October 30, 2002

This show is teaching the kids that Reading is Fundamental - Heather and Eve didn't believe that, so out they go. We will be getting rid of another team that is fundamentally bad at something. Which team gets to go?

All of the teams are separated by a total of 37 minutes, so it's not like one team has an advantage over another. But two teams start out with disadvantages - the teams of Derek and Drew and Ken and Gerard have both used their Fast Forwards - should they get stuck in the back of the group, they have no short cut to use to get back to the front. Should either of them get ridiculously behind, then their stay on the short will end on this episode.

But they are not too concerned about that now, since Ken and Gerard are the first to leave Lisbon, Portugal, with the models in third, with Flo and Zach sandwiched in between.

Find the Westernmost point of continental Europe. That would be Cabo Da Roca. it's only 22 miles away, so it's sort of a trick question. Will any of the teams be fooled by it?

Ken and Gerard aren't, and since they are still aligned with the twins, the twins can save their brain cells to use on sunbathing. Andre and Damon are next - and they have no clue, so they follow the twins. Flo and Zach find out from the locals that its Cabo Da Roca, as do Teri and Ian. john Vito and Jill also find it - but they take the Taxi to get there, whereas everyone else is taking the train. Michael and Kathy are also Taxi-ing it, and team AA are gunning it. 'To be coming in the last stage last was a real kick in the ass.'

Teri and Ian start bickering again. 'I am the navigator, and when I say we fly, it's time to fly' Teri is probably hoping that his engine loses a gasket and that she has to steer the plane - and force him to skydive off of it.

While in the taxi, John Vito and Jill pass Ken and Gerard - who with the models are going to Santa Apolonia - which is where the trains are Ken and Gerard decide to play snobby and not tell them where they're going, but the joke is on them, since if they did talk, then they would have gotten to the Cabo with everyone else.

At the trains, Andre and Damon, who have no clue where they're going, bribe the models and Ken and Gerard $30 to tag along with them. The other 2 teams decide that they will follow them no matter what, so they invite Andre and Damon into their alliance. The All-Male-Alliance team is now complete.

But they are in last, as Aaron and Arianne, thanks to the taxi, get there first, followed by John Vito and Jill. They both get to the clue - and it's a detour. The teams have to get to the next clue using one of two methods - Ropes or Slopes -

Ropes - repel 300 feet down to the shore below, where the clue is waiting.

Slopes - Hike down the sloping trail, which will take much longer.

Team AA and John Vito and Jill immediately decide to repel. Teri and Ian are next, and they also repel. The train station comes in well after everyone else, and the manly alliance all get there last.

While the manly alliance is getting taxis to the repelling site, let's see how everyone else is doing. Aaron's rope is caught, but they get it unstuck and are the first ones done with the repel. Tangier, Morocco is the next place to go, and they get there by going to Alciera and then by taking a ferry to Morocco. John Vito and jill are right behind them.

Michael/Kathy and Flo/Zach and Teri/Ian all get to the cliff at the same time, and all of the women are freaking out - but none more than Flo, who wants to quit repelling as she is 20 feet down the cliff. They do and decide to hike down instead. That proves costly, as right after they decide to hike, the rest of the groups get to the repel site.

Ian/Teri and Michael/Kathy do complete the repel. The brothers and Andre/Damon are next. Ken and Gerard are trailing the pack as we get to listen to some of their mirth. 'Brother, I love you but if you dont do this, I break your ass...Just pretend that there is a dozen glazed donuts at the bottom!' He does, apparently, and them and Andre/Damon are done next, with the models and Flo/Zach vying for the basement.

It's now a rush to the ferry to try to get the closest one. Andre/Damon are looking at the gas tank for their car - and they see it needs diesel - so does John Vito and Jill. Teri and Ian don't read very well and they stick non-diesel fuel into their tank - and so does Aaron and Arianne - and so does Flo and Zach - and so does Michael and Kathy. The next time you give contestants an examination, MAKE SURE THE PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO READ!!!!!

The car doesn't work very well with the wrong gas in the car, and all four teams are realizing this. Ian was the first person to realize this, but he decides to do something about it, which is not what Aaron does. 'The car's dead, it's one o'clock in the morning, and we're in the middle of nowhere - I want to go home.' Not on a car with the wrong gas in it, you won't - but if you keep whining and not do anything about it, you will be going home.

