Game Show NewsNet

Episode 5 - September 25

We are back here with LCS3 - but the audience isn't, as the ratings continue to slip. How do we know this? Well, we'll see the results of this later... but first, the results of last week. The $50,000 goes to... season 2! Why don't you just give the $500,000 to Season 2 and just fast forward to the finals?

We have a bunch of changes for this episode. For starters, each team will be assigned a 'guest' comic. For season 1, It's... Louie Anderson! For Season 2.. it's Carrot Top! I would have thought that this would be a sheer ploy for ratings, but I have no clue how the ratings would be increased for someone who was kicked off of Family Feud and someone who has made a bad string of movies.

As for the potential evictees - from Season 1, we have Geoff Brown or Sean Kent, and from Season 2, we have Todd Glass and ANT. Meanwhile, on ESPN, Jackie gets cut. Whoopie. Back to...

...The War Room, where, Jay tells both teams that there are special instructions in the War Room. The instructions are as follows.... next week, there will be a special comedic roast featuring Jay Mohr and Triumph, the insult comic dog. That may be exciting - but the more exciting part is that there is a twist. On this show, only ONE of the three comedians will move on. Could there be 'cut to the chase' episodes getting cut here? Looks like it to me...

LCS 1, on the advice of Dave Mordal and his magic paper clip, have Rich Vos and Tess roasting, while Dat Phan, Ralphie May and Dave Mordal go to battle. LCS2, who imitates Ralphie as Kathleen insists he wants to eat his team and John says that if he eats Dat, he'll be hungry 30 minutes later (in perhaps the funniest segment of the night) decides to send Jay London, Kathleen Madigan and John Heffron to battle while Gary Gulman and Alonzo Bodden will roast.

It's always a really bad sign when the C-level comic guests are getting much more of a response than the regular contestants.

That's next week - we start tonight with Kathleen Madigan. She talks about the weather channels sacrificing an intern to the hurricane and how wonderful Mexico is that they can get 2 hours worth of rest. She also jokes about the women who go to Oprah wanting to go to a giveaway show - and wind up at a depressing show featuring Indian women. "What the hell? Where are my free Ug Boots, B!tch?" She ends the skit with the homeless people living at the Happiest Place on Earth. She was good, but she's been better in earlier episodes.

Dave Mordal is next - and he talks about telemarketers. 'Someone wants me to make a donation to the missing children's fund, and I go - how on Earth are they going to get the kids the money?'. He adds a plug for the Toys for Tots - and adds a joke on how you can steal toys and stick them in the box. He also talks about a guy getting raped twice, and he talks about how he'd be out of there after the first rape. Not many comics can turn rape into a joke - but I found it funny. 'One of the questions you have to answer - why you left your last job. I was raped twice. Now your employer knows that you're good for at least one.' He's funnier than Kathleen, but is that material too controversial?

Someone who hasn't been controversial (until the Dat Phan joke) is John Heffron. He chats about... the scissors joke in a complete repeat. He adds a mall joke about how kids want to be a pirate at the mall. He completes all of his material - and it reminded me of the time that he used the almost EXACT SAME routine as he did in Star Search. He got 8 stars, with two judges giving him a 1. Will the audience make history repeat himself? (BTW, who did he lose to? Alonzo Bodden. Yep.)

Dat Phan is up, and I am convinced that he will give me some original material? No. He gives us material he used on LCS 1 - and although it is funny, it is still repeated material on his mom, the Brady Bunch (10 kids, 2 boobies!) and the VIetnamese plan to take over the U.S. by running every nail salon. Well, since it is two years ago, maybe the people forgot his material...

But Jay London is unforgettable. 'They are holding a 5 mile fertility run, and the last female across the line is a rotten egg...I actually had a hurricane named after me, and then I was turned into a tropical depression...So what do you think of sex in the 90's? It's too hot!...They want to tax cigarettes to build highways? Just remove the tar form the cigarettes.' I love this guy.

We finish the contestants with Ralphie May, who refuses to be politically correct. He talks about how everything should just be Mexican - and the Latin American ones are the Mexicans who can swim. He also calls the Mexicans the one mowing his lawn. Indians? 'The brown guy who fixes my computer'. What about native Indians? 'Nobody was crying for me last week when I was at the Mohegan Sun and lost $8 (bleep) thousand dollars.' That would be controversy for you. How much controversy does the audience like?

It's time for the guest comedians, and we start with Louie Anderson! he starts with his new idea for a comic - Last Comic Laying Around. He talks about his parents with their eating habits, and he wants to know with the Nicotene Patch, when are they coming out with a Nicotene Jacket. He also talks how people talk to you differently when you turn 80, and how Willard Scott will give you props when you are 100. If you have 80 year old kids...'Hey, turn down that Glenn Miller Crap'. It's a god thing he isn't on the chopping block...

His opponent - Carrot Top. He has his usual prop list - like an etch-a-sketch wedding cake for Britney Spears so she can change the name of who she wants to marry. A baby holding a set of birth control pills. A mitt attached to a shield so you can avoid flying chairs. A charity cup attached to a boxing glove for Mike Tyson. A guest book attached to panties for Paris Hilton. A miniature shopping cart for Mary Kate and Ashley. Not only did he destroy Louie Anderson, but he probably was the best comic on the show.

We get the recap - and then we get to see who is eliminated. ANT already has his car keys and is ready to leave. He gets the heave ho. From Season 1, the person who is leaving is... Sean Kent. He leaves with a hug for Jay, while ANT is still parading around the stage.

As for those wacky ratings...

Top Ranked - Carrot Top, Dave Mordal, Kathleen Madigan
Good - Dat Phan, Jay London
Eh - John Heffron, Ralphie May
14:59 - Louie Anderson (and I mean that in every sense imaginable)

What do I think? Part 1 - Well, how can we spike up the ratings? I know, let's take the 8pm show and talk about rape, racism, Mexicans, Indians, bitches and make it comedy! Did I mention that they are sticking this in an 8pm time slot where kids are watching? Do you wonder why the ratings are going down quicker than Santa in a greased chimney? I strongly suggest that for next summer, when they do this, to stick the show in a 10pm slot - you'll probably get better ratings. There is no way you will get ratings with this sort of content in an 8pm slot.

What do I think Part 2 - So who wins? Not Louie Anderson. If we are talking about best comedy for the episode, it has to be Dave Mordal and Kathleen Madigan. That being said, we know that voting has a lot to do with it as well. While Mordal may have a shot to win, Madigan doesn't. I think John Heffron repeats history and wins another three-way, while it's a toss-up between Mordal and Phan, with Mordal getting the edge. BTW, the three Powerhouses from LCS 1 competing against each other completely opens the door for Vos, who only has to go against Geoff and Tess in the roast, while on the other side, Gary Gulman and Alonzo Bodden will have a much tougher battle against insult extraordinaire (and apparent cult crowd carrier) Glass. We'll see how accurate I am next week.