March 11, 2002

Welcome back to the second season of The Amazing Race! I am back, Phil is back, and 11 new teams are back, too. (Note from Jason: If they're new teams...are they really back?) The rules are pretty simple - the race is divided into 11 legs, if you finish in last in any of the legs, you have a good chance of being eliminated. The winning team gets $1,000,000! Whoo-hoo! So let's meet the teams:

Blake/Paige (The Siblings) - 'We know each others strengths and weaknesses...you know what scares me? second place.' (A Blonde Dan Cortese/Electra duo)

Hope/Norm (Married with Children) - 'We are real people with real children who struggle as real parents with real problems' (Married with Children, Walton's Style)

Oswald/Danny (Gay Friends) - 'Absolutely Fabulous...It's difficult to be drinking 7-up after you're drinking champagne' (Yes, it's a dumber, 20 year younger, Latin version of Bill and Joe)

Tara/Wil (Separated Couple) -'I am not so confident that we'll do well in the race because we fight a lot' (The Caucasian version of Frank and Margarita - if they are as savvy as F and M were, pencil them in the top 3, now)

Hilary/Diedre (Mom/Daughter) 'I'm gonna want to go really fast and Mom's going to want to think things through...I think we're going to be underestimated' (No real reason to write anything here - we're not going to be seeing much of them after this episode)

Chris/Alex (The Bouncers) 'I'm planning on kicking everybody's ass' (I think you need to be a bit less subtle, Chris. Any clue what their intentions are goig to be?)

Cindy/Russell (Pastors) 'We have a spiritual advantage...I'm certainly not going to ask God to hinder anybody else, but I am going to ask him to help us.' (Yes, they are as religious as they sound. If they bless God every time they do something right, I will be getting my barf bag handy)

Peggy/Claire (The Gutsy Grannies) 'We call ourselves the gutsy grannies. We're doing this for the grannies of the whole world.' (Is this some sort of a cheap demographic pop that will warm the cockles of the bottom of everyone's heart?)

Gary/David (New York Geeks) 'We're best enemies, we barely tolerate each other. We're going to do everything short of a felony to win this race.' (One is bald, the other geeky, but Kevin and Drew, they are most certainly not)

Melody/Peach (Sisters) 'Mary is in control...I'm going to show my whole family that I can do this' (They remind me of the bobsey twins. If they don't implode, they will be sticking around for a while)

Shola/Doyin (twins) 'I think people are going to expect a lot from twins - I think we are going to have the best teamwork' (Good news - this African-American pair are smart enough to be in the finals. The bad news - there is no way on Earth that I will be able to tell these 2 apart.)

My Top 3 picks after seeing this segment - Tara/Wil, Shola/Doyin, and Cyndi/Russell

Now, onto the game, which starts in the dusty land of Las Vegas. The teams start in the middle of nowhere - and there first clue is to get into a 4runner and go to Rio De Janeiro. The first flight will take the first 7 teams. The other 4 sucker teams have to wait for the next flight - 2 hours later. After a rendevouz with the airport security, your 4 teams in eary peril are Danny/Oswald, Diedre/Hilary, Peggy/Claire, and Gary/Dave.

Once in Rio, the teams have to get to the statue called Christo Redentor (the tall white statue that is scene in every Rio tourism commercial). Once there, the teams have to go to kiss 'Fat Maria' on Paqueta Island. 'Fat Maria' is a tree, and after the tree, the teams have to go make a boat reservation for Paqueta Island. The boats will leave the next morning - first come, first serve, and 3 teams to a boat.

The sister get to the Christo Redentor first, but it is Cyndi and Russell who get to the tree first. After praising God for them being there and the Christo Redentor (awwwwwwBarf), The pastors head on over and are the first to make the boating reservations. Wil and Tara get there - sort of. Wil gets himself lost while looking for the boat reservation place. Tara finds it - but then has to go find Wil. By the time she finds her, the twins and the siblings have gotten on line and got the last reservations for the 8am voyage, which will send the separated couple to the couple to the 8:45am voyage. Tara and Wil start to protest, saying they were there first, but the teams aren't buying their steaming line of monkey crap and Blake gets into a verbal spat with Wil. With the twins defending the siblings (relatives must stick together, you know) Wil and Tara lose the argument, but not before Wil curses Blake out. 'There's gonna be competition between Blake and Wil, mano-a-mano.', notes Tara. When the series is over, why don't we put them in the next edition of celebrity boxing matches?

