September 17, 2002
Reality shows are all the
rage - all of the six major networks have done it (hey,
even Bravo and Lifetime have), so it was only natural
for ESPN to enter the arena of reality events, so we
present, BEG, DEAL, and BORROW!!!!
(Uh, Gordon, it's Beg, Borrow and Deal)
Well wait a sec, wasn't ESPN smart enough to make the
play on words like the phrase, Beg, Steal or Borrow, to
make the show Beg, Deal or Borrow?
(I don't know, but that's the title of the show, G-Man -
maybe copyright issues with another show, I don't know)
Well, what a stupid name to call a show, Maybe I should
just change the title of it...
(Maybe Jason will send a dump truck full of halibut to
your house if you do.) Editor's note: maybe?!?!?
......Sigh.....ok, so welcome to Beg, Borrow and Deal,
the first game from ESPN. The game works this way - 2
teams of four people are created. Both teams get a list
of 40 tasks to do. The objective is for each team to
start in New York, complete 10 of the forty tasks and
finish on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco.
Of course, there are a few hitches to this -#1. The
teams start out with no money, or anything else, just
the clothes on their back, and stay like that -
contestants may NEVER handle money. #2. Each event that
you do must be completed in a different state - if there
are 3 tasks in NYC, you can only do one of them. #3 -
You can have help from a friend or a relative - it's
called the 1 Favor 1 Person 12 Hour rule - you can have
help from anyone at any time, but it can not be in the
form of money and the favor has a 12 hour time limit.
So those are the rules - lets meet the people - and my
initial reactions to them -
Red Team -
Julian - A tall bald African American guy, so far he
seems fairly non-stereotypical though
Aubrey - A medium sized black haired over-emotional
Tony - All-American White Bread Jock - Mr. competitive
Katie - Skinny with brown hair - seems like the den
mother of this group
Green Team -
Juliet - White woman, shoulder length brown hair, went
to Valley Girl school and Can't shut up.
Bubba (Bubba?) - Yes, da traditional Southern accented
guy - but he doesn't look like a Bubba - more like a
tall Southern hippie-yuppie combo.
Josh - Now HE looks like a Bubba, but much more rational
and logical. Shorter than him, but more heavy-set with
glasses and curly hair - has a sort of Chicago-ish
Kelli - Taller than Juliet, same brown hair, seems to be
the moralistic center of the team
Your host is Rich Eisen, one of the few people on
SportsCenter who is actually funny.
Each team starts out with a different objective - The
Green Team is familiar with the area and starts to go
over the tasks, while the Red Team just wants to figure
out how to get out of Times Square.
As the Green Team is going over the tasks, they come
over Task #17 - Take a picture with an Olympic medal
around your neck. Juliet JUST HAPPENS to know Summer
Sanders (suuuuuuure, ESPN wouldn't just pick you because
you know her would they? Noooooooooooo). So they start
to go try to get in contact with her - and realize that
they don't start out with a cell phone. 'When your bare
essentials are taken away from you , it sucks' says
They do find a cell phone, and Juliet calls - only to
get her voice mail - which means that they have to
borrow this strangers phone again. The team decides that
if they can't find Summer, then they will try task #8 -
get a permanent tattoo of your favorite sports team.
Everyone - except Juliet. Fortunately, that doesn't
happen, since they do get in touch with Summer, and she
agrees to meet them.
The Red Team uses a different strategy. Julian has a
friend on the Upper East Side, and they get there by
using an elderly gentleman's All-Day Pass subway card.
It's smooth sailing to Julian's friends house - until
they get there and see that he's not home. Realizing
that the favor is only good for 12 hours, they see that
if his friend doesn't get back soon, they will be
sleeping out on the streets of Upper East Side, and
that's NOT where you want to be staying overnight.
The Green Team needs a camera - and Kelli charms the
pants off two foreigners who agree to buy a disposable
camera. There's your she-vixen of the team. They meet up
with Summer, who agrees to the picture, and after they
take it, Juliet shows Summer the parchment describing
all of the tasks. Score: Green 1, Red 0.
The team asks Summer to name them, and Summer says that
since the mascot at the 1992 Barcelona Games was called
Cobi, they should be called Team Cobi. That's agreed
upon, and Team Cobi is born. (You mean you didn't want
to use the inane USA 1996 Mascot and be called Team
Whatizit or Team Izzy?)
When you complete a task, a team has the right to trash
talk the other team via the Producer's Cell Phone. Of
course, they decide to do that as Josh calls Aubrey, who
says 'Congratulations, you guys!' though it sounds like
she wants to drop a dump truck on his head. 'The first
team to score does not always win'. The Red Team is
getting nervous about Julian's friend and Katie is
calling her Mom in Elmira to come pick them up. Her mom
asks her why she can't get over there 'Unless I have
random sex all over the place, we won't have enough
money to get there.'
Julian's friend does show up and they rest inside while
deciding what to do. Katie thinks that they should go to
Elmira, regardless of what everyone else thinks. Tony is
using the internet to see Elmira's college history,
while Katie is wondering why no one is talking strategy
and what the next move should be. Am I sensing a little
early team animosity?
2:40 - Day 1 - Team Cobi is looking after their second
task - #6 - Go to an NBA Court and make either 9 of 10
free throws or a 3 point shot. They can't go to the
Garden (since they already completed a task in New
York), so it's off to Jersey to the Meadowlands to the
Continental Arena. They get the transit to the Arena,
but get stopped cold by security. They were on their way
out when they get stopped by Public Relations Helen
Strus - how shows them how to get in touch with P.R.
people and teaches them how to get their way into the
sports arenas. This little nugget may give the Green
Team the win - it definitely makes them the favorites.
But they are the underdogs in terms of finding a place.
'We are relying on the guys cute Southern Accent, their
charm and their B.S. ability'. Well, one of the three
things aren't working, as they get to Millcreek Mall,
who won't let them stay, and it's starting to get darker
outside, and colder. It's now 9:34 pm and Team Cobi is
starting to get very nervous. Bubba does make a Southern
Connection and the Southern Hospitality holds. They
split a suite as all four of them share the same room
for the night.
At 10:25pm the Red Team is waiting for Katie's parents.
'My parents are senile, they're probably in Jersey
somewhere'. Tony 'I don't want to die on the first
night, that would be so anti-climactic.' The parents do
get there, though, and the team gets to be introduced -
well, almost all of the team. Tony finagles himself some
food - but he doesn't tell the rest of the team, and
they are stuck in Katie's parents van while Tony is on
his quest for Honey Nut Cheerios. Katie - 'I was
wondering oh my God, what did I get myself into?'
Katie's friend is the mayor of Elmira, who can get them
into a prison (which would be good for task #28 - one
person must pay in a prison hoops game) 'why don't you
wear your jockstrap backwards for that day?' and right
now, as Tony does not share any of the food that he
brought with him, the team may want to leave him in the
They can't stay at Katie's Parents place (12 hour rule)
so they go to her friend Kelly's place and spend the
night there. They're all talking about how tomorrow's a
new day, which is all well and good - but they also all
know that they have to play catch-up as Team Cobi has
already completed one task.
Day 2 - 6:07 am - Team Cobi gets up from their hotel
room. 'It's almost stupid how appreciative we were that
we got a hotel room.' Josh calls up Pat Hanlon from the
NY Giants and asks him about completing Task #11 -
putting on a helmet and catching a 35 yard pass from an
NFL Quarterback. With the fact that he used Helen Strus
as a reference to Pat, he was interested, but he
said he would get back to him after the quarterback
Meanwhile, The Red Team is trying to get access into the
Elmira State Correctional Facility. To the surprise of
no one, Tony gets chosen to play basketball with the
inmates. Katie is waiting for the correctional facility
to get back to them.
Kelli and Juliet made a contact called Rudy - who owns a
cab company. They would take the team to Giants Stadium
to see if they can get into football practice. Josh goes
into the Meadowlands and makes the connection - the team
is allowed in.
