"She's Like School on
Sunday... No Class" - June 14
We're up for another round
of Fire Me, Please, where two comedia....I mean regular
people compete against each other for $25,000. And they
Contestant #1 - Cat Reitman - A student from Los
Angeles, CA. She will be going to a clothing boutique
called 'Blush' to see how well she can make everyone do
Contestant #2 - Dave Hill - A teacher originally
from Chicago, IL. Dave is going to try to bean everyone
at a coffee shop.
Do they have that much turnover at coffee shops and
clothing boutiques that they have to hire people waiting
to get fired. If you've been to any major boutique or
coffee shop, you know the answer to this one.
Cat's boss is Adrienne, who's a neat freak. She hates
dirty people who are 'style-challenged'. Cat starts by
leaving her stuff in a messy heap in the back and then
keeps saying 'blamm-o' when tagging the prices on the
Dave gets to work at 'Romancing the Bean'. The Boss is
T.A., who loves to chat - but not during business hours.
She also hates laziness. Dave's co-workers are Greg and
Amelia, who get to hear him complain to T.A. about the
shift rules - and his shift hasn't even started. He
hasn't started to study the menu, and he asks if he is
going to be quizzed on it. It turns out that he is, and
he gets every question wrong. T.A. sends him to study
the menu some more, but he decides that the local
newspaper is a much better read instead. This is
9:45 am - and Cat is singing 'Good Vibrations' (off-key)
while working. Her boss is looking concerned.
10:15 am - Dave is getting his next quiz - and getting
it wrong. He toasts to his first day on the job - and
uses real wine.
Cat starts to meet the customers, and asks them if they
want to purchase a jumpsuit. She wants to get each
patron to purchase a jumpsuit, then ask if they ever get
Dave talks to Greg about his love-life, and calls him
'sly dog Greg'. T.A. is watching this and making notes.
Cat takes her lunch break. Her co-workers are convinced
that she's on drugs and make fun about her attempts to
sell the jumpsuit. They are also concerned that they are
going to get fired due to her incompetency and they plot
to get rid of her. That's great for Cat - except it's
way too soon in the game. Adrienne pulls her over and
gives her a warning on it, and Cat responds by saying
that she'll get her act together - and use Adrienne as
the role model.
Dave is learning how to use the cash register. He says
the cash register guy (Mr. Pibb) reminds him of his
grandfather that he lost 2 years ago, and he's going to
get a drink to settle himself. He needs another...and
another...and by this time, Greg is so bored that he's
the one doing calisthenics.
Cat is hooking up clothes to the ceiling and singing the
Ringling Brother's theme.
Dave talks to T.A. about her fiance. He keeps talking to
her while the customers are piling up. Greg tries to get
his attention twice, but to no avail and T.A. has to
yell at him to get back into it. He asks T.A. if he can
go get something to eat, and she responds that if he
wants to do that, then he's done for the day. Uh-oh.
That's going to be way too early. Dave asks for another
chance, and he gets it - barely. Off that, he runs to
get another drink.
Cat is doing work with Adrienne - and then sneezes on
her. She follows that up by sneezing on a pile of
1:15 pm - Cat is sniffing her armpits while everyone
else is working. Dave is out having a drink while
everyone else is working. He also notes that T.A. is
looking at pictures and isn't working either.
2:15 pm - Cat is tapping her pencil on the glass table,
which is annoying everyone.
2:30 pm - T.A. talks to Dave - and she's had enough. He
raises his voice and argues with her. She says to him to
shut his mouth or leave. Dave asks if that means he's
being fired. T.A. says....no. Oops. It's going to take
more than that to get him sacked.
What about singing in the store - loudly? It's not Dave
that's doing it, it's Cat. The co-workers insist that
she's insane, and they plead with her to call up her
boss and explain it to her.
Dave, realizing that he's on the clock, goes back to
chat with T.A., insisting that he doesn't want to go
through this again the next day. She breaks the news to
him that he's fired, and he leaves at 2:39 pm. Cat now
has 21 minutes to get the pink slip for the cash.
Make it 12 minutes, as we now fast-forward to 2:48 pm.
Cat says that she is pent up with energy, and to release
it, she sings 'Getting to Know You'. Adrienne tells her
to take it outside, and she says that she can't, and
continues to sing. It's 2:51 pm, and she tells her boss
that if she goes back in there, she's going to sing,
adding that it's something that she has to do and she
thinks it would create a better environment. That's
enough for Adrienne, who fires her and gets a hug from
It's time for the moment of truth. Dave says that the
people that he worked with were nice. Cat, who said that
her teammates learned a lesson, got fired at...2:52 pm.
She gets the win and the $25,000, which was frustrating
to Dave, because he thought that it was going to be
tough enough to get fired.
Time for game #2...
