Entry 1: Drift
- June 22
First, a disclaimer, quoting Richard Hammond of
Brainiac: "The following experiments are dangerous. For your safety and the
protection of those around you, do not try this at home...
"No, seriously. Don't."
Tonight, two drift drivers, an acrobat team, a
contortionist, and two unicyclists all have one thing in common. They want to
be... Master of Champions!
The show is hosted by Chris Leary, who you may
(or may not) remember as host of "Fox Family Countdown" and "Fresh Gear" on G4
(back when it was watchable). He greets us with "There are masters... there are
champions.... Welcome to 'MASTER OF CHAMPIONS!'" Not exactly the BEST opening
sting, but what the hell.
The rules are simple. Each show will feature
three rounds of competition, each one with a medal awarded to an expert in
his/her own field. But only one will be called "Master of Champions" and be
enshrined in the Wall of Masters on stage. Which one? That depends on the studio
audience, who will be helped along by a "Panel of Champions", baseball legend
Steve Garvey, Olympic gold medalist Oksana Baiul, and Olympic gold medalist (and
host of at least one season of Real World/Road Rules Challenge) Jonny Moseley.
First up, two drifters will compete in a drift
car challenge to determine who will be the best. Verena Mei, a former tires
model and currently the best female drifters in America, will take on Tanner
Foust, one of the best drifters in America.
Trivia: Drift racing involves a controlled skid
on an asphalt surface. Examples can be seen on the TV series "Formula D" and in
the movie "Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift."
Tonight, Verena & Tanner will be put to the
ultimate test... cheese grating?
ROUND 1: DRIFT-CAR CHEESE GRATING: Verena Mei vs.
Each driver will have to shred a 10-pound block
of cheese by doing donuts around it. Whoever shreds the most cheese off of it at
the end of 45 seconds wins.
Verena is first. She first makes contact at 15
seconds, but she has to stop at 30 before she loses control. She's back at 35,
but the 10 seconds lost could be deadly. Better than a busted car, I suppose.
Starting weight: 9.49 pounds. Ending weight: 7.49
pounds. Verena's weight: 1.90 lbs.
Tanner is going to let the grater do his thing
next. Tanner starts wide, the hones in with precision. And we have a fire at 29
seconds. He stops six seconds early, and the safety crew do that thing. Will it
be enough to beat Verena?
Starting weight: 9.49 pounds. Ending weight: 5.62
pounds. Tanner's weight: 3.87 lbs.
But what say the Panel of Champions? Steve thinks
that Verena is the face of the sport, but gives his vote to Tanner. Oksana,
making light of her being "known" for fast driving, gives her vote to Verena.
Jonny gives Tanner props for skill, but Verena gets the vote for more skill with
Now we go to the audience... By a vote of 75% to
25%, the best drift-driver is... TANNER!
Next, two acts with unique skills will go head to
ROUND 2: UNIQUE SKILL ROUND: Acroback vs.
Combining acrobatics, stilts, and breakdancing,
Acroback have a combined 75 years experience, and tonight, they'll perform with
spring-loaded stilts and strapped fireworks in an attempt to become "human
Today, they will compete against Princess Elayne,
a 14-year-old contortionist whose specialty is shooting arrows with her feet.
Tonight, she'll perform a TV first, shooting arrows with her feet...
blindfolded. ... Bullseye.
Going to the Panel. Steve goes to Princess Elayne.
Oksana goes to Elayne... Jonny goes to Acroback.
The audience... By a vote of 70% to 30%, the most
unique skill medal goes to... PRINCESS ELAYNE!
Next, two unicyclists go at it to determine who
is the most extreme. Dan Heaton of Seattle, who started as a child and went on
to become a world champion street unicyclist... then broke both of his feet,
will take on 18-year-old Zach Baldwin, who went to Japan and placed first in
ROUND 3: UNIRACERS: Dan Heaton vs. Zach Baldwin
On a specially designed street course, each
unicyclist will show off their skills.
Dan is first. Remember, he's more of a street
rider, which means you'll see more tricks. And also remember that Dan is still
recovering from two broken feet. Dan gives it a good run, but he couldn't nail
his big finish. He got the ramp no problem, but stepped off of his unicycle.
Zach is more of a trial style, which means expect
more drops and more ramps. Zach struggles getting up on top of a 5 foot level
hop onto a phone booth, but he manages to get himself up. His big finish is also
mangled as he attempts an 8 foot drop. But he holds it together.
The Panel of Champions, in a 2-1 split, give it
to Dan. But what will the audience say? It's a close one, but by a vote of 51%
to 49%, the best extreme unicyclist.. by FOUR votes... is... ZACH!
All three medals have been awarded, but now a
tough vote remains, as the Panel of Champions convenes to decide who will be
tonight's Master of Champions. And their decision must be unanimous.
MASTER OF CHAMPIONS ROUND: Tanner Foust vs.
Princess Elayne vs. Zach Baldwin.
Tonight, one of these three finalists will place
their name on the Wall of Masters.
Steve congratulates the three... but reveals that
uniqueness is key in this decision. Oksana says that when you're a champion,
it's not an end, but a beginning. Jonny reveals tonight's winner.
Tonight's Master of Champions is.... PRINCESS
ELAYNE! She is the first entry onto the Wall of Masters.