Game Show NewsNet - But Can They Sing?

The Rick James Episode... B***h - November 20

Gordon: Welcome back to But Can They Sing? (No). This is Gordon Pepper, and I am proud to torture our two guests yet again!
Jason: Sadist.
Gordon: The first guest, who will stay here until he mentions us on WPLJ, is none other than Jason 'Beat The' Block!
Jason: Back from Amsterdam
Gordon: You know you want to recap this
Jason: No I dont :)
Gordon: Yes you do. Your friends in Amsterdam want to read your recapping prowess.
Jason: Yeah yeah yeah
Gordon: What was more entertaining - This show, or the Red Light District?
Jason: This show...but not by much.
Gordon: The other victim for this week is the man who can't even see the show - but we make him recap it anyways. From Canada, Mr. Don Harpwood!
Don: And I get pulled away from playing Mario Kart DS online for this.
Gordon: Yes you did - as we relive last week's clips. Turning to this week - we get a group tribute to Rick James!
Jason: Oh dear.
Don: If they're butchering Superfreak...
Gordon: More singing - and one more person eliminated. We start the show with host Ahmet Zappa looking rather dapper today.
Jason: Rather Kanye West like.
Gordon: Ahmet welcomes us to the greatest celebrity singing show of all time. He sort of neglected Emmy Idol.
Jason: Emmy Idol was better.
Gordon: We get a reminder that the winner gets $50,000 for charity.
Jason: I should get $50,000 for watching this.
Gordon: For the Rick James tribute, we will get all 5 celebrities singing
together, which will probably sound like a boy band on some sort of banned substance.
Don: Eek.
Gordon: And yes, Don, they will be butchering Superfreak.
Don: ...
Gordon: Looking at the flashbacks before the performance, Bai gets a
definition of what Superfreak means from the judges.
Jason: Can we show her a picture of herself from the dictionary, please
Gordon: And then, to prove the point, we see her dry humping Carmine Gotti Agnello.
Jason: Yikes.
Gordon: Morgan says that by singing with this group, she's going to be
humiliated. Uhhh...A little too late for that sentiment, Morgan.
Jason: Morgan and Bai are about to get into it.
Gordon: Bai tries to set the night - and Morgan's face - on fire with a
lighter. Antonio tries to direct. The 5 try to dance together. Carmine just doesn't want to cause trouble.
Jason: A Gotti trying to be nice...who replaced him?
Don: lol
Gordon: Fast Forward to the present. Here's our own little group of Superfreaks - the band! They start with Superfreak, and...this is just plain bad. You know this is bad when I say with a serious face that the person most in tune and correct with the lyrics is Bai Ling. Seriously.
Jason: Morgan in a 80's fright wig. Bai is dressed like a slut. This is
horrible.
Don: Oh dear.
Jason: And they are dancing badly too.
Gordon: The choreography is sort of ok - if you discount Carmine completely dancing the mamba in the background while everyone is dancing to the 80's. We get Ahmet screaming in the Background 'But Can They Sing?' I think we know the answer to that by now.
Jason: I need a strong drink.
Gordon: Jackie calls them all Superfreaks. Tony says that they worked hard. ANT says, 'Someone slipped some acid in my coffee backstage. What the f#ck was that?'
Jason: I agree with ANT
Gordon: What show has the better talent - this or Superstar USA?
Jason: Superstar USA
Gordon: Very well could be. It would be a close match-up. So Don, now that they desecrated Rick James (who must be doing the watusi in his grave), what musician would you like to see them butcher next?
Don: I'll think of something and get back to you on it next week.
Jason: And we are back out of commercial.
Gordon: The audience is now screaming the title of the show on cue with Ahmet Zappa. This week, we have hundreds of thousands of votes - but this week, Ahmet isn't telling us how many, which means that the ratings and the votes must be sliding faster than Bai Ling on a stripper pole.
Don: Heh.
Gordon: So who's the first contestant who survived this week, Jason?
Jason: Our first contestant...Michael Copon! He landed in the #2 spot this week.
Gordon: What song will he torment us with?
Jason: His song is "This Is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan.
Gordon: This is how we do it...we put cotton in our earrrrrsssss. Michael says that he's going to throw it down.
Jason: He is playing for the Shaken Baby Alliance.
Don: I've never even heard of that charity...
Gordon: There is such a thing as the shaken baby alliance. www.shakenbaby.com
Don: I see...Okay, then.
Gordon: He actually got the words right. That's a huge improvement. He can even carry a tune tonight.
Jason: Yes he can. Scary.
Gordon: He sounds halfway decent tonight. I can actually rate him without using negative numbers.
Jason: This is the best performance of the entire series so far.
Gordon: Of course, on a scale from 1-10, he'd get around a 3.5
Jason: About a 4, but yeah.
Gordon: The judges love him. ANT says, 'I don't care if you can sing. Take that shirt off. You win'.
Don: Typical ANT.
Gordon: While we go to the break, I must say that Bai is sporting a beautiful red wohawk this evening, isn't she?
Jason: Uh....yeah.
Gordon: The next singer is guaranteed to shake things up, according to Ahmet. Who can it possibly be?
Jason: Our next contestant is....Morgan Fairchild!
Gordon: She got bumped up to third.
Jason: She is doing "Believe" by Cher.
Don: If I remember, she did a decent job last week, right?
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: She did the best job last week. Let's see if she can carry it over into this week. On the flashback, Morgan is told to go into the audience during her song - something that she doesn't want to do because according to her, bad things happen to people who walk into the audience.
Jason: She is playing for "Doctors Without Borders" - and she look shot.
Gordon: She's wearing overflowing Cher Hair. The keyboard in the back sounds awful - but it does match the tone in her voice this evening.
