The Real Gilligan's Island
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No phone...

No light...

No motorcar...

No script.

Who'll be rescued from the REAL Gilligan's Island?

Recaps by Chico Alexander, GSNN

Scott Lasky
Creator: Sherwood Schwartz (based on original characters)
EP: Mike Fleiss, Sherwood Schwartz, Lloyd J. Schwartz
Packager: Next Entertainment, Telepictures Productions
Tuesdays at 8pm ET on TBS

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"Make the Best of Things" - December 1

Last time, Skipper Bob and Professor Eric were the first exiled out of the game. Not long after that, the castaways learned that the fate of the Mary Anns (Kate and Amanda) would soon be sealed as well.

While Amanda and Skipper Jim chow down on Listerine PocketPacks (because they naturally had those on the original GI), movie star Rachel comes in on her broomstick. Speaking of which, Millionaires Bill & Donna Beavens emerge from their hut to Gilligan Gooner calling the missus a bad case of hemorrhoids.  Donna can't answer a simple question (do you cook) without going on a long-ass tirade about family and such. So we'll just tune her out now.

Kate goes for what could be her last visit with Gilligan Chris. She's not nervous, putting her trust in her team. Chris seems to be smitten with Kate. He doesn't want to see her go. Neither does the rest of the team, who has a meeting to find out what they're going to do to try to keep Kate in the game. They notice that Minnow Gold is really pumped while Minnow Green is less so.

They're still at it about the cooking thing.

"Attention castaways... Mary Ann, you're as sweet as coconut cream pie. But only one of you will survive the next crackdown. Gather your teams and meet under the big palm tree for the next head-to-head competition."

Both Mary Anns are composed and confident. "Whoever God wants to stay here is going to stay here," Amanda says.

The challenge: a race to make coconut cream pies. To do that, they have to have a lot of coconut milk. To do that, they have to have a lot of coconuts. The teams will try to knock down coconuts in order to fill five cups worth of coconut milk. The team that does that first will keep their Mary Ann on the island AND get a chest of coconut cream pies. Kate chooses Chris and Millionaire Glenn to help. Amanda chooses Jim and Gooner.

I'm betting on Kate to win this one. Amanda pulls ahead to the point where she has time to take a drink. Kate has an idea, though, as she cracks a coconut, waits for it to drain, and then cracks another. Will it work? Yep. Kate stays, joining Jim and Prof. Pat in the final 7, while Amanda, by an ever so close margin, is banished to the other side of the island. "This one hurts," Movie star Nicole says.

Back at camp... It's pie for everyone wearing gold! And coconuts for everyone wearing green. Donna... is taking it the usual way. Meanwhile, the green team takes their pie into the professor's hut, where Chris feeds Kate a piece.

Meanwhile on the beach, Nicole, Bill, and Donna are playing sour grapes, thinking that they're the real people. I hate to say it, but "You lost! It's over! Get over it!" Nicole leaves the conversation just as Gooner was walking into it. "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!" My sentiments exactly.

That night, Pat and Kate are off to the Voodoo Village to find out who's next... It's the millionaires. Millionaire Mindy's ready for it. Donna thinks, "It's time to go, Mindy."

Next day, Mindy prepares her best crow and baby imitations to psych her competition out. Nicole, on the other hand, is fighting to stay conscious, while Gooner thinks he could eat a buffalo's ass right now. Rachel puts team loyalties aside to help Gooner out with his lack of food situation. They find some kiwis for the entire camp.

The castaways assemble for a kiwi fest. While Rachel determines that Gooner and Nicole need an apple more than anything, Donna determines that she'll just take it for herself.

Then comes the rain. Mindy sees it as a good luck omen.

"Attention castaways... It's time for your next competition. Millionaires, you have a taste for the finer things, but do you have the stomachs to earn them?"

Today, we eat at the picnic tables, and Millionaires are dressed to kill... each other. The challenge: run up a high dinner tab by eating various delicacies. The team that rings up the highest tab will keep their millionaires on the island and a martini bar. On the menu: Lobster tail ($5), Egg salad made from the eggs of quail, ants and flies ($25), wild boar brains ($50), chicken feet & rectum ($50), wild boar heart ($50), boar testicles ($50), bee larvae ($100), and worms ($100).

Both Gilligans take the bee larva. The Gingers take $100 plates, but only Rache finishes hers. Jim vs. Pat on the $50 dishes... and Jim wins. KAte gets brains while Nicole eats lobster tails. Both wins. Now the Millionaires have 30 minutes to down numerous dishes. In the end, Minnow Gold: $575. Minnow Green: $355. So Glenn & Mindy remain as the Millionaires, joining Kate, Pat, and Jim in the final seven, while Bill & Donna, quite deservedly, are off to the other side of the island.

"I will never eat those things again," says Mindy. "I will do whatever it takes to win again," says Glenn.

Donna's parting shot: "Nobody likes to lose, but winners lose." My response: "No, Donna. Winners win. That's why they're called 'winners'. Now go off to the losers' bench, loser." As for the Gold Team, they return to a martini bar and a hot tub. And Kate is "ready to have a good time." Mindy notices that Kate and Chris were getting ready to have a good time, "especially with the alcohol involved".

Gooner, meanwhile, is taking the loss hard, as it's the third loss in a row. The remnants of Minnow Green take a rotten banana and some kiwi and turn it into something palatable, while Minnow Gold takes a bit of a dip.

In the huts, Chris & Kate make a strategic alliance. Meanwhile, Glenn & Mindy go into the Voodoo Village to take back a dollie... of Ginger. Nicole wants to be part of the final seven. Rachel wants to be part of the final seven. Only one of you can be in the final seven. Which one? You'll find out next time.

But right now, Chris and Kate share yet another tender moment. Excuse me.. I have to giggle on that.

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