Last time, you remember, Donnell was outed for using his tape recorder to further himself in the game. Just a reminder: you can't trust anybody. Now, case #2: Dave's notebook is gone. Donnell didn't see it, although he likes the fact that he's paranoid now.

Another delivery: the final challenge... a full-blown pageant. David's insecure, Albert looks about as good as a guy in a dress CAN look. Immediately afterwards, we have a pageant advisor, complete with Vaseline, tweezers, hairspray for your eyebrows, round band-aids for your headlights, hemmorhoidal cream to reduce puffiness, and the all-important "What goes on in the dressing room stays in the dressing room."

Then they get their interview question: "What as a lady have you learned about being a man?" That in the back of their head as the adviser gives her sum-up: Albert: Southern charm. Donnell: the diva. Dave: the sleeper.

From there, it's to the designers to pick out dresses. Donnell gets confidence to go with a dress that reveals his manly arms. Albert likes a low v-cut. Dave goes with drapes, which he admits doesn't match up on a feminine tone with the others. "You can put sugar on dog poop and it's still dog poop."

Albert decides to wash his breasts. I'll leave some time for you to giggle like a school girl.

Next day, it's time for a dance number... four minutes long. If the choreographer looks familiar, she should. Carrie Ann Inaba was on the premiere of "In Search of the Partridge Family." Every good dance number should have a few backups, but this one doesn't just have any backup dancers. The ladies are reunited with their former compatriots... this time as men. Well, almost all of them. Cree was unable to join them because of a family emergency. Well, after the last show, we all know what THAT means.

Fun will be had in a bit, but first, it's time to dance... with heels. And that goes for everyone. Ryan has his booty dance. Everyone else... "They looked horrible." Carrie Ann expects improvement tomorrow.

The six head back to the dollhouse as the returns reminisce about modeling shots. Enough of that. Time to practice! Needless to say... one night is NOT enough. Meanwhile, Dave and Albert think about the question, which has really become harder to answer. "This is the quarter million dollar question, and if I have to stay up all night to answer it, I'm going to."

So here we are at the final day, as the guys leave the Dollhouse once and for all.

Six hours left: the guys practice one last time... Have they gotten it? Yep. So while they go one more time, another figure pops up for one more go on his own... It's Cree. "What is this, like Moulin Rouge gone bad?" The seven are whole again, but not yet one. Who will be the one? Donnell wants to do better than everyone else. Dave wants to do his best. Albert... just reflects on his time.

Well time's up... It's showtime! It's your standard pageant, and your standard judges, and your standard significant others are in the crowd as well. BTW, all seven... are decked in drag, Sunshine, Scarlett, Giselle, Raven, Wynonna, and Alberta... wait a sec, where's Carmen? Ah, here he is.

Now it's time to face the judges in the evening wear, but first, Morgan never thought that something so silly could've been so much fun. Debbie can't believe how much the guys believed in the process. John... hoped they learned something from it. Now, we get to evening wear.

Donnell: "Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind Donnell, there's Raven Nightshade." Plans for the money: running a fat camp.

Dave: "In this situation, I think we removed all the manly bravado. I'm taking home a deeper understanding for my wife." Plans for the money: secure future for the family.

Albert: "I'm going to take so much home." Plans for the money: pay his mother's bills and buy his girlfriend an engagement ring.

And now, the moment of truth: the quarter million dollar question: "What as a lady have you learned about being a man?"... as asked by their significant others, Nehlia, Diana, and Jeanne.

Raven: Well, I'm a guy in a dress. My feet hurt, my bra itches, and my scalp is on fire. My respect for women has risen enormously. In the last few weeks, I've literally walked miles in high heel mocassins. It's given me a strong, more compassionate man. I would've never done it if it weren't for the help of this woman right here.

Alberta: I've learned that I need a deep sense of patience. I'm kinda selfish, but we had femininity shoved down our throats. I've always heard that patience is a virtue and through Alberta, it's been personified.

Finally, Wynonna: I have learned that you can take men who under different circumstances be macho and put them in another situation where there is no need for bravado or manliness and find them to be caring and compassionate. I've also learned that men's obsession with external beauty can be hurtful when the greater beauty inside is missed or ignored. Finally, a lady as a man can find a greater reward than $250,000 to take home from this contest... the greater respect of a wife or loved one, or lifelong friendships that were forged under the strangest of circumstances.

So now comes the question: which one of these men is lady enough to win? At stake: $250,000. After giving all three finalists props, Tony just says, as he did in the beginning, "May the best man win." The second runner-up... Raven! The first runner-up... and of course, should the winner be unable to finish his term for whatever reason, the first runner-up gets it.  First runner-up is... Alberta! Dave... err... Wynonna... uh... WHOEVER, you just won $250,000!

"I knew he could do it!" Jeanne says. My sentiments exactly. The ugly girl won... and all she did was be herself... or himself... or something. Well, that was one of the schmaltziest endings ever.

But I guess it was innocent fun, and hey, if it takes dressing like a woman to be the all-American man, then hell, I'm all for it.