Teri and Ian decide to walk to the gas station - and they are rather close to it. So do Flo and Zach, while Aaron and Arianne are sulking on the sidewalk, with Aaron sobbing. Flo wants to quit the race. Teri and Ian, remarkably, are the first ones to get help and Ian siphons the gas. Flo/Zach start their car and are back into it. So do Teri and Ian. Aaron and Arianne flag down a police officer and they get help for their car. Michael and Kathy decide that since they are stuck, they give up for now and stay at a hotel overnight while their car is being fixed - that's the dumb-ass move of the episode as everyone else is en route to the ferry.

Meanwhile, at Algeciras, the people who do know how to read are getting on the ferry. Andre/Damon meet John Vito and Jill, while the rest of the AMA show up in third and fourth. The first ferry holds the first four teams - and the clue on the other side of the boat says to go to Viajes Mandria - a bus charting company - in order to go to Fez. Each bus has room for three teams - and the busses leave one hour apart. The AMA get the first three spaces, so John Vito and Jill get stuck on the second bus, which will have them, Ian/Teri and Flo/Zach.

Aaron and Arianne are next - 'We went from happy and excited to bitter and jaded in 24 hours.' says Aaron. They get even more bitter - they missed the second ferry, but unbeknownst to them, Michael and Kathy have also missed the ferry and are even further behind than they are. Aaron and Arianne get the third ferry - and Michael and Kathy don't.

Ken and Gerard get there first, and the next clue is a Road Block time. One person has to find an animal tannery. In the tannery are 25 vats - three of them have the clue to the Pit Stop - the rest have dead smelly animals in them. Ewwwwwww. When they get the last clue, the teams have to go to the Roof top of the Borj Nord - that's the Pit Stop - and the last team there can take a crash course on how to properly gas one's car.

Ken and Gerard once again secure the top spot, come in first and because they won this lap, they win a digital camera! Whoo-hoo. Andre and Damon come in second, followed by the Doublemint Twins. This episode, the AMA has gotten stronger, and that spells trouble for the rest of the teams.

John Vito/Jill and Flo/Zach make their own alliance and come in tied for fourth. Teri and Ian come in sixth, and Aaron and Arianne, who don't quit the race, wind up in seventh and they get to continue.

This leaves us with Michael and Kathy, who we don't get to see do any more tasks, but with all of the hotel time, they did gel together as a couple, right? Wrong, according to Michael, who sees this thing end and they both have to go their own way. Couples trying to get back together have has an awful record on this show - out of the 4 couples in turmoil, only Frank and Margarita from season one have wanted to stay together. So the show decides to divorce themselves from Michael and Kathy, and send them on their way.

November 13, 2002

We skip last week thanks to the Country Music Awards, but one of these teams will be singing their own ballad. Michael and Kathy had the split-up blues, and now another team will be singing the lack of Air-Time sorrow song.

We start this week in the city of Fez - and the teams will be leaving from there. The leaders of the All Male Alliance, Ken/Gerard, leave at 4:43 am in search of the Hassan II Mosque in Casablanca - the second largest religious monument in the world. Andre/Damon take off at 4:37 and the models depart at 4:44.

Is it a full alliance? Ken/Gerard reluctantly let Andre/Damon follow them, waiting for the time to ditch them. '911? No way, they can't read a map - they don't know where they're going'. Meanwhile, the secondary alliance of Flo/Zach and John Vito/Jill leave around 30 minutes later.

Teri and Ian leave at 5:30am, and pass the secondary alliance when John Vito's van blows a gasket. They get a replacement car, but they lose an hour on everyone. In addition to that, Flo and Zach don't realize that John Vito and Jill aren't behind them, which ticks them off.

Once the teams get to the Mosque, they have to get to a train station called The Pomery. The AMA get there - no problem. Teri and Ian hire a taxi, which takes them to the Mosque, while after getting to the Mosque, Flo and Zac ask a taxi to take them to the Pomery - but the taxi they ask is the same one that Ian asked to bring them to the mosque. OOPS.

Ian and Flo get into it, with Ian ordering the taxi driver not to go anywhere until he's done. Flo, pissy, tells Zach that they'll find their own taxi, and the mood has changed from Model hunt to Ian and Teri hunt. Ian, sensing the animosity building up, is thinking about using the Fast Forward.

