On the Buzzer
State of Play
We Love to Interrupt
The Video Wall
Game Show Lineup
They can act. They can look
pretty. They can report the news. They can kick your butt. But can they sing?
You won't believe your ears.
Recaps by Chico Alexander, Jason
Block, Don Harpwood, Rachel Kadushin, & Gordon Pepper, GSNN
Judges: Rachel Riggs, Jackie Simley-Stevens, Tony
Creator: Granada America (based on original format)
EP: Jay Karas, Andee Kuroda, Curt Northrup, Paul
Jackson, Michael Hirschhorn, Claire McCabe, Jeff Olde, Lee
Packager: Granada America, VH1
Origin: Tribune Studios, Los Angeles, CA
Airs: 10p ET Sundays on VH1
ALL ORIGINAL MATERIAL COPYRIGHT 1999-2004
GAMESHOWNEWSNET.COM. All rights reserved.
No infringement of copyright is intended by these fan pages; production companies of shows this site covers retain all rights to the sounds, images, and information contained herein. No challenge to copyright is implied.
Web design by Jason Elliott. Logo by Chico Alexander.
Round of 9
- October 30
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper announcing that we are
starting the NEW
Roundtable! Unfortunately, if you are looking for the
American Idol Roundtable, well,
come back in January. But as of now, we have another
musical talent show to
torture you with called "But Can They Sing"!
Jason: You have to pay me better than this.
Gordon: Let's introduce the vic.. I mean participants!
From WPLJ's Beat the
Block, it's Jason Block!
Jason: Thank you. I should be watching football.
Gordon: This is our version of punishing you for losing
for 3 straight weeks
on Beat the Block.
Gordon: AND for not mentioning ONE WORD of us on your
Jason: Yeah yeah yeah. I feel sick.
Gordon: Now, Canadians can't watch this show, BUT that
won't stop us from
also bringing in our Canadian Correspondant Don Harpwood
to join us in on our
Don: Good evening, guys.
Jason: And we have Ahmet Zappa hosting.
Don: I remember him from Robotica.
Gordon: Or from Arsenio Hall's Star Search.
Jason: This is a train wreck.
Gordon: 9 Celebrities. 1 Winner. We start out with the
introductions, and so far we see that they...can't sing
Don: My expectations started low in the first place, so
I'm not too
Gordon: And we'll make sure that Don suffers through it
like we do.
Jason: Ahmet Zappa is styling in a striped polo and
Gordon: Ahmet wants to know if we're ready to take a
trip into Celebreality.
Don: Does it matter? o_o;
Jason: Lord help me.
Gordon: The winner gets a grand prize from the charity
of their choice.
Jason: They get coached by three vocal and artist
Gordon: We see the vocal coaches - Rachel Riggs, Jackie
Tony Michaels. You ever hear of them?
Gordon: Peter Michael Escovedo (someone who I have heard
of, since he's the
brother of Sheila E) will be orchestrating the band.
Jason: Morgan Fairchild is profiled first.
Gordon: Morgan Fairchild, blonde bombshell and woman
with the big... scales.
Jason: She does "Those Boots Are Made for Walking".
Gordon: Now the song has always been a singing/talking
song, perfect for
someone who doesn't have a good sense of pitch. This is
a good thing, because she
doesn't have a good sense of pitch.
Jason: This isn't horrible.
Gordon: I beg to differ. She can't hold the pitch for
more than 4 notes at a
Jason: We are definitely going to hear worse.
Gordon: That I agree with - we will hear worse. Morgan
says that it felt ok,
but we'll listen to the judges...Tony says that she
killed it. I say that
Tony's been on some nice strong stuff on before the
show. The judges all like it.
Jason: The judges have been smoking some serious
Don: Oh my...
Gordon: Next up - Michael the Blue Power Ranger!
Jason: Michael Copon, the Blue Power Ranger and One Tree
Gordon: Do you want your Power Rangers to be singing,
Don: I don't think so, Gordon.
Gordon: Could you imagine a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger
show with all of them
singing instead of fighting?
Jason: Yes...Cop Rock.
Gordon: And how well did that fly?
Rachel: (bratz can't sing)
Jason: MIchael Copon is doing "I Don't Want Be" by
Gavin DeGraw - Horribly.
Gordon: Apparently he doesn't want to be a singer.
Jason: I said this would be worse.
Gordon: Fortunately, the backup instrumentalists are
doing a great job in
drowning Michael out.
Jason: Yes....great house band!
Gordon: Peter is doing a great job. When someone sucks,
the band plays very
Jason: Oh. My. God. That was bad.
Don: Sounds like a good idea.
Gordon: The judges are saying that he rocked it - and
any shot of getting any
sort of honesty from the judges has now gone out the
Jason: The judges are never going to be honest with
Don: Geez, I hope I never have to enter any type of
contest with those as
Gordon: Actually, these are the ones that you want.
Everyone gets a gold star!
Jason: It's like the politically correct kindergarten.
