, FRANCE! Yay, hopefully
I'll get to see some places where I visited! I'm super
June 19, 2003
Last time: Russell and
Cindy didn't know their Gmund from their Gmunden, and
Weezer/Geezer are first out of the gate at 2.57 am. They
have to fly to Paris, and then take a train (!) to Le
Mans and head to the famous racetrack.
Even before they get in a fight as to whether or not
they should take the train or drive straight through.
They go to the train station (Weezer's idea), but wonder
if it was the right thing to do.
Monica/Sheree (nicknamed "The Supremes" by another team,
so for the purpose of this and future reviews, I'll use
that name) are only an hour behind at 3.51 am. They're
going straight to Salzburg airport. Reichen/Chip follow
them by two minutes and take the same path as the
Supremes. So do Tian/Jaree, who are fighting over a used
map of somewhere.
Meanwhile, at the train depot, Weezer/Geezer are
fighting. They're both equally stubborn, in my opinion.
At the airport, the three lead teams catch up to each
other. Save for Weezer/Geezer, who are on a "ghost
train". Weezer apologizes to his father as he realized
he made a bad decision.
Millie/Chuck are gone at 4.43 am and the clowns are gone
a few minutes later, and they decided to team up, having
ordered cabs the night before. They're going to take a
train to Munich.
David/Jeff leave at 4.57 and are also on their way to
Munich. Kelly/Jon leave at five bells.
Back at the airport, where Tian/Jaree and the Supremes
have both secured flights to Paris through Frankfurt,
Chip/Reichen are a little too late, and can't get on, as
it's now full.
Kelly/Jon meet Millie/Chuck at the train station. Kelly
asks if they're going to Salzburg or Munich, to which
they get no reply. Millie says withholding info is
ethical. Kelly doesn't really like her. They all get on
the same train (plus the clowns and Dave/Jeff), but
Kelly/Jon don't really know where to go.
Weezer/Geezer arrive at Salzburg airport to find out
there's nothing left. Chip/Reichen then get the lucky
break they were looking for. They're off to Frankfurt,
Steve/Dave are the last to go at 6.04 am. They've got
some work to do. Train to Salzburg for them.
Speaking of which, the train carrying four teams have
arrived in Salzburg. Three teams stay on, but Kelly/Jon
get off. Weezer/Geezer's lead is now gone, but at least
they're on a plane.
Kelly/Jon and Steve/Dave get the same flight through
Zurich to Paris. Kelly is so frustrated at Millie that
she calls her "The Mole". Kathryn? Bill? Frederique?
At Frankfurt, Tian/Jaree, the Supremes and Chip/Reichen
switch immediately to go to Paris. But there's a
problem: Chip/Reichen have booked BUSINESS, which you
absolutely cannot do! So after some consideration, they
get off, fight with the attendant and rebook on a flight
one hour later.
David/Jeff, Chuck/Millie and the clowns all take a 10.40
from Munich to Paris. Kelly/Jon feel they are far behind
but they are impressed with Steve/Dave, whom they have
dubbed "BFGs" (Big Fat Guys). I think I'll adopt that -
it saves me typing.
And now, beautiful Paris! Oh look, it's the Arc de
Triomphe (Series I, episode two pit stop). But we're not
going there, it's off to Le Mans.
The Supremes are first out of the airport after the
happy SNCF train man tells them to go to the Gare du
Montparnasse (there are six train stations in Paris,
BTW). I've been to Montparnasse, it's nice.
But enough about me. While the Supremes take off, Tian/Jaree
"lollygagged". This is out of the month of a Supreme.
They luck out and get an 11.05 train to Le Mans.
Tian/Jaree and Chip/Reichen get the same TGV (train a
grande vitesse=high speed train) at Noon. The Supremes
are the first to the circuit in Le Mans, and it's time
DETOUR! No, wait... ROADBLOCK?
Anyway, the object: change four tires on a racecar, then
take a ride in the shotgun (passenger seat). The
Supremes are the first, as I said, but Monica's problems
are numerous - she can't change the tires and their lead
Other teams are now staring to arrive in Paris, but
Monica changes those pneus (tires) and finishes her lap.
