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Twelve American males hit up a trip to England in order to woo the former Mrs. Mick Jagger

Recaps by Julie Suchard, GSNN


FACT FILE:
Host: Jerry Hall
EP: Michael Hirschorn, Kim Rozenfeld, Brandon Riegg, Sam Korkis, Julio Kollerbohm, Michael Canter, Debbie Adler Myers
Packager: VH1
Origin: London, UK
Airs: Thursdays at 9pm ET on VH1


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"Gamesmanship" - July 7

Since the himbos did such a fabulous job creating the dinner party, Jerry gives them the night off. [This has to be another set-up.] The driver takes the men to the “hottest nightclub in London”, Oceana. [Viewlondon gives the club one star out of five: http://www.viewlondon.co.uk/review_2189.html saying that the club is, “a huge student pub with terrible music, overdressed suburbanites and dance floors like cattle markets.”]

Anwar ruefully comments about the upcoming night of fun, “I’m happy that we get to go out, but every time we go out, somebody always takes it too far with the ladies…first Ricardo, then Jason…” The guys go into the club’s V.I.P. lounge and meet a group of girls, who hear that the himbos had a pool and jacuzzi and who volunteer to come back to the house. [Hello, doesn’t this seemed contrived?]

Seth says that the men got wasted, so “nobody opposed bringing the broads back with us.” Anwar realizes that “it wasn’t the wisest thing to go down there with the girls and have a good time. You never know when Jerry or her friends could pop up. The best thing for me to do would be to go to bed.”

The men (minus Anwar) are relaxing around the pool when one of the women takes off her top. The rest of the women do the same thing. [It’s seeming even more contrived…] Jon relates that the women just started going crazy. Devonric (who is seen holding a topless blond) smugly says, “I’m here to be Jerry’s kept man, not her boyfriend. I’m trying to be fun and live carefree.” Maurizio rationalizes “If I’m kept, I will be on call for Jerry. That doesn’t mean that I couldn’t hang out and flirt with other girls.” [Apparently all of the men have the same idea, because we are treated to a montage of Maurizio, Austen and Devonric all shown holding topless women with their boobs fuzzed out .]

Jon is surprised that even Austen is partaking of the forbidden fruit, and Austen is shown nuzzling with one of the girls, albeit the one with her bottom and top still on. Seth, whose trunks are hanging so low both the front and back are blurred out, gets pushed into the pool by two topless women. Austen says, “the fact that they had the women over could spell trouble for everyone but Anwar, so in that effect it was definitely a mistake.”

The next morning, the hung-over men receive a note from Katy letting them know that the transportation to their next challenge departs at 8:30 a.m. sharp! Seth whines, “I am f**ing so hung over.” While Jon, who should just be grateful that he is still on the show, says that he got caught in the moment. “I feel that I have cheated on Jerry.” [You have to be having a relationship first to cheat on somebody, dumb-shit.] Maurizio hopes that Jerry doesn’t find out about the previous evening’s festivities or else “everyone will be on death’s door,” while good-boy Anwar is hoping for the opposite, hoping that it will be him ahead of the other men.

In a major non-sequitur, Jerry talks about how she loves horses. Horses are a big part of her life. She has a horse and rides a couple times a week.

The himbos go to Ascot Park Polo Club. Jerry says that she really enjoys going to polo matches and thinks that the boys should learn a little about the game. [Great transition, the men go from being big dumb animals the night before to riding on big dumb animals…] Their instructor is to be Tarquin Sothwell, who is described as a “World Famous Polo Player.” [Tarquin had apparently dated supermodel Jodie Kidd for four years. The same month they broke up, she became engaged to another guy. He seems like he might be a good person for Jerry to keep.]

The men are given helmets, chaps, and polo outfits. Tarquin introduces the men to “Woody,” a stationary polo pony mock-up.

While the men are being humiliated by Tarquin, Jerry is rehearsing for a show that Eddie Izzard is putting on for the BBC. Jerry’s friend Rachel Fuller comes over to Jerry’s house along with her boyfriend, Pete Townshend [who apparently was taking a break from his courageous efforts to battle child pornography]. The three of them will be performing an original song that Rachel wrote. Jerry feels lucky that Pete is performing, since as the lead guitarist for “The Who”, he doesn’t generally do small gigs. The song is called “Around this Table” and tackles the subject of divorce, the disappointment and sadness that accompanies it, and how some couples fight over inanimate objects that become imbued with the spirit of this strife. [Of course what I wonder is whether Jerry’s other friend Bill Wyman and Pete Townshend hang out together, because they seem to have similar interests.]

