TOURNAMENT 5
CHAMPIONSHIP
It's been a long and gruelling couple of weeks on CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN, the high-stakes poker tournament that plays like a Beverly Hills home game. But, now, we're down to our OWN "Fab Five". The winners of the preliminary tables are together at last to fight it out for the lion's share of the Caddilac(TM) $250,000 Prize Pool! And one of their chariities will walk away with $100,000!
Let's meet the five finalists playing tonight at the Palms Casino in Vegas and, as you may say to yourself, "Well,...how did they get here?":
CELEBRITY | HOW THEY GOT HERE |
Jason Alexander playing for the Oakwood Capital Building Fund |
Listen Up! front man Jason proved he knows more than blackjack. He watched as Chris Kattan was shown the door towards the Roxbury and Allison Janney was impeached. He maintained a lead throughout as he made Mary McCormick leak and Nick Gonzalez cry. |
Brad Garrett playing for the Dream Foundation |
The cross between Herman Munster and Greg Brady was at the bottom of the list most of the night. As his Everybody Loves Raymond counterpart Ray Romano was kicked out, Ray gave Brad his Yankees cap... and it was uphill from there! He struck out Curt Schilling, let Catherine O'Hara go "Home Alone" and, with a small kicker, put Sara Rue out to dry. |
Bonnie Hunt playing for the Greater Chicago Chapter of the Arthritis Foundation |
The Life With Bonnie star was likewise a bottom-feeder for a while as Robert Wagner had a Hart To Hart with the Lounge and Lacey Chabert was "Lost In Space". Bonnie was down to $2600 when she surged back to STOP the surging Scott Wolf and finally send J.K. Simmons to the couch. |
Colin Quinn playing for the Salvation Army |
The comedian played EXTREMELY passively... and, yet, was lucky enough to get the hands! He forced Alias' Kevin Weismann into the Witness Protection Program, kicked out soccer player Brandi Chastain, sent Tom Verica away from HIS American Dream and "steamrolled" over Camryn Manheim. |
Malcolm-Jamal Warner playing for American Sickle Cell Anemia Association |
This "Cosby kid" gets to face his Listen Up! colleague. He let Jesse Metcalfe put Less Than Perfect's Andrea Parker out before sending Jesse running like a Desperate Houswife. He then put down Fred Willard and, on only the 19th hand of the tournament, sent Heather Graham back to the Scrubs! |
Each celebrity will start with $10,000 worth of chips and the game will continue until one celebrity has all $50K in his possession. That person will win $100,000 for his charity. But not one of the charities will go away with less than $7500; the longer someone stays in the game, the more money his charity will receive. At the announcers' position beside the Losers' Lounge are host Dave Foley and poker expert Phil Gordon. They'll be calling the action emanating from the main room.
We're ready to have another champion of celeb poker! As Tournament Director Robert Thompson so frequently enunciates, let's SHUFFLE UP AND DEAL!
Blinds start at $100 (SB) and $200 (BB). The Dealer Button (D) starts on Malcolm, meaning Fred posts the Small Blind, Heather posts the Big Blind and Jesse is first to act.
As far as picks go, Dave picks Jason while Phil goes for Malcolm. Let's hope ONE of them doesn't bow to the "Curse of the Hosts"!
Colin | Bonnie | Brad (D) | Malcolm (SB) | Jason (BB) |
9♥ 6♦ | 10♥ 7♣ | 8♠ 3♣ | A♠ 2♣ | J♦ 10♦ |
FOLD | FOLD | FOLD | Calls $100 | Raises to $400 |
Calls $200 | ||||
53% | 47% | |||
Yup, win percentages are still here. Much thanks to twodimes.net for the use of their "Poker Odds Calculator". | ||||