On the way, they run into Jason Sehorn, who not only is
happy to see them, but would give them a ride into
Manhattan if they will wait throughout practice. They
run into quarterback Jesse Palmer and running back Tiki
Barber, who gets to wear his helmet. Her reaction? 'This
Bubba gets the catch on the first try - but here's the
catch (pun intended) - ALL FOUR PEOPLE must catch the
ball. Kelli, after a few tries, gets her catch, and
that's two. Josh is up - and he has a secret 'I know
almost nothing about sports'. It shows, as he takes more
tries than Juliet does. 'I am afraid that I will be what
happened to that poor little kid, Lucas , in the film'.
He finally does get it, so that's three.
Here comes Juliet, and everyone's making fun of her.
Kelli - 'She's talking about how wonderful of an athlete
she is, and its just Butterfingers, Butterfingers,
Butterfingers'. She is, arguably, the worst catcher of
the four, and she is taking so long that the Giants is
threatening to end the practice without her getting the
fourth catch - which would make the task null and void.
Kelli is looking for encouragement from the Giants
players. 'Come one, do we ever go the stadium and heckle
you?' Uhhhh....ummmmm.....Yes? Finally, after an easy 20
minutes of ridicule and heckling from the Giants
players, Juliet catches the ball, and they have
completed their task. Score: Team Cobi 2, Red Team, 0.
10:42 am -
White The Green Team is waiting for Jason Sehorn to take
them to their third task, the Red Team is waiting for
the phone call that will get them to their first task.
They are still hoping for the call from the facility,
and Aubrey is starting to panic. 'I don't want to get
down on anybody, but I will get down on myself...we got
to do something and we got to do it now.' Tony is trying
to talk her out of it, and it's not working. 'One little
snag, and she's like, oh, we're so not going to make
it'. And right now, they're not, because after the end
of the first episode, Team Cobi leads, 2-0.
September 24, 2002
Last time we left our stalwart players, Team Cobi has
completed 2 tasks and are on the way, thanks to Jason
Sehorn, to task #3. Team red team, who aren't creative
enough to name their team yet, have gotten nothing,
nada, zero, zip - but a lot of whining from Aubrey (but
that doesn't count as a task).
The red team was up in Elmira, already fragile since
they're behind 2-0, get even more shattered when Katie
gets turned down by the Department of Corrections - that
stops them from completing the task of playing a game of
basketball in a correctional facility. Katie tries again
by trying to get them into Elmira college to give a bath
to the mascot - which is another task that they can
Meanwhile, Team Cobi goes back into NYC, thanks to Jason
Sehorn - which makes absolutely no sense to me, since
they have to complete tasks in different states, and
they have already completed one in NY.
But they are still 2 tasks better than the red team, as
Katie is determined for them to do something in Elmira,
convinced that if they don't do something here, she will
be replacing Tony as the person that the team would most
want to stay in the Elmira Correctional Facility.
Fortunately for Katie, the mascot was there, and they
are able to clean it to complete their first task.
The team decides to call themselves Team Contact,
because of the contacts that they need to make in order
to be able to win the game. Speaking of contacts, Team
Cobi's Josh uses his contact in order to get a
rent-a-car to get to Washington to complete another
task. Their feeling of invulnerability was limited once
they get the obligatory trash talking phone call from
Team Contact after they completed their first task, and
it's even more so when they need a credit card and a
driver's license to use any of the rental car companies.
Josh's friend eventually gets them bus tickets to go to
DC - but not before squabbling starts, and the team
starts to splinter.
Speaking of splintering teams, Katie's sister takes Team
Contact to Jersey, where Aubrey finds a friend who is a
Philadelphia NFL player to spend the night with. It's
1:30 - and they have to be in bed by 3am, or they will
violate the sleep rule - you have to sleep for 6 hours
in a 24 hour span, or teams will be penalized by having
their movement constricted on the next day. When the
NFL player doesn't show up, everyone gangs up on Aubrey
for not telling them that this would be guaranteed.
'Even if it was a doubt in your mind, you could have
told us, so we could have avoided THIS type of thing'.
Going back to finding a place to stay - Juliet has a
friend of a friend who is supposed to meet them at the
bus station - but her friend is not there and the team s
starting to panic, according to Josh. 'Are you kidding
me? This place is like Calcutta - she's not coming down
here...I think there are people down here that are
actually dead.' But Juliet's friend shows up, which
shocked Josh. 'I think what we're seeing is people who
trust and believe their friends', says Bubba.
2:40 am in Philadelphia - and Aubrey's NFL friend is
still not there - 'We had 20 minutes before we had to
sleep outside, and people aren't exactly going to be
friendly at 3 in the morning.' Katie 'I probably could
do this better by myself...this would never happen to my
teammates if I was calling the shots.' Where does the
princess want her bed? But they will get to sleep
inside, as Barry Gardner gets home at 2:45, shocked to
see those 4 people there. And all is forgiven - maybe.
Day 4 - 9am - and we're talking about Bubba's stinky
feet and hygiene. Josh - 'I'm not wearing any underwear
right now...because it's being cleaned, and that's a
good feeling/' Thanks for sharing, Josh.
Bubby is going to his old work place to see if he can
get his old boss, Congressman Lindsey Graham agree to
task #34 - play a game of touch football with 4 members
of Congress. But everyone else thinks that Bubba spent
too much time inhaling those stinky socks. 'With the
security these days, do you really think that they're
going to do this? Are you serious?' says Juliet. Josh
agrees. 'I have a feeling today is not going to be very
This will give Team Contact the opportunity to tie the
score. Barry gives the team a whole list of numbers to
call, while the team tries to complete #11 - All 4
members of the team must catching a 35 yard pass from an
NFL quarterback. They call A.J. Feeley, who will agree
to it. They also will try to complete task #29 - play a
game of H-O-R-S-E with an NBA athlete. They get in touch
with Richard Jefferson, who will meet them at the
Meadowlands at 5pm.
Team Cobi gets to Lindsey Graham's office. Lindsey and
company do get it happen - but not until tomorrow
morning. They know that they have this in the bag - but
Josh wants to try to get something done today - Task #1
- Bathe a mascot. Juliet gets them an appointment within
minutes and Josh convinces the team to go to Georgetown
to try to get it done - and to pound the other team into
hopelessness, hoping that they'll give up.
But Team Contact is about to tie up the score. They get
in touch with Feeley, and they get into Veteran's
Stadium. Tony gets it done quite easily, while Aubrey
wants to try to use a Nerf Football instead. She gets it
done on the second try, and that's 2 down. Katie is
next, 'I'm a good gymnast, I don't play football.' That
was fairly evident, as she struggles - but she does
eventually catch one.
It comes to Julian, who decides to catch it using a
running pattern. He looks more like Gary Owens than
Terrell Owens, and tweaks his hamstring. But he does
grab the ball, and Team Contact ties the score up at 2.
The team decides to trash talk Team Cobi - and this time
it works, as they panic the other team into sniping at
each other. 'Why am I even here - I don't like
politics'. explains Juliet, and the team is confused as
they are walking in D.C.. We end this episode with the
team trying to figure out how to get to Georgetown.
Team Contact 2
Team Cobi 2
October 1, 2002
After watching the Twins take Oakland out of game one,
both teams try to take each other out on Day 3 by
building an insurmountable lead. Both teams are tied at
2-2 apiece. Team Cobi is in Washington DC trying to
bathe the Georgetown mascot, while Team Contact is on
the way to the Meadowlands to play a game of H-O-R-S-E
with the Nets' Richard Jefferson.
Team Cobi finds the mascot - but the doggy may need to
be taken into the pasture and shot. He has his foot in a
cast with a broken leg, but he is the trooper and he
gets the bath. Team Cobi retakes the lead - 3-2.