The 9:10 train leaves - with the AMA on it. Flo/Zach and Ian/Teri get to the next train - which doesn't leave for another 2 hours. That gives John Vito and Jill time to catch up with everyone else - and all of the teams are thinking about using the Fast Forward.

But the two hour delay is not enough time for Aaron and Arianne - they miss that bus and have to take the next one - another 2 hour wait. Uh oh. Meanwhile, in Marrakech, the AMA get to a detour, which is called - Now you see it; Now you don't -

Now You See It - Ride horses to a route marker and dig up clues in the sand. You know where you're going, but it will take longer.

Now you don't - Ride a buggy and make a rubbing of the clue, faster, but you don't know where you're going.

Ken and Gerard use the horses, while the models and Team 911 take the buggies. Since the brains took the horses, the buggy people, naturally, get lost. Meanwhile, the brothers get tired of digging and they take the buggies.

The models and team 911 get the clue - and now they have to find someone to translate it. Once they get the translation, they have to go to a roof of a building called The Glacier Cafe and get the instructions on what to do next - but the roof doesn't open up until 4:45 pm - which gives the trailing teams plenty of time to catch up.

The Models and Team 911 figure it out - The Glacier Cafe in Marrakech is the site for the next clue. Teri and Ian decide to go for the Fast Forward - and so do John Vito and Jill, after defeating Flo/Zach in a Rock Paper Scissors shootout.

Jamaa El-Fina Market is the Fast Forward - and the objective is to find it under a set of carpets. John Vito and Jill do get there and search with Teri and Ian - but the old cranky couple get the Fast Forward first. The Forward leads the crabby couple to another rooftop - but this one belongs to the Riad Catalina. Since they win the 6th leg, they each win a Kodak digital camera. 'We get nasty sometimes, but when the push comes to shove, we shove together.' The problem is now that all of the other teams want to shove you out of the race.

Meanwhile, Aaron and Arianne finally get to Marrakech - and unbeknownst to them, the Fast Forward has already been claimed, which puts them in an even deeper hole, since they have wasted more time going out of their way to go to the place that housed the Fast Forward.

All of the other teams get to the Cafe Glacier and are waiting for it to open. Once it does, there is a Road Block - one person has to help set up a vending stand and help them sell 5 balls of escargot. Once they do that, they then get the final clue to the Pit Stop.

While this is going on, Aaron and Arianne are playing with the dune buggies. But boogieing away from the table is Andre and Damon, who get the first clue to go to the Riad Catalina. John Vito and Jill are next, then Ken and Gerard, Flo and Zach, and finally the models.

'This is whats frustrating about this race - the driver has our destiny in his hands.' says Andre and Damon. And that's frustrating, because Flo and Zach (second), and Ken and Gerard (third), who left after them, get to the Pit Stop before them. That's a sign of driver incompetency, and sure enough, Andre and Damon get the taxi driver from Hell, which brings them to a mosque. This one is a nationally sacred one - and its guarded by nationals. As the cameras get shut off by the nationalists, Andre and Damon get detained, and so does their chances for winning the race.

The models come in fourth, and John Vito and Jill come in fifth. Andre and Damon finally get back on the trail, and believe it or not, they still manage to finish in sixth.

Aaron and Arianne couldn't get out of last place, and what killed them was that last train that they missed. The delay put them so far back that not even an Andre and Damon detainment can stop them from being eliminated. They are eliminated as the field is now down to half of what was started.

November 20, 2002

In the past 2 seasons of this show, there were 13 episodes, leaving three of them so be 'safety points', or Pit Stops that did not result in the last place being eliminated. This season, there are only 11 episodes, leaving no margin for error until the final 3 - if that. So every team must be on their toes - especially Andre and Damon, who's detainment puts them significantly behind everyone else.

We start at the Riad Catalina, where Teri and Ian leave at 3:25 am. Time to go to Munich, Germany, where they have to find a statue called Freezingle, and once there, the teams need to find Kasbolay, a famous German hand puppet. 'If we run a clean race from here on out and not make any more major mistakes, we should be in a good position.' says Ian. The mistakes better not be financial, because the additional money that they get for the leg is a whopping one dollar.

