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They can act. They can look
pretty. They can report the news. They can kick your butt. But can they sing?
You won't believe your ears.
Recaps by Chico Alexander, Jason
Block, Don Harpwood, Rachel Kadushin, & Gordon Pepper, GSNN
Judges: Rachel Riggs, Jackie Simley-Stevens, Tony
Creator: Granada America (based on original format)
EP: Jay Karas, Andee Kuroda, Curt Northrup, Paul
Jackson, Michael Hirschhorn, Claire McCabe, Jeff Olde, Lee
Packager: Granada America, VH1
Origin: Tribune Studios, Los Angeles, CA
Airs: 10p ET Sundays on VH1
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Web design by Jason Elliott. Logo by Chico Alexander.
The Rick James
- November 20
Gordon: Welcome back to But Can They Sing? (No). This is
Gordon Pepper, and I
am proud to torture our two guests yet again!
Gordon: The first guest, who will stay here until he
mentions us on WPLJ, is
none other than Jason 'Beat The' Block!
Jason: Back from Amsterdam
Gordon: You know you want to recap this
Jason: No I dont :)
Gordon: Yes you do. Your friends in Amsterdam want to
read your recapping
Jason: Yeah yeah yeah
Gordon: What was more entertaining - This show, or the
Red Light District?
Jason: This show...but not by much.
Gordon: The other victim for this week is the man who
can't even see the show
- but we make him recap it anyways. From Canada, Mr. Don
Don: And I get pulled away from playing Mario Kart DS
online for this.
Gordon: Yes you did - as we relive last week's clips.
Turning to this week -
we get a group tribute to Rick James!
Jason: Oh dear.
Don: If they're butchering Superfreak...
Gordon: More singing - and one more person eliminated.
We start the show with
host Ahmet Zappa looking rather dapper today.
Jason: Rather Kanye West like.
Gordon: Ahmet welcomes us to the greatest celebrity
singing show of all time.
He sort of neglected Emmy Idol.
Jason: Emmy Idol was better.
Gordon: We get a reminder that the winner gets $50,000
Jason: I should get $50,000 for watching this.
Gordon: For the Rick James tribute, we will get all 5
together, which will probably sound like a boy band on
some sort of banned
Gordon: And yes, Don, they will be butchering Superfreak.
Gordon: Looking at the flashbacks before the
Bai gets a
definition of what Superfreak means from the judges.
Jason: Can we show her a picture of herself from the
Gordon: And then, to prove the point, we see her dry
humping Carmine Gotti
Gordon: Morgan says that by singing with this group,
she's going to be
humiliated. Uhhh...A little too late for that sentiment,
Jason: Morgan and Bai are about to get into it.
Gordon: Bai tries to set the night - and Morgan's face -
on fire with a
lighter. Antonio tries to direct. The 5 try to dance
together. Carmine just doesn't
want to cause trouble.
Jason: A Gotti trying to be nice...who replaced him?
Gordon: Fast Forward to the present. Here's our own
little group of
Superfreaks - the band! They start with Superfreak,
and...this is just plain bad. You
know this is bad when I say with a serious face that the
person most in tune
and correct with the lyrics is Bai Ling. Seriously.
Jason: Morgan in a 80's fright wig. Bai is dressed like
a slut. This is
Don: Oh dear.
Jason: And they are dancing badly too.
Gordon: The choreography is sort of ok - if you
discount Carmine completely
dancing the mamba in the background while everyone is
dancing to the 80's. We
get Ahmet screaming in the Background 'But Can They
Sing?' I think we know the
answer to that by now.
Jason: I need a strong drink.
Gordon: Jackie calls them all Superfreaks. Tony says
that they worked hard.
ANT says, 'Someone slipped some acid in my coffee
backstage. What the f#ck was
Jason: I agree with ANT
Gordon: What show has the better talent - this or
Jason: Superstar USA
Gordon: Very well could be. It would be a close
match-up. So Don, now that
they desecrated Rick James (who must be doing the watusi
in his grave), what
musician would you like to see them butcher next?
Don: I'll think of something and get back to you on it
Jason: And we are back out of commercial.
Gordon: The audience is now screaming the title of the
show on cue with Ahmet
Zappa. This week, we have hundreds of thousands of votes
- but this week,
Ahmet isn't telling us how many, which means that the
ratings and the votes must
be sliding faster than Bai Ling on a stripper pole.
Gordon: So who's the first contestant who survived this
Jason: Our first contestant...Michael Copon! He landed
in the #2 spot this
Gordon: What song will he torment us with?
Jason: His song is "This Is How We Do It" by Montell
Gordon: This is how we do it...we put cotton in our
says that he's going to throw it down.
Jason: He is playing for the Shaken Baby Alliance.
Don: I've never even heard of that charity...
Gordon: There is such a thing as the shaken baby
Don: I see...Okay, then.
Gordon: He actually got the words right. That's a huge
improvement. He can
even carry a tune tonight.
Jason: Yes he can. Scary.
Gordon: He sounds halfway decent tonight. I can actually
rate him without
using negative numbers.
Jason: This is the best performance of the entire series
Gordon: Of course, on a scale from 1-10, he'd get around
Jason: About a 4, but yeah.
Gordon: The judges love him. ANT says, 'I don't care if
you can sing. Take
that shirt off. You win'.
Don: Typical ANT.
Gordon: While we go to the break, I must say that Bai is
sporting a beautiful
red wohawk this evening, isn't she?
Gordon: The next singer is guaranteed to shake things
up, according to Ahmet.
Who can it possibly be?
Jason: Our next contestant is....Morgan Fairchild!
Gordon: She got bumped up to third.
Jason: She is doing "Believe" by Cher.
