Game Show NewsNet

Episode 6 - September 28

We start this episode as Jay wants the audience to raise the roof. He needs to replace the roof with 'ratings', as the show has now been officially cut by two episodes from when it should have been ending. Supposed ending date? October 19. New ending date? Next week, October 5. Some things in the summer just shouldn't last until the fall.

But until we laugh it up to Armageddon, we have as our guest star for the week - Triumph the Insult Comic Dog! Before we get to that, we have, in Jay's words, Season 1 going against Season 2 to give Season 2 $50,000 worth of prize money. Well, he said it, not me, and now even season 1 is celebrating. The eliminations will happen right... at the end of the show, of course.

The comics who performed last week leave us, while the 6 comics performing insult humor directed at Jay Mohr will now be setting up in a 'Friar's Roast' style, with Jeffrey Ross, the master of the insult, as the roasting leader. Ross starts us off "What would Last Comic Standing be without Jay Mohr? Funnier? Jay is the gayer Ryan Seacrest." Well, that about says it all, adding that he got his role on Jerry McGuire and the ability to bang Tom Cruise. Triumph goes out to say that he saw bigger stars when he sat on his nuts. Well, any semblance of 8pm humor (not like you would expect there to be in a roast) goes out the window.

Triumph then goes after Tess (Nothing says sexy like a girl going on congestive heart failure), Rich Vos (If Rich Vos would have been any more rat-faced, Dat Phan would have tried to eat him by now), Alonzo (He quit drugs - some day, hopefully he'll quit comedy) and, of course, Jay, (He keeps you guessing - what's he going to suck at next?... your career is like my poop - you were hot for 5 minutes). Well, it was raucous - but also funny, and the comedians have some work to do.

We start the roasting with Geoff Brown, who brought cards with him. He confuses Jay with David Spade and says, "If you see all of the good parts of his movies, and see all of the good parts of his TV shows, and read all of his good parts of his books, then you have wasted 11 minutes of your time." Ugh. That is his best line, and I would like to remind you all that you kept him in over Sean Kent. Jeffrey says it best - "Geoff, thank you for your rousing lecture."

Alonzo is next, and based on the fact that he won the Friar Roast Challenge, I expect some good stuff out of him. I get it... "We know him best for firing Tom Cruise. Tom is still making 25 million dollars a movie - and you're here with me." He goes after everyone, including saying that Todd has been getting on his knees with Jay just for an extra week. Really good stuff for Alonzo.

"Jay's career is as solid as me and Ralphie May holding hands on a diving board." That comes from Tess, who adds that if he takes away Jay's talent and good looks, we get Todd Glass. "I've always had a crush on Jay... I always wanted to know what it would be to sleep with a white chick." continues Tess, giving Jay handcuffs, a riding whip and a stool. Well, she was better than Geoff Brown - but so would staring at the CD cover of Milli Vanilli.

So how much of a disappointment is this show? Well, they are going to be replacing the show with a game show about... wait for it... weight loss. For $250,000. You are kidding me, right? We have a 2 minute montage of this instead of commercials, and you have to wonder if this was done out of hope - of desperation.

Gary Gulman equates LCS1 to the Montreal Expos of comedy - and then goes after Dave Mordal and Rich Vos for being bunkmates and then going after Dat Phan for being a one joke comic. "We get it. Your mom sounds funny. Enough!" He then goes after Ralphie - which gets the crowd against him. He goes after Jay, saying that every week, his hair gets voted off and that Jay's show on ESPN was kicked off faster than Bonnie McFarland. OUCH! Well, now we know why Bonnie didn't want to be on the air.

Rich Vos is on, and he goes after Ralphie, saying that if he wins the money, he will have is kitchen stapled. He goes after John Heffron, saying that he is running around, looking for a punchline. The audience goes after him, which has him go, "It's a Roast, stupid!" and "You have a black guy with a white girl - didn't you know that when you have a car jacking, you're supposed to leave the driver there." That gets the audience laughing again. This one doesn't - "Jay Mohr had to stop drinking, because his liver was so brown and bloated that it looks like Tess." OUCH! He goes more after the comics than Jay, but his material was so very good, so I'll over look it.

Finally, it's Todd Glass. "We came to laugh - and to roast Jay Mohr, and then we will be praying that there's no season four." If they keep him on, there won't be. He then just runs off a string of insults and then sings again, Again, this is as entertaining as it sounds and he doesn't say anything that no one else hasn't said - except for praying for Jerry Maguire 2. Then he profusely grovels to Jay and I can't wait for Todd's stint on the show to end.

Jay now gets a chance to respond to everyone. "If Jeffrey was any uglier, he'd be Bonnie McFarland" then goes to Rich, who apparently is dating Bonnie. "You've been doing comedy for 20 years. Bonnie has been doing comedians for 10 years." Gee, someone has a grudge against her bailing out, doesn't someone? Geoff Brown - "Every time you say something funny, I lose a bet." Jay ends this by saying that he created this show to give comics that he knew and saw on the road a chance to get in the spotlight, and that he feels that they all deserve what they get. He loves them all, and we end the segment. AwwwwBarf.

But sometimes, with love, there is tough love. In this case, the toughness is that 4 of the comics will be going bye-bye. He reminds everyone that the meaner the roaster is - the better as we see a roasting recap. He reminds everyone that the order of next week will be to get the other 2 comics for the final four, then they all perform one more time, then we get one more vote. After the final vote, the person with the most amount of votes will get $250,000.

It's time to get rid of comics. Out of Kathleen Madigan, John Heffron and Jay London, the lowest vote getter is... Kathleen. From season one, out of Ralphie May, Dat Phan, and Dave Mordal, the first eliminated person is... Dat Phan, as the defending champion goes out in 5th. The first Season 2 comic to get to the Final 4 is... John Heffron, as Jay London is eliminated. Joining him is... Dave Mordal, as Ralphie May is eliminated.

They are in the final 2. Let's see how my ratings are for who is joining them...

Top Ranked - Tess, Alonzo Bodden
Good - Rich Vos
Eh - Gary Gulman
14:59 - Todd Glass (please end this already!), Geoff Brown

My take? Let's get rid of Geoff Brown for LCS 1. I thought Tess actually was better than Vos, but she has to get past Vos's fans and I don't see that happening. Vos should win for LCS 1. As for LCS 2, Bodden had far and away the best set of the night, and he shouldn't have a problem against Gulman, who couldn't beat him in Season 2 and who bombed out tonight. He may have a significant challenge in Glass, though, as we haven't seen how popular he is. I am hoping he's not popular enough, since he wasn't very good tonight.

Based on the Final 4 of Bodden, Heffron, Vos and Mordal, I think that Heffron could win the whole thing - but it could very well boil down to who has the best set and any of them could pull out the killer set. We'll see conclusion of all of this next week, same Mohr time, same Mohr channel, when we will have... no Mohr.