TOURNAMENT 3
CHAMPIONSHIP

NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR

After five rounds of single-player action on CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN, we have arrived at the third tournament's Final Table!  The winner of this No-Limit Hold-'Em tournament gets $100,000 out of the $250,000 Prize Pool (which I still don't know who put up)!  Who will join Nicole Sullivan and Maura Tierney as CPS Champion?!

Let's, first, take a look at the players and how they got their "silver chip":

CELEBRITY HOW THEY GOT HERE

David Cross
playing for the National Gulf War Resource Center		 The first CPS runner-up ran through his fellow Arrested Development stars Will Arnett, Jason Bateman and Judy Greer...oh, and Six Feet Under's Peter Facinelli as well.

Jeff Gordon
playing for the Jeff Gordon Foundation		 The NASCAR #24 driver raced laps around celebrity reality legend Kathy Griffin, comic magician Penn Jillette, Practice star Ron Livingston and Police Woman herself Angie Dickinson.

Steve Harris
playing for Kids First		 One of the stars of The Practice, Steve took out celebrity poker legend Mimi Rogers, "Iron Chef" Bobby Flay, comedienne Kathy Najimy and fellow Practice star Michael Badalucco.

Seth Meyers
playing for the Jimmy Fund		 Rookie SNLer Seth beat out his fellow cast-mate Amy Poehler, The Simpsons' Hank Azaria, American Dreams' Gail O'Grady and, finally, comedic actor Jeff Ross to make it to the Final Table.

Dave Navarro
playing for Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation		 The lead singer of the reformed band Jane's Addiction took out "Evil" Willie Garson, NYPD Blue's Jerry O'Connell, 90210's Jenny Garth and fought Spin City's Richard Kind in a grueling battle to win his table.

(That's right; for the first time in CPS history, there are NO WOMEN at a table!  Let the testosterone flow!)

Each celebrity will start with $10,000 worth of chips and the game will continue until one celebrity has all $50K in his/her possession.  That person will win $100,000 for his charity.  But not one of the charities will go away with less than $7500; the longer someone stays in the game, the more money his charity will receive.  At the announcers' position beside the Losers' Lounge are host Dave Foley and poker expert Phil Gordon.  They'll be calling the action emanating from the main room.

All right, enough of this stuff!  Let's crown a champ!  As Tournament Director Robert Thompson says. let's SHUFFLE UP AND DEAL!

Initial blinds are $100 (SB) and $200 (BB).  The Dealer Button (D) starts on David.

(BTW, Foley picks David Cross to win, while Phil picks Seth Meyers)

SteveDaveDavid (D)Seth (SB)Jeff (BB)
A♥ K♥ Q♦ 9♣ J♦ 4♦ K♣ 6♦ 3♣ 2♦
Raises to $600 Calls $600 FOLD FOLD FOLD
FLOP: J♠ 10♣ K♦
EEP!  Dave flopped a king-high straight!  BUT, if a Queen comes up on the Turn or River, Steve will have a HIGHER straight.
Bets $600 Raises to $3000
Calls $2400
TURN: 3♥
CHECK Bets $3000
Calls $3000
RIVER: 9♦
COMMUNITY: K♦ J♠ 10♣ 9♦ 3♥
CHECK Bets $1200
Calls $1200
K♥ K♦ A♥ J♠ 10♣ K♦ Q♦ J♠ 10♣ 9♣
WIN $15,900


DaveDavidSeth (D)Jeff (SB)Steve (BB)
K♦ 7♦ K♣ 8♠ 10♣ 5♣ A♦ J♥ 10♠ 9♠
Calls $200 FOLD FOLD Raises to $800 FOLD
Calls $600
FLOP: 6♠ 3♥ K♠
Bets $1000
Raises to $3000 Calls $2000
TURN: 8♦
CHECK
Bets $3000 FOLD
WIN $10,800
Dave had a big chip lead and used it to his advantage.  Even though Jeff needed an Ace to beat him, he bet big to drive him, eventually, out of the pot.  Now he has a BIGGER chip lead.


CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Dave Navarro$21,800
David Cross$10,400
Seth Meyers$9900
Jeff Gordon$6000
Steve Harris$1900


JeffSteveDave (D)David (SB)Seth (BB)
Q♥ 2♥ 6♣ 5♣ J♠ J♦ A♦ 4♦ K♠ 8♠
FOLD FOLD Raises to $800 Raises to $2900 FOLD
Dave says, "I'm a rock star...I'm not good at math.  How much do I owe?"  David replies, "Four purples and one orange (the $500 chips are purple and the $100 chips are orange)."  Dave smiles, saying, "OK, colors I get."  They would bother Dave about that for some time.
Calls $2100
FLOP: J♥ 10♣ 8♥
Dave got "trips Jacks"!
Bets $3000
Raises to $6000 FOLD
WIN $15,000
Here, Dave SHOWS his pocket Jacks.  A little bad etiquette...but it serves a purpose.  Since he's shown that he bets big with great hands, he can now bluff...and no one will know the difference.


DaveDavidSeth (D)Jeff (SB)Steve (BB)
K♦ Q♦ 3♦ 2♦ Q♠ 6♥ A♦ K♥ J♥ 7♠
Raises to $600 FOLD FOLD Raises to $1600 FOLD
Raises to $2600 ALL-IN
$5800
Calls $3200
Jeff is a 71% favorite with his "Big Slick" over Dave's "marriage".
FLOP: 5♦ 4♥ 2♣
Make that 84%
TURN: 10♦
Ut oh...Dave  has more outs.  A Queen or a diamond will knock Jeff out.
RIVER: 4♣
4♥ 4♣ K♦ Q♦ 10♦ 4♥ 4♣ A♦ K♥ 10♦
WIN $11,800


DavidSethJeff (D)Steve (SB)Dave (BB)
3♠ 3♣ 9♣ 2♥ A♣ 4♠ 9♦ 7♣ A♦ 3♦
FOLD FOLD Calls $200 FOLD CHECK
FLOP: 3♥ 8♣ J♠
CHECK
Bets "all those oranges" ($800) FOLD
WIN $1300
When someone doesn't bother to count how many chips they toss in, it's usually a strong tell.  And, yet, Dave had the better hand.


SethJeffSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
Q♠ 10♥ 10♦ 8♥ 7♣ 5♥ 10♠ 5♠ A♣ 5♣
FOLD FOLD FOLD Calls $100 Raises to $600
Calls $400
FLOP: 8♠ 2♥ 5♦
Both flopped "middle pair", but David's kicker is much higher.
CHECK Bets $1000
FOLD
WIN $2200


CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Dave Navarro$21,300
Jeff Gordon$12,100
Seth Meyers$9900
David Cross$5100
Steve Harris$1600


JeffSteveDave (D)David (SB)Seth (BB)
J♦ 2♥ A♦ 10♠ A♠ 9♣ 8♥ 4♣ Q♥ 2♣
FOLD Raises to $400 Raises to $1200 FOLD FOLD
Calls $800
FLOP: Q♣ 10♣ 4♦
ALL-IN
$400		 Calls $400
TURN: 5♦
Dave is drawing dead.  Nothing on the River can help him beat Steve's hand.
RIVER: 9♦
...not even a pairing of his 9s.
10♠ 10♣ A♦ Q♣ 9♦ 9♣ 9♦ A♠ Q♣ 10♣
WIN $3500


SethJeffSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
7♥ 4♣ Q♣ 6♣ K♥ 7♣ A♥ 8♠ 7♠ 4♥
FOLD Calls $200 FOLD FOLD CHECK
FLOP: J♣ 9♠ 10♠
Bets $600
Raises to $3600 FOLD
WIN $4700
David's no dummy.  He's figured out his "out count" before folding.  Seth and Steve rag on him because he knows "phrases".  Truthfully, David had only three outs at the time: the three 8s to make a straight.  