All of the teams get there, and here's how the schedule looks like:
8am - Siblings, Twins, Pastors
8:45 - Pissed off WIl and Tara, and Happy to be there Hope and Norm
9:30 - Bouncers, Sisters, Gay Friends
10am - NY Geeks, Mom and Daughter, Grannies

Once the teams get to the island, they have to climb to the second level of Sugar Loaf Mountain. They then have a detour - which tells them how to get off of the mountain - either rappel down the 590 foot surface, or or take a gondola down - but having to find the woman who inspired the song 'The girl from Ipanema' first before continuing. Everyone decides to rappel down - except the grannies, who say they are gutsy, but not suicidal.

Paige and Blake, who have rappelled before, make it down first. Tara and Wil, however get there, and they have repalled too - and they show it by going past both the twins and the pastors. Doyin, who is terrified of heights is not having much fun here. 'Doyin Brian Richards, don't look down...thank God I have a clean pair of shorts in the back'. The pastors come down right behind them, and those are your 4 frontrunners.

The siblings open the clue - and it's the directions to go to the pit stop - which is the final part of this leg of the race. They have to find the yacht called Tocorime on Urca Beach. Last team there gets to go bye bye. Wil and Tara, who got stuck on the second boat to the island, See the yacht as they taxi it down to the beach. They get out of the taxi, spend $100 for a rent-a-boat there, and make it in first place. The pastors and the twin boys pooled their money together to find a boat, and they came in second and third, respectively. The siblings and Hope and Norm also pooled their funds together, and they came in tied for fourth. The bouncers come in 6th, the sisters in 7th, and Oswald and Danny in 8th.

The race was on for the final 3 teams, Gary (who tried to convince the Taxi driver to hurry faster to the Christo Redentor by saying that he wanted to convert) and Dave get snookered on prices for a boat, but they get there in 9th. The grannies are certain that they came in last, but they surpassed the mother/daughter team of Hilary/Diedre, who didn't do anything for a dumbass move of the episode, but they do get a slow-ass move of the episode, ad mom Diedre, already the last team at the rappelling station, got her rope caught and it took her wayyyyy too long to get down from the cliff. So the mom and daughter team this time around are the first team to go Iloveyoubuhbye.

My Take - 'Lots of personality filled contestants here in this episode. This should be a very fun sequel to the original, and hopefully will get the ratings to warrant a third season - though based on the fact that Big Brother 3 is coming this Summer, that shouldn't be too difficult.'

March 13, 2002

In the first episode, we got to meet everybody - but we didn't get to meet Hilary and Diedre for too long, because they are now out. We get to lose another team, after only 2 hours of acquaintance time (though there are probably millions of internet articles out there about the newly departed if you are looking for them...)

The first place team of Tara and Wil start this leg out - and they have to go to a Samba Club and find a girl whose headdress matches the feather that the teams have been given. They leave at 11:06. Cyndi/Russell and Shola/Doyin leave at 11:34 and 11:35, respectively - yet they both get there before Tara and Wil. Why? Because Tara and Wil have met one of the great Amazing Race equalizers - the idiot taxi driver from hell. While the guy is driving around, the pastors and the twins have gotten into and out of the club. Heck, the next 2 teams (sisters, married parents) are out of the gate before they get there.

Will and Tara's idiotic taxi driver puts Cyndi and Russell into the lead. They next have to find Pedro Bonita - which is located at the top of a mountain on Sao Conrado Beach. When they get to the top, they have a detour - a choice of 2 things to do - either hang-glide off of the mountain to the beach below, or go back down and use metal detectors to find the next clue - which is buried in a mile and a half stretch of sand.