Jerry says that music is important to her, then a montage of Jerry accompanying all the musical people she has had sex with is flashed, including Brian Ferry from Roxy Music and Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. [I am surprised that they didn’t find some musical connection to Sean Connery, so they could flash his picture again as well.] Jerry wants to share that aspect of her life with a deserving boy. [Is she going to have group sex with a himbo and one of her former musical partners?]

Meanwhile, back with the big dumb animals, Maurizio says that Tarquin has them doing a lot of “crazy exercises.” Some of the men seem to have difficult operating their horses. Seth says that his “balls are killing him”; one has to assume that he isn’t talking about the polo balls.

Jerry and her friends show up at the polo field. John comments that Jerry didn’t seem to show any awareness of the pool party. “It seems like we got a lucky break.” Tarquin says that the men are going to be broken up into three-person teams. Maurizio is confident in his ability to play; “I guarantee you that Jerry and her friends are going to see a new polo stud.” The himbos’ opposition comes onto the field. The men are shocked when they see their opposition: a trio of teenaged girls.

Seth says that the girls are ringers, he could tell by their small horses with wrapped tails and “flairs” on the horses’ legs. Jerry says that her kept man “doesn’t need to be a polo expert, but he does need to be a good sport and has to be able to be part of a team.”

The first team of men, (Maurizio, Devonric, and Jon, go to battle against the girls. Jerry says that a horse sizes up its rider immediately and could tell that these riders were not in charge. The men get their asses kicked. Jon could hardly even get his horse to move. Jerry says that Maurizio managed to “not look too bad.” Seth says, “Devonric, the guy has done it all. He’s an astronaut, he shoots f**king bears…” Maurizio comments that Devonric was talking big about his abilities, but didn’t come through. Jerry drawls, “He’s from Texas for god’s sake. Everyone from Texas can ride.” At the half-time, the score is 8 to 0.

Austen swears that his team would score at least one goal. “There is no way that we are going to embarrass ourselves like the other guys did.” Austen uncharacteristically swears because he can’t get his horse to go where he wants it to, when he wants it to. Jerry is surprised and disappointed in Austen’s behaviour. Seth manages to hit the ball once, impressing Jerry. Jerry says that Anwar looks great on his horse, he had obviously ridden before. Tarquin give the men a “mercy” penalty shot. Austen takes it, but doesn’t score. The score for the second group was 6 to 0. Austen says that “Jerry is always encouraging, even when we suck at everything.”

Jerry toasts the men: “Here’s to sore bottoms.” [What – she likes spankings?] Jerry and her friends leave, and the bouncers show up.

Jerry and her friends debate the men’s fate. Jo Wood, wife of Rolling Stone, Ron Wood, says that the men were lucky not to fall off the horses. Actress Annabel Brooks said that Devonric looked like an old man bobbing up and down. Jerry says Seth held his own, Anwar looked the best, while Austen hit the ball the best. Jo noticed that Jon’s horse interacted with the ball more than he did. Rachel wryly comments that Jon “nearly got s**t on.” Maurizio did ok, but Jerry sadly says “none of them were dazzling horsemen.”

Katy comes in and does her “you can’t always get what you want” speech, and gives the list to bouncer Chris who starts calling names: Anwar, Maurizio, Seth and Austen. Jon says, “Almost every elimination, it’s me and somebody else, but I always pull through. I’ve got to believe this has got to happen again”.

The last name called is Devonric.

Devonric explains, “Little Jon had no clue that he was going to be eliminated. From day one he thought that he was going to win. It was sad man, that kid, he put his total heart into it.” Jon says, “Jerry is missing out on a lot by not having me here. She hasn’t given me the opportunity to show her what she is missing. She’s missing a lot, a nice guy from Connecticut who is very honest, very sincere and very caring and very determined [and very unaware of the fact that he shouldn’t use the word ‘very’ so many times in a sentence].” Jerry remaks, “The fact that Jon has always given 100% percent is why he has made it this far. Not that I actually saw Jon as my kept man, but after today I don’t see any reason to keep him any longer.”