Team Contact is on the way to the Meadowlands, thanks to
Aubrey's friend Vendana, who drives them down. But right
now, H-O-R-S-E may be turned into Y-O-U A-R-E
S-C-R-E-W-E-D once they hit security. Richard Jefferson
does show up, however, and gets them in. In order to
complete the task, only one of them needs to beat
Jefferson. Jefferson, however, isn't sure that that's
going to happen. Security still won't let them into the
arena, and as far as beating him? 'They think that
they're going to beat me in HORSE, and I don't know if
that's really going to happen - we could be here all
day...their mission is in my hands right here, right
now, and I might just call it quits'.
They do get into the Nets NBA regulation size practice
facility, which is legal according to the rules.
'Unfortunately, my competitive attitude will not allow
me to throw a game, so we'll see how this works out.',
says Jefferson. It works out very quickly for three of
them - only Tony is left to go up against Richard.
Richard gets up to H-O. 'I'm a ho. I can't say that on
network TV, but this is cable, so I can say it. I'm a
HO' explains Jefferson.
In true dramatic fashion, both Tony and Richard are up
to H-O-R-S. They trade shot to shot, but Jefferson
misses a 20 footer from the left side, and Team Contact
gets the win. "I don't think they got that on camera" -
but they did, Richard, and Team contact ties the score
up at 3.
Meanwhile, Team Cobi celebrates with a gourmet meal -
well all four of them sharing a sandwich., which I guess
constitutes a gourmet meal right now. Meanwhile, the
women go to the health store and get lip balm and
makeup. This pleases the women, so they can look better
when they try to beg, but its annoying the guys, who
think that they are being superficial. The team bums a
ride to Arlington thanks to Bubba, and they stay over at
a friends house there. But Juliet disapproves about the
way that Bubba is asking people for help, accusing him
of not being honest, and they get into it. That lasts
Meanwhile, Team Contact gets back to Pennsylvania, and
they get a place to stay thanks to Julian. Tony asks for
a cigarette and a light, and he gets it- but in doing
so, he also commits the dumb-ass move of the episode.
You see, the same person that he asks for that can also
take them to Virginia for the next task (#18 ) - work in
the pit of a NASCAR Crew. And because the team can only
get one favor from one person, that was it - and since
she gave Tony the cigarette, she can't take them to
Needless to say, Aubrey jumps on Tony, but she's the one
non-smoker of the group and the rest of the team jump on
her instead. 'You have to respect the fact that he is a
smoker and that's the way it is', explains Kelli. Wha?
While Team Cobi is waiting for the Metro, discussing
about when's the last time they had sex (Bubba 'Friday'
Josh 'Your cousin doesn't count'), The woman are talking
about Josh's sexuality. Josh 'I'm not
gay...but....well...I wouldn't mind being associated
with that sort of group.' Juliet - Whenever I think of
the Little Mermaid, Josh pops in there.'.
They get to Arlington, Virginia, as Bubba gets a friend
to stay with them - and they've never met. While they're
waiting for transportation, they contemplate using the
forfeit rule - they can forfeit a task for another one
in the same state for money - $300 worth. They figure
that if they get the cash, they can get transportation
to get to the next stunt. They can do this twice during
the game, and you have to forfeit it before attempting
the next stunt - so it's a gamble.
But it's an academic decision - the rain comes down the
next morning, which scuttles the congressman's
basketball game. So they keep the cleaning the mascot as
their task and try to get the trip to Baltimore.
Meanwhile, Juliet wins a bet that she can't keep her
mouth shut for five minutes, as the team continues to
snipe at each other, albeit now toned down and more
Team Contact finds a free phone, and they call people to
say hi and that they love them. Awwwwwwbarf. The team
starts to mosey around and loses focus, which is
annoying Aubrey. 'This is turning into a 5 or 10 minute
stop, and all of these five and ten minute stops is
going to add up.' Yes they are, and boy will they pay
for it later on in the episode. The sniping continues,
and its not nearly as friendly as team Cobi. They
finally get in gear in the late afternoon, which, we
find out, later, is way too late to get started.
Meanwhile, at 3pm, Team Cobi are looking to complete
Task #12 - Shag fly balls at any Major League Baseball
batting practice. Josh and Bubba get the women to buy
tickets to go to Baltimore and then Josh calls P.R. head
Bill Stetka to try to let them in - Stetka says no, but
they're going to go to Baltimore anyway, and according
to Josh, 'bag it in on the fly'. He makes a public
appeal to Stetka in person, and while that's happening,
the rest of the team finds out that Josh's discussion
may be pointless - there is now a tornado warning in the
area, and it doesn't do them any good if they can't get
onto the field to being with. 'If the weather holds up
for 30 more minutes...' pleads Bubba. It doesn't, and
down comes the rain.
4:30 pm - Team Contact realize that it's time to go, and
they get a ride to the Amtrak - and then get swarmed by
police officers, who tell them that they can't
panhandle. They get sent away from there, and decide to
hit a college university. Team Contact finds a
fraternity and pleads with them for a ride to get them
to Virginia. Rob, from the fraternity, has relatives
there so he decides to do it. The frat loves it and
decide to go on a road trip - Frat Party!
The rain comes down, which almost kills the Baltimore
game - but Team Cobi gets the help from Bill Stetka, who
brings them a back-up major league catcher and some
gloves. They get to shag the balls (where's Austin
Powers here? Shagadellic, baby), And take the lead, 4-3.
The party is over for Team Contact - in more ways than
one. They get to the Richmond Campus - only to find out
that it's Beach Week and no one is on the campus.
Remember that time that they spent wasting around? It
comes back to bite them in the ass, since if they got
there at 7 or 8pm, they could have found a place to
sleep over. But it's now almost 2am, and there's no one
around. They have nowhere to go - we end this episode
with them trying to find a place to stay,
Score - Team Cobi 4, Team Contact, 3
October 8, 2002
We are now at the halfway mark - and the teams are
looking to get to the halfway mark of the scoring. Team
Cobi leads 4-3 over Team Contact, who was looking to tie
up the score - but right now are looking to tie-up a
place to stay for the evening, as it's almost 3am and
they're stuck on the streets of Richmond, Virginia.
But we rewind a few hours earlier to 6:50pm - where Team
Cobi is trying to avoid Team Contact's lack of
residence. Kelli has friends in Michigan and wants to
see her own graduation party - she's giving up her
graduation to go do this. Juliet has friends in Philly
and wants to go there instead. Josh's reaction? 'F&ck
Kelli and Juliet get at each other and Bubba tries to be
a mediator, slightly siding with Kelli, since from a
logical standpoint, the teams have to migrate to the
west side of the U.S. Josh is a bit more blunt - 'I'm
done with that girl, she's such a little bitch'. It's a
very good thing that you're not playing the 'Survivor
vote someone off of the team' version of Beg, Borrow and
Team Cobi goes to the Weston and meets a bunch of
affluent people from John Hopkins University. The team
convinces the affluents to give them tickets to Detroit
for Kelli's graduation (though they do tell her she'll
actually be in the graduation - when she won't be.
OOPS). Kelli may get to see her graduation - but she'll
definitely be able to attend the graduation party
afterwards. 'I don't care if I get my wrists slit right
now, as long as I'm bleeding all the way to Detroit'.
At 3 am, Team Contact may be bleeding - but in a more
physical sense - because they can't find a place to stay
and are in danger of losing their own well-being. They
have already violated the 6 hour sleep option - and will
be penalized double the amount of time that they took
trying to get some sleep. They run into a friend named
Pat and his friend, who offers them a basement. They get
a 9 feet by 7 feet room, which is good enough for right
But since they didn't get to sleep on time, they will be
penalized for it. They are 2 hours late - so they stuck
in 'Lockdown' for four hours - they can play - but not
do anything that could help them out in their task.