While they are making they're flight plans, Flo and Zach leave at 5:19. They can't find the way out of the hotel as Ken and Gerard leave at 5:20 and Derek and Drew leave at 5:27. Flo and Zach do find their way out, and are the first of the group of three to get a taxi. John Vito and Jill leave at 5:32. The rest of the teams get to the airport as Teri and Ian leave to go to Zurich, which will transfer to Munich. But those flights to the rest of the teams are all booked, so the rest of the teams will have to go to Casablanca first, then go to Munich.

Andre and Damon leave at 7:04 - and they have the same problems as everyone else. but instead of going to Casablanca, they squabble a little and then instead of flight, they take a taxi - which will take them 2 and a half hours. Meanwhile, the rest of the teams have already gotten to Casablanca. Uh-ho.

At Casablanca, we have a little tiff between the All Male Alliance, and the couples alliance with Flo/Zach and John Vito/Jill. Specifically, Flo and Drew. Lets take a listen to this lovely conversation:

Flo: I don't like - I don't like to be so nasty
Derek: You're very good at it...it's your nature to be nasty.
Flo That's not true
Derek: You're the dirtiest player left in the game...We can't trust any of you four, but we can trust Ken and Gerard

Alright kittens, you can sheath the claws back in now. But we will be going back to this little piece of text later.

Also back in the game - Andre and Damon, who do catch up to the teams in Casablanca. 'Our whole lead is destroyed' complains Zach. 'It's annoying'. What's even more annoying is Flo, who decides to truly play dirty pool, as she is sick of Andre and Damon being in the race.

She tells the airline that they are on a flight, and they do not want Andre and Damon on the same flight. Flo and Zach are the next on the line - but they don't make the plane that the AMA and John Vito and Jill are on and have to wait for the 3pm flight. Andre and Damon, successfully thwarted from getting on the plane by Flo, are also stuck at the airlines. Meanwhile, Andre and Damon get a flight to Paris, which will then go to Munich.

But it's Teri and Ian that get to Munich first. They find the hand puppet and now must go to Innsbruck, Austria and find the Pillar of St, Anna. John Vito and Jill are right behind them, followed by the AMA.

Andre and Damon get to Paris, and find a woman working for Lufthansa. They have an hour to get to a connecting flight, but they instead pin their hopes on the woman to get them a better flight. That was a very bad wager, as the ticket counter is closed and the woman can't get the manager to reopen it. The other trailing team, Flo and Zach, realize that they are far behind, and that only Damon and Andre are contemplating taking the Fast Forward.

Teri and Ian get to Innsbruck first - and there's a fast Forward - sled or skate:

Sled - Run down a bobsled course - a scary ride but quick and right down to the next clue.

Skate - Skate an Olympic relay course - not as scary, but farther away.

Nothing opens up until 8am, so that gives all of the teams to catch up, which three of the teams do. But two don't - Flo and Zach decide to use the Fast Forward - they have to find a surfer, surfing down self waves in Eisenbach. Andre and Damon are stuck in Paris until 6:45 am the next morning, and that pretty much seals the 'Iloveyoubuhbye' quotient of the race.

Flo and Zach are getting stressed out - it's 1:30 am and they sleep in an el cheapo hotel, as tensions rise between them. The AMA and John Vito and Jill do catch Teri and Ian, and the models get the brothers the third place in line, with john Vito and Jill in fourth.

The next morning, Flo and Zach are the first up and they find the surfer. Their reward? A trip to the next Pit Stop, which is in Fussen, Germany. An hour after they get the fast Forward, the other 4 teams are in line for the bob-sled. Teri and Ian go first and they complete it without much fuss. The next destination? the Gondola Nordkette, which is a ski-lift like transporter on the other side of town.

Andre and Damon get to Germany just as the models finish their bobsledding. Ken/Gerard and John Vito and Jill, meanwhile. are waiting for their Taxis to arrive, which causes a gap in tome between them and the front-runners. But they do get the taxis, and the 4 teams get to the lift. When they get there, they hit a Roadblock - the next clue is 230 feet down. One of the two people on the team have to use a harness and cable to drop down and get the clue.

Here's a gratuitous shot of Andre and Damon getting the clue to go to Innsbruck. That's nice. NEXT!