The producers obviously like Jon, so he is given a montage of moments set to The Shin’s song “New Slang.” He is going to miss Jerry and was looking forward to being her kept man. If he can’t be a kept man for Jerry he doesn’t want to be one for anyone. [As if women are just lining up to have Jon as their kept men…]

Seth asks Devonric how Jon looked. Devonric replies, “How do you think he looked, <<bleep>>, <<bleep>>, quit asking me, he never harmed anybody man, though we did make fun of him.” Seth mocks Devonric’s insincerity; “He give me attitude like he cared about the kid when basically the whole time he’s been sh*tting on him, trying to make him look stupid, when he is the stupid one.” Seth mocks Devonric for shitting on Jon the most. Seth says that he busted his balls, but tried to make Jon look good, while Devronric said stupid sh*t to make him feel bad. Devonric seems to feel guilty because he says, “I’m going to dedicate everything I do to little Jon. He says that the other guys claim to be his friend, but they sit there and bash your ass.”

Seth pronounces Devonric his new nemesis because he is a two-faced piece of (^_^).

The men go home and mope a bit. The doorbell rings and a note arrives. Maurizio is invited on a date with Jerry. After Jerry had bought Maurizio’s painting, he sent her flowers as a thank you. This obviously impressed her because she thanked him and invited him out on a date.

Maurizio meets Jerry in Soho. Jerry shows up at the restaurant and Maurizio has the presence of mind to open the door for her. They go to Ronnie Scott’s, a famous jazz club. Rachel and Pete Townshend meet the couple and they sit at a table in front. Jerry is introduced and goes up on stage with her quartet, which includes Rachel and Pete. Jerry is nervous.

Jerry does spoken word stuff, reading from a card, “We built a home to live in, we love the things we found, we fill it full of paintings, put kilos on the ground [kilos of marijuana?], Our friends all come to dinner, this table is our pride, we talk about the world’s affairs, those who have loved and died.” Then Rachel sings. [Rachel has a nice voice. http://www.rachelfuller.com/] Maurizio says that he can’t describe what transpired on stage, and then goes on to contradict himself by describing it as a sort of “country folk” music.

Maurizio tells Rachel and Jerry that they look like superstars. Jerry says that he knows all of the right things to say. Rachel utters, “Maurizio was charming and handled it really well.” Jerry said that it was a stressful evening, “but Maurizio put me at ease and made it work for me.”

The next day the men want to know about the date. Austen says, “Not only was Maurizio lucky enough to go on a date with Jerry, but he also got to meet Pete Townshend, which is cool. That guy is like a rock legend. When I finally get a date with Jerry, I hope that mine is as good as Maurizio, if not better.”

Jerry says, “I had a really nice time with Maurizio. It’s getting to be a very close race with the boys that I have left, so I want to see who will separate himself from the pack.”

The boys go on another outing. Seth sees a horse and says, “There is no way that I am riding a horse again. My balls, my ass, my legs, <<bleep>>, black and blue.” The men see that they are going to Lingfield Park racetrack and think for a minute that they will be racing horses. Instead they are introduced to Barry Dennis, who is a bookie who will be teaching them about horseracing.

Austen says that he can’t understand what the bookie is saying due to the “cockney slang” that he uses. [Frankly I don’t understand what the hell this guy is saying either, so don’t expect a word-for-word recap of this section.]

Jerry and Rachel show up. Jerry says [in a pseudo-British accent] that she once chose at the Kentucky ‘Darby’ the top three horses. She chose the horses based on which one looked the friskiest. Maurizio wants to know if that’s how Jerry will be choosing from amongst the men. Jerry says that it’s nice to see how much Maurizio has loosened up since their date.

Jerry’s friends Annabelle and Suzanne walk in. Jerry says that she is using this date as an opportunity to interrogate the guys one by one with her friends. Maurizio says that everyone is like a horse, you have the big horse (Austen), the funny horse (Seth), the tall horse (Anwar), the strong horse (Devonric) and the outcome is going to depend on what Jerry wants to be on. [What kind of horse is Maurizio?]

Jerry and her friends start interrogating the men. They ask Seth if he has a girlfriend. He says that he doesn’t right now. He had a girlfriend, but he jokes that he is incapable of love. Suzanne tries to defend him in a way, telling the rest of the women that Seth’s girlfriend broke his heart. Seth tells the women that Maurizio has his own room because he is obsessive-compulsive. This has piqued Jerry’s interest.