Cyndi and Russell decide to hang-glide. So do Tara and Wil, who show up in second place. Shola and Doyin get there, but not before their idiotic taxi driver from Hell runs over Doyin's back of his foot. Ouch. They see the detour, get afraid of heights, and decide to do plan C - use the Fast Forward.

The Fast Forward is a stunt that if completed, will give the team the exact directions to where the next pit stop is. Only one team can get the Fast Forward, and you can only use it once, so use it wisely. The Fast Forward is to score 10 points off of the volleyball game against 2 of the natives. The twins decide to do that, regardless of the foot. 'If I'm not alright, we're still going'.

The rest of the teams get to the top of the mountain -except the grannies and Gary and Dave, who also decide to play volleyball. The grannies change their mind when they see the brothers there, and decide to go up the hill. They see the detour, and decide to go down to use the metal detectors - until the rest of the team make fun of them - and tell them to rescind the gutsy granny t-shirts if they don't do it. The grannies stay.

While practicing volleyball, one of the Doyin/Shola combo twists his leg. Gary and Dave decide that they can get to 10 points quicker than a guy with a gimpy leg and another one who's ankle got run over. They are wrong, as the brothers get 10 points first (Gary and Dave had 2 when the game ended). The twins get the Fast Forward, and Gary and Dave now decide to use the metal detectors - until they are there for a good half an hour and see 3 of the teams hang-gliding it down. They decide to go back up the mountain and hang-glide.

Meanwhile, on the hang-gliding hangout, The pastors, the separated couple, the sisters, the bouncers, the married with children couple, and the gay friends have all hang-glided. The grannies are up to hang-glide - and they balk - not because they don't want to do it - but because they think they are both too slow to get the speed necessary to make the initial jump. So the hang-gliding company hooks each of them up with a guy from the company and they make the jump. Blake and Paige follow, and Gary and Dave bring up the rear.

All of the teams need to find a bus that brings them to Foz Do Iguaçu (Iguaçu Falls), and the pit stop is in that city. The brothers, the bouncers, and Tara/Wil take the first bus - and the bus gets a flat tire. That delay only stops them for 16 minutes, when Alex of the bouncers decides to push the bus driver aside and fix the tire - with the help of the other 2 teams. You should get teams that are in a race for a million bucks all the time on your tour bus =).

The second bus contains the pastors, the sisters and Dan/Oswald, and their bus gets to the city without a problem. The grannies and Gary and Dave miss the last direct bus - so they take one that reconnects to another bus. When they get to the connecting point, Gary and Dave get to connect to a 630 bus, while the grannies are stuck with one that leaves at 8.

But they are both in better shape that the brother and sister and Hope and Norm. Hope and Norm have their own idiot taxi driver from hell, and them getting stuck leaves them trying to make the last bus. Blake, meanwhile, pulls the dumbass move of the episode by leaving his wallet in the taxi, and they are stuck in a bad episode of Lost as they are left to panhandle for money to try to get the cash. They do rack up $20 in 5 minutes, and they join Hope and Norm in the last bus.

The final obstacle when they get to the city is a Roadblock - one of the people has to be on a speedboat and scan the Iguaçu falls for the flag - the other one has to wait on the dock for the partner to come back with directions on how to get to the pit stop - which is in a jungle camp by the safari dock.

Shola and Doyin don't have to worry about that - they got the Fast Forward and make it into first place. Tara/Wil and the bouncers make an alliance - which almost quickly disappears when Wil tells Tara to gas the car when the bouncer's car stall. Tara and Wil's car then gets grounded into low gear, and the bouncers reluctantly help them out. Seeds of backstabbings, anyone? Once at the falls, Tara/Wil and Chris/Alex make a very shaky alliance to get the flags, and only time will tell if they stay that way. Chris and Alex come in second, Tara and Wil in third. Mary and Peach come in fourth, and Gary and Dave's redirected bus route actually gets them in front of the second bus and they come in 5th. Cyndi and Russell make it in 6th and Oswald and Danny are in 7th. The grannies bus direct also gets them in quicker than the last bus and they come in 8th.