Blinds are now up to $200 (SB) and $400 (BB).
SteveDaveDavid (D)Seth (SB)Jeff (BB)
Before the cards were dealt, David asked Dave what song was going through his mind and Dave replied that it was "Blue Moon".  David was thinking it was the "McDonald's theme".
A♦ 10♣ 10♠ 7♥ Q♠ 5♣ 8♦ 6♠ J♣ 4♦
Calls $400 FOLD FOLD FOLD CHECK
FLOP: 4♠ 3♣ 5♣
Jeff has the best hand...BUT, Steve has a "wheel draw".
CHECK
Bets $600 FOLD
WIN $1600


DaveDavidSeth (D)Jeff (SB)Steve (BB)
A♥ 6♥ 9♦ 8♦ K♣ 4♣ 10♠ 5♣ 6♦ 3♠
Calls $400 Calls $400 Calls $400 FOLD CHECK
Steve talks about Kathy Najimy singing the chorus to "The Gambler" over and over again.  David says that Pepperdine University did a study in which "it's not funny the first three times...and, after that, it's REALLY not funny!"
FLOP: 2♣ Q♠ J♣
CHECK
CHECK CHECK Bets $1000 FOLD
FOLD FOLD
WIN $2800
Seth saw how weak everyone was and, with just a flush draw, bet to scare everyone out.


SethJeffSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
K♠ 6♠ 10♠ 8♦ 10♥ 4♥ 8♠ 6♣ 9♣ 9♦
Raises to $800 FOLD FOLD FOLD Calls $400
FLOP: 4♠ 8♣ 9♥
David consults his "WWJD" wristband.  He shouldn't HAVE to, since he has the "persistent German virgin".
Bets $500
Seth then consults HIS "Mel Gibson watch"...which apparently tells him to...
FOLD
WIN $2300


CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Dave Navarro$18,700
Jeff Gordon$12,100
Seth Meyers$10,500
David Cross$5200
Steve Harris$3500



Hand 14

JeffSteveDave (D)David (SB)Seth (BB)
7♠ 3♦ A♠ 6♠ Q♦ 4♠ Q♥ 2♣ A♥ 5♥
FOLD Calls $400 FOLD FOLD Raises to $1200
Calls $800
FLOP: K♠ 6♦ 9♣
CHECK
CHECK
TURN: 6♥
Steve has the Devil's Hand (6-6-6)!  Seth is drawing dead!
CHECK
ALL-IN
$2300		 FOLD
WIN $4900


DaveDavidSeth (D)Jeff (SB)Steve (BB)
Q♥ 3♦ Q♦ 4♣ 10♦ 8♣ 5♣ 5♦ A♣ J♥
FOLD FOLD FOLD Raises to $1200 Calls $800
FLOP: 2♥ 3♠ 4♥
Both Jeff and Steve have wheel draws now, but Jeff's ahead with the "speed limit".
Bets $2000 FOLD
WIN $4400


DavidSethJeff (D)Steve (SB)Dave (BB)
K♠ 3♠ A♦ 10♥ 2♥ 2♦ Q♥ 3♣ 6♦ 3♦
Raises to $1200 Raises to $2000 FOLD FOLD FOLD
Calls $800
FLOP: 5♥ 7♦ 6♣
Someone in the audience shouts out that David needs a banana...and David agrees.  There's one waiting for him...but Robert Thompson says (correctly) that he can't approach any audience member during the course of a hand.
CHECK Bets $2000
FOLD
WIN $6600
Now that the hand is over, David gets the banana and holds it to the crowd, saying, "Behold the only power greater than yourself!" 



Hand 17

SethJeffSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
A♦ 9♥ J♦ 9♦ 10♠ 2♦ 9♠ 4♠ 10♥ 5♦
Raises to $800 Calls $800 FOLD FOLD FOLD
FLOP: 7♥ 6♦ 2♠
CHECK Bets $2000
Raises to $4000 Raises to $7000
Calls $3000
TURN: A♣
CHECK ALL-IN
$5100
ALL-IN
$3900
Jeff's bet is lowered to match Seth's all-in.  And, with that, Seth doubles-up.
RIVER: Q♣
A♦ A♣ Q♣ 9♥ 7♥ A♣ Q♣ J♦ 9♦ 7♥
WIN $24000


CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Seth Meyers$23,400
Dave Navarro$18,700
Steve Harris$3500
David Cross$3200
Jeff Gordon$1200