When they are out of Lockdown, they discuss attempting
to complete Task #18 - Work in the Pit Crew of a NASCAR
race. They get food from a 7-11 with one of Pat's
friends, and find a guy with a Mustang to bum a ride to
the racetrack. Remember when the women on Team Cobi
needed to get make-up? Well, it's Katie's turn to start
whining about it. Aubrey - 'I don't think Katie's always
concerned about the game...I think she's her own zone,
wondering about what Katie's going to do next.'
They go to the Rite-Aid to freshen up, and Aubrey starts
to lose it. 'I feel so desperate to do a task...and
right now it seems so far away...I'm just not feeling
the progress...I just don't know what to do, and I feel
so sad...I don't want to quit, but I don't want to hurt
the team'. Aubrey, have you met Juliet?
Team Cobi can't take the bus all the way to Michigan,
thanks to the 12 hour rule (a favor can only last for 12
hours), so they get of at Toledo. The good news is that
they can use the bus ride as the 6 hour sleep rule. The
better news is that Kelli's dad picks them up in Toledo.
The team decided to visit Kelli over visiting Bubba's
family in the South (or Juliet's friends in Philly,
though that wasn't really an option), and Josh was
concerned. 'This move may have cost us the race.' If you
knew what the other team is doing, you wouldn't be that
Team Cobi decides to go to Joe Louis Arena and try to
shoot goals off of an NHL goalie - but they get stoned
instead by the management. Bubba - 'We're getting
absolutely nowhere with the home team here - their
people tell us to get off of their property.' Kelli is
especially upset - she feels that it's her
responsibility to get something done in Michigan, and if
they don't, they would be wasting valuable time.
Team Contact, trying to take advantage of their stay in
Virginia, is now extending their sight. In addition to
Task 18, the team could instead try to complete Task 14
- Ride in the pace car at a NASCAR Event. They are met
at the gate by Frankie and Torrie, who are
female...uh...entertainers, and who's idea of
entertaining is to remove their clothing. They say that
they can help working in the pit crew, as they have
'connections' with some of the drivers. The catch - they
won't be back until 10:30 pm.
Team Contact decide that they will try to get something
done faster - so they go to the press area, but,
according to Julian - "we hit roadblocks all along the
way, and we were finally told 'no'". Katie - 'We thought
this was going to work out - yeah we can bang out three
tasks, if one of them doesn't work, we can do this one,
if this one doesn't work...but none of them worked.'
Back in Detroit, the team is desperately trying to
complete Task #13 - Score a goal on an NHL Goalie. It
doesn't have to be in an NHL arena - it can be anywhere
- it also can be any team. The St. Louis Blues were
playing Detroit that night, so the team could have shoot
goals against a St. Louis goalie, instead of the Detroit
goalie that they were originally hoping to volley pucks
off of. The team, banished from the main area of the
arena, is now stuck in the parking lot. The St. Louis
Blues bus is there, filled with St. Louis players - and
ready to take the players to their hotel.
Staring a missed opportunity in the face, the team
decides to resort to Josh's philosophy - 'If it doesn't
work by calling ahead, show up in person, if it doesn't
work when you show up in person, take your top off and
show your breasts.' The women do just that and start
taking off of their tops. They get to their T-Shirts
when a player gets off of the bus - he says 'you know
what they want don't you?' They know, and they would do
it - IF they get a goalie to come out and help them
complete their task. 'Don't tell my dad!' says Juliet.
Uhhhh...this is sort of being aired nationally. I think
he may get the hint by now.
Freddie Braphley, a goalie for the Blues, gets out of
the bus. He decides to do it and spares the girls from
baring their boobies. Freddie is trying to be nice - 'I
do play in the NHL, but I haven't seen shots like this
in a long time.' Uuuuuuuhhhh...ok. Juliet gets the
task-completing goal, and Team Cobi gets to the halfway
mark (5-3). The team lets Kelli go to the graduation
party before they go to their next state of attack -
Kelli celebrates with her Sorority, but the party is
over, in terms of tasks. A team can only compete 5 teams
in the east - the other 5 tasks must be completed in the
Western side of the U.S. They decide to use option of
calling the other team and trash Team Contact - who
assume that they completed a task and they weren't happy
Day 5 - 10:25 pm - Team Contact couldn't get anything
done in terms of management, and they are waiting for
their stripper friends Torrie and Frankie to show up. Of
course, strippers are not known for their sense of time,
and after 11pm, they give up and go to the RV Park.
That's when the bottom starts to falls out of the team.
Katie starts ripping on everybody, especially on Tony.
They go to a trailer, and are offered blankets and
pillows to sleep out on the lawn. They get a toothbrush
from someone with four teeth left (Wha?) and we get to
see Katie doing it. Ewwwwwww.
No food, being penalized for not finding a place to
sleep, and constant sniping finally takes their toll on
the team as the breakdown reaches it's climax. The men
turn in for the night, which royally pisses off the
women, who wake up the guys to hash it out. That sparks
Tony - 'I haven't felt like a team since day 1' - and he
goes after Katie, who sort of apologizes. Tony - 'Nobody
seemed to like anybody...this is the low point...the
absolute low point, for our team.' So they spend the
next hour going at each other and disassembling anything
that would remotely help them to function as a team, and
to top it all off, Team Out-Of-Contact spends the night
sleeping on the lawn.
In much happier times in Michigan, Kelli gets her
boyfriend Jake and his friend Todd to drive them to
Chicago to Juliet's parent's house. Juliet stays the
night - with Jake's friend Todd - while Kelli with her
boyfriend. 'Let's just say that I didn't have any
problems getting sleep last night'. Oooooook.
Juliet's parents live in a mansion. Josh - 'We ended up
just going with some freshly baked breads and yogurts
and of course warm meats and cheeses from around the
world....I would doubt very much that the other team was
sitting next to a full-sized leopard...I would be very
surprised if any members of the (opposing) team were
sitting next to full-sized statues of endangered
Team Contact maybe considering their teamwork as an
endangered species, is woken up by the sounds of cars
driving away from the RV Park. Tony feels like his teams
chances to win this thing may also be on the endangered
species list. "It's been a series of 'we screwed up'".
'When it comes to be 'your day' there's so much pressure
that comes with it - you don't want to let the team down
- it's your show.', says Juliet, who is hosting the team
for the time being. Juliet decides to go to the Bulls
camp to see if anyone's around to play H-O-R-S-E there.
The building is locked up, and even though there's a new
van outside, the team gives up on that and tries to find
something else to do.
Comiskey Park is next - and there's lots of activity
about, as there is a game that night. The team tries to
throw the opening pitch - but that's position has been
booked way in advance, so that's not going to happen. We
leave the team outside of Comiskey Park as they look at
their task scroll for their possible options.
Options is what Team Contact is desperately searching
for. It's been bordering on 2 days that Team Contact
didn't get any tasks completed. Katie tells them to
triple-check the task sheet, and as they do that, they
realize that they are within walking distance of a minor
league baseball team - the Richmond Braves. This works
perfectly with task #03 work for a minor league baseball
team for a game. They go to the organization and
volunteer to work for them, but they get turned down, so
that didn't work either.
That was the proverbial strike three for Team Contact in
this episode, which was a miserable one for them as they
not only not get anything accomplished, but almost
implode. They will need something miserably bad to
happen to Team Cobi to get back into it, but everyone
wrote off the Twins, Angels, Giants and Cardinals too -
and look where they are now.
Team Cobi - 5
Team Contact - 3
October 15, 2002
Last time we left our 2 teams, Team Cobi was halfway to
their goal of 10 tasks, while Team Contact has hit rock
bottom and is looking to invoke the power of the rally
monkey to bounce back.
But we start with team Cobi. They are at Comiskey Park
in Chicago, and are determined to stay there until they
can complete a task. They are asking the people outside
for help, and they're not getting anywhere. Finally,
after countless number of P.R. guys that they are
talking to, one of them allows them to do task #30 -
Throw out the first pitch at a Major League Baseball
Juliet, the home town girl, gets to throw out the pitch.