FLOP: 6♠ 5♦ 4♠ | ||||
74% | 23% | |||
Malcolm has a straight draw...and Jason has bubkis | ||||
CHECK | Bets $200 | |||
Raises to $400 | Calls $200 | |||
The ol' check-raise...though it COULD have been MORE of a raise. | ||||
TURN: 3♠ | ||||
89% | 0% | |||
BANG! There's Malcolm's "wheel" (Ace-low straight)! Jason is dead to a tie; a 2 or a 7 will put a straight on the Board and split the pot between them. | ||||
Bets $1500 | FOLD | |||
That is...unless Malcolm bets big and scares Jason out of the pot. | ||||
WIN $3100 |
Bonnie | Brad | Malcolm (D) | Jason (SB) | Colin (BB) |
Q♦ 8♥ | 10♠ 7♦ | 5♠ 3♦ | Q♣ J♦ | 5♦ 3♥ |
Raises to $1500 | FOLD | FOLD | Calls $1400 | FOLD |
24% | 68% | |||
FLOP: 8♣ 6♦ 9♥ | ||||
70% | 28% | |||
CHECK | ||||
CHECK | ||||
TURN: 6♠ | ||||
84% | 16% | |||
CHECK | ||||
Bets $1500 | Calls $1500 | |||
Bonnie bets...but thinks she's raising. As such, she asks Director Robert Thompson is what she puts in is "enough". After Robert corrects her, Brad calls Robert the "King of the Obvious". Robert replied, straight-faced, "That's CAPTAIN Obvious, please..." | ||||
RIVER: 3♣ COMMUNITY: 6♦ 6♠ 9♥ 8♣ 3♣ |
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NUTS! | DEAD! | |||
"NUTS!" means Bonnie has the best hand..."DEAD!" means Jason can either bluff her out...or just HAND her his chips. | ||||
CHECK | ||||
CHECK | ||||
8♥ 8♣ 6♦ 6♠ Q♦ | 6♦ 6♠ Q♣ J♦ 9♥ | |||
WIN $6200 |
CURRENT CHIP COUNT | |
Malcolm-Jamal Warner | $13,100 |
Colin Quinn | $11,400 |
Bonnie Hunt | $11,300 |
Brad Garrett | $8300 |
Jason Alexander | $5900 |
Jason | Colin | Bonnie (D) | Brad (SB) | Malcolm (BB) |
10♣ 7♥ | 9♠ 8♦ | A♣ 2♣ | 7♦ 4♥ | A♦ 6♣ |
FOLD | Calls $400 | Calls $400 | FOLD | CHECK |
44% | 20% | 22% | Brad wants a new dealer since he's not getting any good cards (like it's the dealer's fault). | |
FLOP: 6♥ Q♥ 6♦ | ||||
4% | 0% | 95% | ||
6-6-6! Malcolm flopped "Nicolae Carpathia" (read the Left Behind books if you don't know)! Bonnie's dead to a tie. | ||||
Bets $1000 | ||||
FOLD | Calls $1000 | |||
0% | 99% | |||
TURN: 9♣ | ||||
DEAD! | NUTS! | |||
No chance for a tie THIS time. Unless Bonnie bluffs Malcolm out (yeah right), Malcolm will win the hand. | ||||
Bets $1500 | ||||
Calls $1500 | ||||
RIVER: 5♣ COMMUNITY: 6♥ 6♦ Q♥ 9♣ 5♣ |
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Bets $2000 | ||||
Calls $2000 | ||||
6♥ 6♦ A♣ Q♥ 9♣ | 6♣ 6♥ 6♦ A♦ Q♥ | |||
WIN $10,400 | ||||
Malcolm bet strategic amounts that he was SURE Bonnie would call...and it worked. Bonnie admits that she thought he was bluffing. |
Colin | Bonnie | Brad (D) | Malcolm (SB) | Jason (BB) |
Brad to the dealer: "If I don't get a hand, I'm gonna lift you by the legs and dust!" | ||||
Q♦ J♠ | 5♣ 3♦ | 9♣ 6♠ | K♦ 8♠ | 6♣ 3♣ |
Calls $400 | FOLD | FOLD | Calls $200 | CHECK |
40% | 38% | 21% | ||
FLOP: 4♥ Q♣ 6♥ | ||||
69% | 13% | 18% | ||
Jason and Colin flopped pairs, though Colin's is better. | ||||
CHECK | Bets $1000 | |||
Calls $1000 | FOLD | |||
80% | 20% | |||
TURN: A♠ | ||||
92% | 8% | |||
Bets $1000 | ||||
Calls $1000 | ||||
RIVER: Q♥ COMMUNITY: Q♣ Q♥ A♠ 6♥ 4♥ |
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NUTS! | DEAD! | |||
Ut oh...Jason has two pair (Queens and 6s)...but Colin has, as Dave puts it, "60% of the Fab Five"! Can Jason resist the temptation to bet his two pair? | ||||
ALL-IN $3500 |
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Calls $3500 | ||||
I...guess not. | ||||
Q♦ Q♣ Q♥ A♠ J♠ | Q♣ Q♥ 6♣ 6♥ A♠ | |||
WIN $12,200 | OUT - 5th Place |
CURRENT CHIP COUNT | |
Malcolm-Jamal Warner | $18,200 |
Colin Quinn | $17,300 |
