Flavor of Revelation - January 8
(C-Note: The powers that be have deemed this
series one of the most taxing to cover, with all the references to body parts
and things being done to body parts. Reader discretion is strongly advised...
Relax yourself, bitches. It's a celebrealization.)
Now over the years, we've had our requisite
hot-tub episodes. Today, we take the concept one step further and introduce...
hot-tub speed dating. But first...
Meditations and tennis. Tonight, we eliminate
five more. Meanwhile, we're still ragging on New York about dresses and the
F-word. Georgia doesn't care if she ever talks to her again. And New York isn't
having it again. She bonds with Miss Latin, who says that they hate only because
it's competition. The two are still upstairs. One in the bathroom and one...
still breaking up with her boyfriend? Miss Latin, you freak!
Enter Big Rick for breakfast... At least, a
breakfast tray. It's actually a Flav-o-gram...
Good morning ladies STOP late night was
Macadocious STOP Tonight each of you will get some Flav-on-one time STOP I'll be
spending ten minutes alone with each of you at the world famous Puddingstone
Resort in a hot tub that you've personalized in some way STOP The three women
who impress me the most will join me in an off-the-hook adventure tomorrow STOP
Catch you tonight! FULL STOP.
Flav, obviously not having read Dr. Phil's "Love
Smart", remembers that hot tub dates with Brigitte were something to be
Enter New York and Miss Latin. And New York
starts it up again with "You can choke" to select bodies. Rain notes that she's
a dark cloud of hate. "She got mind screwed by me and it worked."
In Van One: friendship. In Van Two: New York
doesn't feel like talking. Unless it's to pass attitude... Rain: "Turn the (^_^)
around! I'm sick of your (^_^)! You're a (^_^)ing demon!" Chaos ensues.
Flav wants to see what these women are working
physically and mentally. "BUT! I still want to see them in bikinis, though!"
First: Pumkin... who spends her 10 minutes making
out with her. "She took me with no problem." Red Oyster plays "Dirty Minds," but
Flav wants to do all hitting. Serious is... very serious in that two-piece.
Peaches has a guitar, Sweetie shakes it, New York can't stop talking like a
Stepford wife. "You want peace in your home and peace in your heart. And I'm the
woman who can give you that." You can't even have peace in the van! And Big Rick
is blowing his 10-minute whistle! Dude, 10 minutes means go. Rain, meanwhile,
carries baggage. Hoops check out a spine, Apples hulas, Georgia feng shuis...
and Flav is like... WTF, mate? Goldie dances. "She's country." Smiley takes her
makeup off... Dimplez rollerskates... Hottie is very "dramatical"... and very
endowed. And Miss Latin... ay de mi! "THICK! THIIIIIIIICK!"
Big Rick is all out of whistles... Time to
choose three to go on the one-on-ones... Smiley, New York, and Miss Latin. New
York: "I'm not surprised."
Meanwhile, Flav can't sleep. He keeps hearing
voices. And the voices say... "You're a joke, because you're (^_^)ing
confident." Ladies, please, the man is trying to sleep. Flav runs down to see
what the deal is. Pumkin lets it all out. "Yo, what the problem?" "New York."
"New York and who?" "EVERYBODY!"
New York, still wanting a fight, rushes back into
the house when... uh oh. Oh, she's just getting smokes. She'll be alright. I'll
believe that. Meanwhile, Flav tells Pumkin, "Why should her words matter to you?
If it don't apply, let it fly." Meanwhile, New York promises... vendetta!
The next morning begins when Miss Latin still
calling Cash... Girlie.. It's over. Done with. Move on. She's missing her
ex. Hard. She lets it all flow for her roomies until... "How long has it been
since you broke up?" "A week." "WHAT?!" Still, she'd choose him over Flav. Flav
will hear about this... but Pumkin won't be the who to tell him.
Big Rick has mail and gifts. They're ensembles...
and apparently Flav wants them to wear them on the next group date.
It's the 70s today! They're going rollerskating.
New York is not going to make things easy, as she tries to get close to Flav
with every chance she gets. Meanwhile, Miss Latin says that she ruled the date.
He also liked Smiley taking off the makeup, because she removes the mask.
Meanwhile at the snack bar. Smiley talks about
her ex-husband. "Let it go... Cry it out." Miss Latin had two relationship (high
school, and the aforementioned breakup from previous). She's pretty confident
that she'll stay through the night. ...
... meanwhile, New York uses the case of
the ex against her "friend". Hottie also uses this information to gather more
information... The only difference between her and New York.. Hottie got caught
It all comes out at dinner. And Hottie vehemently
denies it... not working. Oh gosh.. this is entertaining to watch...
"Can't we just enjoy the chicken? I thought the
chicken was lovely!"
Oyster wants to go to Flav. Oyster goes to Flav.
Flav goes mental... "It was not soothing to my soul."
It's clock time. Flav doesn't know who is real
and who is fake. "Somebody's tryin' to set somebody up to get out. And that's
the dirty rag. A rat is a rat, and I hate (^_^)ing rats."
One person will NOT get a rat... errk, clock.
Let's go to Flav and Big Rick. Who knows what time it is? Sweetie, Serious,
Smiley, Peaches, Hoopz, Goldie, Hottie (wha?), New York (huh?), Pumkin, and...
NOT Miss Latin. Oyster gets the final clock. "A dirty rat will tell me stuff
because they only have themselves at heart. A clean rat will come tell me things
about what's going on behind my back, because they have my best interests at
For Miss Latin, it's another walk down the road
that leads back to whoever she was pining for back home. Sorry, Xotchitl, gotta
go, and take Georgia (Jefandi), Rain (Thela, who swears that she will NEVER
speak to Flav again), Apples, and Dimplez with you.