How did she do? Well, let's just say that the rally
monkey would have done a better throwing job. But they
did complete the task, and Juliet is thrilled. 'I love
the team, I love the way we're going, and we're six for
What can be better? Josh's friend getting them tickets
for 'Contact', which won the 2002 Toni Award for Best
Musical. 'This far down the line, 6 days into it, you
would think that teams would be breaking up because of
just being around each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week. We're getting tighter and tighter. ' We'll be
revisiting that quote at the end of the episode, Bubba.
Now, for a very stark contrast, we go down to Richmond
to see Team Contact. They are stuck in the Atlanta
Brave's AAA affiliate - and they are not interested in
helping out Team Contact. But Contact doesn't go away,
and the persistence finally pays off, in the form of
Task #3 - Ride with a minor league team on a minor
league bus, then work as the bat boy and the bat girl
for the game while the other two people work
But the Richmond Braves General Manager sees something
different for Tony - and Tony gets to be Diamond Duck -
the mascot for the Richmond Braves. 'Oh my Lord - this
is around as bad as bad gets.' explains Tony - as
apparently no one has washed the costume since the
Ronald Reagan administration. 'The suit is not quite
smelling like a candle shop, if you know what I'm
saying'. 'Maybe he's found his new niche, maybe it's
something that he should look into' snipes Aubrey.
Katie, meanwhile, gets to be the ball girl - and the
recipient of sexual innuendo jokes for the whole night,
including patting an umpire on the butt. They finally
get a task completed, and now trail Cobi by 2 points
(4-6). Katie uses her friend Chris Sandler to take them
to Raleigh, North Carolina. Their spirits are high again
- 'We're going to be the winning team.' says Tony. Well,
Tony, right now, you are going to need more than the
rally monkey and Diamond Duck to get back into it.
Day 7 - 7:20 am - rise and shine for Team Cobi. They
stayed at Josh's friends parents house last night and
can stay there until 11:50 am. The strategy is to go to
Wisconsin - Milwaukee is 90 minutes from where they are
- and Juliet's aunt is supposed to get them tickets for
their next destination. They are taking a risk to sneak
in and back - because there could be serious lodging
problems if they don't return in time or if anything
goes wrong along the way. 'I don't think we should go to
Milwaukee at all today.' protests Kelli 'I just hope
Juliet's cousin or aunt is lined up ready to get those
tickets, meeting us at the station, because if
everything doesn't go smoothly, I'm going to be really
Joshua's friend, Yom, gives Josh a car to borrow. The
team will try to sing the national anthem in Milwaukee -
the game starts at 1 pm, and the train leaves at 3:15
pm. Any traffic or problems along the way, and they miss
the train. One potential problem comes up when they
realize that road that they are driving on requires them
to pay tolls - and they don't have any money. Oops.
While that's going on, Katie's friend Chris is allowing
them to stay over, and his friend drove Team Contact to
Raleigh. As they are getting up, Tony is using the
internet to try to get another task done, something that
pleases Aubrey. 'I was so happy trying to take
initiative to try to look something up. They are going
for Task #17 - Take a picture with an olympic medal
around your neck. The team thinks that someone from the
Carolina Courage women's soccer team (WUSA) has a medal
from the olympic team.
Team Cobi gets to the tollbooth, and Josh Bs's his way
through all of the tolls to get him through. 'I
nicknamed him 'magic' because he always is able to pull
something out of thin air.' says Bubba as he and Kelli
both pile praises on him (awwwwwbarf). They get to
Milwaukee and try for task #33 - Sing the National
Anthem at a MLB game.
'The office of the Brewers in Milwaukee could not have
been less threatening. It was like bingo night at a
Daughters of an American Revolution. 2 old ladies an d
an 80 year old man.', explains Josh. So far , so good -
until Juliet opens her mouth and tries to rush the
situation, which completely offends the 80 year old guy.
Needless to say, that does not sit well with the rest of
the team, who is seeing a golden opportunity slip out of
their fingertips thanks to Juliet. 'She is a total
liability everywhere we go...whenever we go to
accomplish a task, there's always 2 tasks that have to
be accomplished; accomplishing the task, and figuring
out how not to have Juliet screw it up for us.' laments
The rest of the team muzzles her long enough to meet Jon
Greenberg, head of Public Relations. They were wondering
if they could sing back-up with 'The Bottom Line', whixh
is the name of the singing group from the Kellogg School
from Northwestern, and they are told that they have to
wait for the group to show up.
Team Contact gets to the SAS Stadium, home of the
Carolina Courage - they are hoping to find someone with
an olympic medal - and there are plenty to go around.
They meet Carla Overback, who takes them to her house
and gets them the picture of the gold medal. The lead is
now a slim 6-5, which is great - but now they have to
figure out how to go west. Stacy, another person on the
soccer team, suggests to go to a birthday party to try
to get tickets to Knoxville, Tennessee.
Back in Milwaukee, the Brewers give Team Cobi permission
to speak to 'The Bottom Line' - and the 'Line wants to
hear Team Cobi sing. And they do - for around five
words. 'This is not boding too well.', but they do let
them in - as long as they keep the volume low (so they
can't really be heard). They do sing it, and they get
their 2 point lead back (7-5).
But back to getting the train - they wanted to leave at
12:30, but since the game was at 1, they have to leave
pronto. Juliet uses a cell phone to make sure that the
aunt shows up - and she gets a 'I don't know if I can
show up' instead. Uh-Oh.
Back to Team Contact - Stacy does come through, and
brings them to Tiffany's birthday party to try to beg
for money or tickets to knoxville - the furthest place
that they can get to for the 12 hour period that a favor
can last for. They make their plea, and someone takes a
hat and throws it all around the room. They make $190 so
far - and Tiffany is trying to get the rest of the money
to get them out of there. They eventually raise the
money, obtain the tickets, and it's off to Knoxville
But not before Aubrey and Katie continue sniping, with
Julian playing the role of Switzerland. Katie is
celebrating, while Aubrey is trying to figure out the
next plan. They are sniping at each other. The sniping
continues in the land of Cobi - Juliet wants to know
about her approach - and they let her have it. Josh -
'To be totally fair, you have the worst approach of
anyone I have ever met in my entire life.' Juliet 'Are
you kidding me?' Josh 'No'. It starts to get nasty in
It gets even nastier when they get back to Chicago. They
get to Union Station - and Juliet's aunt is not there.
According to Josh,'Unless things change dramatically,
we're delegated to another night in Chicago, and this
time with no connections whatsoever.' Fade to black.
Team Cobi - 7
Team Contact - 5
October 22, 2002
We're at the 75% mark of
the episodes (only 8 episodes in this series) - call
this a 'must-win' episode for Team Contact. They only
have 5 tasks completed and are still on the Eastern side
of the U.S. Team Contact only has three episodes to get
5 tasks done and to get to Alcatraz - a very daunting
goal. Meanwhile, Team Cobi already has 7 tasks in the
bank and is well on their way to task number eight.
Team Cobi is well on their way - until Juliet's Aunt
(who has their tickets) is nowhere to be found - and
neither is Josh's friend Yon (who is supposed to pick up
the car that they borrowed). With '8 Minuets until the
train leaves' (Yes, that was the graphic in the ESPN
episode - minuets and all) Juliet's aunt does show up
and Kelli gets the first class tickets. Josh sees a
redeeming feature in Juliet - sort of. 'Now we get to
where Juliet comes in handy...whatever problems that
Juliet causes when it comes to people that we don't know
at sports offices she makes up for when it comes to her
family and friends.' Juliet's Aunt does come through,
and they are travelling in luxury to the mid-west.
Everyone at Team Cobi are talking about how lucky they
are to be in the position that they are in. Josh - 'One
of our first moments where we really as a group said, in
a really serious way - we're so proud of each other.'