This leaves the brother and sister team and Hope and Norm. While on the bus, Blake and Paige spot someone with a map. They get written directions from him on how to get to the place with the speedboat. Norm and Hope do no such thing, and stop to ask for directions once they get off of the bus. This winds up being the difference between the 2 teams, as Black and Paige sneak into the last surviving position and Norm and Hope go Iloveyoubuhbye.

March 20, 2002

2 Teams have made cameo appearances on the Early Show. Blake/Paige, Dave/Garry and the Grannies are your favorites to be the third team on the circuit. Meanwhile, Wil/Tara and The Bouncers have made an alliance that is around as solid as Heinz 57 gravy. We'll see who's pride will be doused in gravy as the next team eliminated.

The first pass on this leg is to go to Cape Town, South Africa and get to the cell where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned in. Shola and Doyin's father was from Sierra Leone, so this is, in their terms, 'sort of a family reunion'. They leave first, followed by all of the other teams...but the grannies are nowhere to be found.

That's because the grannies never set their alarm clocks (or took their Geritol, take your pick) and they oversleep by 40 minutes. This delights Blake and Paige, which was the team that finished in second to last in the last leg. 'When you're in last, you have to do everything you can to get back in the middle of the pack.' It doesn't delight anyone when they find out that the flights don't leave until 6:50 - so the airport plays the second type of great equalizer.

Now it's a race to get the best flight out of there. There are no direct flights to Cape Town, so the team that gets the best flight plan will take the lead. Blake and Paige wind up cutting past the Grannies and half of the other teams to get tickets, but the teams that make the best plans are Tara/Will, Oswald and Danny, and Gary/Dave, as they get into Cape Town first. Shola and Doyin come in 2 hours later, followed by Mary and Peach and (finally) Blake and Paige (I guess cutting doesn't really get you anywhere. eh?) Cyndi/Russell and Chris and Alex get there half-way, but are stuck on stand-by to get there the rest of the way. This should promptly bite them in the ass later. But what makes the dumbass move of the episode are the grannies, who take a route with 4 stops, including New York and London. This takes slow to the extreme, don't you think?

Tara and Wil get to Nelson Mandela's cell first. 'I don't know if we're in such a rush that we don't have time to fight' explains Tara, who with Will now ally themselves with Oswald/Danny and Gary/Dave. Behind them are the twins and the sisters. After heading back to Kalk Bay Harbor - they have a detour to make - either dance with a South African Troupe (Dubbed 'The Village People' by Will) and get 25 rand from the natives, or cart around 275 pounds worth of fish to the scales. Since 25 rand is equivalent to $2.25 in American money, all of the teams decide to put on those old disco albums and sing renditions of YMCA and Macho Man.

After doing the 'Irish Riverdance on Crack' (Thanks, Oswald), the teams then have to go to Paradise Hair Salon in Zone 23 - they have to go to Cape Town Station and go to Langa Township. When they get there, the teams hit a roadblock. Someone has to buy Epson Salts and a Smiley (a sheep's head) - they then have to give this to a healer, who will make a remedy that the person must drink. When all of it is drunk, then they get the next clue. Fear Factor, anyone?

By the way, to be politically correct, they are not 'Healers', according to the sign outside their door. They want to be known as 'Herbal Chemists'. Yeah, ok, whatever. After drinking the remedy, which according to Gary is, 'A blend of mouthwash and Clorox Bleach', the triumvirate get the final clue to the leg - the Pit Stop is at Lanzerac Manor. Surely enough, the threesome get there at the same time - Danny/Oswald in first, Wil and Tara in second, and Gary/Dave in third.

Meanwhile, Mary and Peach are on the way to Zone 23 - and are told by the natives not to show up there, or they will be mugged and killed. Despite the pleasantries, the sisters do get there, and Mary gives the natives a whole bunch of sunglasses, bringing the heart-warming 'see, it's more than just a race' factor into the show. Awwwwwwbarf.

The twins start to do the fish - and then change their mind after Blake and Paige (who traveled with them) finished the dance in less than 5 minutes. The uniforms are wayyyy to small, but they finish it. 'We feel like twin Urkels' say the twins. But at least you are in Cape Town, which is better than the grannies, who are the only ones not there yet - they are still in London after failing to go to security. Can we just give the grannies the year's supply of Rice-A-Roni and the complete set of the Encyclopedia Britannica now?

