But Can They Sing?
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They can act. They can look pretty. They can report the news. They can kick your butt. But can they sing? You won't believe your ears.

Recaps by Chico Alexander, Jason Block, Don Harpwood, Rachel Kadushin, & Gordon Pepper, GSNN

Host: Ahmet Zappa
Judges: Rachel Riggs, Jackie Simley-Stevens, Tony Michaels
Creator: Granada America (based on original format)
EP: Jay Karas, Andee Kuroda, Curt Northrup, Paul Jackson, Michael Hirschhorn, Claire McCabe, Jeff Olde, Lee Rolontz
Packager: Granada America, VH1
Origin: Tribune Studios, Los Angeles, CA
Airs: 10p ET Sundays on VH1

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Round of 6 - November 6

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and if you were here last week, you got to hear 9 really bad performances.
Jason: sure I have to do this again?
Gordon: Did you mention us on WPLJ yet?
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: Then yes, you have to do this again
Don: There's more bad performances this week, isn't there?
Gordon: I would pretty much guarantee it, as we chat with our friends Jason Block and Don Harpwood.
Jason: Look, this will drive a person to escape the country.
Gordon: So if Don sees this, will it drive him to come to the US?
Don: ...
Jason: Of course...
Don: ...It would likely make me want to throw my TV out the window.
Gordon: This week, we will be throwing 3 singers proverbially out the window, as three of them will be eliminated. Any thoughts?
Jason: Yes. Kim Alexis is gone, Gotti is gone, and Copon is gone.
Gordon: I'm going to go with Myrrrrka, Kim Alexis and Larry Holmes. What did you think about Bai Ling?
Jason: She was awful, but train wreck awful :)
Gordon: Would you like to see Bai Ling again with less clothing?
Jason: Wouldn't everybody?
Gordon: So Don - what women would you like to see scantily clad in Canada?
Don: Plenty of 'em.
Gordon: Morgan Fairchild?
Don: Not her, to be honest.
Gordon: Bai Ling?
Don: Could I see a pic of her first? Please? (Gets shown a pic) Yeah.
Gordon: So do you think the singing will be better this week?
Jason: Nope.
Don: Doubt it.
Gordon: Will Ahmet Zappa make sense this week?
Don: I'm not holding my breath.
Gordon: And here we go, starting with last week's recap. We get 3 singers leaving before they can sing a note, so we will be spared from 3 performances. Yay. In addition, ANT will be the guest judge. He says that he's going to say what you are thinking. You convinced about that?
Don: Only if he says they all suck.
Gordon: Ahmet says that maybe their favorite will be the best singer - or will be the best train wreck. We have over 300,000 votes. Ahmet says that he will call out names. If your name gets called, you get to sing.
Jason: The judges and coaches are still here from last week. And Peter
Escovedo is back too.
Gordon: Who is the first singer, Jay?
Jason: The first singer is Michael!
Gordon: And Jay is already 0 for 1.
Jason: ;P
Gordon: As for Michael, last week, he was pretty...uh....okay. He certainly wasn't bottom three, so it's not bad.
Jason: He blew.
Gordon: They all blew. He blew less. Michael says that this week, he will
take care of business.
Jason: He is singing American Woman by the Guess Who. The song, I ironically missed on a car on, on an MTV game show called Turn It Up.
Gordon: Don't you mean the Guess What? As in Guess What Key he will be singing in?
Jason: True...Oh dear, he is in a leather shirt and pants.
Gordon: He is at least much improved over last week
Jason: Much.
Don: How much?
Jason: Very much. He can carry a tune.
Don: Wow.
Jason: This is really surprising.
Gordon: He's not perfect though. Blanking out on the lyrics in the middle of the song isn't too good. But to make it up, he'll take off his shirt for you. Ahmet - 'He showed you his boobies tonight!'
Jason: Hottie alert! Ant will like it. The judges say to have less antics and more focus. ANT says that he liked him with his shirt open...
Don: Not surprising that he'd say that.
Gordon: ...and that he could have any man or woman that he wanted. Who's the next singer?
Jason: Morgan Fairchild!
Gordon: Definitely one of the top 6 singers, if you ask me.
Jason: Yup. She had class and charisma.
Don: Think she'll have improved as much?
Gordon: I certainly hope so.
Jason: She is singing I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
Gordon: 'I Will Survive'. In Morgan's words, 'I'm a tenacious bitch.' Not a good start for Morgan, who mangles the opening lyrics.
Don: Ouch.
Jason: Not as good as Michael this week.
Gordon: She continues her singing/speaking style. The problem is that it worked on last week's song - but it doesn't work on this one.
Jason: I agree with you totally on this one.
Gordon: And she sounded like a billy goat on that last note. Morgan says that she wants to redo the song. Please no.
Jason: Ack.
Gordon: Meanwhile ANT says that she brought it. I thought ANT was going to be an honest judge.
Don: There goes that idea...
Gordon: Who's Next?
Jason: #3 on the dock is....Antonio Sabato Jr. Last week, he was
horrible...he mangled "Every Breath You Take". This week, his song is 'I Want You to Want Me' by Cheap Trick.
Don: Unless he's improved, if he wants someone to want him, he may want to consider not singing.
Jason: His shirt is totally off...boobie alert.
Gordon: Booby is right - but it's more because of his voice. BOOBY!
Jason: He is horrible. The worst so far tonight. This is painful.