Jason: She has gone down this week.
Gordon: She doesn't have to worry about losing the volume in the audience. she has already lost it while on stage.
Don: Ouch.
Jason: This was bad.
Gordon: It wasn't as bad as a usual Carmine performance, per se. It wasn't very good, either.
Don: Do the judges agree?
Gordon: Morgan said that she had a lot of fun. I'm glad someone did. ANT - 'You took a big risk tonight. Backstage, I'll tell you how you really sounded like'. It's pretty official that Morgan went the wrong way tonight. So does anyone here believe in Life After Love?
Jason: Not after tonight.
Don: Not now, after hearing about that bad performance.
Gordon: Ahmet reminds us that behind every bad note is some good intentions. Who's the next siren?
Jason: The next siren is...Carmine Gotti Agnello!
Gordon: Thanks to the voters, Carmen is still in first. Will any bad
rendition stop him from taking over first place?
Jason: He is going to butcher "My Prerogative" by Bobby Brown.
Gordon: We see a flashback of last week, as he gets lambasted by the judges. What are the producers thinking? 'Since he couldn't sing before with an Usher song, let's give him an even harder song that he's never heard of!' Yay!
Don: I thought Britney Spears already butchered that one.
Gordon: She did. Now Carmine gets to do it. We're turning the stage into a deli.
Don: Ah.
Gordon: Carmine, knowing that he can't sing, wants to convert the song into a rap. Unfortunately, he's also shown us in the past that he can't rap either (as I relive 'Drop it Like It's WHAT??!!' in my head again), so this ought to be fun.
Jason: He doesn't even know who Bobby Brown is.
Don: Ick.
Gordon: He dedicates his performance to Bobby Brown. I think Bobby needs to be very concerned about that.
Don: Oh dear.
Jason: He has a squirt gun. Duck...a Gotti with a gun!
Gordon: Carmine comes out with a super soaker - and proceeds to shoot it out in the audience. Draw your own conclusions.
Jason: And yes...the jacket opens and the shirt is off and the undies show.
Gordon: He does turn it into a rap - and then proceeds to start undoing his shirt. Now why can't we see Bai Ling shirtless, Jay?
Jason: She has breasts.
Gordon: So does Carmine.
Don: Ew.
Gordon: I dont want to see Carmine's breasts.
Don: Ewwww.
Gordon: Jackee says that Carmine has been bitten by the entertainment bug. Tony says that he has respect for singing and choreography. We don't get to hear ANT. One person will not be singing. WIll it be Bai or Antonio? Tell, us Jason!
Jason: The person who will not be singing is...ANTONIO SABATO JR!!
Gordon: YAY!
Jason: Bai stays!
Gordon: YAY!!!!!!
Jason: Ant is very upset about hearing this, of course.
Gordon: ANT is groveling on Anthony's pant leg. You need to move up a couple of more inches for Antonio to get his consolation prize, ANT. Jason: And he was going to sing "Nothing But a Good Time" by Poison
Don: Him singing that could have been anything but a good time.
Gordon: Well, we can now have a good time not having to hear the song (though if you do want to continue the agony and listen to it, you can go to vh1.com).
Jason: Bai LIng will be singing "I want to be Sedated" by the Ramones.
Gordon: We may all want to be sedated after this performance.
Jason: Can we be sedated before the performance?
Don: Heh.
Gordon: So Jay, will your viewing of this finally convince you to give us a
shout out on WPLJ?
Jason: LOL
Gordon: We're back, and it's time for the Bai Ling experience!
Jason: God help us.
Gordon: Ahmet wants to know if Bai's English is getting any better. Who Cares?
Jason: She can't even say the words to the song? Oh boy.
Gordon: Bai can't even pronounce the word Sedated. We may be in for a special treat.
Don: Oh my.
Gordon: Bai will be giving her $50,000 (should she win it) to the Make-A-Wish Foundation
Don: Alright.
Gordon: She looks like Yoko Ono
Jason: She has Vote or Die on her face.
Don: Eep.
Jason: This is bad Chinese Karaoke...I like it!
Don: So, what is Bai wearing this time?
Gordon: She's got a VERY skimpy bottom, complete with garter stockings, chains, and leather boots. She's got a leather collar and white t-shirt...oh wait, never mind about the t-shirt. She just took it off.
Jason: This was a good train wreck. I actually liked it.
Gordon: She's got a VERY VERY skimpy black top. She is now leaning on the stool with her elbows and shaking her body like she's being Shanghai Surprised on any good XXX video feature.
Don: Oh my.
Gordon: She finishes the performance with her stomach fastened on the stool, her dumplings draped over the chair and her wonton sticking straight up in the air.
Don: Wow.
Gordon: I think Chico needs to record this performance and put the video on the web site.
Jason: Oh yeah.
Gordon: I can't wait to hear what ANT has to say about this. ANT says, 'American Idol has William Hung and We have you.'
Jason: Nice. Take our lines.
Gordon: Bai Ling calls ANT 'Strange'
Don: lol
Gordon: ANT says, 'At least I didn't forget to wear my pants'. I think these 2 lovebirds need a room.
Jason: AHHHH My brain!
Gordon: I think Jason wants to see the replay of this show.
Jason: No I dont.
Gordon: So we are down to the Freaky Four. Who will be leaving us this week?
Jason: Morgan
Don: Hmm... I'd guess Morgan.
Gordon: I'll go with Morgan too. I think the Bai Ling express survives for
another week. And with that, another episode comes to a close. Any final thoughts?
Jason: God help us all
Don: Agreed.
Gordon: That's all we got. For Don and Jason, this is Gordon, saying Game Over and Spread the love - not the vocal chords.
Jason: Thats a wrap.