Teri and Ian get the clue first, and it gives them the final directions to the Pit Stop in Fussen, Germany. But Flo and Zach, fresh off the Fast Forward, get here first, and they come in first place for the leg. Because they come in first, they ALSO get a Kodak Easyshare Digital Camera. Do they have one for each different team who wins a leg of the race? That's tacky.

What else is tacky is the lack of gratitude the models have. Teri finds the models clue as they misplace it. The models, in turn, don't give Teri and Ian any help and they now yet have ANOTHER team with a bulls-eye on their rear end.

The twins have the map, and Ken and Gerard go the other way. See the quote all the way above about the models trusting Ken and Gerard? Bye-bye. 'No more alliances. From here on out, it's just us against everyone'. And it's you against your horrible sense of direction, because the reason why everyone didn't follow the models is because you went the wrong way.

That's not to say that other teams don't have their own problems. The rest of the teams, without the maps, are lost, and they are following Ken and Gerard - but they won't be following them for long because Ken and Gerard's tire blows a flat. They try to slow down to hinder the teams from passing them, but that doesn't work as all of the lost teams move ahead of them while they limp into a gas station.

But they are all better than Andre and Damon, who are seen oversleeping on the way to Innsbrook and their train passing the stop. Unless that's a direct train to Fussen, that's not going to improve your standing in the race.

Derek and Drew, who do have the map, are the first team to figure out where they have to go and finish in second. John Vite and Jill come in third and Teri and Ian come in fourth. Ken and Gerard, now at least an hour behind everyone else because of their tire mishap, are now in fifth, but they are still in it. Andre and Damon, thanks to their lack of travel plans and sleeping habits, get to Innsbruck, don't get to do any of the goodies in the episode and are directed to go straight to the Pit Stop in Fussen.

At the end of this episode, there are two teams that have not used the Fast Forward yet. One of them is John Vito and Jill, who are in great shape because they are currently in third and since they are not in any danger of being eliminated right now, can hold on to it until they either need it or are at the end of the race.

The other team is Andre and Damon, who thanks to Flo and an unfortunate travel plan that they were stuck with due to the end of last episode, will not get to use it. They give Phil back the dollar that they were given as expenses for this leg of the tour. That pretty much accounts their plight this episode; they were not a dollar short, but they were a day late.

November 27, 2002

All sorts of tension was sprouting up last week. Tension between Flo and Zach, tension between Ken and Gerard and the models, who have now dropped their alliance. Tension between Teri and Ian and the models, who refused to share info despite Teri and Ian keeping the models in the front pack. Tension between Andre and Damon and the flight schedule, and that one turns out to be fatal, as they get eliminated last episode. The only team that does not have tension is John Vito and Jill - and they are the only team to still have a Fast Forward. Does that mean that they come in first place this week? Or is it a precursor for them being the next team eliminated?

But right now the focus will start on Flo and Zach, as they are the first team to start this leg of the race. Is Flo and Zach making a pact with the models? Derek and Drew seem to think so, as they are ogling Flo. Their first mission for the leg - go find a needle (or a clue) in a hay stack. They get there, and Zach climbs up at the top, being silly. Lo and behold, there's the clue, and they have to go to the Rhinefall in Schauffhausen, Switzerland.

The models are next, followed quickly by John Vito and Jill. Flo and Zach get to the ferry, which doesn't open until the next morning, giving once again the teams a chance to catch up. John Vito/Jill and the Doublemint Twins find their clues while Teri and Ian are approaching them. Both teams tell Teri and Ian that they couldn't find the flag - but they all lied and Teri and Ian quickly find that out. They get the flag and away they go. Ken and Gerard also get everything done long before the ferry starts, and we are all back to square one.

Teri and Ian get to vent some steam in front of the lying models and John/Vito and Jill, who all looked like the cat who ate the gold fish. Everyone gets in the same subway to the Rhinefall and everyone gets to a taxi - except John Vito and Jill, who get delayed by 10 minutes since they waited for a taxi without a driver in it. OOPS.

The models get to the flag site first - and realize that you need a boat to get to the flag. The first four teams get the first boat - John Vito and Jill get the second one. The mini-island that holds the clue only has space for one boat at a time, and the boats switch off when another boat needs to get to the island. All of the first teams go up - and they all leave their bags on the boat. That turns out to be a huge tactical error, as the first boat has to leave to let the second boat in.