Chris and Alex and the Pastors get to the dance choice - and they all decide to carry fish instead - this takes them 15 minutes, and the Bouncers are even nice enough to help the pastors out with their fish when they are done. They are still deemed as 'sneaky' though by Cyndi, (this reminds me of the sermon with the guy on the flooded roof and asking God to....never mind - you've all probably heard that one before - but I'll say it later if it is deemed appropriate).

The sisters get to the mansion and come in fourth. Shola and Doyin and Blake and Paige come in equally tied for 5th/6th. After nightfall, Chris and Alex come in 7th and the Pastors come in the final advancement spot (8th).

After their stupid travel itinerary, the grannies finally come into Cape Town - a full day after everyone else got there. The crew felt sorry for them, as the grannies, after getting into Nelson Mandela's cell, got the note to go straight to the Pit Stop, bypassing the dancing, fish, healer, etc. The ironic thing is that it wasn't the physical actions that stopped them - it was the hideous travel schedule that they made for themselves. At least they came in 2 places further than I thought they were going to finish in.

What makes this even more interesting is that the weaker teams are at the top while the stronger ones are at the bottom, and now that the 3 teams that were definitely the weaker ones are gone, any of the other 8 could win - or be the next ones out of Dodge.

March 27, 2002

This leg of the race starts off at a lovely mansion in the middle of South African wine country, but the action starts the night before. You see, Wil (of the Wil and Tara team) really enjoys his wine - I mean REALLY enjoys his wine. So much so that he gets a little...shall we say...tipsy...OK, he gets stinking drunk and curses everything out. This, of course, upsets the pastors as well as the sisters. Add the bad blood with Blake and Wil is probably happy that they have the alliance with the bouncers - since he may need them to protect his carcass near the end of the race.

Once the teams depart from the mansion, they have to go to the Cape Avatar Business Center - Ryan Black air, specifically. They then have to fly to Wallis Bay, Namibia and go to the Seaside Coast. There are 2 planes available - each one seats 4 teams. The first one leaves at 9am, the second one leaves at noon - 3 hours later.

Oswald/Danny, Tara/Wil and Gary/Dave all leave within minutes of each other at 2:52 am, and they get there well before everyone else. The race is going to be for that fourth seat on the first plane - and that race comes down to the sisters, the twins, and the bro/sis duo.

Blake and Paige bribe the driver an extra 100 rand if they get there for the fourth slot, 'Eat or be eaten', says Blake, but Blake looks good with some ketchup on top as the sisters get the final slot on the first plane. So the teams on the second plane (and prime candidates for expulsion) are Blake/Paige, the twins, the pastors, and the bouncers.

We have our official Amazing Race injury report while on the plane. Danny pulled a muscle in his foot while attempting to do yoga at the mansion (You are in the middle of a race for a million dollars and you decide to do stretch and do yoga? Wha?), so the team can't do much hiking. Meanwhile, Peach is feeling ill, so that team will be slowed down as well.

All 4 teams arrive at the airport - and they get swindled trying to find a taxicab. All of the teams leave on the first taxi - except for Oswald/Danny, w ho charm the agent into giving them a free ride into town. That propels the gay friends into first place.

The teams have to walk up a lighthouse in Swakopumund (that will do wonders for Danny's ankle...NOT) and find an SUV Truck. Then they have to go to the Matterhorn Sand Dune and hike to the top of the dune. Danny and Oswald get there first, see the word 'hike' on the instructions, and Danny (and his wounded ankle) decide to go after the Fast Forward.

The Fast Forward will tell the team where the Pit Stop is for the leg, but only one team can use it per leg, and you can only use it once for the entire race. The Fast Forward for the day is located at the Old Railway Station - or where it used to be. The final leg in the race is the Amani Lodge. What is currently there is a swimming pool in a mansion. Oswald strips down to his boxers (ewwwwwwwww) and gets the Fast Forward.