Flip over to Team Contact, who instead of going first
class, are going Greyhound class. Katie - 'I was afraid
I was going to be abducted and thrown into a ravine
somewhere where no one would ever find me.' They take
the 12 hour bus ride that Cobi had to take as Contact is
on their way to Nashville.
Team Cobi finds their way to Kansas City - and unlike
the other places that they've gone to, they don't have
any connections there. 'Im really really nervous that
we're going to get comfortable with some corn husks. The
fear is justified, since the team will not be arriving
there until 11pm - not a lot of time to find a place to
stay. To make matters worse, it's raining, and the hotel
that they are trying to get lodging from is not going to
let them stay there.
They get a business man to give them the money for the
$140 business rate, and that looks like it will work -
until the hotel turns around and charges them a rate of
$209 plus tax. Juliet succeeds in getting a friend named
Jacob to get them a room - but it won't be at that
hotel, since the management gets tired of Team Cobi and
forces them out of their establishment. Jacob, though,
is nice enough to walk the group down to the Fairfield
Inn (almost a mile down) in the pouring rain and gets
them the room special, which includes a morning
breakfast, hot showers, etc. Team Cobi is in high
spirits going into Day 8.
7:20 AM - Team Contact gets into Knoxville - and they
are off to look for a fraternity that would help them
with transportation. Aubrey, meanwhile, is looking for
new teammates, as she is upset that she feels she's the
only one doing something. Julian's response? 'I get
frustrated when someone is bitching and has no
solution...I'm worried about what we're doing.' They do
get a fraternity to help them cross into the next time
zone - and while they're waiting, they decide to go
after a task - Make 9 of 10 free throws or a 3 point
shot from an NBA court.
'Here I was again, the one making the phone calls, the
one trying to make things happen...98% of the phone
calls are being done by me.' laments Aubrey - and she
has a point. She's the only one taking initiative for
the team, while the rest of them just seems to be
discouraged from their experiences. She does get
through, and it's off to Memphis. Aubrey never tells the
Pyramid what the task is - or what they needed to do -
we'll get back to that point later. You can do a task
due to the forfeit rule - they won't get another point
for the task, but they will get $300 if they succeed -
and that $300 would be good for them to get tickets
somewhere else if they need to.
7:23 AM - Team Cobi wakes up and sees a rainstorm. They
wanted to do a task - task #10 - Score a goal on a MLS
or WUSA goalie - and the rain is not helping. 'The
weather is supposed to be our friend' explains Kelli.
'If the weather does not cooperate with us, we're
screwed'. But one of the advantages of getting a good
hotel - the abundance of beauty products, which the
women are using to pretty themselves up - and accentuate
their flirting prowess. 'I think it's a control thing -
I like to have control over a situation - especially
with men.' thanks, Juliet.
Josh calls up the Kansas City Wizards to try to get a
goalie - and they succeed and get an 11:30 appointment.
'We've been relentless - we keep pushing, keep
pushing...and we have not sat back to smell the roses'.
Good words from Bubba - and that's why they have the 2
task lead. Josh gets a ride and the team goes to
Arrowhead Stadium to meet the Wizards goalie.
Team Contact has a killer instinct - but if they don't
get this done, then they may be resorting to killing
each other. They get to the Pyramid - but because of a
graduation ceremony, the hoops are not set up, and they
won't be set up for the whole day. Perhaps if Aubrey
told the Pyramid group what they wanted to do, then they
could have saved Team Contact a trip down there.
So it's time for back-up plan B - play basketball in a
correctional facility. That's not going to work.
'Basically he just laughed and said - that's not going
to happen...we got rides, we got food, we got all this
stuff, but we got no tasks done, which for us is the
main thing, so our team spirit just dwindled.'
Here's an example of team disunity - Tony wants to get
food, while the rest of the team wants to get something
done. Tony goes to get food and on the way to Wendy's
throws the scroll at Katie. 'You know how to piss me
off? Take my food away.' The guys squabble about hoe the
girls needed make-up and things finally smoothed over.
They move to Little Rock, Arkansas - the good news it
that now they're in the western part of the U.S. and
they can get tasks completed.
The completion of tasks becomes even more of a priority
as Team Cobi gets to Arrowhead Stadium. Josh convinces
the head of PR, Justin Gorman, to have them compete in
the main stadium. Sweet. Here's some more details on the
task - it has to be a regulation penalty kick - and the
team only has 10 tries to do it. If they fail to convert
on the 12 yard kick in the ten tries, then the attempt
is failed and they would have to find another goalie if
they wished to try again.
Bo Oshonyi is the goalie - 'I think I'll make some saves
and make them work for it, we'll see - I hope they don't
kick too hard.' If Josh's weak grounder that skirts
right past the right side of the goal is any indication,
Bo may as well bring a lawn chair with him and a pitcher
Donned in Wizards shirts (thanks to the stadium), Josh
actually gets a decent kick, but Bo covers it. Kelli
kicks it directly to Bo. Juliet gets it past Bo, but it
was wide. Bubba's turn - and he decides to do something
different. 'They're always trying to do something to
fake out, to try to freeze the goalie.' Bubba does that,
aims left, and shoots right - and gets it past Bo. He
scores, and he takes his shirt off (at least we're
spared from Josh taking his shirt off). They complete
the task done and now lead, 8-5.
Team Cobi wants to hit Denver next, but since they have
no connections (and need $300 for the tickets to
Denver), this one may be tough. It's not as tough,
however, as the situation for Team Contact, who face the
third episode in which they get no tasks accomplished.
Julian's friend has tickets to go to Dallas. It's 5:30 -
and the time wasted to get food and snipe at each other
may cost the team yet again, as they can't find the bus
station. Julian, who's getting very sick of the team
team sniping at each other while not getting anything
done, is threatening to leave the team if they are stuck
in Little Rock for the night. 'This isn't worth
it...I'll quit right now...we lose the game if we're
stuck here tonight.'
It's 5:35 pm, and Team Contact still can't find the bus.
Tony goes into a bar and convinces 2 girls to take them
to the bus station. 'Don't be surprised it I don't make
it to the end of the series...I'm ready to quit now -
send me home.' warns Julian. They get to the bus station
- but it's the wrong one - they have to go to the
Greyhound bus station - which is across the river. They
get a bus driver to take them there, but will it be in
Team Cobi, unlike team Contact, uses their resources
properly. Juliet's sister is a student at the University
of Colorado at Boulder - the catch is to get there. Her
cousin's friends gets them 2 tickets, while Josh finds
some people to get them the other 2 tickets - it's off
to Colorado we go. Juliet turns from the pariah at the
end of last episode to the hero at the end of this one.
Team Contact gets to the Greyhound Bus Station in time,
so Julian stays on. 'Im not going down without a fight'.
This from the person who was going to quit the show?
Aubrey explains 'We're just not getting lucky...it's not
from a lack of trying.'
But it is from a lack of trying - That seems to be the
problem with Team Contact - Team Cobi is just hungrier
and wants it more. Team Contact has taken no for an
answer when Team Cobi wouldn't, and the fact that Team
Cobi haven't let their individual differences affect the
team has made all of the difference in the world. With 2
episodes left, Team Contact has to complete 5 tasks and
get to San Francisco. Unless the Rally Monkey grabs Team
Cobi and mistakes them for Thundersticks, that's just
not going to happen.
Team Cobi - 8
Team Contact - 5
October 29, 2002
We have two episodes
left, and although the winning team is not in doubt, the
question is by how much: Team Cobi is up 8-5 and is very
close to being on the West Coast. Team Contact, is in
another state of crisis and is only in Dallas. When a
sporting event's outcome is no longer in doubt, the rest
of the game is called 'Garbage Time'. We have 2 episodes
worth of Garbage Time left to go in this series.