Brad Garrett | $8100 |
Bonnie Hunt | $6400 |
Bonnie | Brad (D) | Malcolm (SB) | Colin (BB) |
J♦ 8♠ | K♥ 7♦ | Q♣ 6♥ | 5♠ 5♦ |
FOLD | FOLD | Calls $200 | CHECK |
46% | 54% | ||
FLOP: 6♠ J♥ Q♥ | |||
92% | 8% | ||
Malcolm flopped two pair...much better than Colin's "speed limit". | |||
Bets $400 | Raises to $2000 | ||
Calls $1600 | |||
TURN: J♣ | |||
95% | 5% | ||
Colin tells Malcolm, "You can't beat four 'Jakes'!" It's perfectly legal to lie about the strength of a hand. | |||
Bets $400 | |||
Raises to $2000 | Calls $1600 | ||
RIVER: 5♣ COMMUNITY: J♥ J♣ Q♥ 6♠ 5♣ |
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DEAD! | NUTS! | ||
ACK! The only possibile card that could help Colin...and he GETS it! He has "15 miles"! (5-5-5) | |||
CHECK | ALL-IN $12,900 |
||
Calls $12,900 | |||
Q♣ Q♥ J♥ J♣ 6♥ | 5♠ 5♦ 5♣ J♥ J♣ | ||
WIN $34,600 | |||
MAJOR double-up for Colin! Malcolm is down to a mere $900 in chips! |
Malcolm | Colin (D) | Bonnie (SB) | Brad (BB) |
Q♣ 5♠ | Q♥ 5♣ | 3♠ 3♦ | 10♠ 3♣ |
Calls $400 | Calls $400 | Calls $200 | CHECK |
1% | 1% | 41% | 23% |
Awww...a "family pot". That's when everyone at the table is in the pot. Bonnie's ahead with "crabs". | |||
FLOP: 7♠ 6♥ 7♣ | |||
0% | 0% | 49% | 15% |
Malcolm and Colin can either fold...or PRAY for a tie. | |||
CHECK | CHECK | ||
ALL-IN $500 |
FOLD | Calls $500 | FOLD |
35% | 61% | ||
Now that it's one-on-one, Malcolm has a chance. He needs a Queen or a 5. | |||
TURN: A♦ | |||
17% | 75% | ||
An Ace will now save him as well. | |||
RIVER: K♥ COMMUNITY: 7♠ 7♣ A♦ K♥ 6♥ |
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A King, however,...not so much. | |||
7♠ 7♣ A♦ K♥ Q♣ | 7♠ 7♣ 3♠ 3♦ A♦ | ||
OUT - 4th Place | WIN $2600 |
Blinds are now up to $300 (SB) and $600 (BB).
Brad (D) | Colin (SB) | Bonnie (BB) |
Q♥ J♣ | K♥ 6♣ | J♠ 2♠ |
Raises to $1200 | Calls $900 | FOLD |
40% | 59% | |
FLOP: 7♦ 9♠ K♣ | ||
19% | 81% | |
Colin has a high pair and Brad has a "gut buster straight draw", needing a 10. | ||
Bets $1000 | ||
Calls $1000 | ||
TURN: 2♥ | ||
10% | 90% | |
Bets $1000 | ||
Calls $1000 | ||
Brad acts like a healing pastor, asking for a good River card... | ||
RIVER: 10♣ COMMUNITY: K♣ 10♣ 9♠ 7♦ 2♥ |
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NUTS! | DEAD! | |
...and he GETS it! | ||
Bets $1000 | ||
ALL-IN $4100 |
FOLD | |
My God! "Callin' Colin" FOLDED! | ||
WIN $12,100 | ||
Brad SHOWS the straight. He didn't HAVE to...and SOME pros think it's in bad taste. |
CURRENT CHIP COUNT | |
Colin Quinn | $29,500 |
Brad Garrett | $13,100 |
Bonnie Hunt | $7400 |
Colin (D) | Bonnie (SB) | Brad (BB) |
Q♦ 4♣ | 7♥ 5♦ | 6♣ 3♥ |
Calls $600 | Calls $300 | CHECK |
Brad actually tossed in his cards as if folding...but the dealer tells him he can just check. If that ain't a "tell"... | ||
41% | 34% | 24% |
FLOP: 6♥ 4♠ 8♣ | ||
2% | 95% | 2% |
EEP! Bonnie flopped the nut straight! The only way Colin or Brad can win is running 4s or running 6s respectively. | ||
Bets $600 | Calls $600 | |
Calls $600 | ||
Brad goes into jokes about Malcolm, drinking, Boy George, how President Bush "can't find a seven-foot Arab on dialysis in a cave" and dry cleaning during the course of the hand. | ||
TURN: 7♣ | ||
0% | 93% | 0% |
The boys can't win. Only a 5 on the River can split the pot. | ||
Bets $1000 | FOLD | |
Calls $1000 | ||
Bonnie to Colin: "You rat-bas**rd!" | ||
0% | 93% | |
RIVER: J♦ COMMUNITY: J♦ 8♣ 7♣ 6♥ 4♠ |
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DEAD! | NUTS! | |
CHECK | ||
Bets $1000 | Calls $1000 | |
4♣ 4♠ Q♦ J♦ 7♣ | 8♣ 7♥ 6♥ 5♦ 4♠ | |
WIN $7600 |
Blinds are now $400 (SB) and $800 (BB).
