Track 1: Tha Interrogation
- January 8
The Beastie Boys... Everlast... Rage Against the
Machine... Eminem... Bubba Sparxxx... Lady Sov... and of course, Vanilla Ice.
The history of hip-hop is writ with attempts by the melanin-challenged to fight
for valuable street cred. Some acts were legitimate and defined a counter
culture (the Beastie Boys). Others... not so much (Vanilla Ice). Historically,
they had to walk eight miles uphill in the balls-cold snow in order to make it
VH1 and egotrip are giving someone a chance to
bypass those eight miles. We're looking all over the country for 10 of the best
Caucasian MCs, who we'll ship to the South Bronx for a crash-course in hip-hop
legitimacy. They'll be taught in the ways of the best by the best. In the end,
only one will be the best of the best and walk away with $100,000 and the
respect they deserve.
This... is the White Rapper Show.
MC Serch and Prince Paul are right now picking
the 10 best white rappers to move on to the big show, where their skills and
hip-hop knowledge will be put to the test. The interrogated...
Dasit, 29, Toledo, OH
John Brown, 24, Davis, CA
Miss CKC, 30, Oswego, NY
$hamrock, 24, Atlanta
Misfit, 27, London, UK by way of Brooklyn
Forever Man, Long Island
Peter Party, Brooklyn, NY
Persia, 25, Far Rockaway, Queens, NY
Nomi, Waterford, CT
G-Child, 21, Allentown, PA (who's biggest influence.. Vanilla Ice)
Jus Rhyme, 27, Los Angeles
Jah Jah, 24, Brooklyn, NY
Mr. Napkins, Boston
MC Mighty Stefan, Port Reading, NJ
Sullee aka Young Hef, 21, Boston
Jon Boy, 25, Reedville, VA
100 Proof, 28, Blue Mound, TX
JFK, Harlem, NY
And the 10 are... Jon Boy, Persia, John Brown,
Sullee, $hamrock, 100 Proof, G-Child, Dasit, Jus Rhyme, and Misfit.
New York City.. Bright lights... taxi cabs... and
then there's the Bronx... No bright lights. No taxi cabs... Just a beaten-down
shack with roaches. Our ten finalists are going to call this place home for
their journey. Welcome... to tha White House. Inside, we have the old-school
pre-Naismith basketball court, tha Wreck Room (a fully functioning mix-tape
worthy recording studio), the game room, the bunk beds, the Mayo jar, where
Serch'll deliver messages,
And John Brown needs to stop ending all of his
sentences with the phrase "Ghetto Revival". The guys talk about how we're all
going to be sorry for Misfit when everyone's nice and hammered... And for good
reason. She's very much a feast for the eyes to behold.
Back to John Brown, though. Apparently I'm not
the only one who believes that he has no idea what he's talking about. $hamrock
also has no idea. "He calls himself the King of the Burbs. I have no idea what
that means. Plain and simple." Persia thinks he's lost in his own little world.
His vision for "ghetto revival" is ... well, nonexistent. It's just an idea
that's bigger than he is, really.
Serch arrives with the first challenge: split
into two teams and go out and impress the neighbors. "You're gonna spit for
The Chairman's Guide to Hip-Hop Lingo #1: Spit =
Losers come back and face elimination. Persia and
John Brown pick teams..
John Brown, Misfit, Dasit, 100 Proof and Jon Boy
vs. Persia, Sullee, $hamrock, G-Child, and Jus Rhyme.
For the neightbors, each team gets gifts: a
wifebeater that says "I heart white rappers", a white T that says the same
thing, saltines, and a sealed envelope that every neighbor must have.
It's the first recorded white rapper beef between
Persia and John Brown. John Brown is still holding to that ghetto revival deal.
The neighbors think Dasit is the next Eminem, but the rest were just a'ight.
Next, Team Persia leads her team into the hood
next... The stand-out star... $hamrock. She says she's got a lot more heart. The
leam says she's the most talented.
Last house on the block... belongs to Grandmaster
Flash, a pioneer of the game we're in today. 100 calls it a surreal experience.
"If it wasn't for the Bronx, there wouldn't be no hip-hop." Persia thanks him
for leading the way in the struggle for our ten wanna-bes.
Back at tha White House, it's all about getting
your drink on. And once that happens, the beef between John Brown and Persia
comes to light when she up and says "I don't like you." Furthermore, he's the
reason why hip-hop is disrespected, saying that he's not a lyricist. Rebuttal,
Mr. Brown. "I'm not a rapper. I'm an entity." Riiiiight. G-Child notes that
Sullee was quick to jump in, finding John Brown's attitude toward the women folk
And it looks like they're about to go at it, too.
But Persia says that she's going to show the
world how much cred he's got by putting a ... well, I'll spit it...
"It's a five-letter-word that begins with D,
rubber simulation of a male's anatomy..."
But long story short, Persia wants a battle with
John Brown by any means. John Brown's rebuttal: hip-hop rule #38: a d(^_^) in
the face is 'not a good look'.
Another thing is that Persia keeps using the
N-word. Jus asks her to refrain from using said word, because "it bothers
Serch returns the next day. Sullee gives Serch
the rundown of the events of the night prior. Because of this, Persia gets her
first bling... a giant pendant that says "N-Word"... and this warning from our
host: "That word don't play here. Regardless."
Time for a little out-of-the-house day. The guys
are off to play miniature golf. Because "big willies play golf now. Y'all little
willies, so y'all gonna play some miniature golf."
Some of the ensemble believe that Persia brought
about her bling herself. "She took one big bite of humble pie." Hopefully she
learned a heavy lesson today. She's crying in "Tha Van", embarrassed for calling
John out as an idiot while sounding like an idiot herself.
Next morning... "IT IS NOT A GAME, PEOPLE. OUT
HERE NOW!" Serch has 10 pairs of sneakers. These will be worn at every
elimination. As long as you're wearing your kicks, you're still in it. But if
Serch takes them kicks back, it's over like Vanilla Ice's career.
Elimination time. We're here at the Stoop, a
place that represents where hip-hop came from. It also represents loss of
innocence. For the white rappers, it represents loss of 100 Gs.
Recall that each of the neighbors got a sealed
envelope. In it... "The (white) Rapper Show Questionnaire." From that, we have a
winning team... That team will break bread at the grill with Serch while the
other team will face getting roasted. The winning team... Team Persia.
Now to elimination. On the block today: John
Brown, Misfit, Dasit, 100 Proof and Jon Boy. Serch will spit out a topic.
Whoever can't rap on that topic is sent back to the house. You have 30 minutes
in the Ice Ice chamber, where you better not melt under the pressure. Remember,
this is the rhyme that could cost you $100,000.
Subject is the Bronx. John Brown is first... then
100 Proof... then Misfit... and she forgot the last (^_^)ing rhyme... then Jon
Boy... then Dasit... who didn't write ANYTHING. He didn't have anything to say
except that it was a surreal experience. He couldn't write sixteen bars about
what he did..
"This show ends where the next one will be left
off. Dasit, take off your shoes. Time for you to STEP OFF!"
Dasit, upon his exit, tells Serch not to
disrespect him, and to (^_^) off.
Let this be a lesson. This is not a game. This
coming from Serch as he tosses Dasit's sneaks to the phone line.