So here's the deal: eleven of the manliest men will compete for $250,000 and the title of All-American Man, but to do it, they'll have to go where few men have gone before... to the opposite gender.

First, we head to Los Angeles, home of all things fake. And speaking of fakes, our eleven men are headed to the Warner Bros. backlot with their significant others in tow to compete on a show they think is called "All American Man", but (reality cliche #213) they have NO idea what they've gotten themselves into.

Dan (accompanied by Allison); 29; Denver; very physical
Ryan (accompanied by Elizabeth; pro wrestler.
Donnell (accompanied by Nehlia); Mableton, GA; comic; drama queen
Cree (accompanied by Monica); Las Vegas; assumes this is tough
Rick (accompanied by Amy); not the macho man but will get dirty
Patrick (accompanied by Joy); thinks he's a guy's guy
Albert (accompanied by Diana); Birmingham, AL; likes to shoot bow and golf balls; will do all but deny God and country to win
Sam (accompanied by Lisa); risk taker; very adventurous
Nathan (accompanied by Katie); Milwaukee; good man; very competitive
Michael (accompanied by Leigh Anne); is who he is; can "do anything"
David (accompanied by Jeanne); Midwesterner from Milwaukee; intelligent

Those are your All-American Men, as they meet Tony Frassrand for the first time. And so do we, as this is his first game show (he previously dabbled into documentaries and such).  "What is it going to take?" he asks? Pig intestines? Desert islands? Foo-foo sissy challenges when you compare it to... Wait for it... later.

The ladies have a heart to heart with Tony before the proceedings, when he reveals EVERYTHING. "They're going to have to experience what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes.... LITERALLY!" One by one, their significant others get the news... and one by one, they give the appropriate response...

"This is NOT gonna be good."

But needless to say, everyone's gung ho about it. "I'm man enough, hell, I'm woman, enough!" With that, they are separated from their ladies. The guys are, not their significant others....

So what's first on the agenda? Fashion, hair, nails, wax... torture, pain, extreme pain, please make it stop. Welcome to the beauty salon from Hell. Oh man.. This is just painful to watch. The usual response was either a) "This is all new to me" or b) "What the hell was I thinking?" Believe it or not, that's not the bad part... Try walking in heels.

While they're getting ready, it's time for judges. We have Debbie Matenopoulous of the TV Guide Channel (before they went all metro with the LA studio and what not), John Salley of "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" and the worst damn reality shows exclamation point, and Morgan Fairchild of many an Old Navy commercial. They judge on style, poise, and potential, and from there, seven men will advance.

Dan/Giselle: "I look good!"
Ryan/Sunshine: "*falls over* I'm beautiful!"
Donnell/Raven Nightshade: "I'm like a Williams sister!"
Cree/Carmen: "I don't think I'm the prettiest girl out there."
Rick/Chiquita: "I used to date her. That's sad." (Debbie: I don't see a panty line. I'm wondering... boxers or briefs? Rick: Neither. Me: MORE INFORMATION THAN NECESSARY!)
Patrick/Lily: "Does this make my butt look big?"
Albert/Alberta: "Not that bad, I guess."
Sam/Samantha: "Samantha has arrived."
Nathan/Amber: "Oh my god..."
Michael/Scarlett: "Gah... I'm hot."
David/Wynona: "That's not even a 12-pack!"

Needless to say, all 11 have a better appreciation for what women go through. David is, according to John, a mix of Barney Rubble and one of those green... things.

Debbie feels like kissing all of them, but they have a fond attraction. Morgan knows they're doing this for their sweeties. John informs us of Salley life lesson #1: you have to know when to say no. Hear here. The judges say "yes" to Carmen (Cree), Raven (Donnell), Alberta (Albert), Sunshine (Ryan), Wynona (David), Scarlett (Michael), and Giselle (Dan). For the other four, it's time to turn in their wigs and say goodbye. But all four are relieved.

The guys prepare to move into their new home, where they can be free to be guys, BUT they must be ladylike outside of the house, even for a second, or risk immediate elimination. Oh, and the house... the Dollhouse... or as I call it, a pink and purple nightmare. Complete with communal showers, fluorescent furniture... and an astroturf field with badminton? Oh yeah, and it's okay to take off the girly stuff. "I'm gonna take off my teats." But all in all, a lesson learned... You need someone else to take your bras... and your boobs... off.

But remember, this is a competition, and there are winners... and losers. Donnell and Cree is fixing himself to be one of the losers according to Ryan and Dan. David may be a winner.  Albert? He just may be a gamer, win or lose. And this? This is only the beginning. Until next time, remember, if it has an apple, it probably has two grapes as well.