OVER AT KOROR: SHINY (UN)HAPPY PEOPLE

Ian realizes it is Day 22. They are reaching the final phase of the game. They are all physically feeling it. They are getting thinner, that is for sure. Ian says that some of the other tribe members are dragging the others down. Coby is just an annoying pain in the ass and Janu just lies around all the time like a weird aunt kept locked in the attic.

But after the last tender moment of Koror, after celebrating the domination over Ulong, you would expect that to just be the editing talking. And in reality, they're as united and as happy as ever, right?

Coby: "Heh, yeah right." Segueing into the Coby rant, he sounds off as Caryn listens. Coby is sick of Koror. He is very cranky but is trying to maintain his composure. He thinks he will stay away from the "boys" (Ian, Gregg and Tom) today just to be safe. He mocks them for sitting around and talking about fishing when they should just off their butts and do it. "Let us run out of firewood. Let us run out of food. I don't care."

Coby then starts to parade around the scene like the queen of the queens... Well... not really...

BACK AT ULONG: MAIL CALL!

So... what does Vicious Uncle Jeff have for Steph THIS time? Another puzzle? A tape of Chicago's "You're Not Alone" to make her feel MORE scared?

No... it's some some sort of package that says, "DO NOT OPEN; GIVE TO KOROR". And a message for her:

(Oh, NOW we have a merge?!?! GREAT @#$%ING TIMING, JEFF!)

Steph reads the note through excited tears. She thinks she's finally going to have new people talking down to her, new people to feed her while planning to stab her in the back, new people for which she'll spend the next three days with before being tossed. But, what the hell, it's PEOPLE!

She packs her clothes, the flint, the Home Depot(TM) tool chest, the Hawai'ian sling and the Ulong tribal flag (which she's sure will become obselete) and paddles her long canoe, following the map to her new home...

...we hope.

AFTERNOON 22: WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD

No word if Koror got the word that the last Ulong member was coming to town, but they're a little shocked to see Steph march into camp. Hugs all around... except for Janu. The package gets opened and read by Coby:

O......kay. So... no new flag? No new Buffs? No tribal name change? Just... KOROR?! (Gee, does that mean I can stop making recaps? Just kiddin', Chico.) And what the hell is all this about "working to get a feast"? Against WHOM?!

Well, in any case, the blue Buff of the conquered Ulong is slipped off Steph's chest (relax, she has a bra underneath) and replaced with the brown Buff of Koror included in the package. Steph is SO damned happy to be rid of Ulong. "This is a new chapter in my life," she says. "I'm ready to start winning!"

As the girls give Steph the 50-cent tour (Pulau uses American currency, y'know), Jenn immediately makes a like/hate relationship with her; she likes that she's where they thought she belonged... but hates the kind of competitor she is (translation: Steph's tougher than Jenn could EVER be). Jenn thinks Steph needs to go.

Coby has DIFFERENT plans for Steph. No, not THOSE kind of plans! He's gay, remember?! He plans to get her alone and tell her all the dirty little secrets about Koror... and show that they are NOT the happy little community everyone else tells her they are.

DAY 23: TEACH A MAN TO FISH...AND HE WILL SIT IN A BOAT AND DRINK HIMSELF STUPID

Well, here come the aforementioned visitors; two natives in a raft. Thehead man's name is "Joe"... and we find out why we have to "work": "Joe" is there to teach us how to fish, Palauan style! See, according to "Joe", we take small bits of clam to catch small fish... which will then be used to catch BIG fish.

Then "Joe" says that two of the tribespeople needs to stay and catch bait. Coby jumps up an volunteers... and suggests that Ian join him. But MVP Tom has other ideas... and said ideas don't wash too well with Coby. Eventually, they agree that Coby will help the girls while MVP takes Ian and Gregg out with "Joe" to catch fish. While they're out there, they catch HUGE fish (I mean, not marlin or sailfish huge, but huge by Survivor standards to be certain). Of course, Tom is the first to catch one.

As night starts to fall, the men come in with a baker's dozen of fish as well as a lobster. "Joe" also produces (yo-ho-ho and) a bottle of rum. They put the rum in the coconuts and drank it all up. And the partying lasted into the night with seafood and rum and talking and rum and welcoming Steph to her former enemy's camp and... did I mention rum? Tom... he got wasted. Thank God there's no phone, no lights and no motor car because the MVP needs to hit AA ASAP, dude.

All the while, as they settle in for the night, Steph is thinking. It's nice that she's been so welcome into the tribe but she knows damn well that she's still the outcast in a solid tribe. And she knows for certain that she's odds-on favorite to be the first in the Jury.

DAY 24: THERE'S GOT TO BE A MORNING AFTER...

Tom claims to have "blacked-out" during the night... but he's up and at 'em the next morning, catching bait and helping the tribe say "aloha" to "Joe".

The only one who's claiming to be still playing the game is Coby. He's sick of Tom, he's a little scared of Steph and he wants to shake things up. Coby takes Steph's arm and brings her aside (a bit TOO obviously for the rest of the tribe NOT to notice). Then he tells her he did this on purpose because he WANTS them to know he's so through with them. He then gives the Koror Alliance as he knows it: MVP Tom, Ian, Katie, Jenn and Gregg. He claims Katie and Gregg want to turn on the Alliance... and he tossed in a bunch of other stuff about Steph's chances.

