Eight: The Final Rose - February 27

A special thank you to my friend Ellen, who, when my cable died fifteen minutes before the finale aired, graciously made me a tape of the show, so that I could do this recap.

True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another
-- John Beckwith (Owen Wilson) from “Wedding Crashers”

If there is shot of the Eiffel Tower, it must be Paris, specifically “The Bachelor: Paris”. Travis’ family arrives in Paris to help him with his decision. His family is composed of his mother Donna, father Roger, sister Andrea, brother-in-law Mike, and nieces Whitney and Delaney.

Sarah gets to meet Andrea, Mike, Whitney and Delaney at an indoor park. Given the fact that Sarah is a Kindergarten teacher and the park is a fabulous place for children, it is no surprise that Whitney and Delaney adore Sarah almost immediately. Sarah teaches the girls the “tootie tot” dance. [For a kindergarten teacher, her repertoire of stupid songs is severely limited.] Andrea really likes Sarah as well, perhaps because Sarah did such a great job of kissing her ass. Travis and Andrea speak privately inside one of the jungle gym mazes. Travis says that Sarah doesn’t take things too seriously and she’s very easy…to get along with. Outside the play-place, Travis tells Sarah that his sister and her husband love Sarah, then Sarah and Travis share a kiss.

Later that evening, Sarah arrives at the Chateau to have dinner with Travis, his parents, his sister and brother-in-law. Sarah demonstrates her cheerleader past by being perky and and hugging anyone who comes within a foot of her. Everyone in the family is amazed by the fact that Travis and Sarah both live in the same town, with Travis’ dad Roger thinking that it’s some sort of “set up deal.” [Oh come on Roger, reality programs are never ever contrived or set up…] Roger is further shocked that the “prize” is Travis and not $1,000,000.

In a totally uncontrived move, Roger suggests that he and his little woman Donna take Sarah into another room to get to know her better. Sarah talks about the hometown date and how much her parents really liked Travis. [The way to a woman’s heart is to praise her child.] Sarah says that she wants to win because she wants to genuinely be with Travis because she cares for him. She said exactly the right thing, because Travis’ mom tears up at her treacly words.

At dinner, brother-in-law Mike asks Sarah how she is able to handle Travis dating loads of other women. Sarah says that she tries not to dwell on what is going on and just think about Travis, but it is hard, especially now that she has met his family and likes them so much. Travis says that at times he just wants to go home, but he tries to pay attention to whoever he is with. He struggles with the whole idea of not giving women a rose at the rose ceremony.

After Sarah leaves, Travis talks about Moana. He asks his family to keep an open mind about Moana. He tells them that Sarah and Moana have dissimilar personalities.

The next day Travis, his nieces, Andrea and Mike meet Moana at a zoo. Moana plays with the girls for a bit, then Andrea takes Moana off to the side to talk to her. Moana cries almost immediately [When doesn’t this chick cry?] and tells Andrea that Travis makes her feel comfortable. Moana says that Travis meeting her family was ‘really cool’ and she feels an amazing connection with Travis. Andrea is touched by Moana’s comments about Travis and says that Moana is a ‘deep’ person. [Deeply disturbed!] Later Travis tells Andrea that Moana is beautiful and adventurous.

Later that evening Moana goes to the Chateau to meet Travis’ parents. Andrea and Mike really like Moana, as does Travis’ niece Whitney, who drew a picture of her. Travis’ parents question Moana about the process and Moana barely makes eye contact with them. Very often they ask her questions and she replies that “it’s not in her character to answer the question.” She can’t even answer the question posed by Andrea, “What is the connection between you and Travis?” There is a long pregnant pause and Moana finally replies, “I’ve never looked at somebody that’s looked at me and knowing nothing about me and recognizing everything and accepting everything. It’s good to be in a place where you feel as though you belong.” [WTF?]

Roger and Donna take Moana into another room to question her more. They ask Moana what qualities she likes about Travis and Moana answers vaguely, “a lot of them”. Roger keeps questioning her and she replies, “I’ve never looked at another human being and saw my soul shining back at me.” [It sounds like a line from The Wedding Crashers.] She cries some more and says that she’s a “solid person” and the emotions she feels are unusual for her. Travis and Moana talk a bit and Moana says that she likes Travis’ family. While they are talking, Travis’ family trashes Moana because they couldn’t make a connection with her. It’s obvious that they prefer Sarah.

The next day, Moana’s mom Virginia shows up and surprises her. She is there to take Moana shopping for the Final Rose Ceremony. First they go to Chopard to look for rings, then to Escada to look for dresses. Moana ends up with a very traditional strapless black mermaid dress. Sarah’s mom Vernita arrives to do the same thing. Interestingly enough, both Moana and Sarah choose the same ring from Chopard. Sarah’s dress is an olive green, fitted, low-cut sequined number. Before the final Rose Ceremony, Travis will go on one more date with each woman. The women will plan each date as a final attempt to plead her case.