Peach is feeling really ill, so Mary and Peach also go after the Fast Forward - but get there right after Danny and Oswald grab the Fast Forward, so they have to go to the Sand Dune, and fall behind Tara/Wil. They stay in front of Gary/David, who have their own little run-in with the taxi driver from Hell. Tara and Wil get to the top of the sand dune, but not without some squabbling:

W: "That's why I pay you the big bucks"
T: "What exactly are you paying me?"
W: "I'm paying you a half-million bucks."

Is there anybody that Wil gets along with?

When they get to the top, teams have a choice: either walk back down, or slide down a mini sand toboggan that goes down as quickly as 50 mph. Wil and Tara, the sisters, and Gary/Dave all decide to slide down. When they get to the bottom, the teams have to go to Spitzkoppfe, go to the General Dealer Store, and ask for the postcard of the day.

While the bickering Bickersons are going to the general store, the second group of teams arrive, and all of the teams decide to pool their money to get a cab - except for the bouncers. This bites them in the ass, because as the bouncers try to call for a cab, the cab for the other teams come - and they are left cab-less. It takes them over an hour to get another cab, and they are far behind the rest of the teams. When they get to the lighthouse, there is only one SUV waiting for them, and they need a team to pull a massive dumbass move on order for them to stick around.

And they will get it, in the form of Shola and Doyin's SUV driving ability. They have problems with the stick, and they have problems trying to find it. The twins are also getting no love from the natives.

S: "Do you know where the Matterhorn Sand Dune is?"

Native:"It's in the desert"

Thanks for all of your help.

Meanwhile, Tara and Wil get to the General Dealer Store, and get the postcard, which tells the teams to go the Bushman Woodcarver Market. One of the teammates have to barter with the natives to get the five main animals of Africa - Lion, Rhino, Buffalo, Leopard, and Elephant - in a figurine form. Present them to the head woodcarver (who looks like the main bushman in the flick 'The Gods Must be Crazy', and he will give you a giraffe figurine and the instructions to get to the Pit Stop - the Amani Lodge.

Tara gets into the stunt as she makes animal gestures to the main bushman as she presents the 5 figurines. Wil gets into it with Gary, as he accuses the New York Geeks of speeding to try to catch up with them. So Wil has pissed off yet ANOTHER team - and has now made enemies with over half of the teams that are left in the race. Tara, is there anywhere that you can bring Wil without him getting himself into trouble?

Mary and Peach get to the animals - and Peach gets a lesson from Mary on how to auction. They get done right before Blake and Paige, who get done right before the Pastors.

The bouncers get lost and take them forever just to get to the sand dunes. But they are doing much beter than Shola, who comits the dumb-ass move of the episode when Shola veers off of the road and drives right into the sand. This causes their car to get stuck, and the twins spend even more time trying to get their car out of the sand. They finally get out of the sand - and get directions to the sand dune - but its 7:37 when they get the directions, and the dunes close at 7:45. Unless the SUV has a light speed booster attached to their bumper, they are not getting to the dunes.

And that sucks for them, because everyone else has. Danny and Oswald, due to the Fast Forward, come in first place. The speeding Gary and Dave (quote of the night - while they get the giraffe out of the car - 'I'm in the mood for a long neck'.) speed past Tara and Wil and come in second, while T/W come in third.

A little controversy for the fourth and 5th spots - both teams get to the lodge at around the same time. There is a path that the sisters are running on - and they think that they have 4th wrapped up, but the siblings take a short cut through the woods - and they beat Mary and Peach for fourth. 'Whether they meant to cut us or not, I'm disappointed', says Peach. Wait a sec - this is a race - there is no honor in racing - there should be no unwritten rules on being on line. Blake and Paige are playing the game as they should - but they are still racking up almost as many teams that will not be inviting them to Thanksgiving dinner as Wil.

The pastors come in 6th place. The bouncers take the 7th and final position. This leaves Shola and Doyin (who don't even get to the dunes - like the grannies, they get the unceremonious short cut to the Pit Stop - and you can tell this since they don't bring a giraffe with them to the Pit Stop) in the last and eliminated position as one of my favorites goes down in flames. Next week - Wil and Blake attempt to break bread - and each other's necks.

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