"Men in Drag"
- October 19
"He's got artificial racks, wigs and makeup, body wax,
and cooking dinner...
Sure they do it all for fun, but they know that only one
can be a winner...
He's a lady, whoa whoa whoa, he's a lady...
Talkin' about a fakey lady, a quarter million's on the
the deal: eleven of the manliest men will compete for
$250,000 and the title of All-American Man, but to do
it, they'll have to go where few men have gone before...
to the opposite gender.
First, we head to Los
Angeles, home of all things fake. And speaking of fakes,
our eleven men are headed to the Warner Bros. backlot
with their significant others in tow to compete on a
show they think is called "All American Man", but
(reality cliche #213) they have NO idea what they've
gotten themselves into.
by Allison); 29; Denver; very physical
Ryan (accompanied by Elizabeth; pro wrestler.
Donnell (accompanied by Nehlia); Mableton, GA;
comic; drama queen
Cree (accompanied by Monica); Las Vegas; assumes
this is tough
Rick (accompanied by Amy); not the macho man but
will get dirty
Patrick (accompanied by Joy); thinks he's a guy's
Albert (accompanied by Diana); Birmingham, AL;
likes to shoot bow and golf balls; will do all but deny
God and country to win
Sam (accompanied by Lisa); risk taker; very
Nathan (accompanied by Katie); Milwaukee; good
man; very competitive
Michael (accompanied by Leigh Anne); is who he
is; can "do anything"
David (accompanied by Jeanne); Midwesterner from
Those are your
All-American Men, as they meet Tony Frassrand for the
first time. And so do we, as this is his first game show
(he previously dabbled into documentaries and such).
"What is it going to take?" he asks? Pig intestines?
Desert islands? Foo-foo sissy challenges when you
compare it to... Wait for it... later.
The ladies have a heart
to heart with Tony before the proceedings, when he
reveals EVERYTHING. "They're going to have to experience
what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes....
LITERALLY!" One by one, their significant others get the
news... and one by one, they give the appropriate
"This is NOT gonna be
But needless to say,
everyone's gung ho about it. "I'm man enough, hell, I'm
woman, enough!" With that, they are separated from their
ladies. The guys are, not their significant others....
So what's first on the
agenda? Fashion, hair, nails, wax... torture, pain,
extreme pain, please make it stop. Welcome to the beauty
salon from Hell. Oh man.. This is just painful to watch.
The usual response was either a) "This is all new to me"
or b) "What the hell was I thinking?" Believe it or not,
that's not the bad part... Try walking in heels.
While they're getting
ready, it's time for judges. We have Debbie
Matenopoulous of the TV Guide Channel (before they went
all metro with the LA studio and what not), John Salley
of "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" and the worst damn
reality shows exclamation point, and Morgan Fairchild of
many an Old Navy commercial. They judge on style, poise,
and potential, and from there, seven men will advance.
Dan/Giselle: "I look
Ryan/Sunshine: "*falls over* I'm beautiful!"
Donnell/Raven Nightshade: "I'm like a Williams sister!"
Cree/Carmen: "I don't think I'm the prettiest girl out
Rick/Chiquita: "I used to date her. That's sad."
(Debbie: I don't see a panty line. I'm wondering...
boxers or briefs? Rick: Neither. Me: MORE INFORMATION
Patrick/Lily: "Does this make my butt look big?"
Albert/Alberta: "Not that bad, I guess."
Sam/Samantha: "Samantha has arrived."
Nathan/Amber: "Oh my god..."
Michael/Scarlett: "Gah... I'm hot."
David/Wynona: "That's not even a 12-pack!"
Needless to say, all 11
have a better appreciation for what women go through.
David is, according to John, a mix of Barney Rubble and
one of those green... things.
Debbie feels like
kissing all of them, but they have a fond attraction.
Morgan knows they're doing this for their sweeties. John
informs us of Salley life lesson #1: you have to know
when to say no. Hear here. The judges say "yes" to
Carmen (Cree), Raven (Donnell), Alberta (Albert),
Sunshine (Ryan), Wynona (David), Scarlett (Michael), and
Giselle (Dan). For the other four, it's time to turn in
their wigs and say goodbye. But all four are relieved.
The guys prepare to move
into their new home, where they can be free to be guys,
BUT they must be ladylike outside of the house, even for
a second, or risk immediate elimination. Oh, and the
house... the Dollhouse... or as I call it, a pink and
purple nightmare. Complete with communal showers,
fluorescent furniture... and an astroturf field with
badminton? Oh yeah, and it's okay to take off the girly
stuff. "I'm gonna take off my teats." But all in all, a
lesson learned... You need someone else to take your
bras... and your boobs... off.
But remember, this is a
competition, and there are winners... and losers.
Donnell and Cree is fixing himself to be one of the
losers according to Ryan and Dan. David may be a winner.
Albert? He just may be a gamer, win or lose. And this?
This is only the beginning. Until next time, remember,
if it has an apple, it probably has two grapes as well.