Sarah’s date is first. She plays tennis [badly] with Travis, and then they go to a small cottage for take-out food and cuddling. Of course the candle-decorated cottage has a view of the Eiffel Tower, because every building in Paris does. Travis keeps talking about perfect that date is. Before he leaves, Sarah kisses his ass by telling him how wonderful he is and how perfect they would be together. She says that if she were to write down the characteristics of the perfect man for her, he would fulfill all of the requirements. They cuddle and make out a bit. Sarah says that she hopes that she has said everything that she should so that Travis knows how she feels about him.

Next Travis goes on his date with Moana. Travis feels sorry for Moana because his date with Sarah was so perfect, but he enjoys hanging out with Moana. Moana takes him back to her apartment so that she can cook for him. Travis comments on the fact that Moana cooked for the women in the house and he doesn’t understand why the women weren’t grateful for her efforts. She says that she thinks that the girls thought that she was a liar and a hypocrite for starting out not being interested in Travis, then changing her mind and going after him. During dinner, Moana tells Travis that she is happy to be with him and happy about the experience. She goes on to tell him that she “wants him, but doesn’t need him.” [Way to feed his ego, NOT!] They kiss good-bye.

Finally [for my sake, because I hate watching this shit!], the day of the Final Rose Ceremony arrives. There are voiceovers of Travis, Moana and Sarah trying to philosophically justify their mediawhoreness [mediawhoredom, perhaps?], but we all know what’s going on. There will be no “happily ever after”; there are no “smitten kittens”. Travis goes to the jewelry store to pick up the ring. Both women chose the same 2.2 carat diamond. [Even if the “winner” doesn’t get to keep the guy, she does get to keep the rock!] While Travis is picking up the bling, the women are shown getting ready for the final ceremony, then parking their butts in their respective limos and talking about how wonderful Travis is and how much they want to be picked.

The first limo arrives. It’s Moana [and her dress slipped down enough that part of her boob is fuzzed out.] She starts talking about how secure and safe she feels, which means that she will not be picked by Travis. She is head over heels in love with Travis. Travis begins his spiel. He says that he has always been intrigued by Moana and her layers. [Ogres and onions have layers as well.] He hoped all along that he would get to see her, uh, layers. He says that it meant a lot to him that she opened her heart to him and he cherishes their amazing connection. Travis gives a big sigh. “BUT” he says, “If I listen to my heart, I can’t choose you.” He says that what they have is a romance. He hugs her and she isn’t into it and just stands there. She says that she is shocked that she wasn’t picked. Moana plays nice and says that it’s been a great experience and she says that “he will always have a piece of her that she can never get back.” He holds her hand and walks her back to her limo, no doubt relieved that she didn’t go all “Fatal Attraction” on him and kill his bunny.

Travis says that he feels awful and he is sad that Moana was shocked. Now it’s time for the fun. Moana says that she is emotionally devastated and thought it was a joke. She says that she has never been so vulnerable and wrong about somebody’s feelings. She starts hyperventilating and cries and says that the rejection she felt is hurtful and that “the good girl always wins because guys like Travis don’t marry girls like me.” Moana says that the pain she is feeling is so intense that she just wants to crawl back into her shell and hide. [She’d be perfect for Bachelorette III.] She talks about how it was so difficult for her to give heart and she feels devastated.

Sarah gets out of her limo. Travis tells Sarah that she is beautiful, smart, honest, but what he likes best about her is the fact that he is happy when he is with her. He says that he didn’t expect to have feelings like what he is experiencing when he came to Paris. “BUT,” he says as Sarah starts getting a pinched, I-am-going-to-turn-into-a-shrew face, “I have to be honest with you, because, I choose you. I am so happy because when I am with you, it’s perfect.” He then asks her for a kiss and they talk about how perfect they are for each other.

Travis then offers her the ring, but it’s on a chain “to symbolize the connection that they found in Paris.” He doesn’t want to make a promise that he can’t keep and he wants to go to Nashville and spend time with her and see how the relationship works. He puts the chain around her neck, she thanks him and they kiss. [Rumor has it that Travis told Sarah that he loves her but asked that it be edited out of the show after the fact.]

We are treated to a montage of all of the happy moments that Travis and Sarah spent together and that’s it.

Will Travis and Sarah live “happily ever after”? Well, given the fact that ABC is not airing an “After the Rose Ceremony,” nor did they make the pair available for interviews in the usual Media-Whore venues, and there are already rumors abounding that Sarah is canoodling with the roommate of a NFL football player, Drew Bennett,…I think not. All I can say is I hope that I have worked my “magic” on this show and like all of the other shows I have recapped, it gets cancelled ? As my final parting gift to you, here are some pictures of Travis, before he was given “The Bachelor: Extreme Makeover” http://velvetropewhore.com/page/2 [scroll down a bit to find the relevant pictures] and a link to a blog that gives more juicy details: http://bricksandstones.blogspot.com/2006/02/bachelor-update-you-be-judge.html