Brad (D) | Colin (SB) | Bonnie (BB) |
10♥ 10♦ | 8♠ 3♦ | Q♦ 4♥ |
Calls $800 | Calls $400 | CHECK |
62% | 12% | 26% |
FLOP: 2♠ 2♦ Q♥ | ||
Both Brad and Bonnie flopped two pair. | ||
9% | 1% | 90% |
CHECK | CHECK | |
Bets $2000 | FOLD | Raises to $4000 |
Calls $2000 | ||
9% | 91% | |
TURN: 5♣ | ||
5% | 95% | |
Only a Queen can save Brad now. | ||
CHECK | ||
CHECK | ||
RIVER: 8♥ COMMUNITY: 2♠ 2♦ Q♥ 5♣ 8♥ |
||
DEAD! | NUTS! | |
CHECK | ||
ALL-IN $6600 |
FOLD | |
Bonnie's bluffed out of the pot! | ||
WIN $17,000 |
CURRENT CHIP COUNT | |
Brad Garrett | $24,200 |
Colin Quinn | $22,700 |
Bonnie Hunt | $3100 |
Bonnie (D) | Brad (SB) | Colin (BB) |
6♠ 2♣ | K♣ J♣ | Q♥ 8♦ |
FOLD | Raises to $1800 | Calls $1000 |
66% | 34% | |
FLOP: 10♥ Q♣ K♠ | ||
83% | 14% | |
Bets $5000 | Calls $5000 | |
Colin (of course) calls though he says he doesn't "like it". | ||
TURN: 10♦ | ||
95% | 5% | |
Bets $5000 | Calls $5000 | |
Phil finally says it: "I've never seen one person call so much in a poker game in my life!" | ||
RIVER: 5♥ COMMUNITY: 10♥ 10♦ K♠ Q♣ 5♥ |
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NUTS! | DEAD! | |
Bets $5000 | ||
Colin thinks Brad is bluffing... | ||
Calls $5000 | ||
...until Brad turns his cards over and says, "Say 'ello to my li'l friends!" | ||
K♣ K♠ 10♥ 10♦ Q♣ | Q♥ Q♣ 10♥ 10♦ K♠ | |
WIN $33,600 |
Blinds are now $500 (SB) and $1000 (BB).
Brad (D) | Colin (SB) | Bonnie (BB) |
J♦ 4♠ | K♥ J♥ | A♣ 9♦ |
FOLD | Calls $500 | ALL-IN $3100 |
Calls $2100 | ||
43% | 57% | |
FLOP: 6♥ 4♥ 8♥ | ||
99.9% | 0% | |
Bonnie is all but done! The only thing that can save her is if the 5 and 7 of hearts appear...giving the Board a straight flush and spliting the pot. | ||
TURN: 2♥ | ||
Nope...it's over! | ||
RIVER: 9♥ | ||
Even thought the Board has a flush, Colin's flush is King-high to the Board's (and thus Bonnie's) 9-high. | ||
K♥ J♥ 9♥ 8♥ 6♥ | 9♥ 8♥ 6♥ 4♥ 2♥ | |
WIN $6200 | OUT - 3rd Place |
CURRENT CHIP COUNT | |
Brad Garrett | $41,500 |
Colin Quinn | $8500 |
Brad (D) (SB) | Colin (BB) |
K♠ 9♣ | 7♦ 6♥ |
Raises to $2500 | Calls $1500 |
62% | 38% |
FLOP: 9♥ 4♦ 2♥ | |
89% | 11% |
Brad flopped top pair. But Colin has...well, actually, he's in trouble. He needs two running cards to make a straight or a flush. | |
Bets $1000 | |
Raises to $4000 | ALL-IN $6000 |
Calls $2000 | |
TURN: J♦ | |
And it's OVER!!! | |
RIVER: 8♥ | |
9♣ 9♥ K♠ J♦ 8♥ | J♦ 9♥ 8♥ 7♦ 6♥ |
CPS CHAMPION!! | OUT - 2nd Place |
And so Colin "Callin'" Quinn's charity, the Salvation Army, grabs $20,000 for his runner-up performance. But it's Brad "The Giant" Garrett who wins $100,000 for the Dream Foundation and gets the somewhat-coveted GOLDEN chip which signifies him as Celebrity Poker Showdown Champion! Nicole Sullivan, Maura Tierney, Seth Green and Mekhi Phifer must make room in this exclusive winner's set...and a LOT of room at that! Until Season 6, I once again repeat the CPS mantra: "Whoever said 'it is not whether you win or lose' was definitely NOT talking about poker!"