Now TBS has rescoured the countryside looking for two more first mates, two more skips, two more country girls, two more sets of millionaires, two more professors, and two movie stars to cast in their reality redux...

Or a banal blasphemy, but it's not my place to judge... yet. So let's rejoin Scott Lasky as 14 stranded castaways compete to see who will be rescued from Gilligan's Isle!

First up, the castaways.

Like last year, neither team knows of the others' existence, and will not know until they "run aground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle." So good luck and get happy while you can, because the weather (checks Weatherbug just to be sure)... is about to get a little rough.

And we're not just talking random monsoon rough, either. Wow. That's the most authentic lightning storm I've ever seen.

As we join our castaways, we see that Minnow Orange has docked first, as they meet Scott... and the crew of the Minnow Green. First thoughts: "What the hell is going on here?" Well, here's the deal. Like last year, each pair will go up against each other in head-to-head competitions. Winners will go on to the final seven. Losers will be banished to the other side of the island, supposedly with ill chance of rescue. Although we all know that Rachel from last season was banished and subsequently cast on "Dancing with the Stars," so we know that's a bunch of bull(^_^) right there.

And, the first person to be rescued wins $250,000. Shawn will go to any lengths to win this. Donna will buy ANOTHER house.

First reward challenge is for a shower. Will we see it now? No. Tease.

Tiy-e and Andy get into their bunks, as Tiy-e notices that Andy is getting a mite nervous. And rightly so. There's Andy, a scrawny professor guy, and there's Tiy-e... not so scrawny. Tiy-e, meanwhile, discovers... a vibrating toothbrush! Cue the innuendo. Cue Randi freaking out. "I don't talk about sex, that's not the type of girl I am." Shawn doesn't think she has a clue.

At the Skip's hut, Charlie and Erika notice the rations, as Erika delegates Charlie in charge of keeping the crew well fed. According to the directions, "Eat one bar every four hours per person. Eat in small pieces. Chew well." It's the MRE from hell... On the bright side... "It's fat-free."

Mandy thinks that Zac is the "boy version of her". Zac isn't sure... but he's working on it. All this, while they're scavenging. The Skip brings'em together for their first meeting. Andy's more than happy with him as the leader, until he decides to have it his way.

Over on Minnow Orange, Angie decides that she wants to win the shower. "It's SO HOT here." About to get hotter... Here's Scott.

"Attention castaways! Attention castaways! Meet down on the beach for your first competition."

This is for the shower. Once at the beach, Scott lets the players in on the challenge, which involves swimming to get materials for a fire using said materials and ($plug$) a Lowe's tool box. First team to create fire to burn a rope and douse their opponents wins the shower. The losers... well, at least they get ONE shower. And the truth comes out... Erika isn't a swimmer. Come on! How can you be on bloody Baywatch and not be able to swim?

Both teams bring their swag to the beach. We have wood, a magnifying glass, steel wool, matches, and flint for the most part... and no one knows how to make fire.  Angie became the driving force for the Orange, but Melissa closed everyone on Green in. End result: the fire burns for Green, and the water drops for Orange.

Angie: "I'm not going to get a shower? This sucks!"

Green team gets the shower, and that's only for green. If they share with anyone on Orange, they lose it. So there they go enjoying it with a group shower, if for anything... a lot of rubbing. "Another day for them to lose."

That night, Zac elects to sleep on the wicker bench, hoping that someone will have pity on them and invite him into their bed. Keep hope alive. Jim sleeps on a hammock.

Snore. Snore. Snore. Fart. Bitch. "I'm way too much of a princess for this," says Angie.

Another day in paradise. Shawn notes that Zac is a "freak". Tiy-e thinks he's "the strangest person I've ever met in my life." Mandy gets a walking lesson from Angie. Remember... attitude. Oh yeah.

Prof. Tiy-e is seeing who the strongest is. Not him at the moment, as he (and Angie) continue to watch the shower and angst. Meanwhile, Mandy gets to take two showers... "And one of them is with the Professor!" So Mandy has two things going on with Andy and Zac. See, Gilligan and Mary Ann have chemistry, but Mandy and Andy rhyme.

Next up, a coconut-fetching moment with Zac, the born monkey. Not a born coconut cracker, as the coconut is still in one piece after Zac tries to crack it. Woops. There it goes. Remember not to drink too much, or you'll end up with mudbutt.

As the crew tries to get more juice, we hear... an agonizing scream. And Angie's hand is bleeding. Turns out that she accidentally sliced her finger through and through. Angie ventures... somewhere... for help, as a nearby helicopter med-evacs her off the island.

While we wait for word on Angie's fate, Shawn tests his blood. He's type I diabetic. To learn more, you can click here.  He is also only capable of having a conversation about the Red Sox. To learn more, you can bite me. I'm a Yankees fan. Together, he and Tiy-e share a bond. Good for them. That bond turns into... a basketball court. It's Tiy-e & Shawn vs. Zac & Mandy. Randi says, "Tone it down a smidge." Andy says that she's a whiner. Randi says she's here to compete.

That night, the Gilligans talk about the movie stars, as Zac notes that Erika was the first girl he ever... well... lent a hand to.

"Attention castaways! Attention castaways! Follow the path to Voodoo Village. There you will discover who will compete in a challenge tomorrow which decides which castaway will be banished to the other side of the island."

No one knew where Voodoo Village was, until Prof. Andy reminded everyone of the voodoo episode. "You know what? I got my mojo working, and I ain't scared," says Crazy Charlie.

Mandy is thinking sacrifice. Well, you're half right. So here we are at Voodoo Village... and still no Angie in sight. Scott insists that she is in good hands, and he promises to keep us informed. Meanwhile, Erika opens the voodoo box and pulls... the Skipper. Tomorrow, either Charlie or Ken is going home. "It's on like a chicken bone." Meanwhile, Tiy-e dances a psych dance to Charlie. "You can't sing, you can't dance, and you can't light a fire."