John Keats once said... "Truth is
beauty. Beauty is truth."
Think about those wise words as we
chronicle the story of 10 people who think that on a scale of one to
awesome, they're the shit. They've got it all... chiseled arms...
flawless six-packs... tanned bodies... the faces of celebrity... and
in the case of the ladies... picture-perfect breasts.
But what's on the inside? That's what
we're here to find out. These kids are going to be put through the
wringer on a series of seemingly random tasks. But the
commonality... hidden cameras designed to shoot whatever it is they
are doing on the side. Because as a wiser man than I once said,
"True character is what you are doing when you think no one else is
If it sounds like round 4 of GSN's
brilliant-but-cancelled opus "Without Prejudice?"... It is. The
judges, in conjunction with the host, will assess not only on the
basis of outer hotness, but on the basis of the actions that are not
part of the main challenge, but part of hidden challenges. And the
person with the best inner person wins $100,000 (C-Note: and if
they're really as good as they say, they won't keep it) and an
appearance on the next "People's Most Beautiful People" issue.
At this moment, the ten beauties are
heading to a house in the Hollywood Hills for a pool party (C-Note:
it looks like the same house used in season 1 of "American Idol",
but I'm not sure). Let's meet them.
Laura Leigh; swimsuit model from
Staten Island, NY
Billy Jeffrey; vitamin store owner and Chippendales dancer from
Monique Santiago; a college graduate and club dancer from New York
Joel Rush; a software salesman from Tampa, FL
Julia Anderson; a pageant queen (Miss Grapevine) from Dallas;
wearing fake eyelashes
CJ Miller; a coffee barista from Los Angeles
Chelsea Bush; a model and singer from Brentwood, TN
Hadiyyah-lah Sa'id; a receptionist from Minneapolis
Ashley Michaelson; a designer's assistant from Rochester, NY
Ray Seitz; an artist from San Diego
Here's a little note. Monique is a
bio graduate... but she doesn't know what a bicep is. Oh dear.
And now, the fun begins as our
intrepid trio sends in a waiter. He's not really a waiter, though.
He's an actor. An actor with a balance problem. And not in the good
way. What's the reaction to his little... "accident"? A lot of "the
waiter was hating" and "oh no, my shoes!" In fact, Laura
cleans her shoes in the champagne water. Ray has helped out Joel and
Monique so far, so that puts the three judges on the watch.
The ten enter the house and are
immediately awestruck. Above all of their beds are a pop-art
painting of themselves... which, of course, they take a shine to.
Chelsea says that CJ is the only one of the house with a brain. He's
actually a creative writer. He sees himself as the fat kid he once
was in high school. Chelsea can relate. She says that this is what
puts passion in other people's hearts.
The next day, the pretty people take
forever in the bathroom. Meanwhile, Laura does no housework in her
spare time, and as a result, uses half a bottle of dishwashing
detergent to wash two dishes. Upstairs, Julia helps herself to the
bathroom, while Chelsea and Hadiyyah-lah call her "beauty pageant
First challenge of the competition...
is all going to come down to science. Vanessa tells the group that
there is a scientific equation that measures beauty (she got this
from Wikipedia, so it's more than likely BS, but probably not). A
doctor in Beverly Hills will give us insight on our beauty. The
winner of this challenge will get a pass to the next round. The
bottom two will meet Nole, Vanessa, and Cheryl in the Hall of
Beauty, where... like any other reality show before it... one person
will go home.
The beauty bus takes them to the
office... and to their next hidden-camera challenge, where Chelsea
gets the business from Joel for confusing "drawing me" for "drawing
In comes Dr. Francis Palmer, an
honest-to-God plastic surgeon and beauty expert, who will take a
bunch of measurements to get a number between 1 and 100. His nurse
Debbie... not really a nurse. She's a plant determined to get a rise
out of our players.
In the measurement room, they'll be
measured and assessed. ALSO, the other players' medical files, in a
slap to the face of HIPAA, will be out in the open on display for
anyone to peruse.
Julia passes our test... As
does CJ (although he does snap at Debbie and the doctor)... Laura...
FAILS. Big time. Looks at everyone's tests. Hadiyyah-lah also opens
up a file... Hers. Then she opens up CJ's. And Ashley's. And
Chelsea's. Ray goes RIGHT for the files.
But we're also looking at the outer
beauty, so here are the scores... (any score over 85 is
good-looking. Any score over 95 is star quality).
CJ: ... who doesn't see science as a great measure of beauty. He
doesn't want to hear his score. For what it's worth, he got a 94.
Which doesn't change anything.
Billy and Joel win! They're both
safe. Heh. Billy Joel.
With scores unrevealed, Chelsea and
Hadiyyah-Lah are in danger of being eliminated. Hadiyyah-Lah is
unabashedly peeved off. She says she doesn't care, but she's
mouthing off a lot for someone who doesn't care. "That doctor, he
needs his head examined." Hadiyyah-Lah is more aesthetically
beautiful, but she looked through the files. Chelsea didn't... but
she's not as cute without makeup.
They're unwillingly given one last
shot at redemption. As they head to the Hall of Beauty, the stop for
some coffee, courtesy of a production assistant who has to get into
the building. Will the girls stop to help? Will the girls see him
and walk on by? Will the girls even not care enough to notice?
This... is the Final Straw.
Chelsea... helps out the coffee man.
Hadiyyah-Lah... doesn't even care to
The Hall of Beauty is truly a
beautiful place. One of these two ladies will get to see the outside
of it sooner than later.
Hadiyyah-Lah thinks that beauty is
natural. Take the makeup off. Chelsea doesn't agree with the
measurement, rather going to the nature of uniqueness. Cheryl
notices a cloud around Hadiyyah-Lah. Nole wants Chelsea to have a
Chelsea... is SAFE. Which means thank
God, I don't have to type in Hadiyyah-Lah again. She's going home,
but not before having to witness the sheer ugliness of her character
in the house. Lady... Defend yourself...
"That was nothing. That was not
even..." Illegal? Yeah, yeah it was. And cue tirade about how they
didn't see your true colors... though they did. And... PEACE, lady.
Nine beauties remain, but