Gordon: Well we now know why he took off his shirt - to hopefully get the audience away from the fact that he can't remember the lyrics or get anything in pitch
Jason: This is bad.
Don: That might work with the ladies, and maybe ANT.
Gordon: The judges are holding ANT back. Is it just me or is ANT starting to look like a smaller Richard Simmons?
Jason: Yup.
Gordon: Judge Rachel thought that Antonio did a wonderful, wonderful job. Huh?
Don: LIAR!
Jason: I would love the crack she is smoking.
Gordon: I really need to hear some Bai Ling
Jason: I don't.
Gordon: Who's singer #4?
Jason: Singer #4---Carmine Gotti Agnello
Gordon: Apparently, he threatened enough people to vote for him
Don: lol
Jason: You notice they are going for the physically beautiful.
Gordon: I do - and that does not bode well for Joey Pants or Larry Holmes.
Jason: He is going to do "Drop It Like It's Hot" by Snoop Dogg and Pharrell.
Gordon: Drop the singing like it's hot, apparently - since that's an all rap and no singing song.
Jason: The music comes on, and again the shirt comes off.
Don: Are the guys trying to impress ANT or something?
Gordon: It's the new show called Win A Date with ANT!
Jason: And again he mangles the rap horribly.
Gordon: Rapping? That's what he was doing? I thought he did some great polka.
Jason: LOL
Don: Heh.
Jason: This was bad...
Gordon: I'll say this - for the people who know the song, it was bad, but the people who don't know any better will like it.
Jason: True.
Gordon: And a note to Carmine - please put the shirt back on.
Jason: Please.
Gordon: Ahmet - 'Apparently, the singing means nothing as long as you can show the people your stomach'.
Jason: Sounds pretty accurate
Gordon: Can the women do that? I want to see one of the ladies sing 'Bounce Your Boobies'
Jason: I love 'BOUNCE YOUR BOOBIES'! The song, by the way, was performed by Rusty Warren
Don: So, what's next?
Gordon: Before we hear the next singer, Ahmet tells us that he will be
announcing two of the singers who will not be performing.
Jason: 2 of the celebrities who will NOT SING are...Kim Alexis. Which I
Gordon: Don't forget that you also picked Michael Copon and the littlest
Jason: Shut Up.
Gordon; =)
Jason: The second person is...Myrka Dellanos.
Gordon: Awwwwwww. And I'm 2 for 2.
Jason: Shut up.
Gordon: =)
Jason: Surprising.
Don: And who does that leave?
Gordon: The good news is that as the tone tone deaf females are leaving, we will either hear two of the following three people perform - Joey Pants, Bai Ling or Larry Holmes. Unfortunately, that's also the bad news.
Jason: Singer Larry Holmes.
Gordon: Make that very bad news. The voters, apparently, are also punch drunk. What song are we going to be tortured with tonight, Jason?
Jason: He is going to do "Let's Get It On"
Gordon: I guess that refers to the ear plugs that will be getting it on in my ears
Don: LOL
Jason: Oh. My. God.
Gordon: Let's Turn It Off
Jason: (hoooowwwwwwwwwwwl)
Gordon: Let's Change the Channel
Don: Another ear-bleeding performance, eh?
Jason: This is really bad.
Gordon: Well, Larry carried part of a tune for at least 40% of the song, so he's improving.
Jason: This is really, really bad.
Gordon: Of course, he only carried the right lyrics for only 35% of the song, so that needs some work.
Jason: Yikes.
Gordon: While we are in the commercial break, I bet I can tell you who the last singer is going to be, Jason
Jason: Joey Pants. They are not going to have 2 train wrecks.
Gordon: WRONG
Jason: Huh?
Gordon: They just promoed the third show during the commercial break, and they said that only 6 singers are left. Then they proceeded to show us..BAI LING!
Don: A spoiler? Geez...
Gordon: Way to ruin the suspense of your own show, VH1.
Jason: I was in the bathroom trying to recover from that last performance.
Gordon: VH1 can't do anything right with the show - they may as well run the spoiler promo during the show as well. So Jason, who's the last performer of the night?
Jason: The last performer of the night is....BAI LING!
Gordon: Really? I'm shocked. SHOCKED!
Jason: The VH1 people suck. So Kim Alexis, Myrka Dellanos and Joe Pantoliano are gone.
Gordon: You ready for another Bai Ling performance?
Jason: God help me, no. She is singing 'Call Me' by Blondie.
Gordon: Let's see what skimpy outfit she wears this time
Jason: Her tattoos are showing. Too bad her talent isn't.
Gordon: She has a nice orange mesh suit with a yellow bra. She's wearing a gold and orange sparkly thing on her head. I'm not going to comment on the singing, because I don't care. I'm too mesmerized by the outfit.
Jason: You suck, Gordon.
Gordon: You see that nice tattoo on her midriff?
Jason: I hate tattoos on women.
Gordon: She can call me
Jason: I have Caller ID.
Gordon: Tony is proud of Bai and her vapid talent. 'With you, less is more'. I think he means the clothing.
Don: lol
Gordon: So - next week - who leaves?
Jason: Larry and Bai.
Gordon: Seems petty evident this time, doesn't it?
Jason: Yep.
Gordon: We get the recaps of the singers and a reminder to go to to vote. And with that, we have survived episode 2. Any final thoughts?
Jason: You suck and the voters suck.
Gordon: Thank you Jason. And Don?
Don: Those who survive had better improve next time. And I expect to hear less of shirts coming off next time.
Gordon: Unless they are women?
Don: Correct.
Gordon: There you go. For everyone, this is Gordon Pepper, reminding you to spread the love - and not the bad vocal chords.

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