"You Have These in a 13?" -
Last week, 11 men said goodbye to their loved ones and
embarked on a quest for $250,000. The only thing is,
they'll have to prove just how manly they are... as
And I see that TBS
actually wrote lyrics to the song that I was trying to
sing last week, so...
"Well, he's tough and
tall and tan, he's a macho manly man, he's very burly.
But he's taking off his jock, puttin' on a fancy frock
and now he's girly.
He's a lady, oh, no no, he's a lady,
Now he's in shock 'cause he's a lady,
And it's blowin' his mind"
Just so you don't get
confused, here's who is still in the game: Dan/Giselle,
Donnell/Raven, Cree/Carmen, Albert/Alberta,
Michael/Scarlett, and David/Wynona.
Back in the Dollhouse,
the guys can't sleep in the thought that they're
surrounded by estrogen, but some suck it up and remember
that this is a competition to win. Tony checks in and
informs the guys (who, while in this lapseless room of a
pink nightmare are free to be men) that they have a LOT
to learn about being a lady. But don't worry, because
today is Boot Camp. "Pay attention... there WILL be a
First up, Diane Doyle
teaches the guys on the finer points of walking,
talking, sitting (yes, sitting), and acting lady-like. I
can't capture the whole essence of the instruction, but
I can paraphrase from "Zorro the Gay Blade": swing your
hips, flap your wrist, and talk like a sissy-boy. Oh,
and asses when you get the chance.
From there we go to
vocal, or "speaking in higher octaves without having to
drop one of your testicles." Think junior high chorus...
Third stage: makeup. The
sentiment: "Why do women subject themselves to all of
this?" But the X-factor, of course... the wig. From
this, they decide on personas. Should Donnell make Raven
into a British exchange student? Should Ryan make
Sunshine a little loosey-goosey? Should Ryan make RYAN a
little loosey-goosey? Well, where there's reality,
there's... that's right, reality cliche #512: open bar.
With a blender. And while Ryan gets nicely toasted, we
meet Elizabeth, the personal shopper, and you know what
Donnell: "ROAD TRIP!!!!"
Ryan takes one last slug and heads out the door... as
On the street... never
mind what they shop for, first the "ladies" have to
remember that red means stop and green means go. They
realize that as women they get a lot of attention in
boutiques. Ryan's view: "I think I have learned a lot
today, but I think I forgot it three and a half drinks
ago." And it shows at a second-hand store when Sunshine
strips down to his skivvies. And gives us a little... oh
man, I don't need to see that...
And after all that, a
present... "Today, you got a crash course in how to
walk, talk, and dress like a lady. Tomorrow, you'll have
to do it for yourself." So the challenge: passing as a
lady.... on a group date with Tony... How... awkward.
Okay, no Tony, but we
are at the Universal City Walk. And welcoming them... an
entourage of tourists. Those tourists will figure
heavily as Tony asks them who the real lady is. The
person who fools the most people will win "an awesome
prize" and safety from tomorrow's elimination.
So far, no one is buying
it. Actually, Alberta gets a few... Raven gets a few...
Ryan gets somebody's number, I think. From there, it's
onto bowling night, which, according to David, is very
hard. It's even harder as "the ugly duckling". "I can
honestly expect that I did not expect to feel this way."
Chin up, Wy...
Now the result: Alberta
was the "real lady". He wins immunity and a dude pass (a
high-octane adventure) with another... ermm.. lady. But
all is not roses and sunshine, as tomorrow is another
elimination. And even uglier, the men must determine
which two go before the judges for possible elimination.
Now the dynamics are
starting to change, as David wants Ryan to go. Cree
wants Donnell to go. As for the Dude Pass, Albert
chooses Dan. So what's their adventure? A Hummer drives
them there. Meanwhile, the guys get a lesson in women's
health. Meaning... yeah, it's sex ed... the unabridged
version. The first question, as asked by a doctor: "Can
anyone tell me where the clitoris is?" As answered on an
episode of "Coupling": "What's so hard to understand
about front and center?"
Dan and Albert, though,
are flying a high of their own... in a dogfight. Dan's
plane ride sends him into dry heaves.
Coming up on elimination
time with Morgan (*waves*), John ("Yeah YEAH!"), and
Debbie ("In the hizzy for shizzy"). They send one home
tonight. That one will not be Albert. So what will lady
boot camp do to a man? Apparently... make you dainty and
give your boobs a bit of a lift. Remember, they're not
laughing at you. They're laughing for you. Now the
votes... Sunshine and Scarlett are up. Sunshine admits
that he took the song "Tipsy" to a new level. John gives
him props for that, and for being so drunk that he
doesn't even know what the hell he drank. Scarlett
believes that he's down on the block because of his
vanity/the others' jealousy.
The judges cut... Ryan.
His binge drinking costs him. John's there with the
cigar to send him on his way back to manhood.
And the facade continues