Contestant #1 - Marion Oberle - A Sales Director
from Los Angeles, CA. She has long black hair (think
Morticia Adams) and will be xeroxing her chaos at a Copy
Contestant #2 - Rob Little - an internet
Developer from Detroit, MI. Unlike Marion, Rob has
almost no light brown hair and wants to make his boss's
hair at the 'Firehouse Barbecue' fall off.
Rob's co-worker is 'Cowboy' and the boss is 'Torch', who
demands perfection and takes his job seriously. Rob
wants a nickname, too. What about hack? Torch admits
that he's a redneck and loves NASCAR, and Rob
immediately talks on how much he hates it. He them talks
about how Auto Racing should be an Olympic sport, like
bug-spitting, because all Rednecks do that.
Ok, I have figured 2 things out -
1. Rob is certainly a comedian in disguise.
2. There's a reason why he is on this show instead of
being a full-time comedian.
Marion is on her way to 'Copy Copy' as she sings herself
to work. Cheryl is the boss, and she hates to be
corrected and loves to smoke. Connie is her co-worker,
who is watching is amusement as Cheryl unsuccessfully
tries to show Marion how to use the xerox machine. She
starts singing '100 Copies' as she works on her first
Ok, I have figured 2 more things out -
1. Marion is certainly an actress in disguise.
2. There's a reason why she is on this show instead of
being a full-time performer.
Rob drinks the coffee, and then spits it out all over
the place, claiming that people lose their sense of
taste when they move down south. The coffee really
starts to disagree with him, as he asks to use the
restroom. He gets inside, and then makes moaning noises
in the bathroom as he goes.
Marion decides to have a pretzel party to boost morale,
but the party is over when she leaves pretzels strewn
all over the office. When she deals with her first
customer, she belches at him while going to collect the
copies. Marion was to fill out a W4 form - and she reads
it out loud for everyone to hear while she is filling
this out. She sings some more while filling out the
form, which has her co-workers starting to talk. It
continues when she says that she filled out the wrong
Rob is opening up a can of grub and says the smell is
making him sick. Back to the bathroom he goes...and then
while making food, he tells Torch that he forgot to wash
his hands while in the bathroom. Ewwwwww.
11:30 am - Rob has his first experience with an electric
plug, and he screams as he gets shocked. Marion has her
first experience with a phone, and she munches pretzels
while she is on the phone. To add to it, she drops
pretzels on the phone and crunches the pretzels into the
Rob gets into country as e sings his own song called
'I'm a Redneck'. Torch tells him that there's nothing
wrong with country, but Rob says that he should enjoy it
because he's a redneck, adding that since he burns
easily, if he keeps working under the lights, he'll have
a red neck himself.
Marion takes her lunch hour (adding to avoid going into
the bathroom - yuck), and Cheryl and Connie find the
mess that she made in the back room. Cheryl winds up
vacuuming it up, and as Connie sings her way back into
the store, we find that she brought more pretzels.
12:20 pm - Rob cleans up some tables - then reads a
newspaper in the back. Torch spots this and tells Cowboy
to send him home. After some pleading from Rob, they
give him a new nickname - 'Dish Bitch', as he is sent to
work there for the rest of the day.
Marion reads the training manual - out loud, She
complains about Connie to Cheryl, and then adds that the
cigarettes are adding to the dump-like atmosphere in the
place. After confiding in Cheryl, she starts to drone
out the word 'copy' every time a xerox is coming up.
Cheryl retreats to the back and whips out another
2:00 pm - A customer asks Rob what the best side dish
is, and he says that he doesn't like any of it. Torch is
right behind him. Meanwhile, as there are no customers
in the copy store, Marion is singing the boring song and
then lies down on the floor while continuing to sing.
2:25 pm - Torch is showing Rob how to prepare food - and
then Rob walks off. Torch wants to know where Rob is. He
comes back and then when Rob tries to yell at him, Rob
walks away again. That's enough for Torch, and he fires
Rob at 2:30 pm.
That leaves 30 minutes for Marion to get canned. She
starts reading the greeting cards and talks to the
customers about it. She is told to create a sign to
attract people. She goes outside and yells for
customers, and while she's doing that, her co-workers
are wondering about her. Marion comes back and wonders
if the store should be selling something else. Cheryl
decides that Marion should be working somewhere else,
and she gets fired. Marion thanks Cheryl, and tells her
to keep the pretzels.
Did she get fired quickly enough. Rob, as we know, got
fired at 2:30. Marion got fired at...3:10. Rob goes nuts
and hugs host Dave Brown. Rob says that he actually
liked NASCAR, os it was tough. Marion treats us with a
reprise of the boring song.
We end the show with the reactions. Torch can only bury
his head in his hands, as does Cheryl. Cat gets greeted
with hugs, while T.A. panics when Dave emerges. T.A.
fires him again - and orders him out of the store.
This week, we brought out a news column that showed you
that these 'regular' people are actually performers who
have had credits on imdb.com and elsewhere. I am still
looking for the entertaining ones. Join us in 7 days to
see if we find any of those in the next episodes.