Blinds are now up to $300 (SB) and $600 (BB).
SteveDaveDavid (D)Seth (SB)Jeff (BB)
K♥ 3♥ J♥ 9♥ 10♥ 7♣ Q♦ 2♥ K♣ 5♠
FOLD Raises to $1200 FOLD FOLD ALL-IN
$1200
Jeff is a 53% fave to double-up...
FLOP: 3♣ 9♦ 6♥
...until THAT!  DAVE is now an 85% fave!  But Jeff can still win with a King.
TURN: 5♥
Jeff has four outs: either King or either 5.
RIVER: 5♥
COMMUNITY: 3♣ 9♦ 6♥ 5♥ Q♥
And Jeff Gordon spins out of control...and out of the race!
Q♥ J♥ 9♥ 6♥ 5♥ 5♠ 5♥ K♣ Q♥ 9♦
WIN $2700 OUT - 5th Place

"So, THIS is what the Lounge looks like," mutters Jeff as he greats Foley in said Lounge.  Foley says that Seth suckered him in, and Jeff says he had made up his mind beforehand not to play too aggressively...and he went and did it anyway.  At least the Jeff Gordon Foundation gets $7500 for Jeff making it to the Final Table.  And Foley says, "The way those guys are kicking around out there,...you won't be here for long."  Jeff admits that they're all great poker players.  Let's get BACK to these "great poker players" to see if, indeed, someone will be joining him.
DavidSeth (D)Steve (SB)Dave (BB)
J♦ 6♠ Q♥ 3♠ A♠ 7♣ 3♦ 2♣
Before David can even play, Jeff yells from the Lounge, "Go all-in!  It gets LONELY back here!"
FOLD FOLD Calls $300 CHECK
Dave FEIGNED going all-in, stopping Steve's heart for a second.
FLOP: 3♥ A♥ 5♠
Bets $2000 FOLD
WIN $3200


SethSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
5♠ 3♠ 10♠ 6♠ A♣ 2♥ ?????
FOLD FOLD FOLD
WIN $1200
Uhhhhh...yeah.


SteveDave (D)David (SB)Seth (BB)
A♠ 8♠ 10♣ 8♣ 6♠ 2♦ K♠ Q♥
Raises to $1200 FOLD FOLD Raises to $3600
FOLD
WIN $5100

OK, poker-playing wannabes, it's time again for HOW WOULD YOU PLAY IT?!  We'll only see Dave's hand alone and see how he plays through the hand...and how he (and, thus, you) SHOULD play through the hand.

DavidSeth (D)Steve (SB)Dave (BB)
????? ????? ????? 10♥ 6♥
FOLD FOLD Calls $300 CHECK
"You" (that is, Dave) are in the Big Blind...and Steve only called "you".  "You" don't have very good cards, so just check and see the flop for free.
FLOP: K♣ 8♥ J♥
OK, "you" have a LITTLE better hand in a flush draw.  And "you" are in position, too, meaning Steve acts first throughout the hand.  If Steve bets, however, "you" should bail.  If he checks, bet to scare him out.
CHECK CHECK
I said "bet", not "check", Dave.
TURN: J♠
A pair on the Board, especially a high one, is scary.  But, if Steve checks again...
CHECK
...go all-in and scare him out!
CHECK
RIVER: 2♠
COMMUNITY: J♠ J♥ K♣ 8♥ 2♠
CHECK
What could Steve POSSIBLY have?  It must be rags!  BET!  ANYTHING!  TAKE THE POT!!
CHECK
YOU WUSS! (I mean Dave, not you.) And all Steve had was Q♠ 5♠.  But, y'know, it's good enough.
J♥ J♠ K♣ Q♠ 8♥ J? J? K? 10? 8?
WIN $1200
Had Dave played more aggressively, HE would have picked up the blinds.  WORST..."HOW WOULD YOU PLAY IT" PLAYING...EVER!


CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Seth Meyers$24,300
Dave Navarro$19,300
Steve Harris$3200
David Cross$3200


SethSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
J♠ 3♣ A♠ K♦ 10♦ 6♦ J♣ 9♦
FOLD Calls $600 FOLD CHECK
FLOP: A♣ 3♦ 4♣
CHECK
Bets $1000 FOLD
WIN $2500


DavidSeth (D)Steve (SB)Dave (BB)
Q♠ 10♦ J♣ 10♥ K♦ 3♥ 6♠ 4♠
ALL-IN
$2300		 FOLD FOLD FOLD
WIN $3200


SethSteve (D)Dave (SB)David (BB)
J♣ 6♥ 10♥ 7♥ 5♥ 5♣ K♣ 10♣
FOLD FOLD Raises to $1200 Calls $600
FLOP: 6♦ 4♠ 5♦
Dave flopped "15 miles of bad road!"  David's only hope is to catch running 10s or running Kings.
Bets $2000 ALL-IN
$2000
Dave "tapped" David, betting just enough to put David all-in.
TURN: 8♣
While there is no way David can win now, he's not quite dead yet.  If a 7 comes on the River, the pot will be split.
RIVER: Q♥
And after three solid games, David FINALLY goes to the Loser's Lounge!
5♥ 5♣ 5♦ Q♥ 8♣ K♣ Q♥ 10♣ 8♣ 6♦
WIN $6400 OUT - 4th Place

"Before I leave," David says, "I'd like to wish...NONE of you luck!"  He sulks back to the Lounge, where Jeff and Foley greet him.  Jeff doesn't feel so bad, now, since one of the great CPS players did almost as lousy as he did.  David thinks he did poorly...but he's happy that the National Gulf War Resource Center is getting another $10,000 because of him, making a total of $30,000 for that charity from Mr. Cross.  The sad thing for David is that he respects Phil Gordon...and he feels he let him down!  Phil says he thought David was due for a breakdown.  And broken he is, banana and all.

CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Seth Meyers$24,300
Dave Navarro$22,500
Steve Harris$3200

Blinds are up again; they're now $400 (SB) and $800 (BB).
Dave (D)Seth (SB)Steve (BB)
Q♠ 3♦ 10♥ 7♥ 9♥ 4♦
FOLD Calls $400 CHECK
Seth talks about his preliminary round like it was broadcast live (it was really just a few days before this table.  He claims that the Red Sox are now in first place...to which Steve replies, "Well, we know it ain't October!"
FLOP: Q♣ 8♣ K♣
CHECK CHECK
TURN: 5♥
CHECK CHECK
RIVER: Q♥
COMMUNITY: Q♣ Q♥ K♣ 8♣ 5♥
Had Dave stayed in, he would've had three Queens...or "six t**s", as the vulgar players put it.
CHECK CHECK
And, as Foley would put it, we are in the "Check Republic"!
Q♣ Q♥ K♣ 10♥ 8♣ Q♣ Q♥ K♣ 9♥ 8♣
WIN $1600
See how Seth picked up the blinds?  The fourth card was the kicker...and it was BARELY better.  BTW, Seth claims that Gail O'Grady, whom he knocked out of his prelim table, had whispered as she left that she was going to kill him.


Seth (D)Steve (SB)Dave (BB)
A♦ 2♠ K♥ K♦ 8♥ 4♣
Raises to $1600 ALL-IN
$1200		 FOLD
Seth's raise is lowered to match Steve's all-in.  Steve is a 71% fave with his "cowboys" over Seth's "Acey-deucey". (If you listen, you can almost hear Seth channeling Phil Gordon back at the Bay 101 Shooting Stars tournament saying, "Ace, baby!  Ace me!")
FLOP: 3♥ A♥ Q♣
And he gets ACED!  Seth is now an 85% fave.  Steve needs another King or...
TURN: 3♣
RIVER: Q♦
...Steve is done!
A♦ A♥ Q♣ Q♦ 3♥ K♥ K♦ Q♣ Q♦ A♥
WIN $3200 OUT - 3rd Place

"I finally got one," says Steve as he enters the Lounge, "and I lost!"  But at least he was graceful in his departure.  And he DID get $12,500 for Kids First.  It's a charity to help the education of kids.  "Kids NEED to be educated," he claims, "so they don't end up wearing shirts like David's here!"  Foley calls Jenny the waitress over to get Steve a stiff drink...but Steve pulls Jenny over to the side of him (pushing Foley away), saying, "I'm single, y'know?"  Ah, well, Foley has a job to do, anyway...