Gordon: Before we continue, let's introduce a returning
person from the
American Idol Roundtable, the lovely Rachel Rachel!
Gordon: And just to make you even more miserable, we
have a mini clip from
the celebrities singing Old MacDonald.
Rachel: Sounds fab.
Jason: This has been torture.
Don: What, are they going to try having the celebs
butcher EVERY song
possible during this series?
Gordon: And to think, we have 7 more songs to go
Jason: Next is Antonio Sabato Jr.
Gordon: Unfortunately, they haven't pulled the plug on
the show yet, so we
are stuck with Science Fiction Movie stalwart Antonio
Rachel: Sabato was also a General Hospital vet, don'
Gordon: Antonio says that it's scarier for him to sing
than for him to be
jumping out of a plane
Don: What song is he struggling through tonight?
Jason: "Every Breath You Take" by the Police.
Gordon: What about every singing error you make?
Rachel: So far he sounds tone def. Nervous and tone
Gordon: At least he's recovered - sort of.
Rachel: But his hair looks good.
Gordon: The hair is the best part of the performance, as
he just mutilated
the second part of the song
Jason: Band is drowning out the guy. Good job.
Rachel: He wouldn't pass the American Idol auditions
Gordon: Ahmet says that he'd go gay for Antonio. The judges say that they weren't 'connecting'
with Antonio. This is
the closest for them saying that he sucks.
Jason: The judges rip Antonio. Bai Ling is next.
Gordon: Bai Ling may not be able to sing, but since
she's posed nude, I can
see her without and just put the mute button on.
Gordon: Don - Bai says that she can't speak English very
well. Would this be
a factor in the music up in Canada?
Don: Not too much...
Gordon: She sings 'Like a Virgin' dressed in a red dress
and slithering on
the floor while having a tone that would make William
Hung look good. This is
indescribable for words.
Jason: Dear Lord have Mercy.
Don: ...But it would help if the person can sing.
Rachel: Her English is very accented... she is slightly
less off key than
Gordon: Singing talent - no. Rolling over the stage -
Yes. This puts her on
the top of my list for best performances so far.
Rachel: She has some poise and grace while singing and
her Chinese accent
while singing was corny but fun.
Gordon: And then she takes off the dress and she has a
nice naughty lingerie
dress on. Ahmet says that he has never seen anything
like that - and quite
frankly, neither have I. What do you have to say about
Jason: This was horrible.
Rachel: In the bumpers Antonio says he enjoys singing.
Gordon: Oh - that's what he was doing?
Rachel: it was fluffy underwear. She hit a few of the
notes, but Antonio was
mostly a-tonal. Sabato should stick to Fresh male
Jason: Agreed. Next up...Joey Pantoliano.
Gordon: This is just the first episode - which means
that we are stuck with
more...I mean that some of these people will not be here
next week - thank
goodness. Joey wants to know if he wins anything for
coming in second.
Rachel: Wait a second - he's on key and has a little bit
of a voice and that
man can ACT!
Gordon: Joey croons out 'I Get A Kick Out Of You'
Jason: Wait a second...he can SING!
Gordon: Ok - he's hit more than half of the notes
correctly. This makes him
the best singer so far.
Rachel: He's a little pitchy, but yeah... would make it
to the first group on
Gordon: Ouch - bad run of notes. Bad, bad, bad run of
notes. Would you care
to redefine that "He can sing" statement?
Jason: He is the best here tonight. And yes he can act.
Rachel: he could sing?
Gordon: Sing in the sense that the stale bread is better
than the 3 month old
Gordon: And the judges thought that the run-through was
Jason: And he can curse.
Gordon: Was that an F bomb that Joey just said?
Jason: He dropped an F Bomb that was bleeped.
Jason: Next...up...Kim Alexis.
Gordon: Kim says that she can sing. I really hope so,
because she would be
Rachel: Her boobs are bigger now than when she was a
swimsuit model (maybe because she's not too skinny now).
Jason: She has 5 kids!
Gordon: Kim is having a problem with the opening
pitch...and the middle
pitch...and the interlude pitch.
Rachel: ooh. nerves. She's sorta following the melody...
Don: In other words, about every pitch?
Gordon: Pretty much. What's the song, Jason?
Jason: "The Way You Love Me" by Faith Hill.
Gordon: My eardrums don't love her.
Rachel: the way she sings it there ain't much love.
Gordon: She's got nothing but love for you, baby.
Jason: No love at all, Rachel.
Gordon: Kim says it was fun. I'm glad that she thought
so. Rachel the judge
says that some of the notes are off. Noooooooooo,
Rachel: That makes one person in America who thought so.
Gordon: Do we wonder yet why NBC passed on this?
Don: I can tell why, just from what I've read so far.
Gordon: I think they need to tour Canada so Don can feel
what we're feeling
now. Speaking of which - we're back for more pain.
Jason: And Chico is here.
Chico: Sorry for being late. Helping brother study. Like
a good big brother.