That second boat contains John Vito and Jill, and Jill keeps the second boat there while John Vito goes up and gets the clue. The other teams can't go back on that boat, because they left all of their stuff on the first boat - the one that just pulled out. So John Vito and Jill move from last to first in one fell swoop as they get the flag and get out of there, leaving the other four teams wishing for a cannonball to sink the boat John Vito and Jill is on.

Time to go back to Zurich and go to a place called the Lindenhof, where they have to find an officer who will lead them to an underground cavern. John Vito and Jill are told to take a bus to the train station, but the other teams are told that there is one within walking distance. They all wind up taking the same train and everyone is back to even again.

Now Ken and Gerard are talking to Flo about Zach, while Gerard, the gay brother in the Ken and Gerard brotherhood, is starting to talk about him and the models. Oooookayyyy - let's get back to the race. All of the teams get to the underground - and there is a detour. There is a safe in front of each team. Inside each safe is the next clue. The Detour is the choice that the teams have to make in terms of how to open the safe -

Count the Money - count the Swiss currency - the total amount will be the combination to the vault. It will take them a while, but they will be at the vault.

Run The Numbers - Get numerical answers to a scavenger hunt which could take them as far as a mile away from the vault.

The models and Flo and Zach do wind up allying with each other and split answers for the vault numbers. John Vito/Jill and Teri/Ian also do the scavenger hunt - but on their own. Ken and Gerard decide to stay there and count the currency.

Derek/Drew, Flo/Zach, and John Vito/Jill all get there first - and all get it wrong the first time. Seeing that they were almost done with the hunt, Ken and Gerard get sick of the money and they now go and do the scavenger hunt. The second time back, John Vito and Jill get it done first and they are off to the next clue, which is in Grindwald, Switzerland - 121 miles away - and find a field with the next route marker.

The models and Flo/Zach are the next 2 teams done, and they meet John Vito and Jill at they train station - but they all miss the bus and have to wait an hour for the next one. Meanwhile, Ken and Gerard get the combination safe done, and they aren't sharing answers with Teri/Ian, who are the only team left at the vault.

Teri/Ian do get it done and they meet all of the teams together a the train station. They all get out at the same time - and the Models get to the clue first. The clue signifies that it's Roadblock time. One of the two people on the team have to relive the legend of William Tell by shooting an arrow off of a mannequin's head. Ian is a retired police officer and Zach has had some experience in archery, so they should have the advantage, right? Zach does, as they are the first to get the final clue for this leg - go to the Chalet Arnika, which is the Pit Stop for the race.

Ken and Gerard are in second, followed by Teri and Ian and the models. John Vito and Jill pick the wrong person to shoot the arrow, as John Vito has a massive problem with the old-fangled archery set and he has to switch hands. You ever have to do anything that you usually do with one hand and switch doing it with the other? It can be frustrating, and the next target John Vito may be shooting at could be the manufacturers of the contraption.

It's now a run to the Pit Stop, and everyone catches up to Zach and a winded out Flo. Meanwhile, John Vito and Jill finally get done, and its a race to get to the chalet. Teri and Ian take the street, while the other three teams go into a pasture. John Vito and Jill are walking up, and hope that someone else gets lost worse than they do.

It won't be the three team group - they get instructions that it's another 400 meters. Ken and Gerard take what they think is a short cut and separate from the rest of the pack. John Vito and Jill find a taxi stand. Flo and Zach finally find the Pit Stop but the models out race them to come in first place. They have now won the obligatory Kodak easy share camera. Flo and Zach come in second. In third place are Teri and Ian, who stay true to their path.

John Vito and Jill do take the taxi - and they see the Pit Stop. Ken and Gerard's short cut was equally as lousy - but they also see it, and it;s a mad dash to it. Ken and Gerard do wind up closer that John Vito/Jill, and they barely beat them to it - they come in fourth, while John Vito and Jill are in fifth.

But those wacky producers get tricky with us, and this is the first of three non-elimination laps. It's usually done earlier, but John Vito and Jill will be happy that they changed the pattern this year, as they are spared. 'We needed a taste of this' says Jill. They are still the team in control as they still have the Fast Forward. If they decide to use it, then one of the other four teams will be saying Bon Voyage.

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