But that's not saying that it won't be entertaining -
and part of our entertainment is to see other teams
miserable - which is what Team Cobi was on the way to
Denver. They had to stop at Limon, Colorado, thanks to
the 12 hour rule. One of Juliet's sister's friends meets
them in Limon and takes them to Boulder. Being that they
are in a big city, Josh of Team Cobi is going over their
options on what tasks they can do while they're there:
1. Task #4 - Anchor a
local TV sportscast or host a radio show
2. Task #22 - Play a game of horse against an NBA player
(Though its not really sure if there are any real NBA
players on the Denver Nuggets)
3. Task #23 - Spend 8 continuous hours with the Stanley
Cup (Colorado Avalanche)
Meanwhile, Team Contact gets into Dallas, and one of
Julian's friends (Harlan) hosts them up for the night.
There are plenty of things to do in Dallas. The Kings
and Mavericks are practicing today and the team attempts
Task #1 - Get a product endorsed by an overall #1 Draft
Pick. Chris Webber of the Kings was a #1 Draft pick, so
Team Contact goes down to the American Airlines Center.
After hassling supermarket patrons for a ride, Team
Contact get passes from a bus driver to get down there.
Once at the Arena, they hook up with Sarah, who is the
head of P.R. for the Mavericks. Sarah gets them on to
the court as they realize that they can complete a
different task - shoot either 9 of 10 free throws of a 3
pointer on an official NBA Court.
Day 9 for Team Cobi starts with them having Run of the
House from one of Juliet's sister's neighbors place.
Josh and Bubba work to make the connections while they
let Juliet and Kelli pretty themselves up - sounds
petty, but the team is working better than Team Contact.
'If the girls feel better about themselves by spending
some more time in the morning showering, working
out...if that makes the day run smoother then that's
fine. Bubba and I don't mind working the phones for a
half-hour in the morning' says Josh.
They work the phones - and Bubba gets to talk to a
Producer for a radio station called The Zoo. They get
the access to be special guests for the shift of a
sports show - but Bubba knows nothing about sports. 'I'm
dead' says Bubba.
Trying to stay alive is Team Contact - who are
practicing on the court to try to either shoot 9 of 10
free throws or to make a three-point shot. Each person
only get one try at either of the two options - if all
four people on the team miss, then they have to try at
another arena to do it again. Tony, the man who beat
Richard Jefferson in H-O-R-S-E, is not feeling it in the
arena. Julian goes first, because the team thinks that
he is the least likely to make either of the two
options. He launches the three - and it goes in! SWISH!
No more drama from anyone else is needed and Team
Contact gets the task. Team Cobi's lead is cut to 8-6.
Chris Webber is still in the arena, however, and the
team has a decision to make. They can use the forfeit
rule and trade the task in for $300 if they think that
they can get the task done from Chris Webber, but they
have to trade the task in before approaching Webber.
Katie wants to go for it, while the rest of the team
does not want to risk it. Katie is complaining, and
rightfully so, that the team could at least use the $300
to stop bumming for transportation money. 'This goes to
prove why we as a team (is losing) - everyone says we
want to get something done, we want to get something
done...I'm trying to get stuff done, it's such a good
move, it's such a good move' The team chickens out and
don't go for the $300. 'To me, that sucked'.
The team decides to stick around anyway to have Chris
Webber get the task done - since that task is worth 2
points (Vs. the 3 point shot, which is one point). These
points come into play if there is a tie and both teams
get done at the same time. This is easily the dumb-ass
move of the episode - the team knows that they are
trailing, yet they stick around not to take a gamble
which will help them, but only to do something that will
help them out in a tie-breaker? Wha?
Back to the land of the sane as Team Cobi bum a ride off
of Juliet's sister's friend Courtney to get to The Zoo
for the Radio Show. Josh starts panicking over his
non-knowledge of sports, but the team gets reassured by
Scott Hastings, the Co-Host of the Zoo. They will be on
850 KOA Prime Time with Hastings and former football
player Dave Logan.
For Kelli, who wants to be a sportscaster, this is a
dream come true. For Josh however. 'This is pretty much
the ultimate nightmare moment for me, because not only
do I not know anything about sports, but I am also being
singled out for that.' They pretty much exploited him
and made fun of him the whole show, which prompted Josh
to ask 'Do you have questions on film? Theater, maybe?
Books?' They do get the task done, and they are only one
task away from winning the game (9-6).
'This is why I have no money, no food and I dont care -
because of the tasks and people like there...the past 3
days are a total blur...we can smell the victory...but
we've sweat over what will be the last task.' says
Juliet. It may be coming down to the team getting a
sports tattoo. Bubba and Kelly want to do it - Josh and
Juliet don't want to have anything to do with it.
But the important plan is to get to California. The plan
is to have Juliet's sister drive them into Salt Lake
City, then have Juliet's friend get the bus tickets to
get them to Sacramento. The problem with that? Juliet's
sister has a test at the same time and would not be able
to go, and that gives Juliet the same sympathy as any
other sister would have - none.
Back to Dallas - the team is waiting for Chris Webber,
who's the last Sacramento King to show up out of the
locker room. They are asking Webber for a product that
he endorses - he's thinking sneakers first, then he
realizes that he endorses Mountain Dew - Chris gave it
to them and that completes the stunt. 'They just begged
borrowed and dealed right with me...they have some
nerve, I don't think I could do that.' says Webber. So
this stunt is completed, and Team Contact gets -
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! (Except a tie-breaker point). 'We
didn't take the forfeit, probably what we should have
done in hindsight.' says Julian. Well yes - and that's
why you're not winning the game.
As the press was there, Team Contact got a member of the
press to host them, while Julian e-mails Marc Cuban (the
press person has Cuban's e-mail address) just to try to
get transportation to the next place. In the e-mail,
Julian said that they spent the day with the Seattle
Kings - which is all well and good - except the Kings
are in Sacramento, not Seattle. (That's like saying, oh
I love the show Friends, and that actor, Luke Perry is
wonderful as Chandler).
That is the runner-up dumb-ass move of the episode, and
since Julian sends the e-mail without anyone seeing it,
their chances of getting help from Mr Cuban just
bricked. You sure you were better off with Julian on the
Julian, to try to make amends, goes to Hooters to meet
his friend Carlos, who volunteered to take them to
Oklahoma City so they can meet a friend of Aubreys. They
pretended that it was Katie's birthday so they can get
free food. They also met an owner of a night club - and
he invites them to go in for free - and they were having
fun for the first time in the trip.
Bubba has some friends in San Francisco - but it's a
matter of getting there. Juliet is still fighting with
her sister, but sis agrees to help and forgoes the
studying to help them out. They will be staying at a
friends place for the night, then first thing in the
morning they will be driven to Salt Lake City.
Team Contact gets to Oklahoma city in the wee hours of
the morning. Aubrey's friend allows them to crash there.
On the next morning, Aubrey uses the connection to get
them a sports gig for a morning radio show. Task number
7, though not completed, is all lined up.
But it's task #10 that is on Team Cobi's mind, as they
are on the early morning route to Salt Lake City. It's a
very barren landscape, but it's very nice and scenic -
until the car stalls out. Josh and Bubba come out to
inspect the car and they can't find out what's wrong.
Fortunately, Juliet's sister has AAA, so all she has to
do is to call them. Unfortunately, the cell phone that
they have just ran out of power, so they're stuck in the
outskirts of Salt Lake City with no way to call for help
and no civilization in sight.
This may be the break that Team Contact needs, but it
had better be the 24 hour pursued by psychotic animal
creatures break, because with one episode left, Team
Contact must get four tasks completed AND go from
Oklahoma City to Alcatraz Island in one show. Anybody
want to bring down the 25 point NBA nets with 2 minutes
remaining in the game?
Team Cobi - 9
Team Contact - 6
November 5, 2002
Isn't it appropriate
that the last night this airs is election night? One
team will be inducted in as the winners (Team Cobi)
while the other team probably won't get anything done
(Team Contact). Let's see if I am as good as a
forecaster as everyone else is...