They ask Maurizio about his obsessive-compulsiveness. Rachel says that the women “like a man with a condition.” [Which explains why she is with Pete Townshend.] Jerry says that the more she sees Maurizio, the more she likes him. Maurizio says that the worst thing is having the cable guy come for a visit and ask to use the restroom and he [Maurizio] freaks out [about there possibly being a stray pubic hair on the bar of soap]. Maurizio says that he had felt like he was an underdog, but Jerry made him feel like he was part of the race to be her kept man.

Austen is asked what he does for fun. He says that he plays card games and online Scrabble. He is asked if he had a lot of success with girls as a teenager. He said he dated one girl through high school and another through college. He felt shy with girls. He is asked if he still feels shy with girls and says, “Obviously, look at me.” Suzanne Wyman says, “I thought Austen was a bit aloof and they think that Austen is shy. I think that shyness is a way of saying that somebody is self-obsessed.” [What a bitch.]

Devonric is interviewed next. Somebody asks about his living at home. He says, “ I was with an agency [for modeling] and they basically pulled my chair and <<bleep>>ed me around to keep me from going someplace else.” Jerry says that “DD always looks beautiful, but his conversation is not up to standards.”

Anwar says that the women are the funnest people there. “You can tell that you are a great group of girls. A lot of women when they reach a certain age, and it’s about thirty, give up.” [Jerry is seen raising her eyebrows at this statement.] They lose their sparkle. “But you ladies have definitely held onto it and you can see a difference.” Rachel asks, “How old do you think I am?” Anwar answers, “Honestly, 37.” The women start glaring at him and Rachel says, “I’m 30.” Anwar, who has made a huge mistake, desperately tries to backpeddle his way out of the quagmire he has thrown himself into. “You are 30? Are you serious?” [Anwar, you are making it worse.] Anwar then says, “You are all beautiful for your ages, whatever they may be.”

A somber mood comes over the women and Jerry decides to leave the racetrack. Jerry says that the conversations with the girls were “quite telling. We definitely got more information than we anticipated.”

The bouncers show up again. Anwar says that this is the most nervous he has ever been [Rightfully so, he fucked up big time]. Austen says that each of Jerry’s friends has a particular favorite. Anwar said that he had been smooth up to this point, but his slip over Rachel might have cost him the game.

Jerry says that she is looking for a man who is “fun to be around, natural, relaxed, honest, in the moment, and somebody who could fit in with her friends.” Jerry says that Devonric is “beautiful, if he would just not talk.” Suzanne says that Seth is a likable guy who is down to earth and “what you see is what you get.” Jerry says that she is getting bored with Seth. Rachel likes Austen, but Suzanne finds him too secretive, “he doesn’t join in with the guys, he doesn’t take risks.” Rachel says that she likes Maurizio. The women say that Anwar is acting like he is in a job interview and it can seem arrogant. Rachel blasts Anwar for his age comment and Suzanne says that he can’t be knocked out for that reason.

Katy comes in and does her “you can’t always get what you want” speech. Chris once again reads the names: Austen, Maurizio, Seth. Seth is happy that he is being kept, but he “never wants to see another f*cking horse again.”

Anwar and Devonric remain. Anwar’s name is called. Anwar realizes that he made a mistake with Rachel, but says that if Jerry had realized what had happened at the pool party, his name would have been the first one called.

Jerry says that Devonric has a lot to learn. She hated having to get rid of him because “he is beautiful and from Texas.” She would have loved to go out with him, but he can be boring and doesn’t have a lot to say.” She continues: “The boys think that they have pulled the wool over my eyes, but they should know that after the Jason fiasco, I am always watching. They are going to pay for their little pool party. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday and soon. [Insert evil laugh here: Bwah-hah-hah-hah! I’ll get you Dorothy and you little dog too.]”

Next time: Jerry sends the guys to find spiritual balance. Jerry thinks that a flexible body means a flexible mind. [Aren’t some parts supposed to be stiff and erect, though?] It looks like Austen gets into a fight. Somebody tells Anwar that they would like for him to leave. Austen thinks that he could beat the remaining men.

[Seth has a blog as well http://realitytvmyass.blogspot.com/]

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