Gordon: We are joined by Chico Alexander so he can feel
what we've been
feeling so far. What have we been feeling so far, Jason?
Jason: Intense pain. Next up is Carmine Gotti
Gordon: He knows how to dress - But Can He SING???
Don: I'd guess he can't.
Chico: Absolutely horrid.
Gordon: Carmine is singing...Nelly!
Rachel: He's at least as good as Kim Alexis... also
doesn't sound like he's
rapping, sounds like he's boy-band singing.
Chico: I've seen better rappers at Christmas.
Gordon: Well, he can carry a tune. He can't do anything
with a tone or the
words - but the nice thing is that since he's singing a
song that you can't
understand when it's performed well, we won't know if he
actually got it right or
not. Ahmet wants to sign him with Zappa records.
Jason: The judges ripped Gotti.
Gordon: The girls are screaming for him, so why would it
matter if he gets
the words wrong?
Chico: Next up, Myrka Dellanos. I just love saying that.
Chico: She's one of the anchors of Univision's
and she's won two Emmys. And by the way, she's hot. Damn
Jason: She is singing "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones.
Don: As in, don't know why they're trying to sing?
Chico: Ratings, m'boy. *screams in agony*
Rachel: oooh. following the melody but of key
Chico: Nasal as all get out.
Rachel: Off key that is. Actually Pantoliano was better.
Chico: What does my brother think? (D: I think I'm going
to be sick)
Gordon: Tell him to stick around for Bai Ling on the
Jason: You missed the first half hour.
Chico: Gordon, I'm getting a fricking aneurysm.
Gordon: This is Superstar compared to the first half
Jason: And we have Larry Holmes yet to come.
Chico: Ahmet says "You brought tears to my ears."
Gordon: She brought blood to my ears.
Jason: Next - Larry Holmes singing James Brown...this is
going to be gold.
Rachel: I think I would have much more fun seeing this
group playing "clue"
the board game for charity
Gordon: By the way, THREE people will be eliminated, and
if you ask me, the
sooner the better.
Rachel: Oww only three?
Don: JUST three?
Chico: Please let them be Carmine, Michael, and Bai.
Gordon: No - we have to keep Bai.
Rachel: Bai was fun.
Gordon: We must keep her and her rolling body in red
Jason: My dad (who is watching) said it would be more
fun seeing them spread
peanut butter on bread.
Gordon: Can I spread Peanut Butter on Bai?
Chico: Oh, we're back!
Gordon: Just for future prosperity and for the U.S.
Government to play this
on full blast if they need to smoke Osama Bin Laden out
of the caves in Iraq
Chico: Larry Holmes has fought Muhammad Ali and Mike
Tyson. The big
question, can he take on... James Brown?
Gordon: Ahmet compares Larry Holmes to a tank full of
Chico: This is going to be bad.
Gordon: The intro performances just show that we're in
for an ear shattering
Jason: He is going to do "I Feel Good" by James Brown.
Gordon: I feel good - when this is over.
Chico: I feel something. I think it's my dinner coming
Gordon: At least we won't have to complain with him
being off key. There was
no key that he was actually on. I like the movements. I
like the energy.
That's pretty much it, though.
Gordon: Oh by the way, there are 5 more episodes of this
Rachel: they only get one judge review on camera...
she's says he's a
champion... I say she's a star f***er
Gordon: We geta quick recap of the performances.
Chico: Okay, voting. Gordon... how can we vote?
Gordon: Rewind the interview segment, or go to vh1.com
Jason: Kim Alexis---see ya. Michael Copon--bye Myrka
stays. Morgan stays.
Carmine bye., Larry stays. Bai stays. Joe Pants stays.
Chico: Joe's probably the best tonight.
Don: So, basically, the viewers are voting for who
sucked the least,
and/or who looked the best? Provided they don't get too
Jason: I feel so much better now...it's over.
Rachel: yeah! it's over!
Rachel: I agree with Chico on Joe.
Gordon: Here's my order - BAI, Joey, Antonio, Morgan,
Carmine, Myrka, Kim. I say Carmine, Myrka and Kim are
Chico: So tell us, Gordon.... How can we vote for Joey
Pants? Because I'm so
Gordon: uhh...well...he was supposed to be third, which
would be the third
number, but he's actually 8th, so it should be the 8th
they will realize this and bring them all back to sing
again for us. Wouldn't that
Chico: Couldn't we just go to VH1.com or something?
Jason: Yes. Or Text.
Chico: See, G, that was called a leading question. :)
Gordon: I couldn't hear you. My ears ran to my car and
locked the doors.
Jason: This will be morning show material all over the
Chico: Well, look on the bright side. One down... four
shows to go.
Gordon: 5 to go
Don: Unless someone pulls the plug midway through (if
that were to happen)?
Gordon: Doubt it, Don. But at least we can all watch
this and be miserable.
That wraps it for this week. Join us all next week when
we savage the show
even more than we did this week.
Jason: See you all.
Jason: I am done.
Gordon: That's a wrap