And when she came BACK, Jenn and Katie dragged her off for a "sand bath" and a debriefing. Steph gives the girls all the poop that the "girl" told her... and Jenn and Katie tell HER that they're on the same side. Steph then talks MVP Tom, who tells HER that the Alliance "will protect her". (Yeah, like the police guards protected Lee Harvey Oswald, right?)

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE: STAND THE STORM

The new Koror tribe arrives untied at Challenge Cove... right by a WWII cannon. Uncle Jeff (now that Ulong is history, my antipathy towards him wanes... a little) takes back the Koror Idol (allowing Steph to touch it just ONCE) and ditches it. The OFFICIAL Immunity Necklace is shown: beads and baubles... and a shark's jawbone. Nice. All Immunity Challenges will be individual from here on out... and Jeff warns all but Steph that it might mean trouble for some of them since they sat out many a challenge while the others destroyed Ulong.

OK, enough editorializing. To the Challenge at hand. It's the usual "Last Person Standing" Challenge: go to perch in water, stand on perch in water, do not jump off, fall off or sit on perch in water or you're out, last one on perch in water gets Immunity. Right after the Challenge, they will trek directly to the Ulong Memorial Supply Dump O' Doom to vote someone out of the tribe and onto the Jury.

The nine Korors swim out to the perches and stand straight and tall... while Sadistic Uncle Jeff relaxes and watches. Jeff ALSO starts up a conversation with the players, as if they were ALREADY at Tribal Council. He asks Tom if Steph's arrival affects strategy... and Tom evades the question deftly. Coby won't, however, saying everybody KNOWS who they want out.

One hour later, the mandatory bribery begins. Jeff brings out a plate of donuts, saying that whosoever bails out now gets to chomp on these fattening pasteries. Coby starts to bargain with the others to join him, since he "can't resist a donut". When Jeff says he can promise up to two donuts each, Coby gayly jumps in, swims in and chomps away! Janu likewise joins him, claiming her back is aching. (This from a showgirl who makes a living wearing large and heavy feathered hats on her head?!) Gregg suffers as Coby eats it s-l-o-w-l-y in front of his eyes. When Jeff asks the group WHY someone would voluntarily give up Immunity for donuts, Steph says, "Either they WANT to go home or they don't think they're in DANGER of going home."

90 minutes in, Coby asks what the others would "jump for". The answers vary from chocolate to peanut butter to... baluts? Yes, MVP Tom wants those half-formed chickens he gulped down nine of a few days ago. Ian says he'd strip naked (like two girls in another series [forgive me for not knowing which]) for peanut butter... and Jeff says plainly, "Nobody wants to see that!"

The sun starts to set, torches are lit and the Challenge goes on. At 2:30 in, Jeff comes out with 15 chocolate-chip cookies and a glass of milk to those who jump in the next 15 seconds. Jenn and Katie IMMEDIATELY jump off, with Gregg and Ian not that far behind! Steph, MVP Tom and Caryn are all that left.

The (perpetually full) moon rises... and Caryn and Tom talk about who's gonna make it. At three hours into the challenge, the next temptation comes out on a tray. Jeff says that, once he uncovers the tray, if nobody jumps in within five seconds, whatever's there goes to the six who had jumped already. And it is... PIZZA! 5... 4... and the LADIES JUMP! (DAMMIT, STEPH! NO WONDER YOUR TRIBE SUCKED!) MVP Tom wins the first true Individual Immunity! (Like there was any doubt, right?) Caryn and Steph share the pizza... and Tom is the only one left starving... but, at least it won't be his LAST meal on the island.

TRIBAL COUNCIL: A MILLION-DOLLAR PLATE OF DONUTS

After the losers eat and digest, we all head to the Ulong Memorial Supply Dump O' Doom. Steph knows she is a "free vote" and thinks she'd be stupid to think she wasn't dead meat. Jenn likes Steph and admits she's good at everything. Coby likes Steph as well, saying this is a game of popularity. Janu admits to not pulling her weight as of late and she thinks it IS her tonight... but she's not worried. Steph says she's "not good at temptation", hence why she gave up Immunity for pizza when she's PRETTY sure she's history. But, if she's gone, it'll be the biggest regret of her entire life.

With MVP Tom holding on to Immunity when given the opportunity to hand it off, it is time to vote (and, again, I'm predicting a tie). Tom, Ian ("Coby, it's like the Mafia; it's business"), Steph, Jenn, Janu ("Stephenie"), Caryn, Katie, Gregg and Coby scratch down names (and I'm sure Steph is getting writer's cramp).

Uncle Jeff tallies and reads the votes: Steph, Janu, Coby, Coby, Coby, Coby... COBY! By a seven-to-one-to-one vote, the hairdresser has been shaved from this game! But he'll be back with a vengeance as Juror # 1. Thank Uncle Jeff for the million-dollar donuts and get out.

Uncle Jeff tells us that we are not "one big, happy tribe" but eight individuals fighting for the million bucks.

(My God,.... Steph's still IN?!?!? *faints dead away*)