More driving is in the future, however. It's off to the
south - Marseilles, to be specific - 556 miles away.
They then have to enter port four, find the lighthouse
and get their next clue.
Tian/Jaree and Chip/Reichen's taxis drag race to the
track. Chip goes up against Tian, and Chip gets away
about five seconds earlier. Chip says it's a dream come
true. Both teams are off to France's biggest port city.
BFGs and Kelly/Jon are in Charles de Gaulle airport in
Paris and are having trouble figuring out where to go...
but they do, and Kelly/Jon are fighting again - what a
Chuck and Jon do their respective tire fixing, save that
Chuck is getting claustrophobic, but Millie is
supportive. The clowns are headed to the south. Chuck
manages to beat his fears. David/Jeff and Weezer/Geezer
finish quickly. Kelly/Jon are last, and Kelly insists
she do it, and then starts cursing once she sees what it
is! Dave of the BFGs does theirs. I won't repeat John's
comment about Kelly at this point as I want to keep this
Down in Marseilles, after being told they can't stay the
night at the port, Chip/Reichen check into a nearby
hotel. T/J do the same. David/Jeff start a long line of
people who end up parking on the soft shoulder.
When the day breaks, T/J get told by a port guard to
park in front of the gate, and so do Chip/Reichen. This
pleases no one else, so the BFG's head a group that want
them to go to the back of the line. Both "budgers" don't
really want to cooperate. Steve suggests they check
their tires when they pull out.
Following the break, Chip/Reichen go to the back of
line. T/J are disagreeing as to whether or not they
should. C/R want it made clear that their integrity
should not be questioned.
9 AM rolls around. T/J let everyone pass. But they're
not really thrilled.
Jon ignores Kelly's advice and they're the first to the
lighthouse. They've now got to drive to the "Gorges du
Blavet" (Blavet Mountains) and find the marked parking
lot, park in it, then get their next clue. Other teams
Everyone seems to be okay driving, save for a couple.
Chip/Reichen are first to the mountain range, except
they've parked in the wrong lot. David/Jeff however,
have got the right one. We see Reichen/Chip go down a
path that is unmarked. Not a smart move, guys.
Cut back to Weezer/Geezer driving what we are to assume
is the wrong way. Goodness me, there are many teams that
should be on LOST! on NBC.
Chip/Reichen pass through a stream and are getting
deeper and deeper into the woods. David/Jeff are first
to the DETOUR.
ROPES: rappel down the side of a mountain SLOPES: walk a
marked path down to the side of the mountain.
As they were the first there, David/Jeff are the first
down. Despite some nervousness, the clowns are second.
Kelly/Jon are third.
At least David/Jeff should be first - but they miss the
clue box in the forest! Oops. This allows the clowns to
head into first. Teams must now hike back to their cars
and drive to the Chateau des Alpilles in St-Remy-De-Provence,
which, FYI, is about five miles from Les Baux de
Provence (series one, episode three pit stop).
David/Jeff are still looking for the box. And Chip/Reichen
are just looking for a flag period. They decide to
retrace their steps up to the car. They're both not
thrilled, but they've got to get going.
Tian/Jaree decide to go for the Fast Forward. They have
to arrange twenty paintings, jigsaw style, into a large
picture of the Chateau des Alpilles, which they do no
David/Jeff retrace their steps and finally find the box.
BFG's are worried about the state of the rope, and C/R
are worried about the state of their sanity, as they
think they might be out.
Tian/Jaree are first to the pit stop, with souvenir
artwork in hand. Millie/Chuck and the clowns tie for
Weezer/Geezer are still looking for the Gorges.
The supremes are fourth. Chip/Reichen are fifth.
David/Jeff are sixth. Kelly/Jon are seventh. BFG's are
eighth, and they survived another scare.
And finally, we're at the detour with Weezer and Geezer.
Weezer explains that his Dad his still his hero. They
complete their task with little difficulty. Geezer
explains that he's letting his son lead this time
around. They arrive at the pit stop and are eliminated.
Weezer says he got what he wanted out of the race, and
Geezer said he already had it.
NEXT TIME: Cruising the canals of Amsterdam. Tian/Jaree
look like they're going to really blow this time. And
teams are more than knee deep in something...