Team Cobi is up 9-6, but they are stranded in the middle
of nowhere while trying to get to Salt Lake City. They
all believe that thy are out of gas - and they all
squabble about getting gas - which Juliet wanted to do
30 minutes ago. The women decide to make their own brand
of gas - they go to the bathroom, while Josh decides to
wait a little longer before braving the cold to get gas
and Bubba decides to play Tetris in the back of the car.
They do eventually locate a tow truck, who gives them
just enough gas to get to the next station.
Meanwhile, Team Contact gets to Norman, Oklahoma - and
they decide to do task #4 - be the anchor of a sports
television or radio show. WHile they are hanging out and
waiting outside the radio station, Katie, who feels like
Aubrey isn't having fun, picks on Aubrey, who isn't
having fun - and with Katie picking on her, who can
blame her? Tony thinks that the fighting is unnecessary
- and it gets worse when the radio station tells them
that they can't do it.
Team Contact's Aubrey uses that station's phone to get
another radio station to say yes - that station is at
Mickey Mantle's Steakhouse in Oklahoma City. The co-host
is Al the Sports Animal, from WWLS 104.9 AM. Al is a
smart-ass from New York, and while Team Contact does get
their seventh task done, Al says it best - 'This is 11
days, you've gone 1500 miles, which is around 150 miles
a day...that's slow - you guys are slow...I say you're
getting your ass kicked by the other team!' You got to
hand it to New Yorkers, they're blunt, but usually dead
Team Contact tells Team Cobi that they completed 7 tasks
- unbeknownst to them, Team Cobi is up to nine - but
everyone on Team Cobi is feeling a little pressure as
Kelli and Bubba are pressing Juliet and Josh to get a
sports tattoo. Doing that would give them their tenth
and last task - something that Josh and Juliet weren't
too keen over. 'I don't really want to get this tattoo -
Juliet doesn't want to get it either, but both of us are
perfectly willing to get it if it means winning this
game'. Thanks, trooper Josh.
Back at Mickey Mantles, Team Contact gets an offer from
Sabrina to stay over at their place - but the team wants
to move on instead of staying, and Julian is accusing
Tony about wanting to stay over to make a play at
Sabrina. Meanwhile, while Tony and Julian are arguing
over the best place to stay, Katie and Aubrey are
fighting YET AGAIN. There is no reason to air the
sniping quotes back and forth, since this team is not
going to be remotely close to winning. But this quote
was worth transcribing, from Julian - 'I just sat there
and watched, and enjoyed. It was a classic catfight,
this beats Dynasty with Joan Collins.' Tony is eagerly
watching this for 2 reasons - 1. Watching Katie and
Aubrey going back and forth is apparently entertaining
to him, and 2. If they keep arguing, then they will have
to stay there for the night, and Tony gets to score with
We have more internal fighting in Sacramento - but this
is with Team Cobi, and it's all about the tattoo. The
other players are trying to figure out how to do other
tasks - playing Twister with a representative, Play
Horse with an NBA player, shoot a 3 pointer of 9 out of
10 three throws, or ride on a Zambonie at an NHL game.
'The big failsafe is to get tattoos' says Josh, as he
looks like he would probably prefer to get run over by
But they are getting the same treatment that Team
Contact was getting earlier on in the series - the
political people can't do it today, and the Arco Arena's
NBA court is up - and the WNBA court is down - so this
kills the NBA and NHL options. The only option left is
the tattoo - which Josh now reluctantly accepts. They go
to a lovely little establishment called Bonehead
Tattoos. Josh, who is feeling like a bonehead, is still
looking for that zambonie to run himself over with.
They speak to Troy, who will do it for free - 'It hurts,
it's like someone jabbing a needle into your skin 50
times a minute'. Real reassuring, Troy. Kelli goes first
and gets the Spartan's 'S' at the bottom of her foot.
Juliet gets a Yankee logo on the same place. Bubba gets
a Clemson logo on his ankle - and everyone can still
smell his stinky feet. Ewwwww...... Josh first tells
everyone that he won't do it - as he's kidding. Josh is
last - and he gets a Boston 'B' on the sole of his foot.
Troy is convinced that they will all come back for more
- they're not sure about that - but they are sure that
they have all ten tasks done.
They still have to go to Alcatraz Island - but they do
have the ride to get there, thanks to Bubba's friend -
and they are on the way to stay over at the ferry before
going to Alcatraz Island the next morning.
Day 11, at almost 8pm, the only ride Team Contact has is
a ride to the looney bin. They are STILL arguing about
what to do for the evening. The bar owner invites them
to go to a night club and go dancing - but there was a
little problem - Sabrina, the person who Tony was
supposed to ban...I mean band with, leaves with another
guy, and not only is Sabrina gone, so is their lodging.
They do find someone else - a friend named Jessica, and
they stay over there. The plan is to go to New Mexico
tomorrow morning and to continue to go west. Of course
we all know that this will be extremely academic, as
Team Cobi is already in San Francisco and is ready to
But they are not there yet. 'We are sitting on the five
yard line and acting like we are in the end zone'. And
the launch to get there will cost $275. Juliet once
again comes with a contact - her friend Ken takes care
of it and they have the transportation to get there. Now
as for the place - the launch place will let them stay
in the waiting room for the night - in a nice 35 degree
room with no heat and a broken window in the other room.
But the game is all but over and all they have to do is
be in one piece for the next morning.
Bubba says it best - 'Whether it's been Josh pushing us,
whether it's been Juliet's connections, whether's its
been Kelli's incredible ability to talk people into
almost anything, working with this groups been pretty
incredible and to see how we started not so tight
together and to see how we've pulled together is pretty
Day 12, 6:07 am - Team Cobi is at San Francisco Bay.
Josh is pretty confident. 'The other team is nowhere in
sight, I haven't seen them yet this morning. Our boat
for the island is leaving in 20 minutes, I don't expect
them to show up in 20 minutes, so I think it's a lock.'
Speaking of the other team, they get up this morning,
thanks to Aubrey's friends, who take them into
Alberquerque - Aubrey is hoping against hope that a
school of metal Arabian piranha come to attack the ferry
- but they don't and Team Cobi get to the island first
and win the competition.
We get the traditional spiel of how everything has
changed for Team Cobi, Fade to them going into Alcatraz
Island and them meeting Rich Eisen. Eisen calls up Team
Contact - and fills them in to the news that they just
lost, while it looks like Team Contact is just glad this
is over - so they no longer have to deal with each
other.. 'We weren't a strong team - I'm not saying that
we're bad people... we couldn't pull it together.' says
Katie. Neither did the team, as they did not play well
and they did not gel together as a team. Tony puts it
more bluntly. 'That sucks.' Well, to be blunt, so did
Any last words from the team? 'I'm so happy, I'm so
proud of us - we've come so far with nothing - we did
it.' says Kelli. We end with all four people in a final
Team Cobi huddle, then going into how they want a shower
and biscuits now that the game is over. Fade to black.
Game Analysis: Team Cobi from the onset was the better
team. They pulled away in the third episode, but it was
obvious that they had more savvy, more connections, and
they played the game smarter. They thought the game out
well ahead, unlike Team Contact, who did things on the
fly, didn't think things out in advance, and put
themselves in front of the team. The defining moment was
Episode 3, where Tony's bumming for a cigarette grounds
just kills the team for an extra 24 hours, and their
dilly-dallying after that just kept adding it on. Team
Cobi gets the well-deserved win.
Show Analysis: This game reminded me of Lost, with
everyone bumming for something - and it had the same
problems that Lost did. There needs to be some sort of
equalizer that lets a badly trailing team back into the
game - or maybe there needs to be a third team, because
you knew after episode 4 that Team Contact had no way to
get back into this game. The idea of completing tasks
and going cross-country is a neat one - but there needs
to be some way that the trailing team can get into it.
Thanks for reading these synopses - and I hope you
enjoyed reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them
for you. Until Season 2...