Don: If I remember, she did a decent job last week,
Gordon: She did the best job last week. Let's see if she
can carry it over
into this week. On the flashback, Morgan is told to go
into the audience during
her song - something that she doesn't want to do because
according to her, bad
things happen to people who walk into the audience.
Jason: She is playing for "Doctors Without Borders" -
and she look shot.
Gordon: She's wearing overflowing Cher Hair. The
keyboard in the back sounds
awful - but it does match the tone in her voice this
Jason: She has gone down this week.
Gordon: She doesn't have to worry about losing the
volume in the audience.
she has already lost it while on stage.
Jason: This was bad.
Gordon: It wasn't as bad as a usual Carmine performance,
per se. It wasn't
very good, either.
Don: Do the judges agree?
Gordon: Morgan said that she had a lot of fun. I'm glad
someone did. ANT -
'You took a big risk tonight. Backstage, I'll tell you
how you really sounded
like'. It's pretty official that Morgan went the wrong
way tonight. So does
anyone here believe in Life After Love?
Jason: Not after tonight.
Don: Not now, after hearing about that bad performance.
Gordon: Ahmet reminds us that behind every bad note is
some good intentions.
Who's the next siren?
Jason: The next siren is...Carmine Gotti Agnello!
Gordon: Thanks to the voters, Carmen is still in first.
Will any bad
rendition stop him from taking over first place?
Jason: He is going to butcher "My
Prerogative" by Bobby
Gordon: We see a flashback of last week, as he gets
lambasted by the judges.
What are the producers thinking? 'Since he couldn't sing
before with an Usher
song, let's give him an even harder song that he's never
heard of!' Yay!
Don: I thought Britney Spears already butchered that
Gordon: She did. Now Carmine gets to do it. We're
turning the stage into a
Gordon: Carmine, knowing that he can't sing, wants to
convert the song into a
rap. Unfortunately, he's also shown us in the past that
he can't rap either
(as I relive 'Drop it Like It's WHAT??!!' in my head
again), so this ought to
Jason: He doesn't even know who Bobby Brown is.
Gordon: He dedicates his performance to Bobby Brown. I
think Bobby needs to
be very concerned about that.
Don: Oh dear.
Jason: He has a squirt gun. Duck...a Gotti with a gun!
Gordon: Carmine comes out with a super soaker - and
proceeds to shoot it out
in the audience. Draw your own conclusions.
Jason: And yes...the jacket opens and the shirt is off
and the undies show.
Gordon: He does turn it into a rap - and then proceeds
to start undoing his
shirt. Now why can't we see Bai Ling shirtless, Jay?
Jason: She has breasts.
Gordon: So does Carmine.
Gordon: I dont want to see Carmine's breasts.
Gordon: Jackee says that Carmine has been bitten by the entertainment bug.
Tony says that he has respect for singing and
choreography. We don't get to hear
ANT. One person will not be singing. WIll it be Bai or
Antonio? Tell, us
Jason: The person who will not be singing is...ANTONIO
Jason: Bai stays!
Jason: Ant is very upset about hearing this, of course.
Gordon: ANT is groveling on Anthony's pant leg. You
need to move up a couple
of more inches for Antonio to get his consolation prize,
Jason: And he was going to sing "Nothing But a Good
Time" by Poison
Don: Him singing that could have been anything but a
Gordon: Well, we can now have a good time not having to
hear the song (though
if you do want to continue the agony and listen to it,
you can go to vh1.com).
Jason: Bai LIng will be singing "I want to be Sedated"
by the Ramones.
Gordon: We may all want to be sedated after this
Jason: Can we be sedated before the performance?
Gordon: So Jay, will your viewing of this finally
convince you to give us a
shout out on WPLJ?
Gordon: We're back, and it's time for the Bai Ling
Jason: God help us.
Gordon: Ahmet wants to know if Bai's English is getting
any better. Who Cares?
Jason: She can't even say the words to the song? Oh boy.
Gordon: Bai can't even pronounce the word Sedated. We
may be in for a special
Don: Oh my.
Gordon: Bai will be giving her $50,000 (should she win
it) to the Make-A-Wish
Gordon: She looks like Yoko Ono
Jason: She has Vote or Die on her face.
Jason: This is bad Chinese Karaoke...I like it!
Don: So, what is Bai wearing this time?
Gordon: She's got a VERY skimpy bottom, complete with
chains, and leather boots. She's got a leather collar
and white t-shirt...oh wait,
never mind about the t-shirt. She just took it off.
Jason: This was a good train wreck. I actually liked it.
Gordon: She's got a VERY VERY skimpy black top. She is
now leaning on the
stool with her elbows and shaking her body like she's
being Shanghai Surprised on
any good XXX video feature.
Don: Oh my.
Gordon: She finishes the performance with her stomach
fastened on the stool,
her dumplings draped over the chair and her wonton
sticking straight up in the
Gordon: I think Chico needs to record this performance
and put the video on
the web site.
Jason: Oh yeah.
Gordon: I can't wait to hear what ANT has to say about
says, 'American Idol has William Hung and We have you.'
Jason: Nice. Take our lines.
Gordon: Bai Ling calls ANT 'Strange'
Gordon: ANT says, 'At least I didn't forget to wear my
pants'. I think these
2 lovebirds need a room.
Jason: AHHHH My brain!
Gordon: I think Jason wants to see the replay of this
Jason: No I dont.
Gordon: So we are down to the Freaky Four. Who will be
leaving us this week?
Don: Hmm... I'd guess Morgan.
Gordon: I'll go with Morgan too. I think the Bai Ling
express survives for
another week. And with that, another episode comes to a
close. Any final
Jason: God help us all
Gordon: That's all we got. For Don and Jason, this is
Gordon, saying Game
Over and Spread the love - not the vocal chords.
Jason: Thats a wrap.