May 13, 2004 - America's
Welcome to America's Tribal Council. In the next hour,
we'll whittle the 18 All-Stars to four, then to one.
That one wins another $1,000,000. First, though, let's
talk records. Thirty-eight million votes cast. Okay, ONE
let's talk update. Rob and Amber have been on three
different covers, appeared on Leno, Letterman, Howard
Stern, Regis & Kelly, etc... This is not normal! They're
pulling red-eyes all over the place since Sunday!
Weirdest moment: Being on Leno, Letterman, Howard Stern,
Regis & Kelly, etc... And yes, they want to put the
wedding on TV... "if the price is right." Big hint, Rob.
Lucky for you two Jeff is an ordained minister. We could
do this right now if we wanted to.
Also back with us, Jerri...
Proving that yes, she's an attention hog. "I felt that
this season I opened myself up and to get booed, it was
horrifying!" She feels like she made her point just fine
by leaving, but by coming back, she's shown that there's
healing going on. TV Guide reported that Jeff was the
target of Jerri's anger. Turns out that she just didn't
like the response of her charm. "I felt that with the
audience there, none of us got a chance to express what
we were feeling without being judged again. This show
wouldn't be Survivor without us participating, and
that's our night!" True. But it wouldn't be a show
without the audience. Hatch's take: "I just don't mind.
I'm happy they feel whatever they feel about me." He
knew that the audience's scrutiny rules over all going
in. Robarino agrees. "Nobody knew who you are, and now
they do, and it doesn't mean you're that person. It's a
good thing, Survivor." Lex sides with love for family.
Good for him. "You'll get to know us in 30 seconds than
you would in 13 weeks on the tube."
One great thing about
this show: you air it all. Jeff's preface to this godly
duty as producer. "The only reason you were here and are
here tonight is because of your contractual fulfillments
to CBS. Your obligations are fulfilled. If there's
anybody who does not want to be here, we don't want you
to be here. And if you're the million dollar winner,
we'll send you the check. Otherwise, I don't want to
hear about it." All 18 stay put? Good. Let's get to the
first final four winner. A dominator who played the game
the way he lived his life... COLBY. Cue his montage,
including his physical challenges and his Texas cry.
Ethics got the better of him, but Colby is hopeful that
that works for him. "Neat thing about this million: You
don't have to suffer through six weeks to get this one!"
Aside from voting for
your favorite Survivor, you also voted for your favorite
Survivor moments - first up, Survivor fights: Alicia vs.
Kimmi, Ted vs. Ghandia, Robb Z. vs. Clay, Rupert vs.
Jonny Fairplay, and Boston Rob vs. Lex. Best fight ever:
Rupert vs. Jon. Quick update, Lex squashed his beef. Big
Tom also squashed his.
Greatest Survivor moment
contender: Sue's Rat vs. Snake Speech.
This next segment is for
the ladies. Sexiest Survivor guys: Ethan, Boston Rob,
Hunter Ellis, Greg Buis, Gervase, Burton Roberts, Robb
Zbacnik, Andrew Savage, Alex Bell, and Big Tex Colby...
America's choice: Colby. Gee, that was a shocker. It's a
radical change from three years ago, really. He signed
up being a true fan of the game. Whatever's next is
icing on the cake.
But Colby's going to
have some competition in a bit. Next Final Four member
coming. Dramatic. Dancing. Drunk. Hard to understand. Of
course, BIG TOM. Cue the dancing/ranting/drinking
montage. He touched. Awwww. He thanks his wife for
sending in the app.
Greatest Survivor moment
contenders: Michael Skupin falls in the fire and Heidi
Strobel and Jenna Morasca take it all off for peanut
butter. She has no qualms about dropping trou. After
all, it got her the million in the Amazon. And speaking
of which, it's time for hottest hotties. Nominees:
Heidi, Jenna, Colleen Haskell, Elisabeth Hasselbeck,
Jerri, Cleopatra Sarah Jones, Alicia, Erin Collins,
Darrah from the Pearl Islands, and Amber. Winner: Amber.
And she's all Rob's. Oh dear, another awwwwwbarf moment.
Let's get to final four reveal #3: a natural in the
outdoors, an alligator for a pet, and a teased kid on
school... it's RUPERT! All together now... ARRRRRRRR!
Roll "Blackbeard" tape! Of course, Rupert's thrilled.
"Never give up. Never surrender. You do what you say,
you say what you do."
One spot left, and we'll
find out who fills it, after we see another great
Survivor moment: Jonny Fairplay's Not-Really-Dead
Grandmother. Next, up for best Survivor villain: Richard
Hatch, Jerri, Brian Heidik from Thailand, Robarino, and
Jon "Jonny Fairplay" Dalton. Of course, the winner, the
Sammy Hagar lookalike, Jonny Fairplay in the house.
Front row, son. "I thought this was the casting for
All-Star 2. I'm a pro wrestler now." Okay, one final
four slot left. It goes to one of the most competitive
ever, giving the phrase "I give you my word" new
meaning. And though he didn't get the money, he got the
girl. it's BOSTON ROB. His claim: Forget popular, I
earned it. "I don't think anyone will argue that I
played the game the hardest." We get to see him call
Amber's ass "smokin'" again.
From 18 to four. Now to
one. But first, we have three items of business.
1) eBay swag to benefit
the Elisabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. Go to
2) We've got another
season in the works. Cannibals, volcanoes, nature's
fury, tropical splendor, bungee jumpers... the Survivors
should be right at home in Vanuatu, where 16 Americans
will outwit, outplay, and outlast for a ninth time, all
the while taking on the Ring of Fire.
3) The greatest Survivor
moment EVER: Rupert steals from Morgan on day one in
Okay, we've got a check
to give away. Four men, one check. Jeff's going to be
straight up. Ooh, Jeff's standing.
"According to America...
Thirty-eight million votes say the favorite Survivor
All-Star is... RUPERT!"
At this point, my entire
family gave the Rupert yell as Jeff was signing his
check. Very deserved, I must say. But somehow, Jeff
doesn't look that convincing giving his own yell.
Anyway, Rupert Boneham is our All-Star from "America's
Tribal Council." And that's the game. I've said it
before... Best... Survivor... EVER.
Big thanks to you for
following us through all eight seasons. Big thanks to my
cohorts in crime Gordon and Chris. Any permutation of us
three will see you in the fall for "Survivor Vanuatu:
Islands of Fire"!