...and that job is to interrupt Robert's re-start of the match to bring out the $100,000 that the rocker and the comic will be playing for!  The loser will still get $20,000 for HIS charity...but Dave's getting an erection (or so he says) at seeing the pile of cash!  So let's get ourselves a third CPS Champ!  Let's SHUFFLE UP AND DEAL!!
CURRENT CHIP COUNT
Seth Meyers$27,500
Dave Navarro$22,500


Dave (D) (SB)Seth (BB)
Q♠ 10♦ 6♠ 3♦
Raises to $1600 FOLD
WIN $2400
Seth whispers (loudly) that he and Dave can just take the money and run to Tijuana.


Dave (D) (SB)Seth (BB)
Seth just won't stay quiet.  He talks about meeting a fortune teller after his high school prom who told him he'd be playing poker against Dave.  Dave replies, "Must've been a LONG time ago." (He's ribbing him
K♠ 10♥ J♠ 6♠
Raises to $3000 Calls $2200
FLOP: 3♣ 4♥ 2♥
At seeing the Flop, everyone in the Loser's Lounge complains about how many times there has been a "connected flop" (like 2-3-4) during this match.  Phil claims the game is rigged and, when Jeff complains, that Dave is more popular than Jeff.  Seth, hearing this, then yells, "Keep your voice down, Phil Gordon!"  Dave claims it was really his father that said it.
CHECK
Bets $4000 FOLD
WIN $10,000

Blinds are now $500 (SB) and $1000 (BB).

Seth (D) (SB)Dave (BB)
7♣ 7♦ A♦ 9♥
Raises to $3000 Raises to $5000
Calls $2000
FLOP: 2♥ A♠ 9♠
Dave stands and curses...a "tell" of strength.  Makes sense since he has two pair. 
ALL-IN
$22,000
FOLD
WIN $32,000


Seth (D) (SB)Dave (BB)
Much like Wanda Sykes and Travis Tritt did during the second CPS tournament, Seth and Dave say they'll collaborate on an album...and even give a preview with an "a capella" performance together.
K♣ 10♣ K♦ 9♥
Calls $500 Raises to $2000
Raises to $7000 Calls $5000
FLOP: 8♣ 8♦ 8♠
Seth says, "I have the 8...I just have a low kicker."
FOLD
WIN $14,000
When Dave finds out he folded out of turn, he berates himself...heavily!  He is definitely "on tilt".


Seth (D) (SB)Dave (BB)
J♦ 7♣ A♦ 8♦
Calls $500 Raises to $4000
FOLD
WIN $5000


Dave (D) (SB)Seth (BB)
K♣ 10♣ A♠ K♥
Raises to $3000 Raises to $9000
Calls $6000
Seth's "Big Slick" is a 69% fave over Dave's "woodcutter"
FLOP: 8♣ 8♦ 10♦
But Dave flops two pair!  HE is the fave now at 87%
CHECK
Bets $3000 Raises to $6000
Calls $3000
TURN: A♥
Now it's SETH that leads with his BETTER two pair!  Seth is a 96% fave.
ALL-IN
$8000
ALL-IN
$8000
They are both all-in!  If a 10 comes off, Dave wins.  Otherwise...
RIVER: 3♥
10♣ 10? 8? 8? A? A♠ A? 8? 8? K♥
OUT - 2nd Place CPS CHAMPION!
 

And, so, Dave Navarro's charity, the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, gets $20,000 for his runner-up standing.  But Seth Meyers is the one who takes $100,000 to the Jimmy Fund and leaves with the currently-three-of-a-kind GOLDEN chip which signifies him Champion of Celebrity Poker Showdown!  Foley asks Seth about it and he says to Dave, "I'd feel a lot worse for you...if you weren't married to Carmen Electra!"  And it's David Cross who takes them out of the program...leaving ME to say the CPS mantra: "Whoever said 'it is not whether you win or lose' was definitely NOT talking about poker!"